WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH AND MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed/favourited/followed this story.

Nothing made sense after you... I couldn't breathe, everything felt cold, so cold. It hurt, to walk around after. My body was crippled under sadness. Every time I saw someone – something that reminded me of you. Every time I looked up at your office – it wasn't yours anymore though, was it? At the moment, it was a shrine to you. I felt like there was a light – warmth around me, it was soon outlived. I didn't have anything of yours, not really. A t-shirt and a pair of boxers that lost that You feeling after I had curled up with them every day and every night.

People grieved, it was inevitable, you were such a great man, your smile, though it was shown rarely, it was one of your key features, everything. It was – hard. To try and pretend that there was nothing when I saw people speaking about you, heard their words of how amazing you were and I know. I know what you were like. I know how you could treat me with such kindness, made me feel wanted rather than awkward.

I'd give anything for another taste of your lips. For your touch to linger in more than just my memory. Your smile, I've taken pictures from your office, a picture of you and the team. Some in my own personal collection that were taken on the very few days we all had on training days, on courses. One of you at the shooting range. You're looking at me, and that look – that lust is visible behind your eyes. I keep that beside my bed. One of you running, coming along the finish line, a grin on your face, I keep it under my pillow. I need to keep you close to me. In all of the pictures, you manage to stay beautiful throughout the years.

What I wouldn't give, I was infatuated, in love; those words are just a fond memory of what once was.

Things are going to change, I whisper to myself.

For this, it'll be my last night with the pain hanging over me, consuming me. With you hurting me. I could deal with the pain and heart break before, but not now. The pain is more desperate than when I craved dilaudid. I crave you so much – terribly, and I can't get to you.

Not when it would only take one thing for everything to get better. The one thing I need is you. I dress myself in your t-shirt and boxers once more, grab what I need.

My dearest Aaron Hotchner, I'll be in your arms once again – and this time... Forever.