A/N So here it goes, another try in keeping you guys interested, thanks once again for all your reviews, I swear I peed and screamed when I got my first review, I'll try and have better control next time...

The story is mine, But a big thank you to the best little beta in town Debra Anne Watson...

I wanted to get me some Edward and Jasper together time, and what better way than in a first kiss..So I hope you enjoy...

Jake and I make it back to the apartment in record time, and this time, no fucking wiggling of the fucking key. I take it slow and easy, and it goes in first try, making me think that Jake is now my little lucky charm. The thought makes me grin to myself as I bend to pat his big old head, fondly picturing him in a little leprechaun outfit, busting at the seams, his russet hair sticking out all over the place and a wee clay pipe in his mouth, plus a top hat. I let out a gut laugh scaring myself a little as I'm taken aback, not knowing if I have a very vivid imagination or am I was finally losing my God damn mind?

He looks up at me like I'm crazy. Fuck, maybe I am. Maybe I am losing it in my old age. God, old age? am I getting that old? No really? Am I? Edward's right, who am I kidding? He's always fucking right. He's just smarter at these things, and I should know by now to trust him. Isn't that all he wanted, my trust? And what the fuck did I do? I was an asshole and laughed in his face. God damn me, I'm such a fucking loser.

Turning the lights on as we enter, I'm stopped in my tracks. My ears perk, bending to hush Jake as I strain to pay attention. Whats that noise? Wheres that sound coming from? I hear a beep, then another, and another. What the fuck, and where the hell?

Releasing Jake from his leash, I irritably shush him as his nails click against the hardwoods when he runs in search a nice cold drink of water. The mysterious noise continues as I go in search of this fucking beep, but alas, I come up empty handed. Maybe it's a stupid smoke alarm? I know when the batteries run low, ours start to beep; it drives Edward crazy, he is always on me to change them.

I give up, I can't do this. I can't handle all this right now. It's been a long fucking day, and my head fucking hurts. I really need another beer, suddenly realizing I haven't eaten since breakfast. "Ya know I'm a growing boy needing me some substance," so I go in hunt of the delivery menus, cause I'm certain as hell that Emmett has a few, and bam! I find them, kitchen drawer right side of the fridge. I proceed to make the call and place my order.

Within 20 minutes, the door bell rings, grabbing my wallet I head for the front door. I'm caught of guard when I open it. "oh my fucking gravy," I'm face to face with a nice big tall ass drink of water, all smiles and teeth. I eagerly gulp down the saliva that has gathered on my tongue, desperately trying to disguise my immediate attraction to him. But let me tell ya people! The man is fine, and I mean fine!

Then it hits me, it hits me hard. The disgust and the self loathing start to build and I feel the bile fill the back of my mouth. I'm totally embarrassed- for me, that is! It reminds me how much of a total fucking loser I am.

I straighten myself best I can, and lower my head in shame. I know he senses it. He lets out a strangled cough and I raise my eyes. He looks confused, but still cocky. He still had a small smile, it being just a shadow of the one from before.

With a husky voice I ask, "How much," and he tells me, ending it with a wish it could be free for someone so good-looking. What the fuck? I think I actually blushed, my embarrassment soon turning to pissed, not sure if it was because of what he said, or because of the anger I felt for being such an asshole.

I raise my eyebrow at him, giving him a half smile, but don't say anything. This is not the time or place, and he is not the one I want to be with tonight, so I hand him the money for the pizza with a big enough tip to have him keep his fucking hands and thoughts to himself, plus ease my guilt for being such a fucker to the memory of Edward.

I lean over to close the door when he holds up his hand and stops it from slamming shut. I look at him, "like really?" "No really," he can't really want to play this fucking game right now. This fucker has got to be kidding me.

I now raise both my eyebrows, and give him my best what the fuck look, and all he does is smile. "Really? What the fuck?"

Then he speaks, "Aren't you going to get that?"

I look at him like he's crazy.

"What? "I said, aren't you going to get that?"

Once again I raise my eyebrows, and all he does is smile.

"Oh, sorry, just wondering why you're not answering your emails. I know that sound and after a while it would drive me fucking crazy! Just saying!"

"Huh?"

I look at him, and then it dawn's on me. Oh shit, that's what the fucking beeping is. It's the computer telling me there's an email. I now smile shyly at him and let him know in not so many words, that that's what I intended to do or not. I close the door and lean against the back of it. I am such a fucking loser, and yeah, fuck me, and fuck my life.

I grab another beer from the fridge on the way by, and sit my ass down in-front of the TV, setting the pizza box on the coffee table. I'm not watching it, but I like the company. God, right now I need the company. Maybe I can find a baseball game as I flick through the channels.

But still the beeping, the fucking beeping. I drink my beer and eat my pizza, feeling a little sorry for Jake as he stares up at me with his big fucking sad eyes. His 200 lb ass looks all kind of starving right now. Yeah right.

So I cut him a break and throw him a slice. He runs off with it, like he's a criminal running from the cops, or he's worried that I'm going to wrestle him for it. Shit, that dog's been living with Emmett way too long. I give a little laugh at the thought of Emmett wrestling Jake for the last slice off pizza, but I can really see that shit happen.

The beeping cuts through my thoughts again, and this time I have to find out what the fuck is going on, getting up, and walk towards their office. Now that I know it's a fucking email to the office I must head as that's where their God damn computer is. I'm a genius, I tell ya, a genius.I laugh again. God I really do crack myself up sometimes.

I open the office door with Jake in tow. Our dinner is gone and the licking of his chops now proves it. He's looking up at me like I'm crazy. "Right, Jake, I'm the crazy one?" I say, smiling at him. And again, he looks up at me, with a look on his face that says, "Yeah right, you gotta be" And the truth be told he just might be right.

And once again I laugh at my own thoughts; 'shit I really am going crazy.'

And then I hear another beep, only way louder this time, so I move quickly to the computer, and sit myself down.

A ping of fear now hits me. I don't really want to know what the hell is on Emmett's computer. The guy scares me sometimes. And God and all the world knows, he and my sister are into some kinky shit, which means they have no fucking problem expressing their so-called desire for one another even in public. So the thought of finding porn or some other crap is terrifying me right now. That definitely would be a fuck me, fuck my life moment.

I sit and I stare at the screen. It's flashing at the corner, and I can see the envelope, telling me there's mail, but I don't understand why Emmett would leave his email open. I'm sure the guy has a fucking password on everything he does. It's the porn, I tell ya, the porn.

So with some hesitation, I grab the mouse and move it across the screen, clicking on the little flashing envelope. It opens, and thanks to all that is holy and the little baby Jesus, the fucking beeping finally stops, and the opened email appears. I'm frozen, or is it scared? I don't really know, cause I see it's an email for Emmett, but I also see it's a fucking email from Edward, my Edward. What the fuck! What do I do? Fuck me. Fuck my life.

A few minutes have passed and I'm still staring at the screen, I don't know what the fuck to do. It's been a few days since I've gotten to talk to Edward. He left Wednesday night, and I haven't seen or heard from him since.

But I have known this boy long enough to give him his space. He needs to think this through, he needs to weigh his options right now. But God, just to know what he's thinking, just to know if he still loves me, just to know anything, would be fucking nice. God, I miss him so much.

I miss his smile, his eyes, his sexy as fuck hair. Fuck who am I kidding? I miss all of him - his heat, his passion, his love, and his fuckhot body that I so much want to see, to feel, to touch. God, I want to crawl in him right now and never leave, so I do the next best thing, I click on the email and I start to read. "Fuck!"

My palms nervously sweat as I hover over the mouse and read Edward's email I feel sneaky and dirty for doing it, but God, it feels so good to see his words, and read his thoughts. I'll take what I can get right now, so fuck me and fuck my life...

My heart skips a beat every few seconds and I have to remind myself to breathe from time to time. The moisture blurring my vision is making my task at hand a little difficult. 'Well they're tears and I'm crying! Please don't judge me, OK!?'

I'm captivated, I read and re-read just to understand and take it all in, it doesn't take me long to realize that this is not his first email to Emmett, over the last couple of days. It seems he has been keeping Emmett up to date on what's been happening. Emmett hasn't said a word! Not one fucking word! But I can't be mad at him, cause that is so Emmett. He knows you know you've done wrong, and he knows you will figure it out, and if you can't, he knows you know he will be there to help you whenever needed. Have I said lately how much I love this guy?

It suddenly dawns on me that maybe the little shit didn't forget to lock his email. He knew I was coming over this weekend, and he knew the fucking beeping would drive me crazy, so I'm thinking the big guy knew what he was doing. Have to give Em his due, the big guy is a God, and the next time I see him, I'm going to make sure he knows it.

I proceed to read the email, this last one was really only Edward asking what was going on with him, and was he out enjoying his holiday weekend? inquiring if him being away was the reason he hadn't answered his last email. I'm guessing Edward forgot all about Emmett and Rose going away for the weekend, as I had myself.

That was until he called me and asked me to look after Jake. Their bog sitter had fallen through, and they had no one else to turn to. Being his boss, I knew he was going away, I had given Em the time off, but totally forgot he was taking Rose away, "to get their party on," as Em had put it. What party they were getting on, I really didn't want to know about. No pictures needed here, as he nudge, nudged and wink, winked in my direction, another fuck me, fuck my life moment.

I try desperately to get the thoughts of what Emmett is doing alone with my sister out of my head, and I continue reading Edward's email. I find myself becoming very curious, I'm getting overly nosy and decide to go back on all the old ones. There are a total of 3 in all, not long, but to the point. It still gives me a look into where Edward's head is right now.

I also read Em's replies, just to see what advice, if any, he is giving him. Edward has been telling Emmett that he just needed to get away for a while and think, he knows he loves me, but after the shock he got from me Wednesday, he doesn't know where our relationship is heading right now!

'What the fuck? What the fuck does he mean by where the hell we are heading!'

I've been with this boy for 12 fucking years, he is my heart, my soul, my life, and my God damn husband. What the hell does he fucking mean where the hell we are heading! What's he want, a divorce now? Oh hell no, fuck no, not going to happen, not in this lifetime, mister!

He hasn't said this, mind you, but I am kind of reading between the lines. Maybe I shouldn't do that. I don't think it's helping right now. I have to stop for at least a minute so I can calm my ass down and not be so pissed off. I get up from the desk chair and stretch my back, with another little groan. Shit, maybe I am getting old, and another chuckle falls from my lips, 28, we're only 28, wow! 28, I'm really starting to feel it! 28, isn't all that old, is it?

Being a bar owner, I'm on my feet most of the week, actually a lot really. Well its more of a pub- its a nice place, a really nice place, even if I do say so myself. Cheap drinks, cheap but good food, and live music, what more can a body ask for at the end of a hard day at work, and that's where Em comes in, he bounces for me on the weekends. Not that there's a lot of crazy ass people in the town of Forks, but sometimes we get outsiders that have heard about the cheap drinks and the great music, so from time to time it can get a little out of hand.

The music is wonderful. I have a knack for finding these great bands that just haven't made it yet, making them still willing to play for peanuts, and invite them over for a gig. Sometimes when it's slow, Edward and I have been known to take the stage, our guitars in hand, belting out a few old songs that we love, and so happens, so do the clientele. It all works out, and it has for last 4 years.

Edward, well he's a completely different story. Since high school, he's always wanted to be a doctor. He's always been smart enough. God, not only was my boy beautiful, he was smart. I was just as amazed by his mind as I was by his body.

So I went to college to get my degree in business management, and used the knowledge to open the pub, Edward went to medical school, and has finally, after all these years, become a doctor, and a real fucking good one at that. He works at the local hospital in town - not too busy, but just busy enough to keep him interested and loving his job. It takes up a lot of our time together, but it makes it more worthwhile when the time comes that we finally are, like this fucking weekend. This was supposed to be one of those times. Fuck me. Fuck my life...

My chest hurts, as does my head. I want to talk to Edward so bad. I want a do over, I need to give him a chance to explain, a chance to discuss our options, and I want him to tell me how he expects his cockamamie plan to work. Well, I won't say fucking cockamamie, cause that will just set him off again.

Now God knows it takes a lot to set Edward off, but me being me, and the fact that you are all now getting to know me, you must know I've set him off more times that I can count. But seriously! I'm done! I'm done fucking up. I'm done second guessing myself. I'm done second guessing us, and I guess that's what it fucking looked like to Edward, I was second guessing us, and that's what really set him off, my lack of faith, in him- in us, as husbands, as a couple, as partners. Shit! No wonder he ran. I gave him every fucking reason to.

I grab myself another cold well deserved beer, before getting back to the task at hand. In the seconds I was gone, Edward had sent yet another email, cause the computer was beeping like crazy when I returned to the room. I eagerly open this one, I'm excited but my nervous are shot. My hands are sweating, I have to wipe them on my jeans before I put my fingers on the keys. Shit, can't remember the last time I was this nervous! Who am I kidding? Of course I do! It was the first time I kissed Edward.

Wow! Shit, wow! Thinking back, it's been 12 years, nearly 12 God damn years, and it still puts a smile on my face. I remember it like it was yesterday, it was so amazing, and sweet, and oh so fucking sexy as all get out. Fuck I miss my boy. I wouldn't mind having those hot red lips on mine right now.

I think back, and it still amazes me how clear everything seems to be in my mind, all the smells and colors are coming back, and once again we are 16 and sitting in Edward's bedroom playing video games, well at least one off us is, cause I'm kicking his ass as usual, and he's getting pissed. Well he's pretending to get pissed; he really doesn't give a shit, he just likes to hang out with me, and I know it, and he knows I know it, and he really doesn't give a shit, and I love him just a little more because of it.

And then it happens, he is now bored, and has moved to the foot of the bed with his back to it, and I find myself playing the fucking game alone, until I hear him, knowing there's a fucking smile on his sexy as fuck face, "Jasper...?" I don't say anything. I'm waiting. "Jasper?" He says again, and once again, I say nothing, not really wanting to know where this is going, cause I have a feeling it can't be good. "Jasssssssssssssper?"

I turn to look at him, and he's smiling. "What, Edward!?" I yell, letting him think I'm pissed, as I see his sexy as fuck smile get bigger. There's a sparkle in his eyes, and now it's his turn to say nothing "What, Edward? What is it you want?" I yell again.

"I want to talk."

I raise my eyebrow at him now. Shit this don't sound any fucking good. "Talk? Talk about what, Edward?" His eyes look down towards his feet, and he finds something on the toes of his sneakers that's all of a sudden more interesting than what he just wanted to say.

"Edwwwwwwwwwwwwwward?" I say, following his lead.

He suddenly looks up, our eyes meet, and I swear I see something I find hard to explain. It's full of love and wonder, and the promise of hope, and I want that. I want some hope, but I'm still waiting, and I wait and then I wait some more. It's Edward, he needs to think and then rethink, that's just how he is, so I wait, and wait again, until his time is up. And I guess his time is up, cause he looks up and says, "I want to talk about what Mike Newton said." Fuck I knew this wasn't good. Fuck me. Fuck my life...

"Fuck!" I say as I stand, getting ready to leave, giving the room a quick once over, making sure I don't leave anything behind. Wouldn't want to have to come back, now that Edward doesn't want anything to do with his good for nothing, sorry ass gay friend. I can't look at him. I'm just rushing around like a fucking crazy person, and with a move faster than I could ever think possible, Edward is by my side, his hands on my arm. I look down first, then up to his beautiful face. I don't really want to do this. I really don't want to see what I think I might find, but I hate my life at this moment; I might as well hate it a little bit more by looking at my beautiful boy's face for the very last time.

I can't breathe. My skin feels all prickly and clammy. I keep having to wipe my sweaty hands on the butt off my tired old jeans. I look up staring straight at him, trying to forge some anger, but what I see is not what I expect, there's no hate or disgust, just understanding, and acceptance. Crap I think I'm in shock.

Once again he speaks, so low I can barely make it out, and I have to ask him to repeat himself.

"I want to talk to you about what Mike Newton said, cause I want to know how we move on from here."

I shake my head just to clear my thoughts, and look at him again, "Move from here, Edward!" I yell. "What the fuck are you talking about?" He smiles small, and his lips are tight, he's all of a sudden shy. His eyes are soft and sad, and my heart stammers a few beats until I catch my breath again. He looks like I hurt his feelings, and I don't understand what the hell's going on, and why I'm still so fucking nervous and pissed off.

I'm still trying to figure out what he said; I can't get my brain to wrap around it and function. It feels like it's made of goo or slime or that silly putty shit the kids use in kindergarten. I still have my eyes on him. I'm scared if I look away, he'll vanish, and I'll be having no part of that. I need this boy in my life like I need air to breathe, and food to sustain me. He's vital to my very existence.

Trying to calm myself I smile, I do my best to reassure him that I will not fly off the handle and lose my cool, and in return, Edward gives me the sexiest, hottest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen, and this time it reached his eyes. I can't help myself, I sigh, and that's when he leans in and I freeze, fucking freeze, then I abruptly turn towards the door... Fuck me. Fuck my life...

My hand is on the door knob now, my back is to him. Once again he says my name, so low, so caring, and with so much affection, I feel my heart stop.

"Jayyyyyyyyyy Pleeeeeease..."

What do I do? What can I do? I do what I've been doing! I freeze, again! God! I really gotta grow a fucking pair.

I hear him again - or do I sense him? But suddenly he's upon me! He's right behind me, real close- so close I can feel his sweet breath dust my neck.

It's so wonderful - so hot - my body is tingling from head to toes, I can smell the sweetness that is him the sweetness that is Edward. Once again, his hands are on me. I feel it through my shirt. They're on my back, and I shudder.

A shiver runs down my spine, and fuck, once again my cock, the little "well not so little" fucker that he is, decides to come to life. He knows. He fucking knows; and seems to fucking want this - just as much as I do - but shit, does he have to pick this God damn minute to do it? Give me a fucking break, will ya? Let me think. I gotta think, but I fucking can't right now.

I turn slowly. My eyes are not able to look at him, I'm so God damn nervous. His hand is under my chin and he lifts my eyes; and God it's there: all I want, all I need, all I can't live without. He speaks again, the words I still don't want to hear, "I really want to talk to you about what Mike Newton said." I look down, and he says my name so softly, "Jay, please." He comes just a little closer, and now his breath is on my face, and the warmth and sweetness is so exhilarating and overpowering, I think I just might pass the fuck out.

And so he continues, and I let him.

"I want to know where we go from here, cause this," pointing a finger and swinging it between himself and me, "this between us, this thing I feel, this thing I want - whatever this is - I want this with you. He stabs his and my chest with his pointer finger just to emphasize what he means, hoping I get his drift. "and I hope you want this with me."

I look up at him, he's not as happy as I thought he should be at this moment, it takes me a few seconds to realize he's doing his best to gauge my emotions, of which I have none, I'm actually giving him nothing to work with, probably all blank faced and deer in headlights looking.

I'm finding it hard to think or breathe, my instinct to fight or flight is kicking in and I'd really prefer to run, but I can't do that. I can't run anymore. I want this, I want him, and I want this with him.

My mind is blown and my world is a little turned up side down right now. I can't believe he feels the same, Fuck me. Edward wants me, I have to replay it in my head. Shit, Edward really really fucking wants this. I lean forward slowly, so fucking slow its painful, but I can't get myself to move any faster.

His sweetness smells so much better the closer I get, it's intoxicating and all consuming. The back of my throat burns with desire for this boy, and my mouth turns dry with anticipation. My heart is skipping every other beat making my whole body tremble in anticipation, fear runs through my blood stream causing my whole form to vibrate, but all I know right now and all I can think about, is Edward- just Edward, and the longing I have deep down within my core just to taste the flavor which is him.

I lick my lips and bring my hand to the back of his neck. I feel Edward's breath nervously hitch, like me- he's trying to control his emotions. I place my other softly on his hip, enabling me to pull him just that little bit closer, the gentle thrust makes him sigh- its a soft sigh, a sweet sigh, but still a sigh. Our kiss is soft at first, nervous chap stick lips meet other nervous chap stick lips- mouths still closed but pressure and eagerness building, I open slightly, my tongue plays with the flavor on his skin then his darts out to meet me in the middle, they dance like they've been rehearsing forever. As fear and nervousness gets replaced with hunger and lust they happily rejoice in each others coupling. This was so meant to be, everything about this moment feels right.

I open my eyes slightly, I'm still a curious little school boy when it comes to him and I feel the need to gauge his demeanor before I continue.

Wow! He's so fucking perfect! I love this boy so much. All I see is bliss, pure fucking bliss. His skin is tinted the slightest color of pink, and the kiss is making him pant softly, and oh so sexy. His beautiful long lashes are fluttering from time to time, not knowing if to sneak a peek at me or to just give in to the smoldering hotness of our very first kiss.

I press my mouth harder and I can feel it getting heavier and mad, my hand finds the hair at the nape of his neck and I tug hard. I want him to know that I understand, I want it to explain that I feel the same. And what the hell does he do? He moans! He fucking moans - loud and deep, right from his chest, the sound spills into my mouth and dances on my tongue, and fuck me, I nearly explode.

There's fireworks going off, there's a fucking 21 gun salute, and even Elvis fucking Presley has left the fucking building, and all I see and feel is him - only him - and there's no going back from here, not that I would ever want to. Fuck me. I love my life.

Please let me know what you think, now that Debra Anne Watson has taken mercy on me and cleaned it up once I would like to thank her...