Before We Die

Chapter 4: Determined

Hi everyone! Its been a little longer than the past length between updates, and for that I apologize. But a muse has to be there for a good story to work. ;) Anyways, I loved seeing all those follows and fans, but I was a little disheartened by lack of reviews. Don't forget, even short words of encouragement mean the world to a writer. I also love constructive critics.

Sentences in italics are thoughts.

I don't own anything Harry Potter, only plot is my own and any characters that I make up in my own head.

Well, enough blabber, get on with is Summer! Enjoy this next installment of Before We die!

The first month of the school year was enjoyable for Hermione for the most part. She absolutely loved teaching, especially about muggles. Always prepared, Hermione was already changing the way the students viewed the class and muggles.

Muggle Studies was one of the lesser-wanted classes, but those who were taking it were thoroughly enjoying it, even the work. The third years had just had a lesson on muggle instruments and how they are almost identical to wizzards, except they aren't charmed in any way and they can't play themselves if desired. Professor Hermione had brought in a few of the more unusual muggle instruments with her so the children could try them after their lecture. Hermione still assigned homework, though. It must have been her old habits coming back to her, but she did assign a lot.

Even though few older students took the class, hype was getting around to everyone that the class was very interesting and even though it had a lot of work, it was really fun. Hermione became many students favorite professor, especially to the Gryffindors. Some even came to her after school hours to ask for help on subjects other than Muggle Studies if they weren't taking it.

Hermione was very proud with the progress she'd made even in the first few weeks with them. Her fellow professors wondered how she got the students to really enjoy the class that previously was not frequented by students. Hermione knew it was partially to the war being over. With no pressure to hate muggles and people wanting to change, her class could thrive.

"Thank you so much, Professor Granger!" A small, blonde, fourth year, Gryffindor smiled brightly and clutched her books to her chest. "I think I finally understand why I keep doing it wrong in Potions." She sighed.

Hermone forced a smile to her lips, this was touchy in her mind. "You're very welcome, Miss Vonn. Come again any time. You are one of my best students." Hermione chuckled.

The young girl smiled sheepishly. " I will. I don't think I could ever go to Professor Snape after that time I tried last year…" Hermione watched the girl almost cringe. Probably yelled and had no patience, "Stupid Gryffindor."

"Anyways, Good bye, Professor Granger." Miss Vonn scurried out of the room, and the second the door was shut, Hermione let out a sigh of exhaustion. She loved being here, teaching, helping to fix all that was planted into the young pupil's minds about wizards being superior to muggles.

But she couldn't stand being at Hogwarts either. She couldn't stand avoiding Severus at all costs. She always felt torn between want and need.

Her want was to confront him, ask him if they could be civil, and maybe, just maybe not try to verbally kill each other each time they spoke together. Hermione wanted to befriend him, to show him that they could get along. To love…

But Hermione knew she needed to stay away. Obviously he loathed her deeply. Hermione could see it in the way he stared at her on the occasional meal, eyes black and piercing into her skull, hatred seeping from them. Hermione wanted to cry every time he glared at her in disgust. She couldn't do this anymore. Even teaching the brightest of all students and teaching longer hours couldn't help with the throb that constantly panged in her empty heart.

Severus Snape groaned in his old leather chair. Head leaned back, feet raised and hand grasping a double load of fire whiskey; he glared at the fireplace. He was exhausted from teaching five lessons and having to deal with a detention later. Of course, that may have been Severus's fault. He'd been more easily aggravated than usual.

Every moment, Severus felt as if one little issue could make him explode. An imbecile fifth year named Adam Hodges had only spilled a small handful of fairly cheap frog eggs, but that was enough to send Severus into a rant on stupidity and carelessness, which resulted in an hour-long detention and was unwanted by both parties.

But now, in his own private chambers, he didn't fix his problems. Only drowned them. Gulping half the fire whiskey down, he closed his eyes and focused on the burning sensation. But instead he saw a flash of those honey amber eyes and curly, satin hair.

He moaned in agony as another feeling rushed over him again. She was ignoring him at all costs. I've ruined everything. Every chance of kindling anything with her. Severus stared at the ceiling when more thoughts occurred to him. But what did I expect? Her to just forgive me without me changing at all? Of course not. Hermione Granger is kind, loyal, bright, but also very stubborn. I would know that by all those detentions I had to give her in her fifth and six years for back talk.

Severus day-dreamed about those memories for a while, and then a determined look was set upon his face. Why can't I just man up and try not to act like such a dick? She needs to know that a good side does exist inside me somewhere. And I'm going to start. Tomorrow.

Hermione smiled widely as students passed ahead of her towards the Great Hall. Hermione knew she shouldn't wish it, but she always hoped she'd be the last professor to arrive, and that a seat would be open next to Severus. It gave her a real excuse to not completely avoid him. And when she was near him, it always seemed quieter around her, more peaceful. Hermione could almost relax better around him than when she was anywhere else.

Her heart jumped as her prayer was answered. Only one seat on the very end of long the table was empty. Hermione could even avoid talking with someone on the other side of her, because there would be none. A meal with no need to think, because she knew Severus would never try conversing with her, maybe other than "Pass me the serving knife, Granger."

Controlling her facial features to the best of her ability, Hermione silently sat next to the black clad, raven haired man. Hermione reached for the rolls which were in front of him and took a glance at him. It was a risk; he could yell at her for staring or something, but she couldn't help it. She peeked quickly, only to see the strangest look on his face she'd ever seen. He stared at the opposite wall and it almost seemed he was… gnawing on the inside of his check…

Almost as if he was nervous, Hermione did a similar thing when she was stressed or anxious. Placing the roll on her plate and buttering it lightly, Hermione glanced again and noticed his pale hands, laced together. Only instead of the usual unmoving pose, his thumbs were moving wildly all over the place.

Hermione stared for longer than she should have. Avoiding meant not only staying a good distance away, but also only looking at when necessary. Although, Hermione could make up a reason that would make her staring necessary. She just knew it would be wrong…

Hermione then tried her very hardest to focus on eating her meal. I should have turned around and just not come to dinner when I saw the open seat. This was a horrid idea. It's only going to make things worse, make it hurt more…

Hermione sighed deeply without realizing it. Severus had been trying his very best to act calm through the last couple minutes. He wanted to grab her hands and hold her close when she reached so near to him for the food. After promising himself he'd try yesterday, Severus was terribly nervous, and nerves never suited him.

He did not realize it until the inside of his cheek began to throb, but he must have been gnawing quite intensely. Gently prodding his tongue on the ragged inside of his mouth, he tasted the metallic, grotesque, taste of blood. Holding back the pain, he drank from his goblet quickly to erase the awful flavor.

He gently set the glass down and the throbbing in his cheek seemed of no importance when he heard the deep sigh on his left. It sounded tired and impatient. He looked over to her involuntarily and noticed Hermione staring at her barely touched plate.

Severus wanted to say something, anything that would get her attention on himself. He wanted to understand what made her sigh with such feeling. "What could be on your mind, Professor Granger?" He tried drawling with less sarcasm intended and more honest concern. It was difficult after all those years of feeling nothing.

He watched Hermione's every move as she jumped, startled at his sudden question. She jerked her head towards him and stared at Severus for a moment, forgetting the question all together.

She watched his eyebrows furrow slightly as she continued her gaze. Hermione thought he was angry, when in reality, he was hopelessly confused by her.

Severus made an uncomfortable, sudden movement and brought Hermione out of her embarrassing reverie of gazing. She thought on her feet, "Oh, well, I'm just a tad tired from all the lessons today, Professor. Teaching about advanced muggle food preparation to sixth years is harder than it may seem." She spoke without stuttering, shockingly. Even though it was a lie. All she really did for the sixth years was give them a recipe and directions to follow and then sit at her desk wallowing for the rest of the period. It sounded similar to what she'd seen a certain someone do many times…

Severus was lost in her voice speaking calmly towards him. Now he just needed to remain in control of his mouth and voice, and maybe she could forget the last conversation they'd had. " Well, it must be paying off. Students have never expressed such an interest in the subject. It must all be accredited towards your high teaching skills, yes?" He tried his best to compliment her, that's what all women want right?

Hermione smiled slightly, her mind was still very confused as to the atmosphere. Seveus Snape and Hermione Granger never spoke kindly to each other, it was unheard of. "Well, I think it is also due to the eased pressure of needing to hate all muggleborns. Without those ideas of equality beginning to come back, this class would be as it used to be. An easy class for laughing at." Hermione's voice turned slightly sour at the end, but she realized this and controlled her features to look happy.

"I couldn't agree more." Severus nodded. He himself felt the pressure and stress lifted from his shoulders. The bonds were let free, and all he wanted was to please this one muggleborn next to him. "But I would still be pleased if you would allow me to observe one of your lectures and see how you get them so engaged and interested." Severus only told part truth.

In reality he couldn't care less how to get students interested. If the student was not good at Potions early on, he would not be talented later in years. No teaching style could change that. But that didn't mean he didn't want to watch her give a lecture. Sitting there for these few moments and listening to her voice was like heaven, he couldn't imagine what a few hours would be like.

Hermione was startled out of her mind by his statement. She had never in her entire life thought that Severus would want to sit in on one of her classes. Even if she had been teaching DADA and her students all had astounding marks, she thought Severus hated her too much to care. Her eyes grew large for a few moments.

Severus took those moments to his advantage to gaze into those lovely eyes. He saw such a mezmorizing amber brown color that they clouded his thoughts for a moment. He imagined getting to see those eyes every day and it made his chest tighten.

"I…I think that would be quite appropriate if you wish to join one of the classes. I am teaching a lecture on muggle chemistry to seventh years and I believe it may be of some interest to you, considering it's similarities to Potions, Professor." Hermione spoke, still shocked by what was occurring.

Severus did not like hearing Hermione call him by that horrid term any longer. He was no longer her superior. They were equals. "That sounds intriguing. I will intend on visiting as long as my schedule permits." Severus needed time to himself. He wanted to stay by her, but he knew he'd say something completely moronic if he continued. " I must take my leave. My students are expecting an exam in a few days, but I believe I shall throw it on them early. To see who's really paying attention and who just shoves as much information into their brains as they can the night before."

Hermione chuckled, understanding exactly what he meant. She could remember Ron doing the very thing for almost every assignment, project and exam. "Have a pleasant evening, Professor." She smiled at him, flashing her lovely teeth.

"You as well." He stood out of his chair, and before leaving; he said those last risky words. "And please, call me Severus."

AHHH! Well I hope that was somewhat enjoyable to you all, I definitely enjoyed writing this! Don't forget to do that quick little thing that starts with an R and rhymes with view. :) Thanks for your support everyone.

-Summer