"You are either the most suicidal person I've ever met, or the most insane. That being said, I don't appreciate being used as a bartering tool."
"From what I heard it's just a little harmless cosplay, and it something her pride would never allow her to try," said Shirou.
And that was the only reason she'd be willing to try it.
"Hold. What business do you have in the temple?" said Assassin.
"An offer for your Master. One that would allow them to possibly remain without constantly draining innocent victims...with a bonus."
It took ten minutes for Caster to appear, rather smug. Confirming It was Medea, Shirou relaxed.
"And what does Saber's Master want with me?"
"A chance to live out your life with your boyfriend and the opportunity to indulge in your cosplay hobby with Saber," deadpanned Shirou.
Caster was caught flat-footed.
"What?"
"I know Zelretch, and with the way things are going I'm going to end up derailing the entire war anyway. So if I turn you into one of my Peerage along with your boyfriend, you won't have to drain people in order to sustain yourself and your Servant," said Shirou.
"...What gives you the authority to offer something like that?" asked Caster slowly.
Shirou unfurled his wings. Under the moonlight it was pretty damn obvious what he was.
"I still have a few Evil Pieces left, and I've already converted Lancer and Berserker into my Knight and Rook respectively. It's pretty difficult to complete the Grail if someone is 'stealing' all the Servants and making them alive again," said Shirou.
Caster stared at him, before she slowly thought that one over. Converting Servants sounded far more effective than humans, and it meant he didn't have to train them up from the start. Still, there was some hesitation about the idea.
"Just so we're clear, I've agreed to let Lancer date his original Master and I have no issues allowing you and your boyfriend to act as a paired unit, with Assassin here as your familiar," said Shirou. "So long as you help with the Rating games and filling evil contracts, I could care less what the two of you get up to so long as it doesn't come back to me."
"Deal," said Caster.
Shirou holds up a mutation piece. A Pawn, to be exact.
"I figure you don't want to be one of the Pieces known for brute strength and defense, since both my Bishops are taken. However this can be promoted to any piece save 'King', so it shouldn't make too much of a difference."
He had two mutation Pawns, which were apparently very rare. He didn't know where Zelretch got the set he gave Shirou, nor did he really care. Likely he had stolen it off some Devil in the past to annoy them, or for a quick laugh.
In order to keep things civil, he performed the ceremony to turn people into "Pieces" inside the temple. Caster could feel the difference immediately. She seemed to sag in relief.
"Thank you."
"Like I said, not my problem if you marry your boyfriend, and this way you can tell any gods you meet where to stuff it. Coincidentally... could you remove the barrier you have around the high school? The smell is really bothering me," said Shirou.
"Now that I don't need it, it'll be taken down by morning," agreed Caster, before an odd look came across her face. "Smell?"
"Lord Shirou perceives magecraft as 'scent'," explained Mordred.
"...That is going to be fascinating to play around with. Most pick it up on a different level. I've never heard of a magus smelling magic," said Caster, lips quirking upwards.
"Is your boyfriend here? I still have a normal Pawn piece for him to use," said Shirou.
He managed to keep his face impassive when he saw his History teacher.
"...I'm not even going to ask how you got caught up in this. Just keep the headaches to a minimum please," said Shirou.
"I'm surprised at you, Emiya-kun. Coming into enemy territory and confronting a dangerous opponent with only minimal aid."
"I have it on good authority that the Fifth Grail War is pretty much going to be rendered null and void anyway when I'm done collecting Pieces, and I just needed to confirm it was in fact Medea who had been summoned. Besides, this means I can borrow Rule Breaker to ruin Archer's day if I have to," said Shirou vindictively.
"And Assassin?"
"This way he can walk around the city and go shopping so you two have more time together," deadpanned Shirou. Caster blushed.
"Oh, and Saber agreed to act as dress up doll so long as you remember to feed her properly," said Shirou, as if remembering something.
Hearing Caster squeal in delight (she had a thing for Saber, even if it was Mordred and not Arturia) Shirou knew he had acquired a permanent ally.
After all, Caster had a hobby of making clothes for Saber (according to Zelretch) and watching her from afar.
Rin paused at the entrance to the school.
"That can't be right. It couldn't possibly be taken down that quickly...or as thoroughly..." she muttered to herself.
She had been close by and never saw anyone near the school. And yet the barrier was completely dismantled as if it had never been there in the first place. Even Archer was confused.
That confusion would quickly turn to shock when she got to class. She normally didn't pay much attention to the other students, save for Sakura, but she knew something was up when she heard about a 'cute, foreign transfer' one class over.
It wouldn't do to ruin her perfect student image, so she had to wait until lunch to track down this newest development.
Morgan Dracule (obviously a fake name) was a rather strange girl? Boy? It was hard to tell.
Her cover story was that one of her ancestors had been so fascinated with the book "Dracula" that they changed their surname to "Dracule" to reflect it. And despite all their efforts, their attempts to change it back were met with no success. So they made a habit of changing their last name to reflect their spouse to avoid being reminded of the fact.
However, just by looking at her, you could tell the truth...if you were a Master that is.
Morgan Dracule was a Servant. A high class, very powerful Servant.
So what in the name of everything holy was she doing acting like a normal student?!
Rin followed "Morgan" for hours after school, occasionally using Archer to keep track of her.
So it was only natural she'd fight like a wet cat thrown into a cold bath when someone grabbed her from behind.
"Nice one, Caster," said a familiar voice.
It was that damn red head from earlier! The one who beat Archer into a bloody mess!
"You...!"
"Now, now Tohsaka-san... there's no need to cast any spells yet... not that you could with Caster here. Or Rider. Or even that weak Assassin that was summoned."
"Hey," said a long purple haired man with very traditional clothing.
"Face it Assassin... if I hadn't made that agreement with Caster you'd be stuck guarding that gate against attacks that would never come unless Tohsaka decided to try and figure out if Caster was behind the lack of action in this ridiculous farce of a tournament."
"..."
Shirou had a point. If he hadn't made that agreement (and subsequent transformation into Devils), he'd still be stuck guarding that damn gate. Being allowed to walk around was a novelty at this point.
"What the hell is going on, Emiya?"
"I regret to inform you that the Grail War has been postponed. Indefinitely."
"WHAT?!" shrieked not only Rin, but Archer as well.
Both of them whipped their heads towards the sound of amused chuckling, and Archer swore rather impressively when he recognized the source.
"Zelretch. This is your doing, isn't it?!" he snarled.
"Outside of Emiya-kun being informed of his true heritage and passing on something I borrowed from an old friend of mine in the Underworld, I did nothing. Emiya ruined the Heaven's Feel all on his own," cackled Zelretch.
"What. Did. You. Do?!" hissed Rin, much like a very pissed off cat.
"I stole every Servant save for yours. If there are no Servants, then the Grail can't manifest. And if the Servants have already been summoned, then they only way to manifest is if someone summons 'extra' Servants, all weaker than the original seven. If it can't manifest, then it can't disappear for sixty years and restart the entire war. In short, I've effectively found a loophole in forcing the entire war to be put on hold indefinitely. No fighting, no deaths, just simple theft," said Shirou smugly.
"Bullshit! No human could sustain six Servants on their own, especially one as prana-intensive as Saber or Caster!" said Rin.
"What part of the only 'Servant' left in this farce of a war is Archer did you not get?" asked Shirou, cocking his head in mock confusion.
"If they're not Servants, then what are they?" asked Archer, catching on first.
"I'm so glad you asked that!" said Shirou far too pleased with himself.
Rin swore rather strongly when she saw all the black wings around her.
Devils. This cheeky bastard of a Devil had clearly turned all the Servants into his Peerage! Which unfortunately made far too much sense. It was well known that Devils couldn't 'turn' full gods or anything with Divinity, but Servants were basically fragments of the originals stuffed inside a 'Class' and summoned to fight. They had a fraction of the real thing, and thus were vulnerable to being turned into Devils.
Rin had to admit, it was a brilliant way to gain powerful Evil Pieces and it was somewhat shocking that none of the older Devil families had thought of something like this sooner. Then she realized something.
Kirei should have known there was a Devil nearby if he had done his job correctly, and disposed of it before it got to this point. Or at the very least chased this smug bastard out years ago.
She knew then and there she had a new target to aim her ire at, if only because she wasn't suicidal enough to go after a Devil who had obviously stolen every Servant except Archer for his Peerage.
The next morning, at Kotomine Church...
If the church had any real parishioners, they would have been in for a shock in the wee hours of the morning.
Rin Tohsaka was on the warpath, and her target was Kirei. All the crap he put her through as a child and the idiot couldn't even do his damn job right! Archer chose the coward's way out and stayed at just the right distance to watch the fireworks unfold. Though he was just as unhappy as Rin was, for different reasons.
Kirei took one look at Rin, and knew she was pissed off about something.
"Come to seek my advice?" he said with the expression on his face that always grated on her.
Imagine his confusion and shock when Rin charged up her Finn Shot instead.
"You annoying, insufferable, incompetent priest!" she shrieked at him, blasting at him with her magic.
Kirei managed to duck the first one, but not the second. He shrugged it off though.
"What has gotten into you today?" he asked, more than a bit perplexed at her sudden anger towards him.
"There's a Devil on my land, and that smug bastard had the nerve to tell me he's already STOLEN all the Servants in the War!" she shouted at him.
Kirei looked at her in disbelief.
"There aren't any Devils in Fuyuki. I would have sensed it if there were. And it's impossible to steal Servants. It would take an extraordinary amount of power to fuel more than one, and I haven't seen enough deaths to prove it," he informed her.
Rin's scream of rage-fueled fury filled the church as she started yelling at the fake priest.
"It's possible to steal them if a Devil converts them into Pieces! And when were you going to warn me that ZELRETCH was in Fuyuki! Surely you should have NOTICED such a powerful Dead Apostle in the city! He's less than three miles from the Church!"
Kirei paled noticeably. Even he had heard of that infamous Dead Apostle ancestor. No one sane would want to challenge someone who quite literally held up the moon once.
As Rin vented her anger towards the one who should have been doing his job, Gilgamesh took one look at what was happening inside and chose the smart option.
He found a spot next to Archer (who had brought snacks) to watch the fireworks. If Kirei couldn't defend himself against an angry, hormonal teenage Magus, then he didn't want to know him.
"What brought this on?"
"She just found out that there's a Devil in Fuyuki who's converted almost every Servant in the war into Evil Pieces, and she's pissed because if Kirei had been doing his job he would have noticed the devil before this happened," Archer informed him.
Gilgamesh blinked.
"There's a Devil here?"
"And Zelretch, apparently," said Archer dryly.
"Right. I'm definitely not going inside then," said Gilgamesh. It was too much fun to watch Kirei suffer from Rin's wrath.
That, and the twin-tailed Magus had a lot of pent up rage and frustration towards the Priest, and was likely venting it on the one person she perceived as the reason why nothing had gone right in this war.
Unknown to the already irate Rin, she was being watched. Caster somehow managed to hook up her crystal ball with the help of Zelretch to Shirou's flat-screen TV.
Sakura, Illya and Mordred were all cheering on Rin, while inwardly cackling at the fact that they were the reason she was so angry in the first place.
Being able to watch a genuine Tsundere rampage without being on the receiving end of it was hilarious. Good thing Zelretch also found a way to record it, so they could enjoy it for years later.
"So Shirou, now that you've poked an angry tsundere into attacking a priest, how do you plan to enter the Rating Games. You are a relative unknown after all," said Zelretch.
"I was planning on introducing you to the current Leviathan in exchange for her endorsement in the games," admitted Shirou.
Zelretch chuckled evilly.
"You really are a Devil aren't you. You're not even afraid of what I might come up with as 'payment' for helping you."
"Actually I had an idea of how to spread the chaos even more."
"Go on."
"The Fourth Grail War. Send Illya, Sakura and myself back with or without our Servants, and we'll cause untold havoc on the thing. I might even steal some more Servants just because I can, and because it'll confuse my father endlessly."
Zelretch's evil cackles almost drew the attention of the girls watching Rin go on a rampage.
"I like you boy. When you cause chaos, you don't do it in halves!" laughed Zelretch. He was clearly considering the idea, if only for the entertainment of watching Kiritsugu pull his hair out in frustration.
The headache that was Zelretch grinned.
"I'll send you back...but on one condition."
"What?"
"You have to get the two Saber Servants to fight each other at least once."
"Considering dad summoned her, I don't think that will be a problem."