Okay so Bella has to stay in Beverly Hills for another month until finals are over. Hopefully she can survive the challeneges that she will face in the meantime. Hope you like.
Dear Diary,
Why does everything have to be so fucking hard? It's like I put all this energy in to my work and then it poof, disappears. I try so hard to make everything work, to just except all that has happened. But there's always something or someone that has to go fuck it up.
Why can't I just let everything go, why do I always have to hold everything in, never releasing my inner anger and frustration? I've tried to understand where everyone is coming from but I just can't get along with anyone. I have no one to trust and nothing to compare to.
I need to get out; I can't stay here its sucking the life out of me. Mik raped me again once I got home today, and I just feel so dirty; even though, I scrubbed my skin raw I still can't get him of me or his fuckin' vodka on the rocks/ The One cologne by Dolce & Gabbana smell.
I was talking to Denise earlier today and I thought to myself why am I listening to her. She never cares to listen to me or try to see where I'm coming from, when I say I don't have the perfect life. I also don't know why I haven't just screamed in her face saying, "Fuck you!"
I know that she talks about me behind my back; I am the most popular girl at school, so why am I taking her shit? Why do I put up with her and for that matter why anyone. Every day now I keep questioning why I'm even friends with my so-called friends. They've never done anything for me just use me. I can't talk to them, have a deep conversation, please, they just be begging me to barrow my True Religions.
Diary, I really hope that Forks will give me what I need, that something that I feel is missing. I wish I didn't have to leave to find what I'm looking for, for comfort, isn't that what home is already supposed to have. Isn't like some kind of rule to put it in the package when you have a family? So why was mine left out? Why did my parents have to get a divorce? Why did my mom have to become a drunk? Why did she have to marry Mik? And the most asked question, the one I really want to know is, why does Mik have to touch me?
Hell, why don't I have true friends, why do I always seem like the crazy psycho path, when I explain I hate my life. Maybe I am weird, maybe I'm to unappreciative, I mean I know it could defiantly be worse, a lot worse, but it's not like I haven't suffered, do I have to suffer for the rest of my life? Maybe I just don't know a good thing even if it's right under my noise. Maybe I'm the one who causes all this pain and suffering. Am I at fault? Did I do something to deserve this? Please diary tell me, I really wish you could talk I need answers, and If I stay here In Beverly Hills, then I'm never going to know.
(Diary: If I could talk I would say, "Don't you every FUCKING say that every again! You are not at fault for anything. You did nothing and especially about Derrick, nothing is your fault. Your Step father is a fuckin' fucker who is fuckin' twisted. You do need to get out and I have a feeling you're going to meet someone special who will change your life forever.)
Oh and if you didn't catch that but Bella didn't hear the Diary she isn't litterally crazy, or maybe she is? Bahhhh just kidding she's not, okay ya she is but I think everyone is a little crazy, don't you? And can you blame her her fucking step father, Mik is a fuckn asshole. Please Review I need input about how the story is going. I keep changing my mind on how I want this to go so it would help if people gave suggestions. Thanks! Oh and I will be posting Bella's clothes and different things that are described inn the story on my portfolio.