A/N:: hey yall trigger warning for this chapter child abuse , rape and self harm. not overly detailed but still. if you wish to skip that section stop reading when JJ says childhood. Ill give a PG rated recap at the start of the next chapter. ok now that's done thanks for the reviews follows and faves they make me supper happy. anyway enjoy.

They were on that couch for what seemed like forever, which for both women was just fine. They lay there wrapped in each other's arms not talking not kissing just lying. The room was so silent that all they could hear was the patter of the now fading raindrops and the fast passed beats of each other's hearts both took comfort in the fact that they could be so close and just needed to be held. It was after a good two hours that JJ finally spoke however the words that came from those prefect pink lips were not what Emily would have wanted to hear.

"Um Em"

"Yes Jayje"

"This may sound bad"

"Please don't leave "she interjected.

"Oh heavens no, I just really need to pee"

Both woman burst out laughing Emily mainly out of feeling so stupid but at least they both knew now that the insecurities were on both sides. Emily released her grip on JJ and handed her a cell phone flipping to the flashlight app.

"Here"

"Thanks, I'll be right back" the blonde stood and turned to the bathroom "don't go anywhere" she laughed.

"Wouldn't dream of it" Emily sat up on the couch draping her hand over the armrest as she stared in the blondes direction. It was still too dark to see anything but that was ok Emily had just spent the past two hours running her hand along that perfect body she didn't need to see, but dam did it look good. JJ came out a few minutes later, still holding the phone as the flash light she sat on the couch across from Emily. She set the phone flashlight side up in the middle of the sofa both women were looking into the others eyes the light making them glow even more than normal.

"How long do we think the power will be out" JJ asked.

"Not sure, it should be fixed soon"

"That's good" she spoke, with a sort of uneasy tone in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing really, believe me its stupid"

"Are you sure, is it something I did" Emily was wondering if she had done anything to upset JJ.

"No no no , you are wonderful it's just um" even in the dim lighting it was clear to see the tears that were forming behind those ice blue eyes. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything "

"Promise not to laugh its really rather embarrassing"

"Oh course, Agents honor I mean come on what are you afraid of the dark too " she giggled.

"You said you wouldn't laugh"

"Wait you are serious" she could tell by the lack of response from JJ that this was true, she looked to the blonde who was holding her head in shame. JJ knew her fears were silly well to most people to most people who didn't know her past and that's what she had to tell herself, that this beautiful woman in front of her only knew the very first layer behind the mask not the muscle and bones beneath. The blonde let a few tears fall more at the memories that held her fears then having the love of her life giggle. Emily could see it in those eyes she loved so much the pain and terror there was more to the story than the blonde was saying but she didn't want to pry. She reached for JJ's arm tugging at it till the women caved in and slid over to her; she placed one hand under her chin and looked her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know, tell you what, you sit here and I'll go get some candles and a few glasses of wine then we can play a game."

JJ did not speak but nodded her head she knew now that if she was ever going to have a chance at keeping Emily she would need to tell the truth. Things she would just rather soon forget she knew Emily's greatest secret she had an abortion at the age of 15 but all of the things she had been though made her who she was. JJ didn't know if she felt the same about her own past or not. While JJ was drifting into the depths of her mind Emily was scurrying around lighting every candle she could find after about five minutes the glow in the apartment was about as bright as Times Square on New Year's. Emily poured two glasses of white wine and sat back on the couch.

"Better?" she asked.

"Thank you "she said as she took her hand in hers. "So about this game"

"Yeah what would you like chess, cards, backgammon"

"No I stink at all of those how about truth or dare"

"Really what are we teenage girls at a slumber party"

"Come on please"

"Really"

"Yes really now truth or dare"

"Fine dare" she was going along with this seeing as JJ was smiling again and she would do anything to see that amazing smile.

"OK hum, alright I dare you to uh kiss me" she smiled

"Oh this kind of truth or dare" she leaned over and kissed the blonde slow and deep she pulled back and smiled.

"Your turn truth or dare"

"Truth"

Emily was puzzled by her answer not the way she thought this game was going but maybe JJ wanted to tell her something but then again why didn't she just do that. Maybe she needed Emily to ask the right questions. She really didn't know but asked the first thing that came to her mind.

"What's one thing you hate?"

"Being called Jen" the woman saw the hurt in Emily's eyes it was her favorite nickname for her.

"You never said anything before"

"Look Emily that's because there are only a few people who have ever called me that and they were both people who loved me very much. They were people I loved and cared for, that's why I love it when it comes from you because it means you care enough to want to be different"

Emily smiled she was happy that she was breaking her walls down she wasn't sure what to say next.

"Truth" she said hoping that continuing the game would get them somewhere.

"Ok" JJ smiled "how old were you your first time"

"JJ" Emily questioned

"You said truth so truth it is"

"Why do you want to know that anyway?"

"Just answer the question " turning on her press voice.

"Fine fourteen"

"Wow"

"Yeah I know, believe me if I could take it back I would"

"Ok um I pick truth"

Emily knew at this point there were more than likely not going to be any more dare's in this game she didn't want to upset JJ but there had been a question she had been dying to ask.

"What are your nightmares about" JJ froze once again she knew what Emily was asking and knew the answer well work of course. Was not going to be accepted the woman had been haunted by nightmares longer then she really cared to remember but she knew getting out of this was not about to happen.

"My childhood"

Both women looked at each other studying the others face if they were in an interrogation this would be one sight to see they both knew the game was over and as much as those words were meant to stay in her head, they didn't.

"Why" Emily asked confused as to what could be so wrong with her perfect best friend the pretty blonde born into small town life who had created a successful life.

She fought back tears but she began to speak slow and steady, a speech pattern she had heard many a victim use but she was not a victim of anything she was Agent Jenifer Jareau and she was not a victim.

"There are things that no one knows about me a lot of things in fact"

"Jen I didn't mean, if you don't want to tell me you don't have too"

"no I need to just please there are some rules here ok " Emily nodded " one you don't get to look at me any different than you do right now, two you do not ever breath a word of this to anyone, and three you don't get to hate me"

"JJ, nothing you tell me could ever and I repeat ever make me hate you" she leaned in and kissed her.

The blonde brought her fingers to her lips as if she really thought that would be the last kiss she ever got from Emily because after what she was about to say how could anyone love her, want her, she was damaged and broken she knew telling this story would be hard but she did her best not to cry as she began.

"It started when I was six we had a family get together there really weren't a lot of kids in my family so my sister Rosaline, she was 11 that summer. We were playing upstairs we were supposed to have gone to bed ,when our favorite uncle came in he looked at us and said what pretty young ladies you are we both laughed"

JJ paused to take a breath. Emily could sense where this was going and wasn't sure she wanted to hear it but there had to be more because JJ had never even mentioned she had a sister before.

"Jayje you don't have …"

"Yes I do" she jumped in taking Emily's hand she continued. "We didn't know anything was wrong or weird until he had followed us back into Rosaline's bedroom he had closed the door behind him and then pushed a dresser in front of it he told us to take off our clothes and get on her bed I started crying she told me to just do what he said he had a knife, he posed us and took pictures then he" she broke down tears flooding down her face.

"It's ok, take your time" Emily knew that JJ would not want to be treated like a victim but she was out of ideas.

"he raped her while I watched I couldn't do anything she saw screaming so loud but said if I sat there quite I wouldn't get it as bad, well he didn't rape me, but he made me watch as he did things to her and had her do things to him " she stopped "god I must sound like I am a child right now"

"JJ you were six, you were a child and however you feel is the best way to tell me this is fine, or you can stop" Emily tried to reassure her but what could she do.

"He left that night with the threat that if we said anything he would kill us and our parents. We didn't see him for a month. I don't know why we didn't say anything I mean he was our moms only brother but still he and those photos thank god the internet wasn't around. I wish I had talked before he came to live with us but I didn't. We were told that he was coming to look after us as my parents were both working fulltime and they didn't want to pay a nanny but that meant he was left alone with us."

She squeezed Emily's hand tighter as she felt another wave of guilt, anger, fear and most visibly tears filling her body.

"How long did it go on?"

"About a year, some nights he would only go to one room others he would want us together I was lucky in some ways. He said he loved me more and didn't want to hurt me and because I was so little and frail he only ever kissed me and held me he would run his hands over me. That was until the night he had spent with Roz he told her I was getting bigger and that he could love us in the same way now . Rosaline had come home just a little early from school and broke into my parents' bedroom she went to the safe where dad kept his gun, not sure how she got the code but she did."

Tears pouring down her face JJ knew it was getting harder to breathe she wanted to stop but she was so close to getting this out she had to keep going. By this time Emily had moved to the side of the couch and was holding JJ in her arms gently brushing her hair.

"Rosaline thought that he would go to her room first but he didn't he came to me, she heard my screams as he pushed me onto the bed, she didn't know if she was to late but she had to stop him so my eleven year old sister ran into my room with a gun drawn, and didn't even think she just shot two bullets to his back, he fell onto the bed. I looked over to my sister who was lying on the floor the kickback from the gun had knocked her down and she hit her head on the floor"

Laying her head into Emily's chest she was crying so hard she didn't think she would ever stop.

"it's ok really , let it out , I'm here for you"

"The cops came a few minutes later, guess the neighbors had called. My parents met me at the hospital the next day by then I had told the cops everything but Rosaline was in a coma. It's my fault I should have told I should have done something and then she'd still be here she wouldn't have gotten hurt trying to save me"

"What happened to her after that" Emily asked.

"She woke up two weeks later, and she was ok for a few years and we were always close but after that she protected me more but once she turned sixteen she changed, she was distant from the rest of the family and spent a lot of time in her room. Then one day a few weeks after her seventeenth birthday she came into my room, she told me that she would always love me no matter what and she gave me her favorite necklace, I thought it was odd but she just told me she wanted me to have it. I hugged her and that was the last conversation I had with her." JJ tried to finish but the words and begun to turn into sobs she looked toward Emily.

"I found her the next morning she had slit her wrists in the bath"

JJ cried for about an hour Emily was glad she finally knew the truth and that the women she loved had trusted her so much. She had held her in her arms for that hour when the blonde pushed away. She looked into Emily's eyes and when she saw that she had followed rule number one she couldn't help but cry more.

"How can you look at me like that?"

"Like what" Emily questioned

"Like you still love me, like you love me more"

"I do love you more, you're not a bad person, and none of what you told me was your fault"

"Really are you sure I haven't shattered your perfect vision of me the always put together agent,"

"Never"

"How can you still hold me, and look at me I'm damaged and broken and used do you know what it's like to be hurt by people who are supposed to love you, to be looked at like you're a leper, to wish every day that you were dead do you" she shouted

"Wow Jenifer you really can be a heartless, I know you're hurt and scared but yes I do know what it's like to be looked at that way, at least you had parents who stood by you and loved you"

Realizing what she had said JJ felt her heart break how could she be so careless and hurtful. She looked around the room at the melting candles and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry" as she spoke there was a loud crack the power had come back on she looked at Emily who looked as though she could punch something.

"Told you, you would hate me"

And with that JJ bolted from the apartment and ran down the stairs and out onto the buildings porch the streets were still flooded but the rain had let up a bit the blonde fell to the concrete steps and cried as the rain drops hit her face. What had she done?