HEyyy I am so sorry I didn't update yesterday! I woke up this morning and realised it was wednesday and went well crap. I'm really really sorry about that. Well, this is chapter four *the final chapter* of It's Not Too Late! I'm super glad you have all been enjoying it so much!
Midnight- You are super welcome for the happy birthday! I should have remembered to post yesterday because it was my half birthday then. Anyway, I'm really glad you've been enjoying this story as much (or maybe more) than I enjoy writing it! Lol. As for Splinter comparing him to the Shredder, he didn't thin Raph was going to turn evil. He was reminiscing about times he had with his own brother and didn't realize that he was comparing Raph to their worst enemy. I tried to make that clear when I wrote the last chapter, sorry.
Well, here we go and please enjoy!
Raphael had been totally right. Of course he was right, who knew his brothers better than he did? Leo felt guilty, Raph could tell, what he was guilty for no one knew, but Leo tried to make up for it by being nicer to him and not engaging in as many arguments. Michelangelo tried to please him in as many ways as possible, not being as annoying and bringing him snacks. Which was ok, but he knew why the kid was doing it, and that wasn't. Donatello didn't insist on daily checkups, however, but Raph did catch him often sitting alone, doing nothing, staring at his hands glumly. Raph would never forget what he had walked in on that morning...Donatello had seemed terrified that the dream would come true, and Raph didn't want him to be terrified. Splinter had started to praise Raph more in training, something Raph always felt he did little of, but again, he knew why they were doing it. They didn't need to change because he was the one to make a bad decision, it would never happen again, and definitely not like Donnie dreamed. The red masked turtle started spending more and more time out of the lair when he could, memorizing the sewers and doing lone night runs. Everything was always so calm, outside his home. No more foot, the kraang were gone from earth and the utrom rarely bothered them, purple dragons had been taken with the foot clan, and almost all of the mutants they already knew. They had literally nothing to fear except being seen, and as a ninja, Raph was never seen.
Sure, his family probably thought he was having 'psychological problems' or depression, or whatever, but he was only trying to get away from their sad looks, guilt, and kindness. He didn't need it. He'd gotten to where he was today by trying hard to impress them; if they had acted like this forever he would never have gotten this strong.
The red masked turtle was currently at his training dummy, forcing the anger he kept pent up inside him though his fists and feet into the moves. He knew someone was always watching him when they could, he'd heard someone sitting outside of his door every night and never seemed to be alone for very long. Currently, Leo was pretending to watch space heroes, but Raphael felt his gaze burning into him. With a grunt and a sigh he turned suddenly, catching leo in the act, and off guard.
"Oh, hey Raph." he said, obviously trying to be nonchalant, it didn't work. "How are you?"
"As well as i can be with you four watching me day and night." Raph snapped, then cursed himself silently. They didn't know he had realised, egg heads.
"Wh-what?" Leo was panicking, "what do you mean? I'm watching space heroes." Raph looked over his shoulder at the credits rolling down the screen.
"Yeah, real interesting, you've been watching the credits for five minutes by now Leo, cut the act i know what you're doing."
"So what if i want to protect you?" Leo finally dropped the act, he glared at Raph and then took a deep breath to calm down. "I just don't want to lose you."
"You won't!" Raph insisted, "for the last time Leonardo, I'm not self destructive, I was trying to end a war!"
"You were not!" Leo snapped, "you told us you were planning on dying!" Raph growled, punching a fist into the wall next to him.
"What about the time you blew up a building you were in it, huh?" he roared, "or the time you crashed that kraang technodrome and let us think you were dead? What about then Leonardo?"
"That was different!" Leo insisted, getting to his feet.
"How so?" Raph snapped, "you can't tell me you aren't glad the shredder's gone, you can't tell me you don't like the fact that I told you how i felt?"
"Raph, of course i'm glad the shredder is gone, but you can't pretend that you thought it would work."
"I wasn't trying to get it to work!" Raph yelled, "I thought i was gonna die leo, it was all for nothing! But it worked! So get off my shell and stop treating me like something that might fall apart at any moment! We didn't fawn over you like this those times because you said it was imperative to the mission! I could have saved your life that night leo!" he insisted, "I might have stopped world war three for all i know, just by doing what i felt was right so don't you try and say this was an accident." he stared into Leo's shocked cobalt eyes. "What's the difference between you sacrificing yourself for a good cause and us sacrificing our selves? Huh? You thought you were gonna die when you fell from that building, you didn't know if it'd stop the invasion, but you thought you would! I caught you Leo, i stopped what you thought would happen and it was a good thing too, because you braining yourself on the asphalt wouldn't have accomplished anything! So stop telling me this was my fault and start being our leader!" Raph turned and stormed out of the lair once again, clenching and unclenching his fists.
"Raph wait!" Leo called in panic, "where are you going?"
"Away from you!" Raph shouted back, "next time you risk your life during a mission i promise you that I'll sit outside your door every night, watch you when I'm pretending to relax, and act different around you when I'm annoyed!" then he ran off into the darkness of the tunnels.
Leo watched Raph leave with an ache in his heart. How was he supposed to know what Raph did? He'd never thought of Raphael's suicide mission as a sacrifice he was making for their good, he'd thought the only reason Raph even tried to talk to shredder was because he wanted to die. Had they been looking at this the wrong way the entire time? Mikey ran in, face sheer with terror.
"Where did Raph go?" he asked, "i heard you yelling at him and-"
"He's fine." Leo said shortly, "just going out."
"Do you want me to shadow him?" Mikey asked, Leo shook his head. They had sometimes sent Mikey to do that when Raph ran off, after he told them what happened.
"No, he's fine, i actually wanted to ask you something Mikey." he frowned, looking at his baby brother. "Do you compare what Raph did to the first kraang invasion? When i blew up that building?" Mikey seemed surprised, but hesitated.
"I dunno, kinda, i guess." he shrugged. "I mean, you did both try to sacrifice your lives to help people, and i guess Raph's was more effective than the first time you did it, cuz the technodrome and all that...why?"
"That's how he sees it." Leo realized out loud, "he doesn't think how we saw it, he thought he was trying to do something good."
"I know that!" Mikey said, rolling his eyes, "what did you think? That Raph decided if he was gonna get himself dead he'd do it with style?" Leo didn't answer. "Leo? Did you really think that?" Mikey shook his head disbelievingly. "So that's why you guys are acting so weird to him, and why Donnie's upset and why Splinter's always praising him."
"I thought you were doing it for the same reason." Leo said, frowning. Mikey rolled his eyes.
"I'm being less annoying to him because I'm glad he isn't dead." he said bluntly, "did you guys just argue about this? Is that why he's upset? Geez Leo, get your head straight before you drive us all off the walls. Ima gonna go see if Raph's ok." and with that, Mikey ran out after the red masked turtle. Leo watched him leave, contemplating this, and then turned to go speak with splinter.
Raph sighed, staring across the skyline. What the shell was Leo playing at, acting like Raph wanted to kill himself? What were they all playing at? Fearless leader wasn't the only one to make sacrifices! Why, Raph had given up his very best friend! All leo's given up was...ok that's not fun thinking. Leonardo has given up himself, you couldn't fool Raph into thinking Leo was always this big brother fearless leader type. Raph used to know Leo better than anyone, until he became this responsible guy. He needed to be responsible, Raph knew that, but seeing his brother not smiling for hours on end hurt him deeply. He tried to shoulder some responsibility, but that just got him labelled reckless,and now this. When Raph finally felt like he'd gotten to Leo's level, an equal, it turns out he was just being depressed and irrational. He let out a snort and flopped onto his back, head bumping painfully on the roof below him. Soft footsteps approached.
"Go away fearless." he snapped, "i'm not in the mood for a lecture, this is just what I'm talking about, you couldn't even trust me to blow off steam on my own anymore! Can't things just go back to the way they were? I shouldn't have even told you guys about-"
"For someone not in the mood for a lecture," Mikey's voice laughed, "you sure are rattling one off." Raph sat up and spun, staring. What was Mikey doing here? He hadn't even known Raph left!
"How'd you know where i was?" he asked, Mikey shrugged, falling into a cross legged position.
"It wasn't hard." he smiled, "i just followed the sirens." Raph rolled his eyes.
"Yeah yeah, whatever." he growled, "what do you want Mikey? Came to make sure i didn't die?" Mikey's eyes grew round.
"Why would i do that?" he asked, sincerely confused, "you don't wanna die." Raph looked at him in surprise. "I mean...right?" Mikey's gaze grew anxious,
"Right!" Raph agreed vigorously, "it's just...i didn't think you thought that." Mikey rolled his eyes.
"Of course you don't wanna die, who wants to die when they have a brother like me?" he said, Raph grinned in spite of himself.
"Ok, so if you don't think i'm like that, then why are you being so nice all the time?" he countered, Mikey grew serious, looking Raph in the eyes with his own electric blue.
"Well for one thing," he said, holding up a finger, "everyone else is." Raph snorted. "And for another thing…" Mikey smiled sweetly, looking at Raph with eyes now brimming with tears. "I'm awfully glad you didn't die that night." Raph smiled back, Mikey threw his arms around him and they embraced in a long brotherly hug. Finally Mikey sat back and looked at the sky.
"You know you gotta come home right?" he asked, "when i asked leo what was wrong he told me about your fight, he'd never even thought of it the right way before."
"Of course he didn't." Raph snorted. "He never does, Leo thinks he's the only one who can sacrifice anything! Well what about us? We've sacrificed! We've…" he shook his head. "Leo just…."
"Loves us!" Mikey declared, helping Raph to his feet. "You know he only does that stuff cuz he loves us, that's why you went to the shredder that day," he frowned. "Because...at the moment you thought the only way for us to be safe was to die, so in a way...you did want to die. Just not anymore." Raphael looked at his baby brother in amazement.
"How can you voice my thoughts better than i think them?" he complained, Mikey grinned, hooking his arm around Raph's shoulders.
"A great bro never reveals his secrets Raph!" he boasted, "race ya home!"
"Hey!" Raph protested, racing after him, "you cheater!" Mikey just laughed and did a backflip, sticking out his tongue as he did so. "And you're gonna bite your tongue off!"
"The day i bite my tongue off is the day that i fall into a six foot deep hole!" Mikey yelled, jumping into the alley. Raph followed and they started for home. A hope was growing in Raph's chest. Mikey was so innocent, he'd hated the story of how Raph had wanted to die...but never imagined he still would, and that was the truth. Raph didn't want to die, who would want to die when they had a brother like Mikey?
Shredder sat on the metal throne, contemplating. Why had he listened to the turtle? Why had he left? He knew very well why, guilt. Guilt had corroded away the essence of his heart, it had turned him into what he was. Guilt about letting Teng Shen die, and hating the guilt so much he lied to himself about what happened. Guilt at lying to Karai her entire life, but insisting to himself that he was right. Guilt for letting his love be mutated, Karai was...the highlight of his crippled, tortured, evil life. When he wasn't drunk on anger and power, he would feel the love the girl had for her father, and then she found out. No love had ever come his way again, but maybe it didn't have to be that way. Maybe...it wasn't too late.
Donatello stared blankly at the wall, the details of his dream again filling his mind. But then his tortured thoughts were interrupted by...laughter? Yes, that's what it was! It was Mikey and Raph, laughing and joking as they came into the lair. When had they left? He usually noticed. Raph...Raphael. He was laughing, depressed people don't laugh when filled with such joy...with a start Donatello realised his mistake. Raph wasn't depressed, he didn't want to die...why would he? with his mind suddenly clearing like mist at the break of a sunny day, Donatello spun around in his chair and got to his feet. The dream would always haunt him, but it wasn't real life.
"Hey dee!" Mikey beamed as they walked past. Raph waved as well, and seemed surprised at Donatello. He realised that for the past few days...he'd been a zombie. Even more so than usual, so Donatello strode after them.
"What are you guys doing?" he asked, they shrugged.
"We were gonna play some videogames." Mikey said, smiling, "wanna play?"
"Yeah!" Donnie agreed, looking Raph over carefully. He was the same old Raph...hard to believe that he could be dead right now...but then again, they all could be, Raph had literally saved them that day at the shredder's lair. Shredder could have finished them all off, but he didn't. Thanks to Raph. "i owe you one anyway." he declared, walking with them to the console. Raph's face visibly brightened and Mikey beamed a knowing smile at this, and Donnie didn't mind. All was forgiven, and would go back to the way it was, at least as close as it could, with the shredder no longer a threat. As long as Leo and Splinter would come to the same conclusion.
After Michelangelo followed Raph, Leo had gone to splinter. With the intention of asking a simple question, Leo had found himself pacing before his father, rambling on and pretty much lecturing himself and his father, on accident.
"So it turns out that he doesn't even wanna die, and that we're totally overreacting, and Mikey knew it this whole time." he said, waving his hands, "and that I've done the same exact thing before that he did, and he's the one that saved me, and he saved himself, he saved everybody!" Leo stopped walking, shaking his head. "I just don't understand it Master, how did we get it so wrong?" Splinter took a moment to reply, and looked thoughtful.
"My son," he said, "Michelangelo had just finished a long and slightly distracted discussion with me when you entered, he had been elated to find that Raphael not only worried about hurting him, as Michelangelo feared he did not, but conquered his fear and improved his anger issues. For an exact quote he said, 'and it' so totally great that Raph didn't, you know because that would have totally sucked, and i think it's cool how different a perspective you can get, knowing that your brother wanted to die but doesn't anymore…' and then you came to me with this." Splinter shook his head. "I believe Michelangelo has been the most level headed of us for many days."
"Tell me about it." Leo said, slightly amused at hearing his father quote in Mikey's slang. "What do i do now? Raph hates what i have been doing, but i just…" Leo shivered, "knowing that he did want to die...it makes me afraid."
"You must stop focusing on the past and start focusing on the present." Splinter declared, getting to his feet as they heard a commotion outside. Leo was pleased to hear all three of his brothers voices, though slightly surprised they were all laughing and arguing good naturedly, even Donatello.
"Focus on the present," Leo repeated, "i just...how can i make it up to him?" Splinter placed a hand on his shoulder.
"I once told Raphael that it is not too late to change, because while you cannot change the past you have the ability to change the future."
"It's not too late." Leo echoed as they walked out. It's not too late.
welp. there we are. THE END! I hope you all enjoyed this fic and please please review! also, feel free to check out any of my other stories, I have a lot. hehehe. i need a life. until my next fic, I say goodbye.