C

Cross-dressing & Chaos

Characters: Envy, Russell, Ling, Ed, Winry, Greed, Alfonse, Roy, Elizabeth, Rick, Dean, Martha, Sophie, Eileen

Setting: Homeroom, Cafeteria

It was a Monday, and as Envy Evans stepped into his homeroom, he shivered as a cold chill raced down his spine.

"Why do I have the feeling I shouldn't have come to school today?" The sin muttered as he made his way to his desk.

"Envy!"

Winry was gesturing for him to go over to her desk. Raising an eyebrow, Envy placed his bag on the table before sighing and making his way over.

"What?"

Winry grinned brightly at him, "I heard there's going to be a cultural festival!" She revealed.

"Cultural festival? Right after our exams?" Envy asked skeptically.

"Yup! That's good, isn't it?" Winry smiled widely, "Our exams are over for now so the school's giving us a chance to relax!"

"You do realize they're using us to earn money."

Winry ignored him. "Who cares? It's be great fun!" She claimed, undeterred. "What do you think we're gonna do this year, Envy?"

"I have no idea. " The sin deadpanned.

His best friend pouted at him. "Awww, c'mon, lighten up!"

Envy sighed, "I'd rather we do something simple," he said. "Like that songs dedication last year. We just had to take turns holding the mike and announcing the details."

"Well, the girls went crazy when you came on." Winry smirked. She winked. "And I remember quite a few of them asked you to dedicate the song to yourself."

"Yeah, I was damn glad when my turn was over." Envy muttered, flushing at the memory. "Though stupid Russell and Rick wanted to keep me there."

Winry grinned at him, and Envy scowled, "You were enjoying yourself weren't you."

"Of course."

Envy scoffed, as Winry gave him an innocent look. "And you call yourself my best friend." He turned away, speaking wryly. "Whatever, let's see what the class comes up with later. If possible I'd like not to be involved. At all."

Winry watched as Envy walked back to his seat. He missed the sight of her smile turning sly as she murmured too soft for him to hear.

"We'll see about that."

Miss Harper walked into the homeroom, and her class automatically stood up. Putting down the materials she was carrying on her desk, she looked up and nodded to her students. "Good morning, students."

"Good morning, Miss Harper." They chorused in unison, bowing slightly.

"You may sit down."

Once everyone was seated down, she strode to the whiteboard with a marker. "In case you haven't heard, the school will be conducting a cultural festival," she informed them. "Every class is required to participate."

There was a mixed reaction from the students; most of the girls chattered and whispered amongst themselves excitedly while most of the boys grimaced or groaned.

Miss Harper paid no heed. "As is standard procedure, you may now raise suggestions on what you would like to do." She said. "One at a time."

She waited patiently for the first hand. "Yes, Russell?"

"We did a songs dedication last time, didn't we?" Russell said, smirking, "Why don't we do a radio station this time?"

"And how do you propose we do that?"

Russell shrugged. Miss Harper looked at him for a moment before turning and writing his suggestion on the board. "Next."

One by one, hands were raised and various suggestions were thrown out. Envy turned his gaze to Martha as she raised her hand. "We should do a play." She said, smirking.

Murmurs sounded at that, but Miss Harper just wrote the suggestion down. "Next." She said.

A few more suggestions were raised after that, but none of which seemed to have gained as much interest as Martha's suggestion. Envy kept silent, biting his lip and praying hard he wasn't going to be heavily involved in whatever that was decided on in the end.

Though, he couldn't help but be surprised that Winry had not suggested anything. The teen cast a glance at the blonde, and felt his eyebrow twitch as he saw the grin on her face. Oh yes, she was definitely up to something. And most likely, it would involve him. Couldn't she ever give him a break?

"Anyone else?"

At the silence, Miss Harper turned back to the front. She looked at the list of suggestions on the board. "We'll go by alphabetical order. Ling, could you come to the front?"

The tall Xingese boy nodded, standing up and striding to stand beside Miss Harper, who said, "Help me count the number of hands, will you?"

"Sure." Ling smiled.

Miss Harper turned back to the list. "First, baking cookies and cakes."

Only a few hands were raised, most of which belonged to girls. Ling quickly counted them and told his teacher the number. She wrote it down. "Dunking Machine?"

Ten hands rose. "Food stall?" Fifteen hands were raised. "Haunted House?" There were sixteen hands.

Miss Harper paused, before saying, "Play?" She cleared her throat. "I mean, a play."

Envy firmly kept his hand down as the hands of the people he could see in front of him shot up. He sighed as Ling counted them.

Russell's suggestion of a radio station got 11 hands. He pouted, but then smirked, "Oh well. A play doesn't sound too bad either."

"Majority wants a play," Miss Harper said as she erased the other suggestions off the board. "Does anyone have any suggestions on what the play will be?"

Various suggestions were thrown out, mostly by the girls. Envy looked apprehensively at Winry as she raised her hand, "Miss Harper?"

"Yes, Winry?"

"I have a suggestion," she said cheerfully, "I think we should do more than just a play."

Miss Harper raised an eyebrow at her, lips curled, "And what do you mean by that?"

"I mean, come on, other classes have already been doing plays," Winry said and Envy blinked. Was Winry disagreeing with the idea of a play? "I would like to propose that if we're going to do a play, we should make it unique."

"And your definition of unique would be…?"

Envy watched in apprehension as Winry shared a sly glance with Martha, then spoke, a mischievous glint in her eyes. This wasn't going to be good. This wasn't going to be good at all.

"We should do a cross-dressing play!" Winry finally announced, grinning widely as gasps surrounded her. She gave a wink, "We girls are always dressing up, aren't we? It wouldn't make much difference to us. Let the boys have the chance!"

"Yeah, yeah!" The girls around her agreed, while some of them clasped their hands, "A cross-dressing play! Winry's a genius!"

"Why didn't I think of that?!"

"I want to make the costumes! I want to make the costumes!"

"Who should be the princess!?"

"A cross-dressing play…" Miss Harper murmured. She looked up, and Envy thought he saw a smile tug at her lips, "Intriguing. Does anyone have any violent objections?"

"We do!" The boys yelled.

"Are you saying we have to be the characters in the play while the girls get to do the stage business?" Rick yelled, frowning, "That's injustice!"

"Idiot. We didn't say that," Martha replied him, smirking and raising her eyebrows, "The girls will be in the play too. We'll just be guys while you guys…" she licked her lips, "Will be girls. Well, some of you anyway."

"So…you mean the guys have to cross-dress?" Rick paled.

"Of course. That's why it's called a cross-dressing play." Martha scoffed at him.

"But that means there will be guys who will be handling the stage equipment, right?" Dean questioned.

"Yeah." Martha said. She smirked, "Most of the girls will want to be handling the costumes anyway."

Giggles sounded at that, and the boys sighed in relief. So it wasn't definite that they had to cross-dress.

"Anyway, the Prince has to be a guy!" Winry declared.

"Yeah! The Prince should be tall and handsome!" Another girl agreed.

"Who's the tallest guy in this class?!"

"Why none other than our monitor, of course," Martha smirked, pointing a thumb. "He's standing right there in front."

Ling blinked. He pointed a finger to himself, sounding surprised, "Me?"

The other boys sent him sympathetic looks as the girls squealed, "Yes, he's perfect!"

"Quiet but charming." One girl offered.

"Modest and kind." Her friend smiled dreamily. "And handsome!"

"Long hair!" Another added excitedly, "I've always liked long haired princes!"

"You want me to be the Prince?" Ling sounded amused yet conflicted at the same time. It was an interesting expression. "Who will be my Princess then?"

"Well, who's the most feminine guy in this class?!"

Most of the male athletes sighed in relief while the others tensed. They looked around nervously as the girls roamed their gazes across them.

"Oh fuck no no no." Envy muttered under his breath, trying his best to bury his head into his desk, "Winry, don't you dare-"

"Envy!" Winry exclaimed triumphantly, sounding as if she had wanted to declare his name for a while, judging by the width of the grin on her face. "Ling as the Prince and Envy as the Princess! It's perfect!"

"Oh yes, Envy would be such a pretty princess with that hair!"

"And those eyes! Oh, I can't wait to put makeup on him!"

"HELL NO!" Envy yelled, purple eyes narrowed as his eyebrow twitched in irritation. "There's no fucking way I'm going to be the princess!"

"Oh yes you are!" Winry said happily and Envy blinked as his headband was removed. He whirled around to glare at her as she smirked at him, "See girls? Look at his pretty hair! He won't even need a wig for his role!"

"My hair is spiky, princesses don't have spiky hair!" Envy yelled at her. "And give me back my headband!"

"But it's silky!" Winry protested as she felt his purple strands.

"What? Hey if Envy was going to be the princess I would gladly have been the prince!" Russell announced, pouting and sending a glare at Ling, who just smiled.

"Too late, Russell." Winry stuck her tongue out at him. "You should have volunteered before."

"You didn't share with me your plan." Russell scoffed.

Winry just grinned, and turned her attention back to Envy, who suddenly hated his long hair, "Don't worry Envy," she said cheerfully, "I'll be acting in the play with you!"

Envy glowered at her, then shifted his gaze to Miss Harper. "Miss Harper, surely you won't allow this!" He protested.

She looked at him in wry amusement. "Sorry Envy, but I'm only your teacher," she said in a matter of fact voice, "I have no dictation over what your class decides to do for the cultural festival."

"Class?! It's just Winry and the girls who want this!" Envy pointed out, annoyed.

"Winry has the whole class behind her." Miss Harper said with an amused smile. She turned her gaze to the boys, who were nodding, relief on their faces.

"Yes, good choice girls. He'll make a good princess."

Dean smiled. "I guess I'll be handling the stage equipment then."

"Me too!" Rick grinned, "Thanks, Envy!"

"You guys are all against me!" Envy growled, feeling frustration rise in him. "This is fucking unfair!"

"Well, it's not my fault you're so popular," Winry told him in amusement, ruffling his hair. She smirked, leaning close and whispering, "Chill, Envy. You'll have Ling as your prince. Don't you want that?"

"Why would I want him as my prince?" Envy snorted. If only they knew Ling was a real prince.

"Because he'll make a great Prince, I mean, just look at him!"

Realizing Winry wasn't going to relent, Envy looked up reluctantly, to the sight of Ling smiling at him, smiling a charming, almost princely smile. "So Envy, you're going to be my princess?" He asked, voice low in wry amusement, a grin on his lips. "I shall be looking forward to it."

Envy flushed and looked away as Winry whispered, "And he's a real prince too."

"Whatever." Damn his stupid teenage crush.

"Hey, at least Russell isn't your prince." Winry joked. "Can you imagine?"

Envy tried to, and found himself grimacing at the image of the flirtatious womanizer as a fairytale prince. "Thank god." He muttered.

Winry grinned at her best friend's silent acquiescence. "It's settled then!" She announced, "Envy will be the Princess and Ling will be his Prince!"

The girls grew excited at that, talking loudly and already making plans as the boys except Envy and Ling sighed in relief.

"Alright, which fairytale are we going to do?"

Envy twitched, "You mean you decided on the roles before you decided on the play?" He asked disbelievingly. "What the hell's with that?"

"Well, every fairytale has a Prince and Princess!" Winry pointed out and Envy scowled, "Or at least a main female lead and a main male lead!"

"A fairytale's kind of childish," Martha said, smiling in amusement, "Why don't we do a love story instead?"

"Isn't a fairytale a love story?" Envy muttered to himself.

"Like what, Martha?" Winry questioned.

"Something mature. Something like…" Martha paused, then smirked, and Envy felt the foreboding feeling come back tenfold. "Romeo and Juliet."

The noise made by the girls which followed was so deafening that Envy had to cover his ears. "Fuck." He grimaced.

"Romeo and Juliet! I love that story!"

"It's so romantic!"

"That's a great idea, Martha!" Winry exclaimed and Envy winced.

"Romeo and Juliet it is then," Miss Harper was smiling openly now, and Envy twitched as she said unexpectedly, writing down on the whiteboard. "I quite like that play myself."

Resounding cheers sounded at that, as Miss Harper wrote down the various roles on the whiteboard. She then handed the marker to Ling, who wrote himself down as Romeo and Envy as Juliet. Envy cursed himself as he hid his blush with the back of his hand. Stupid crush. Stupid him for still liking Ling. Stupid Winry. Why the hell did he have to be Juliet? Why the hell did Ling have to be his Romeo? So much for Winry's idea of Ling as his prince.

"Now," Miss Harper started as she stared across the class, amusement in her sharp eyes, "Who will be Tybalt and Mercutio?"

The whole class seemed to be excited now, even the boys, as their fears of having to cross-dress were mostly alleviated. Envy groaned, his forehead hitting the desk.

This was going to result in complete and utter chaos.

"How the hell did you end up as Mercutio?"

Winry smirked. "Why? Envious, Envy?" She said, amusement in her blue eyes.

Envy growled and turned away from her. Winry pouted, "Hey En, don't sulk!"

"Why couldn't I be Tybalt or someone else?" The sin scowled, "Why do I have to be Juliet?"

"Because Edward's Tybalt!" Winry grinned and turned to Ed. "We'll be fighting a duel to the death, won't we, Ed?"

"Er, yeah I guess." Ed replied. He still wondered how he had ended up with the role of Tybalt. All the boys except Envy and Ling had been ordered by the girls (lead by Winry who had been voted as Mercutio because of the guys complaining that it was supposed to be a cross-dressing play for the girls as well) to stand in front. The girls had voted for him as Tybalt, saying he would make a perfect swordsman with his hair, and he couldn't understand why. Even the guys seemed to approve.

At least he wasn't Juliet. Ed knew he couldn't act, and was glad he hadn't been given the role of Romeo. Yet, that was in conflict with the part of him who wanted to be Envy's Romeo…Ed quickly brushed the thought away.

"For what? My heart?" Envy asked sarcastically.

"Nope, your sweetheart's Ling, who's Romeo," Winry blinked at him. "Haven't you read Romeo & Juliet, En?"

"I haven't." Envy said. He had only heard of it vaguely. There was a surprised silence and he raised an eyebrow, looking at his friends. "What?"

"He's a Science person." Alfonse explained. He smiled at Envy. "Romeo & Juliet is a very popular classic by Shakespeare, Envy."

Envy blinked. "Shake what? Shakes spear? Who shakes a spear?" He asked, confused.

Russell guffawed as Winry facepalmed and Al grinned. "Shakespeare." He pronounced succinctly. "He's a famous playwright. Romeo & Juliet is one of his most famous plays and has been adapted into many versions."

"Oh. What's it about?"

"Love," Russell chipped in. He smirked, brushing his fringe to the side. "It's a tragic love story. Romeo and Juliet are star-crossed lovers whose love ends in death in the end."

"Their love doesn't die, Russell, they do," Winry crossed her arms. "But their love will survive in the end!" She smiled dreamily, clasping her hands, "Dying for love…oh that's so romantic!"

"How is it romantic?" Envy muttered. "They die and their love ends. It's tragedy, not romance."

"That's why it's called a tragic love story!" Winry said, rolling her eyes. Russell snickered.

"Anyway En," she said to the sulking sin, "You should be proud to be Juliet! She's a really strong character."

"Really?" Envy asked skeptically.

"Yup! She's a stronger and more complex character than Romeo," Winry smiled and Envy raised an eyebrow lazily. "She's the real main character, in my opinion. Romeo's just her love interest."

"Why don't you be Juliet then?" Envy asked hopefully. "I can take your role as…" he trailed off.

"Mercutio. Nah, I'd rather see you as Juliet," Winry grinned at him. She lowered her voice, smirking, "Besides, I'm not the one suitable for your Romeo."

Envy flushed. "We broke up, Winry."

"You still like him though…don't you?" Winry said softly, smiling. She turned and called, "Hey Romeo!"

"Hey Mercutio." Ling grinned as he strode to their table. Winry returned his grin.

"Tell Juliet here about yourself, will you?"

Ling blinked. "You don't know Romeo and Juliet, Envy?" He sounded surprised.

Envy stared at him. "And you do?" He asked dryly. "Don't tell me Ed does as well."

"Romeo and Juliet's my literature book. I lent it to Ed to read when he was bored," Alfonse said cheerfully. "You've read it, right Ed?"

"Yeah…" Ed said hesitantly. He smiled. "Juliet's not a bad character, Envy."

"Yeah, she's better than most fairytale princesses." Winry claimed. "I'd say she's the true hero of the play."

"But…she's a girl…" Envy mumbled.

Winry narrowed her eyes at him, wrench clutched in her hand, "Oh? Is there something wrong about that?"

"Huh? No!" Envy said, blinking. He knew how feminist Winry could be. "It's just, I'm a guy!"

"Oh. Well, in Shakespeare's time all female roles were played by men," Envy eyed her skeptically. "Women didn't act then."

"You mean Juliet was played by a guy?"

"Yup."

"Well, that doesn't mean I want to be Juliet," Envy grumbled, "I can't act to save my life."

There was a coughing sound, and everyone turned to the alchemist amongst them. Envy looked at him curiously. "Ed?"

"Uh, it's nothing, just choked," Ed said, grinning but Envy could see his eyebrow twitching, "Right. Hahaha."

"Okay…" Envy said slowly. He sighed, resting his chin on his hand. "So…who's Juliet?" If he was going to play the girl he might as well know her damn personality.

"Well, she's the female lead. She's just reaching fourteen but is quite intelligent and headstrong for her age," Winry recounted, smiling, "She and Romeo are from rival families. But she goes against traditional Italian society and her family's wishes to be with Romeo. She dies with him, and the feud between their families ends."

"Sounds complex."

"Yep, she's a really complex character!" Winry declared, reaching out to ruffle Envy's hair. "That's why I said, En, you should be proud to take up the role!"

Envy sighed. "Whatever." He said resignedly. "What about you?"

"Me? I'm Mercutio. I'm a close friend of Romeo who brings him to the House of Capulet and am neither a Montague or a Capulet," Winry explained to him. "Those are the two rival families, by the way."

"I see." Envy said. He paused. "Romeo?"

Winry turned to Ling, who said lightly, "Romeo is originally infatuated with Rosaline, who doesn't return his love. But then he meets Juliet and falls in love with her," he spoke, smiling and Envy blinked as he thought he saw Ling's black eyes, "They get married and elope. But they're star-crossed lovers and die together in the end." He shifted his gaze to Edward, "Your turn, Ed."

"Huh? Oh." Ed said, realizing Envy was looking at him. "I'm Tybalt I guess, Juliet's cousin. I'm supposed to be a hot-headed swordsman who fights with Mercutio and is killed." He said wryly.

"Right," Ling grinned at him. "That description suits you, doesn't it?"

Edward glared at him. "What did you say?"

"Nothing?" Ling blinked innocently. He smiled sheepishly as Ed held a fist towards him. "Hey, relax Ed, I'm supposed to be passionately impulsive because of my love for Envy!"

"Juliet, not Envy!"

"But Envy's playing Juliet." Ling protested. He dodged Ed's fist, "Whoa Ed, what's with you? Are you envious that you're not Juliet? Or Romeo?"

"NO!"

Winry shook her head, placing a hand on her forehead and sighing, "Ah, Tybalt and Romeo are fighting even before the play has started."

"You're supposed to join in the fight, Mercutio." Russell said casually and smirked as Winry rolled her eyes at him.

"Whatever, Count Paris. Might I remind you that you die in the end?"

"You too, Mercutio." Russell countered.

"And who might you be?" Envy asked, deadpan.

Russell smirked at him, "Why my lovely Juliet, I'm Count Paris of course." He said with a charming smile. "The suitor courting you throughout the play."

"I thought Ling was supposed to be my love interest?" The purple haired teen paused. "As Romeo?"

"Count Paris is a nobleman who loves Juliet but is rejected by her." Winry put in, smirking.

"Hmph. Well, I'm handsome, very wealthy and presumably somewhat self-absorbed," Russell said as he lifted his chin proudly, causing Envy to snort. "I'm a kinsman of Prince Escalus, who's the mediator of the feuding families."

"An apt description, I must say." Envy smirked.

Russell blinked. Then he smiled, "What a pleasant surprise, Juliet!" He said teasingly and Envy blinked as Russell clasped his hand. He scowled as Russell drawled, "Younger than she are happy mothers made. Juliet, will you marry me and bear my child-OW!"

"Hey what'd you knee me for? I was just practicing my lines!"

"Like hell you were! You're just taking advantage of the situation!" Envy yelled, twitching.

Russell pouted as Envy glared at him in embarrassment and Ling spoke, "Well, well Count Paris. Looks like I may have to kill you earlier than expected." He said cheerfully.

Russell twitched, backing away. "Please don't say that with a smile. It's fucking scary." He said. "Especially as you do have the means to kill me!"

Ling just smiled and Russell released a frightened whimper. The black haired boy leaned over the table towards Envy, who asked curiously, "What?"

The prince opened his eyes, to reveal purple irises, smirking, "Yo Envy." The homunculus raised a hand to cup his chin. "The humans have sure come up with something interesting, huh?"

"Greed." Envy said in boredom.

"What's with that tone, Juliet?" Greed asked, smirking in amusement as he drew closer, "Aren't you supposed to be happy to see your Romeo?"

"Don't even think about it." Envy warned as he raised a hand to push Greed away, "And Ling's Romeo, not you."

Russell smirked, "Juliet's feisty."

"Well," Greed shrugged, "We share the same body. So I'm Romeo too."

Ed scoffed, glaring disbelievingly. "You as Romeo? Don't make me laugh."

Greed grinned sharply at him. "Oh? Would you like to be Romeo, Fullmetal?" He smirked when Ed glared. "You would, wouldn't you."

Russell grimaced, "I can never get used to this complete personality switch." He shuddered.

"Well, whoever's Romeo, Greed or Ling," Winry interrupted the two enemies, who blinked. She glared at Greed. "No kissing Envy before the play!"

"Why?" Greed seemed to be almost pouting.

"Because then there would be no point to it!" Winry pointed out logically. "The play wouldn't be that exciting anymore."

Greed blinked. He seemed to be thinking for a while, before he nodded with a smirk. "True."

Envy stared incredulously. Had Greed just pouted? Was Greed agreeing with Winry? Had Greed and Winry come to a consensus? Just what the hell was happening in his life? He hadn't thought it could get anymore screwed up than before.

"Wait," he said, and they turned to him. "Wait a moment. Greed, you're not acting in the play, are you?"

"Why not? I can be passionately impulsive." Greed licked his lips and Ed glared.

"Ling's letting you act?"

Greed smiled at him, teeth sharp and glinting. "Who said he had a choice in the matter?"

"You-"

"So anyway," Winry said loudly, coming in between the alchemist and homunculus. "Next, Alfonse!"

"Right," Alfonse said, smiling as always. He turned to Envy, "I'm Benvolio, Romeo's cousin and best friend. I'm also close friends with Mercutio, who's Winry. I look out for Romeo and am the peacemaker, so to speak."

Envy blinked, then smirked, "Suits you, Al." He said leisurely.

"Thanks, Envy." Alfonse smiled at him. He paused, before saying, "I'm the only one who survives, by the way, out of all the characters here."

"…You mean we all die?" Envy asked disbelievingly.

"Yeah, Romeo and Juliet die together, well, for each other," Winry counted off her fingers thoughtfully, "Hmmm. Count Paris dies by Romeo's hand in their duel and is laid to rest by Juliet's body, and Mercutio is killed by Tybalt, who is then killed by Romeo."

"So basically we all die."

"That's why it's a tragic love story! Everyone who's associated with the two lovers dies," Winry paused. "Well, except Benvolio."

"Lucky you, Al." Envy said wryly, and Al grinned.

"Interesting. Looks like the humans have accepted their mortality in this story." Greed smiled malevolently, licking his lips. "I like that."

"I searched the prince's mind for the story." He said when Envy looked at him skeptically. "For never was a story of more woe. Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

Ed stared incredulously. Had Greed just recited Shakespeare? Greed?

The homunculus smirked, as if reading Ed's mind. "Hey, I'm greedy. I have to know everything he knows."

"Don't worry, Envy, I'll lend it to you!" Winry reassured him at his exasperated look, clapping his shoulder lightly. "You can read it at home."

The purple haired sin scoffed, turning away.

"Fine then. If even Greed knows this story, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to take a look."