A/N The last of the angsty outtakes, hooray! We're in the head of Carlisle this time, hope you like it!

Sacrificial Lamb Chapter 33 Outtake: The Funeral

CPOV

I'd had far too many occasions in my extremely long life to truly hate who I was, what I was, and what I had done. I'd sentenced four other innocents to the life I'd learned to live with; something I constantly questioned myself for. Was I right to take them from the sweet release of death and give them eternal life? Esme would say yes. Rosalie would disagree emphatically. Emmett would shake his head and tell me to stop worrying about it. Edward…well, he'd probably changed his stance on that now that he had Bella in his life. I liked to think so, as he'd never been happier and he wouldn't be with her were it not for the selfish choice I made back in that dank hospital in Chicago.

I could easily take all those days, those days of self loathing and regret, combine them together and still not feel as horrible as I did today. Today I was pretending to bury my son and daughter-in-law. I was standing in a room with truly grieving parents and trying to project the same amount of emotion they were. They were being ripped apart, grieving a child that was truly lost to them but that I knew was alive and well across the country. Alive being a relative term, of course. They would never see her again but I'd have her in my arms in mere hours. My sadness at being here, a home I could never return to, paled in comparison to their loss and I felt like a cad for even equating the two emotions.

I was a liar and a sham. I'd never have to endure the pain of losing a child; I got to keep mine forever. And I'd stolen theirs! I didn't question that it was the right thing to do; Edward was my son and he needed Bella and we had the ability to give her eternity. It really wasn't a choice; it felt like fate, just like when Esme came into my life. Bella belonged with us but living with the aftermath was something I'd never had to do before.

I didn't know what to do with myself so I just sat stoically with Esme by my side, keeping me grounded as always. Alice was a whirl of motion, choosing to focus on the logistics of the funeral rather than the overwhelming emotion that was threatening to suffocate the room. Emmett looked completely uncomfortable, his eyes moving about the room assessing any potential threat from the wolves.

The gathering crowd began to murmur and I knew Charlie was coming in; Billy at his side. He walked down the aisle of the church, his shoulders hunched over, suit hanging loosely from his body, his gate that of an old man rather than a middle-aged one. He looked even worse than he had in Maine. We hadn't seen him since the plane had landed in Forks; Jacob had taken him to La Push right away. The angry young man wouldn't let Alice even give him one more hug, instead telling her to arrange the funeral since throwing parties seemed to be her specialty. Alice's little face had fallen but she had done as he asked, figuring it would be easier on Charlie and Renee if we arranged things for them. It was the least we could do after what we'd done to them.

Alice, not surprisingly, had arranged a lovely funeral, if such occasions could ever be called lovely. The church featured an elegant display of lilies and white roses. She'd picked a beautiful picture of Edward and Bella to display on the altar, the two staring into one another's eyes as if there was nothing in the world they'd rather be looking at. Edward's eyes shone with joy, as they always did when he looked at Bella. A faint blush colored her cheek as she gazed back at him with wonder. It was the picture that Alice had used for their engagement announcement and a favorite of us all. A large wreath of white roses sat in between the two empty coffins, a red ribbon with the words "together forever" adorning it.

Charlie sat in the front pew on the other side from where Esme and I were sitting. He gave us a brief nod before turning his bloodshot eyes back to the floor. Billy glanced over at me and I saw many emotions in those black eyes. There was sadness, anger, acceptance and even some understanding in his gaze. I hoped he truly did understand that this was Bella's choice and that it did make sense for her. I decided to try to talk with him later, I had a feeling he'd be far more receptive than Sam would. I could feel his glare boring into the back of my head and knew he'd have words for me before the day was over.

Renee came down the aisle next, clutching a Kleenex to her already streaming eyes and holding tightly to Phil's hand. She looked odd in her black suit, very out of place and just not fitting with my picture of the carefree woman I'd enjoyed meeting at the wedding. She paused when she reached the front of the aisle and clasped my shoulder, a silent squeeze of support that made me feel even worse. She gave me a tearful smile and reached for Charlie's hand. He looked up at her in confusion; like he wasn't sure who she was but he gripped her hand like a lifeline. She quietly murmured to him as she sat next to him, words of support and reassurance falling from her lips. Phil sat on her other side and Renee held both men's hands. Bella would have liked to have seen that; her family was actually united in a way. United in death, how comforting. I sighed to myself and Esme reached over and caressed my cheek.

"It'll be okay," she whispered, confidence ringing in her tone. And it would be, once I got my family safely out of Forks and we were all together again. I didn't like being separated from them anymore than Alice & Emmett did. Both were holding up fairly well being away from Jasper and Rosalie but I knew they were struggling not having their partners at their sides at such an emotional time. Still, maybe it helped us keep up the façade even more. Nobody had even asked where Jasper and Rose were, which relieved me. I didn't have to tell yet another lie.

I bit back a chuckle when I heard a familiar voice cut through the chatter in the church. "If Bella had been with me this never would have happened," Mike Newton complained, still clearly hung up on the girl that he never stood a chance with.

"Well I'm sure Edward would still be alive if he hadn't hooked up with Bella. I cannot fathom how a girl like her could get a guy like that," Jessica Stanley's vicious voice responded. Clearly the two jilted children were sitting together. Hadn't they dated one another? Why were they so hung up on Bella & Edward still?

"They were very much in love," a soft voice chided. "Neither of them would have wanted to live without the other one. Now they'll be together forever." Angela Webber was a lovely girl. She understood Edward and Bella in a way that most of her peers probably did not. Theirs was not a temporary love. I glanced behind me and saw her, sitting next to her boyfriend, Ben, tears sliding down her face. Bella had had a good friend in Angela. Jessica responded to Angela's words with a "humph" and turned back to Mike.

"Well I still say they'd totally have been better off if they would have at least dated other people, you know?" Mike nodded vigorously and I caught Emmett's gaze. He rolled his eyes emphatically and crossed his arms, his muscles bulging in his suit jacket. I knew he wanted to say something but I was glad he refrained.

My gaze shifted to the back of the church, where Sam and Paul were standing next to the doors, looking almost like bouncers. Their black eyes glittered with anger; Sam's directed at me while Paul kept his gaze on Emmett. I heard a throat clearing behind me and turned back to the front, seeing Reverend Webber taking his place behind the altar.

I only listened with half an ear as Reverend Webber spoke about being taken too soon and living life to the fullest while we could. It had all been said hundreds of times before and it was all true but still cliché. There was no comfort to be found in the death of someone in their prime of life. They weren't suffering; they had their entire lives ahead of them. Of course, this was still the case for Bella & Edward but very few of the people here actually knew that. It was difficult to lose myself in the emotion of the words when I knew it was all a waste.

My eyes gravitated back to Charlie as he listened fervently to what the reverend was saying. I could only hope that maybe he was finding some comfort in the words. Tears traveled down his face and disappeared into his moustache, it was almost fascinating to watch. Esme elbowed me subtly and I jerked my attention away, it wouldn't do for one grieving father to stare at the other for the entire service.

Reverend Webber asked if anybody would like to say a few words. A quick glance at Charlie again assured me that he would be unable to speak and Renee didn't look much better. She had her face buried in Phil's neck. I took an unnecessary breath, squared my shoulders and stood. I had to do something, say something, to give them some comfort.

I took my place next to Reverend Webber and let my eyes roam the crowd for a moment. The church was completely packed; likely out of deference for Charlie and what he meant to the community as a whole. I knew nobody was there for the Cullen part of the funeral; such was the lot in living among but removed from humans.

I cleared my throat and opened my mouth, not really knowing what words were going to come out of it. "There are really no words that I can give that adequately describe just how wonderful an addition Bella Swan has been to my family. I could stand up here and give you anecdotes about Edward over the years but the truth of the matter is that Bella brought him to life."

My eyes sought Esme, who gave me a tiny smile and nod of encouragement. "I know that a lot of people in this very room thought they were too young to understand love and that maybe they rushed into marriage before they really tested the waters elsewhere. And from the outside looking in, maybe that would seem right." My eyes landed on Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton, who both shifted uncomfortably under my gaze. "But there are times when you just know. They knew. They accepted one another's flaws and loved each other despite, or maybe because of, their differences. I can honestly say, without a doubt, that the last few months of their lives were the best, for both of them. I could see that with my own eyes but they both were sure to vocalize it anyway."

I looked at Charlie then, his bloodshot brown eyes meeting my crystal clear golden ones, the difference was probably quite startling. "Though Bella was happy in New Hampshire, she didn't forget about the people she left in Forks. You were all close to her heart and she talked about many of you as if she'd see you soon. I know she looked forward to coming back to visit and showing you just how much she loved you."

I closed my eyes and swallowed, trying to show the struggle with emotion a grieving father would have when talking about his children. I opened my eyes and looked again at Charlie, hoping to convey to him the extra meaning behind my words. "Edward and Bella belong together, in this life and in the ever after. I know that as long as they have one another, wherever they are, they'll be okay. He'll look out for her and she'll look out for him. Their love and their lives will endure through all of us who knew and loved them. They'll both look out for us, because that's how they were. Sometimes it was like they were the parents and we were the kids." Charlie's moustache twitched and I saw a hint of a smile.

"I was blessed to have Edward in my life for as long as I did and even more blessed when Bella came in and completed our family. She was the piece that was missing for many years. I will cherish every minute that we got to spend with her. My son was a complicated person, some would say moody," I broke off as a few students chuckled. "Maybe all would say moody, but Bella alleviated that. I'll be forever grateful to her for the happiness she brought my son, my other sons, my daughters and my wife and I. We truly became closer due to her presence in all our lives."

I glanced over at the empty coffins, grateful that the girl and boy I spoke of were not actually in them, that they were home where they belonged. "I can't be happy that they're gone, but I can be happy that they're together. They will be forever young and forever in love." I heard a snort in the back of the church and saw Sam rolling his eyes. "They would want us to find the same happiness they found, to embrace love when we found it, just as they did." My eyes met Charlie and Renee's. "Thank you for letting my son marry your daughter. She will always be treasured. They will always be loved." I gave them a nod and walked back to my seat, taking Esme's hand in mine.

Reverend Webber wrapped things up and the congregation stood to make their way to The Lodge. Alice had toyed with having the reception at Charlie's house but determined it was just too small and it would probably feel too strange to be in that house again. Esme and I walked over to Renee, who wrapped us both in her arms and cried into our shoulders.

"What you said, it was beautiful and it was right. I don't regret Bella marrying Edward and I'd let her do it again even knowing that they're both gone now. She wasn't alive without him either, you know." I knew that all too well; our leaving was still a scar on all our hearts and I'd forever be sorry that I hadn't stepped in and made Edward stay. Who knew where we'd all be today if I had?

Charlie gave me a weak handshake and mumbled, "Thanks for what you said about Bella," before slipping out the front door. Billy met my eyes and gave me another nod and a look that I interpreted as "we'll talk later." I nodded in return and watched his exit. He paused at the front door to say something to Sam about not starting anything today. Sam agreed through gritted teeth but kept his eyes on me.

We waited until everyone had filed out before making our way out of the church, Esme's hand clasped in my own while Emmett slung an arm around Alice's shoulders. We all stopped as one when we reached the parking lot and found Sam and Paul leaning against the rented black Mercedes, Embry and Quil standing uncomfortably on either side of them.

I stepped in front of my family and faced Sam. "I assume you have some things you'd like to say to me that you didn't want to share in front of an audience?" The overpowering scent of the four wolves made me want to move away but I stood my ground.

"You're very perceptive, Doctor," Sam sneered. I didn't respond to his derisive tone, refusing to let him get a rise out of me. He frowned at my lack of reaction. I had nothing to say as I understood exactly why the wolves were angry. Were I in their shoes I'd likely have the same reaction. "I just wanted to reiterate that as soon as the reception is over you all need to get out of town and never return."

"We will leave as soon as we can without being rude. We have to do what we can for Charlie and Renee and then we'll go."

Paul pushed off the car then, his teeth bared in a snarl. "Like you care about Charlie and Renee! You took their daughter away!"

"Paul!" Sam gave him a warning look and he stepped back.

Esme spoke quietly behind me. "We care very much about Charlie and Renee. We will always look out for them and…"

Sam cut her off. "Looking out for them is our job. You tell your bloodsucking leech of a daughter-in-law that she need not pretend to have any concern for her family anymore. She made her choice. She will never be welcome here again."

I had expected as much but I knew it would still be a blow to Bella when she heard it. "Sam, none of us would ever attempt to return without your permission but surely you realize that she'll want to know her father is doing well."

He crossed his arms, the movement showing the frayed elbows of his suit. I realized all the boys were wearing ill-fitting clothes; they obviously didn't have a lot of use for expensive funeral wear. "If she cared so much for her father's well being, she wouldn't have willingly become a monster." Emmett growled behind me, no doubt angry at hearing Bella spoken of in such a manner. I held up a hand in warning.

"I request that you stop speaking of her in such a derogatory way. She is my family and she deserves better from people who she once counted among her friends."

"We stopped being her friends after she led Jacob on and made him think she had real feelings for him. She was nothing but a tease, though, letting Jacob pant after her while she whored herself for your son." Emmett surged forward then, his growl far more pronounced. Paul and Sam crouched for attack while Esme, Alice and I all threw our arms around Emmett to hold him back.

"Don't you talk about her like that," Emmett shouted. "Bella's not like that! She's got a good heart and she never wanted to hurt Jacob. He did everything he could to manipulate her away from Edward but it didn't work because she loves my brother!"

Paul laughed derisively. "Give her another year or two and see if the next guy to pay her any attention turns her away from him. I know her type." Emmett broke out of our hold and started to go after him but I tackled him to the ground.

"Emmett, stop. We're not going to fight. It would kill Bella to know that her funeral became a brawl between us and the wolves. Let it go. They don't know her like we do. Nothing they say changes anything. She's with us now and she's safe and we'll make her happy." Emmett stopped struggling beneath me.

"Aww, isn't that sweet? They'll take good care of their newborn baby bloodsucker; probably bring her a few innocent children to feed her every week. How many has she killed so far, Cullen? How many more families has she robbed of happiness?"

I stood up and extended a hand to Emmett. He took mine and climbed to his feet, brushing the dirt off his black pants and staring at Paul threateningly. "None."

A look of surprise flashed across Sam's face before a mask slid back in place. "I'm sure it's only a matter of time before she slips up."

"You know better than that." That's all I was going to say, they'd believe what they wanted to believe. "If we're quite done here, we'd like to get going." Sam jerked his head at the others and they moved away from the car. Quil and Embry had remained quiet during the whole confrontation and it felt almost like they didn't really want to be a part of it. I knew they'd been closer to Bella than Sam and Paul had and hoped that maybe she still had some friends among the wolves, even if they didn't verbalize it.

"I would say see you later but I don't intend to ever see you again. Stay away from our land." I nodded at Sam and held the doors open for Esme and Alice. I slid into the car and drove away, watching in the rear view mirror as they stood in the parking lot, their eyes trained on the car. I knew they'd probably be outside The Lodge and follow us until we got out of town. It was to be expected.

"I can't believe they talked about Bella like that," Emmett hissed. "Why didn't you let me hit him?"

I sighed. "You know why, Emmett. Things are tense enough without us getting physical. I'm sure there were more than just four of them in the area, we were likely outnumbered."

He folded his arms across his chest and let out an angry huff of breath. "They're just lucky Edward and Jasper weren't here to hear that." I couldn't help but agree, doubtful that Jasper would have been in the right frame of mind to diffuse the situation with comments like that.

"Let's just get the rest of this over with," Alice said warily. "I want go get back to Jazz and Edward and Bella and Rose." We all did, it would be a relief to be a whole family again.

I pulled up in front of The Lodge, the parking lot nearly full. We piled out of the car and made our way into the restaurant. I was stopped by countless people, all giving me their heartfelt apologies for our losses. I thanked them all for their kindness and pushed my way into the main dining room. A buffet was set up against the wall. What was it about funerals and food? I didn't understand why anybody would want to eat but I guess they sometimes called food comfort food.

Esme sat down at a table with Angela Webber and Ben Cheney, a sweet smile on her lips as she listened to Angela talk about her friend. Alice was sitting at a table next to Charlie and Renee, laughing genuinely as Renee recounted some of Bella's mishaps while growing up. Charlie even smiled a few times at Renee's words and I felt a pang knowing that he had missed out on most of that time with Bella as well. How would it feel only to have a couple of years with your child before they were gone?

Though I knew that wasn't an issue for us, I vowed to cherish every moment I spent with my family. I was at the hospital so often and I tended to spend the majority of my time with Esme when I got home. I needed to make more of an effort to spend time with all of them. The fortunate thing for me was that I had all the time in the world, while Charlie had none.

I broke out of my reverie when Billy Black wheeled over to my side. "Doctor Cullen," he said, without the derisive tone that Sam had used minutes earlier.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle," he smiled. "Did everything go alright back at the church?"

I didn't quite know how to respond to that. "Nobody died, so I guess it went okay."

My morbid humor made him chuckle and he shook his head. "I told Sam to behave himself but I didn't really expect that he would. Was it very bad?"

"No. He said some very hurtful things about Bella and Emmett got angry at Paul but we kept them from coming to blows."

Billy sighed. "They're young and very volatile. Everything is black and white at their age. They don't see the gray in the situation."

I looked at him in surprise. "Do you?" Honestly, I hadn't expected an elder to be understanding of Bella's decision.

"Yes. I knew love once, Carlisle. The deepest, strongest love I've ever felt. If I'd had the chance to hold onto it for eternity, knowing the loneliness that awaited me when I lost her, I can't say that I wouldn't have made the same decision that Bella had."

I thought of Esme and what my existence would be like without her. It wasn't fathomable.

"That's not to say that I approve of what Bella's done to her father." I started to speak but he continued. "I understand that she couldn't tell him what you are but there must have been a better way."

I shook my head regretfully. "There wasn't. We considered the truth but Alice saw Charlie dying if he found out about us. We could have just had Bella pull away from Charlie and not see him again but she decided that ultimately that would have hurt him more in the long run."

Billy considered my words. "That is probably true. No father ever wants to feel that their children have forgotten them."

"No. I never had my own children, of course, but there was a time when Edward left and though I knew he hadn't forgotten me, he did turn his back on me and the lifestyle I'd chosen. That was very difficult to deal with."

Billy's face was grave. "Yes, I imagine so. It will be difficult for Bella, knowing her parents are alive and well and not being able to see or talk to them ever again."

"Yes. We'll do our best to fill any holes in her life but we could certainly never replace her parents."

"Jacob told me that he spoke to her." I nodded, not really knowing what that conversation had entailed since I hadn't seen Bella since before the "accident." "It didn't go well. He said some things that he can't ever take back, things I know that one day he will regret. Just as he will one day regret not being here. He left after getting Charlie settled in the house and hasn't returned. He, too, is very volatile and he's very angry at the loss of his best friend."

"I can understand that." Who didn't lash out when they were upset? Jacob was only human.

"I hope, someday, that maybe they will speak again. With time and distance and maturity, Jacob may be able to see the situation more clearly."

"I hope so, I know Bella misses him."

"He misses her as well. I hope you will tell her that I don't judge her for her choice."

I studied his wise eyes. "I think that will make her very happy."

A smile stole across his craggy features. "Good. Also, please tell her that I got her letter. Thank her for it and tell her that I will definitely look out for her father. I will be the type of friend for him that Jacob was for her in her time of need." I hung my head at that, shame over my son's behavior and my own still heavy in my heart.

I tampered down on that, now was not the time to regret the past. The future was staring us in the face and I had to look forward to it. "She'll be grateful, as am I. We obviously can't be there for Charlie physically but please, if there's anything I can do, call me." I handed him a card containing my cell phone number. He slipped it into his suit pocket.

"I will. Take good care of her, Carlisle, and see to it that your boy makes her choice worthwhile."

"You can count on it." He shook my hand and wheeled over to the food. I made my way back over to Charlie's table. Esme and Emmett had joined Alice there and they were all listening to Renee talk about Bella's formative years.

"So I'm getting her ready for her first ballet recital and she tells me she sucks!" Renee laughed; her blue eyes teary yet shining at the memory. "And darned if she wasn't right. The other kids in her class would all go one way and Bella was going in the opposite direction. She fell three times and then stopped dancing entirely, just standing still as the other girls danced around her! After it was over, she just looked at me in that way she had, like she knew all my secrets. I ended up apologizing to her and never taking her to dance classes again!" I shuddered a little at the mention of ballet and exchanged a glance with Emmett. He was clearly having the same memory, his face contorted in pain at the images of a broken Bella.

"That's a great story, Renee," Charlie said, his voice still a little raw from his earlier tears. "I wish I could have seen it."

Renee's face fell. "Oh, Charlie, I'm so sorry you weren't there. If I'd known…" she trailed off, unsure how to finish the though. I didn't think she regretted ending their marriage. "I do have it on video! I can make you copies of all our movies. I should have sent them to you before."

He looked excited for a moment before the broken look returned to his face. "That would be great, Renee."

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I may have had her for longer, but she had the best time with you."

A blush stole across Charlie's face, exactly like Bella's. It made me feel better for a brief moment. "That was because of Edward," he muttered.

Renee shook her head. "Maybe in part but you were her rock, Charlie, in a way that I never was. She was mine. You let her be a kid, if only for a little while. She needed that. She needed you."

Tears coursed down his face as he whispered his "Thank you." I was really glad Renee had told him that, because it was quite true that Bella had needed and treasured the time with her father, though it was limited.

"It's all about quality, not quantity," Alice assured him. "Bella loves you a lot." I winced at her use of the present tense but nobody seemed to notice. Alice was no doubt working on her subliminal messages to him again.

I was torn about leaving; wanting to stay for Charlie but every second I was around him I felt worse. I was gaining everything he'd lost. And honestly I didn't think our presence was doing any more than reminding him that Edward had taken her away from him. He was too polite to say it now, when he thought we'd lost our son as well, but I knew a part of him was thinking it.

Esme must have seen something in my face for she stood up and took my hand. "I'm sorry but we have to get back home. Emmett and Alice have missed enough school and…"

"Oh, of course!" Renee stood and threw her arms around Esme and then around me as well. "Thank you for taking care of everything. I know it was just as hard on you as it was on us but you pulled everything off wonderfully. It really means a lot to us."

I stiffened at her words, guilt eating at me, then returned her hug and turned to Charlie, who unfolded himself from the chair very slowly. He gave Esme a quick hug, shook Emmett's hand and then gave Alice a longer hug, murmuring his thanks for all she had done. He turned to me and gave me a handshake.

"Thanks for all the kind things you said about Bells. It was nice to hear about how much you loved her. Thanks for taking care of her."

I gripped his hand solidly in mine. "I always will." If my words confused him, he didn't show it. He sank back into his chair and turned his eyes back to the table. I took Esme's hand and walked toward the exit when Alice stopped us.

"Look," she whispered.

We all turned and watched as Sue Clearwater slid into Alice's empty chair and took Charlie's hand in her own. He leaned his head on her shoulder and she ran a hand through his hair, very similar to the way that Bella soothed Edward. Alice's face lit into the first real smile I'd seen since before Bella's death.

"I can see!" she exclaimed softly. Her eyes unfocused and the smile on her face only grew wider. "He'll be okay, in time. I don't know when but he's going to ask her to marry him and she'll say yes!" Her voice was getting louder and we all shushed her. "Good thing they're alone when he does it, if her kids were around I wouldn't be able to see! That explains why I've hardly seen anything. I'm so relieved!"

I couldn't contain my own smile. Sue and her children wouldn't ever replace Bella but they could help mend his heart. We watched the two sitting together, Sue absorbing his misery, before turning to leave. When we got in the car, I asked, "Should we tell Bella?"

Alice thought for a second before shaking her head. "Not yet. She needs time with her grief just like Charlie does. We can tell her fairly soon but for now just tell her about your talk with Billy. That'll give her some peace, as will the news about Renee's baby."

I wanted to give my daughter peace; if the guilt was eating at me surely she was drowning in it. I started the car and then glanced at Esme as she caressed my cheek. "What?"

"It's okay to grieve, you know?"

"I have nothing to grieve, I haven't lost anything."

She smiled softly. "Haven't you?"

How she knew me! "Not comparatively." My having to let go of a land that I loved and people I respected was hardly comparable to what Charlie and Renee had lost. My compromising of all I'd allowed myself to believe in for over three hundred years was a minor matter in the giant scheme of things. I'd allowed my son to take someone healthy and make her a part of this eternal existence; I couldn't regret it but I did regret the pain it had wrought. I wouldn't change it though, despite it all. She belonged with us; I felt it in every fiber of my being.

I floored the accelerator and we left Forks behind for the last time. I was sorry to say goodbye to one of my favorite places but happy to be heading to the rest of my family, because they were where home really was.