Dear Diary, damn. Oh well forget it it's not like anyone is going to read this anyway; I can call it what I please.
I write today as the happiest, utmost sexy man who has ever to roam the enchanted forest. Of course that is every day, but today was a bit more special.
Cora, bless her utterly terrifying heart managed to locate my four former captors. I of course suggested we dig a big pit and cover it with leaves then string a bit of chocolate atop. Women can't resist chocolate or so the delectable Miss Swann and her mother always claimed on our ventures.
Of course, Cora had other ideas. With a flick of her hand she raised the dead and sent them forth to hunt down the quartet of women. I on the other hand was left all by my lonesome whilst the froggy old hag cackled manically while we wait.
When we once more capture the women I will be certain she allows Swann to live. I have told her, Swann is off limits. I saw her first and Cora can't kill her! The witch then asked what I planned to do with my beautiful Swann. I informed her of my plans of pirate babies and pirate wife and sailing the seas and frolicking through flowers and other things worthy of my dastardly piratic station.
I have never heard Cora laugh, nor would I wish to again….
Oh what's this, there appears to me some noise outside. It sounds as though Cora is shrieking in rage or joy; it's difficult to tell. Perhaps the ghouls have brought back the women and my bride to be.
[Sudden end of entry which picks up hours later]
Well, many apologies for running off, but it was far too important to be alone scribbling in my majestic, manly diary. Unfortunately not one of the zombies managed to capture one of the maidens fair. Ah but Killian, sexy beast, Jones did not fail! Whilst I was running in the woods to dodge Cora's anger, I happened to pass the hole I had dug. And low and behold I had caught a female.
And who would I have happened to catch? No, not the warrior princess Mulan or the former outlaw Snow White, nor even the tough as nails Swann. Who did I catch with a leaf covered hole? Of course the only one inexperienced enough to be caught! Aurora.
Utterly
Useless
Aurora.
I did a little happy dance around her shackled form once I dragged her up from the pit and threatened to throw a tiger down if she didn't come up. How does it feel Aurora to finally not be able to push me around without your mean plate bound body guard!
While I revealed in her capture, I knew Cora was less than pleased. She didn't want or need Aurora, but the others with the compass. Off topic for a moment, I had to ask her besides for going to see her daughter in the faraway world, what did she possibly need in the new land?
Of course the rest of the evil queens, witches, women with magic and grudges all were taken to the new land. They once long ago formed a coven known as the Association of Sinister Sisters. I call them A.S.S. Anyway, she plans upon uniting the force again and ruling the land with an iron fist.
Back on point, I had to find something to do with Aurora. My first though was to force her to build a tent thingy for me so I could sit under it and look helpless, but I didn't. Instead I took her heart. I had always wanted to do that and in the words of Emma Swann, "Yolo". I assume it's some form of battle cry in their world or maybe a brain illness; I'm not entirely sure.
With her heart I planned to present it to Cora and show her I can be just as mean. Oddly enough she was pleased. She said it would enable us to achieve our goals. She then took to cackling insanely for an hour. Afterwards, before we set Aurora free, we did the most important thing since we had awakened. I challenged her to a fierce game of hacky-sack with Aurora's heart.
Cora, for all her age and shrewdness is a magnificent hacky-sack player. You should have seen her with her dress hitched up as she battled with me to win Hacky-sack. After she won, we figured we might put it to other uses. Cora took it with her to do magic things, and that's been my day. I think I shall go to sleep now and dream of Emma, my heart.
Killian, sexy beast, Jones.