(Sorry I didn't post this last week. I meant too. This one is going to be a little different for obvious reasons since I am going along with the show. This isn't going to be an actual written entry. Instead it's what Stefan is thinking when he comes back as ghost to see Caroline crying over his body.)
Dear Diary...
That's what I should be writting now, but instead I'm looking at my own body lying on the pavement. I saw this coming, I should have fought harder. Julian was stronger than I anticipated Caroline tried to stop him, but he turned to her. I had to stop him. I couldn't let anything happen to her, I promised.
Now, she was sitting with my lifeless body in her lap. I wish I could talk to her, tell her I was okay. All I could do was watch as she screamed for help. She knew as well as I did that no one could help me now. "Someone help me" she cried out and I flinched. Seeing her like this, sad and broken, made something inside me feel dead. Of course I already was, in more ways than one. I wanted to go to her, touch her, but I couldn't. That's what hurt the most. Not getting my ripped out, but seeing her crying over me like this. I wanted to make her stop, hold her in my arms and tell her I was okay. That she would be okay.
She wasn't screaming anymore. She held my head in her lap and her tears fell onto my face. She was whispering now. "Please, I can't lose you. This is all my fault, I'm so sorry." I had to shut my eyes. She can't blame herself of this. She has to know it's not her fault. The alternative was her death, and it couldn't live with myself if I had let that happen.
I had promised her, when she turned, I would keep her safe. I meant it. At the time I didn't know how much she'd end up meaning to me. She become my best friend, my "new Lexi" I guess you could say, only she's so much more than that. I had told her she reminded me of someone when she once asked why I was nice to her. And at the time maybe that's why I was okay with getting so close to her. I missed Lexi all the time of course, and Caroline seemed to fill that space. Only when we became closer, I realized she'd never be Lexi. No one could take Lexi's place, that's for sure. Caroline, though, she's special.
She's stronger than I ever was when I first turned into a vampire. Yes, she killed someone that first night, but that's natural and she felt horrible. She never killed again, except when the situation needed it. She kept her promise to me, she never let me lose control. There was something about her that made you want to be good. When she smiled you wanted to smile back. She's so good at being alive that even though she isn't no one would know. I wish she was smiling now. I can't take this anymore.
I know she can't see me, can't feel me, but I have to go to her. I walk up to my body laying there and her siting beside it. I take a seat next to her. I touch her hair, her back, and I move my hand down to her hand. I wish I could feel this. I wish she could feel this to know I'm here. I'm never going to leave her. I will fight off this destruction of this side if that means I get to see her. And all I can do is hope. Hope that she will be okay and that Bonnie really will be able to bring us all back.