Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and obviously not me. I don't make any money from the ads that show up above sometimes either. I do own Naruto's common sense though, and probably Kahou too if that counts.

Chapter 3: Stupid fangirls

Kahou had just spent what she felt were the happiest months of her life, whenever he had free time after the academy she would meet up with Sakura and Ino to play, gossip, go shopping and just having fun. Of course, it couldn't last forever. Something finally came up; which never failed to make most girls lose all kinds of good sense: a bad boy. A brooding pretty boy with a tragic past at that. Uchiha 'Emo' Sasuke. He was the wet dream of perverted old men everywhere, though that was probably just her bitterness at the situation happening in front of her eyes talking.

"He would definitely look better with me!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Kahou-chan! Tell her who he would look better with!" Ino requested.

"Well, if I have to be honest there is one who comes to mind: slender arms, pale eyes, long black hair that's obviously well-cared for, who doesn't talk much, is often brooding, one year older so more mature and very good at Taijutsu." Kahou admitted slyly.

"Oh… I didn't know there was such competition. Who is it?" Ino asked.

"Neji." She deadpanned.

"Neji… Hey! Isn't that the Hyuuga guy in the grade above us?" Sakura quickly recognized.

"Oi! Kahou! How would he look any better any better with Sasuke? That's not funny!" Ino protested vehemently.

"Just picture this: Sasuke looking sad on his lonesome when this guy who understands him better than anyone comes to him and talks to him. Sasuke is moved by Neji's words and accepts the comforting arms around him and just melts when Neji starts biting his ear gently and so doesn't protest when he's pushed down and they start taking each other's clothes off…" She described with a sultry voice.

"Stop! Stop making me imagine it! I didn't know you were so rotten!" Ino interrupted with a flushed face.

"I'm not the one with a nosebleed and Pinkie-chan doesn't seem to be hearing you." She pointed out dryly.

"Oi! Sakura! Wake up already!" Ino shook Sakura back to the real world.

"So, seriously now, who do you think he would like more?" Ino asked after having calmed down significantly.

"Well, considering his lack of personality I would say someone who doesn't talk much and just agrees to spread her legs whenever he wants. Hey! Maybe I should get him a Dutch wife for his birthday!" She replied with an annoyed face.

"Geez Kahou-chan, what's your problem with Sasuke? He looks so lonely, I'm sure a true woman would make him happy!" Ino complained.

"That's obviously your maternal instincts talking and that guy is always brooding, if he ever actually fell in love he would have no idea what to do and would just stalk you, watch you sleep without you knowing, order you around, be an all-around control freak, not let you do anything dangerous because he would see you as so much weaker than himself and thus would need a girl with the personality of a doormat to actually be able to stand him. Well, at least he doesn't sparkle in the sunlight." She blurted out.

"Huh?" Sakura and Ino both said, confused and disturbed.

"Sorry, my bad." She said regretfully. "I must still be traumatized by that crappy series of books I read. It didn't take me long to realize how bad they were, but it was like watching a deer be devoured alive by a swarm of bugs, no matter how more horrible it kept getting, there was this morbid fascination that just wouldn't let you look away. I begged the librarian to burn those books or at least seal them away since they were probably cursed but she wouldn't take it seriously." She explained with a look of resigned horror.

"Ah! Whatever! I won't let you get Sasuke, we're rivals from now on!" Sakura declared.

"Fine with me! I'll always be better than you, so keep dreaming!" Ino replied in kind.

"You two… to fight because of something so ridiculous…" She said, looking at them with cold eyes. "I guess this is all friendship means to you. We're only 10, Sasuke most likely doesn't care about girls yet and I doubt that will change anytime soon, after all girls mature faster than boys and he's lost in his brooding. Go enjoy achieving nothing all alone. Though one last piece of advice from me, since it seems like I was the only one who valued this friendship. If he doesn't show any interest in either of you when he's older, try offering him a well-cooked steak of pork with a delicate petal of Sakura on top to make it even more appetizing, if this delicious dish doesn't arouse his interest then he's definitely into chocolate." She gave her parting words and when they finally puzzled out her meaning she was long gone.

He was depressed for a while after this, but he didn't want to turn into a brooding idiot like Sasuke so he eventually recovered. He had to resign himself, the kind girls she knew were probably long gone in this terrible affliction that struck them and made them take leave of their good sense, such horrible beings they are to make all trace of her friends disappear, these fangirls.

Author's note: Well, I just wanted to relate their separation and start on Naruto's last year at the academy but Sasuke jokes just kept coming out of nowhere, so here we are. Sorry about the Yaoi scene, but it was just so hilarious I couldn't help myself. I just hope this won't start a Neji/Sasuke trend there's enough Yaoi rotting the site and fangirls' brains around.