Well. I haven't been here in exactly 2 months and a day. Wow. I'm sorry about that everyone, OTL. I've been busy. You all didn't miss me too much, did you? No. Probably not. I suck. B|

Anyways.

Disclaimer: Ouran Highschool Host Club clearly does not belong to TheNightsTerror. She is just a loser otaku who enjoys writing about the show. Enjoy.

Everything went blank after that. I'm not sure if our mansion had ever seemed empty to me before, but during the following weeks it did. It was loud, busy, filled... but it was empty. I felt as if I was the only one there. It just wasn't the same anymore, not without Kaoru. He was there, yes, but I hardly ever saw him. On the rare occasions that we actually did bump into each-other in the vast hallways his eyes would widen and he would retreat, leaving me feeling as empty and rejected as I had the very first day.

School was basically the only place that I ever saw him, or that he actually ever paid attention to me. As soon as we walked into Ouran everything seemed normal. He would grin, laugh, joke with the other students, and hang around at my side as usual. It wasn't the same. His eyes weren't in it and I knew I was the only person who could tell. Something was bothering him. Something was going on inside his mind, some fight that I just didn't understand. And he wouldn't let me help him.

Maybe that's what hurt me so badly, the fact that he was disregarding me.

Some days I would wonder how he managed sleeping in a different room than me, but that would just leave me hurting more. His sadness had always been able to hurt me. We were close, we always had been, and his pain mixing with mine was more than I could handle.

I spent most of the days at our mansion sitting in a soft, comfy chair, not wanting to go into my room — a room that, without Kaoru beside me, brought terrors. I just sat and sat and sat with nothing else to do. Even at school I'd find myself staring off into space randomly, trying my best to mix reality with memories. Trying my best to trick myself into believing that my brother wasn't doing this to me, that instead he was waiting for me, grinning like the adoring, plotting little Hitachiin he was. Finally, one day, someone brought me spiraling out of my little cracked world.

Of course that person had to be none other than Haruhi Fujioka, the person that I least wanted to see.

Why didn't I want to see her?

It was simple, really.

Out of all the time I had spent zoning out the past couple of weeks, no one had noticed a difference. No one except the ever observant girl in our host club. I had occasionally caught her staring at me and Kaoru, a concentrated expression on her face, as if she were trying very hard to solve a puzzle that she just didn't have all the pieces for.

I never paid that much mind, sure that since Kaoru was leaving me everyone else would. I didn't expect her to do what she did.

I was sitting on the floor in music room number three, my back leaning against the wall, staring off into space once again, and waiting for Tamaki to dismiss us. I wasn't even paying attention to a word of his rant, or taking any of the chances that I normally would to tease him. Instead I just stared. I didn't even notice Haruhi sit herself down on the ground next to me, and fixate me with a hard look. I continued staring and wasn't even sure how long she sat there next to me.

I wasn't aware enough to understand anything when I saw her finally stand up, grab my wrist, and drag me out of the room, that same strange look on her face.

Maybe I should have started paying attention then, but I didn't. I didn't come back to reality fully until I felt the wind against my face and then felt the stinging impact of her hand hitting me. I blinked at her, clearing my vision, and then finally comprehending the situation. My hand flew up to my face and I covered the stinging skin, a bit of the old me bringing a reaction out of me.

I couldn't help myself from shouting.

"What's your problem?" I half asked, half screamed at her, my voice sounding weak from not having been used often enough recently. Apparently my voice confirmed something in her mind, because to me it looked like she had finally decided on something.

"It's Kaoru, isn't it?" Her voice has a strange tint of anger to it that I just didn't understand.

My mouth opened, ready to shout something else at her, but then it closed again, repeating that process a few times before finally I just sighed. "It always is."

She nodded once, as if she had been expecting that answer, and she met my eyes, a fierce look in her eyes.

"Stay here," she ordered, before turning her back on me and walking off. I was too caught up in my thoughts to even disobey her. Now that I was thinking again, I felt the pain bubbling up in my chest, hurting me all over again, making me remember that night with a new sense of awareness. It made everything seem more real.

"Haruhi, where are you bringing me?"

I reacted to the voice before I even knew what was happening, and my heart sped up just as I saw an annoyed Kaoru walking by Haruhi's side. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. When had things become like this? When had I started being the one who reacted to him so badly? Hadn't I used to be the sibling in charge? When I think about it, no.. Not really. My younger brother had always been the more mature one, the smarter one.. The one who always thought things through.

"Kaoru.." The word came out of my mouth before I could help myself, and I saw his golden eyes flash to me, widen for a moment, and then narrow. If it hadn't been for his trembling lips I would have thought he hated me.

The thing that surprised me most, though, was what Haruhi did then. She marched over to me, dragging Kaoru behind her, dropped his arm and turned to me. She tugged on my shirt collar and her lips met my own... Only for a second, but long enough to make Kaoru flinch behind her. I yanked away automatically and saw the knowing look in her eyes.

"What—?" Kaoru and I spoke simultaneously for the first time since this long silence had begun, but before we could continue Haruhi cut us off.

"You aren't as brave as you think you are, Kaoru, so stop hurting yourself. Did you know that you've been hurting him too?" She gestured toward me with one hand, and I stared at them with wonder, not understanding a single thing that they were saying. "He's been hurting. You know he has. And now you know that you can't do what you've been trying to do.. You can't break away."

She left then, leaving me feeling utterly confused, though judging by my twin's expression he understood exactly everything that she had just said.

He turned to me slowly and I was able to see his eyes clearly now. I had been expecting that guarded look again, but instead I received a vulnerable, guilty, hurt expression that would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Maybe it was habit that made me move, but I didn't care. Before a second had passed I pulled him into my arms, and yet another thing clicked inside of me. It felt as if I came to life again. Really, I was nothing without my brother.

He returned the hug for a long while and after standing there for what must have been forever, he pulled back just enough to brush his lips against mine.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and I was sure that I saw a tears sparkling in his eyes when he finally opened them.

Then he said something I didn't want to hear. Something I never really expected to come from his mouth.

"Hikaru... Just leave me alone!"

Wasn't there a saying once, about how clean breaks are less painful than rough ones?

I disagree.