No such thing as time.
Chapter four.
Disclaimer: if I owed lost I would be writing a 7th season or maybe even a movie by now. But no, I'm just writing a fanfiction for my own personal enjoyment.
a/n: just wanted to thank LillithxLuna, (a fantastic writer, who I will be reviewing tomorrow) for the story alert, Debbielostgirl for adding me to her favorite stories (such an honor), and to dharma-queen2342 once again for her story alert. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hope this is somewhat realistic.
…
Claire awoke to Aaron's cries in the middle of the night. She had fallen asleep to memories of her alternate self and woke up feeling like she knew much more about herself then she did before falling asleep. Some facts she was happy to remember, most she wasn't. She turned her head to see the pillow beside her vacant, Charlie nowhere in sight. In surprise, she quickly sat up, the action overwhelming her with dizziness. She supposed she must still be feeling the effects of childbirth and cautiously lifted her body off the bed. As she stood up, she noted how much lighter she felt, it wasn't just nausea. Her stomach was still somewhat swollen but nowhere near the size it was before. She turned the lights on and went to calm her wailing son. Holding her Aaron tight, she walked around the room and began searching for the dopey Englishman. But alas, still no Charlie sightings.
Claire had to keep telling herself to calm down. She knew Charlie wouldn't just up and leave her. That would be completely uncharacteristic for him, especially after the conversations that had taken place a few hours back. If it had been anyone else she would have assumed they had been overwhelmed by responsibility, too afraid of giving their life away to care for a child. They would be selfish, arrogant, and act as if they had it all figured out. Anyone else could be just like Thomas and she wouldn't even be the least bit surprised. But for Charlie this was strange.
No, Charlie would never leave her. That was certain. Unless of course it was in some heroic endeavor that he believed would save her life. Of course, she was pretty sure that heroic, suicide missions weren't in the fate cards today, not after everything that had happened. Yes, she knew she was being irrationally paranoid but that's what happens when you've found the person you love after being separated from for a lifetime only to have him vanish in the middle of the night with no explanation. He just had to be around here somewhere.
Then she saw a dim light peeking out underneath the bathroom door. At first she felt an extreme amount of relief at the sight, followed by the embarrassment that comes when you realize your own stupidity. 'God, Claire,' she thought, 'how silly can you get, working yourself into a frenzy when he's only in the bathroom.' She was becoming over protective, almost Charlie like. Two clingy people in a relationship never ended well, this needed to stop. So she carefully laid Aaron back in his crib and lay back in bed. Two minutes went by, then five, and then ten. Call it mother's intuition but she just knew something was wrong, she could feel it. She didn't want to accuse him of drug use, she really didn't. But what else could it be? And to think just a few hours ago she had let him take full responsibility over Aaron, how could she let herself be so vulnerable again. It must be that stupid "love is blind" stuff or something. But he was different now, he was the person from the island, right? Just because they were in an alternate universe didn't mean he was a different person and the Charlie she had come to know wouldn't dare hurt her. She had officially succeeded to confuse herself and mess up her mind as usual.
Walking up to the bathroom door, she gently knocked. "um, Charlie, are you in there?" she whispered. When she didn't hear him she tried again a little louder this time. But again, nothing. Finally, after knocking for quite some time she hesitantly grabbed the knob afraid of what she might find inside. As she opened the door she felt a thud against its surface. She quickly looked down to see a seemingly lifeless Charlie limp on the floor below her. "Charlie?" she yelled falling down to her knees beside him. She pat his face harder then she had intended in hopes of waking him. "Please, please wake up," she began to cry, "please wake up for me, okay?" He shivered and she almost squealed at the movement indicating life. He mumbled and stammered indistinctly underneath his breath. Claire yelled out his name until he finally replied' "Claire?" "Yes!" "Just making sure," he whispered. She smiled, even if he was high, at least he was okay.
She carefully tried to lift him up after his eyes had fluttered open. He groaned, still a little distant but coming back to consciousness slowly. He leaned against the wall in evident pain and Claire stared at him with concern. "Are you high?" She asked with a little more anger in her voice then she meant. He went wide-eyed, "Claire, I assure you, I am not using. Promise." He said it so seriously she almost believed him. Almost. "You were passed out on the bathroom floor, Charlie. I'm not stupid! And to think that Aaron is sleeping right outside, how could you?" "I know that, just let me finish, alright?" she stood up and crossed her arms waiting for a good excuse. "I passed out because, number one, I'm exhausted. Two, I haven't eaten in days. And most notably, three, I haven't used." Claire just stared hurt, angry, and confused. "Look, Claire, I'm beginning withdrawal. I'm sorry." Claire felt horrible, he was going through pain to quit drugs and here she was accusing him of being high. She looked down uncomfortably' "oh." Charlie started fidgeting, clearly uncomfortable with the situation as well. He looked as if he was waiting for her to yell at him and run away in disgust, but she didn't yell or even move. She just stood there. They rarely talked about his addiction, certainly never without irrational screaming, crying, and emotional outbursts. This was new.
Oddly enough, Claire didn't feel the urge to slap Charlie across his face as hard as she could and then storm off crying bitter tears like she did before. Instead, she just wanted be there for him. And it wasn't out of pity either. It hurt her to see him like this yet it drew her to him, she sat back down beside him cautiously. "I'm sorry, I should have trusted you." He looked down not wanting to meet her eye. "No, you shouldn't have." "Well, I do." "Why?" He questioned sharply. He closed his eyes tightly to ward off tears, ashamed of the way he was acting. "I'm sorry, it just…hurts." She looked at him with sympathy and lay against the wall next to him. "You're being so brave," she whispered sweetly. Claire must have been the definition of grace strait out of the dictionary, she really must have. And it just made him feel worse.
"Don't look at me like that, like I'm some bleeding hero. I'm a bad person, Claire." Her heart broke for him, he looked at her as if she was better than him somehow. It was hard to love someone who hated himself with such an ardent passion, barely still holding on to life in his own self- destruction. "Charlie…" "It's cool Claire, you don't have to stay" "No, it's not that, it's just… I realized that I may not fully know Charlie Pace 'the rock god' or whatever, I realized that a long time ago. But what I do know is the real you. The Charlie who used to follow me around the beach with an empty little mason jar and a guitar slung on his back, singing half remembered Kinks lyrics and making funny faces at Aaron. So yes, I'm going to look at you 'like that' because you are, in fact, a 'bleeding hero' and because … I love you." Claire was surprised at how easy that was, it just slipped out before she could even stop it. Charlie's looked shocked, unsure of what to do next. "I …. love you too, Claire. But … are you sure?" "I had plenty of time to contemplate it after you died. So yes, I'm sure." "But you don't need a stupid git like me polluting your life, not to mention turnip head." "Please, Charlie, stop." "I'm serious. You are the only person I've ever honestly loved, and it's so pure. I can't remember the last time I thought of a girl that way, probably because I never have. Liam would have a fit if he knew. But there you are with those big, blue eyes and you look at me like I matter or something. Like you care. And your smiles are real, there's no need for needles in the arm or bits of heated tinfoil, it's just…real. I'm not used to that, it's what I lived for. I guess it's what I died for too. And now, I'm still a little bit dead inside and I'm afraid that's the price of what I've done to myself. The addiction, it won't ever go away, it'll get better but it won't go away." "You're not the only one with regrets y'know. You're not the one who put the person they loved in a state where they needed a machine to just keep breathing, or got pregnant only for the father to get up and leave you as if he was never there, you've never been the cause for someone you love's suicide, or left your baby helplessly in the jungle, or gone kill crazy looking for the very child you left. So yeah, you'll always have your addiction to worry about and I'll always look at Aaron and remember all the things I almost did to him, how much I could have hurt him. But none of that matters anymore. So could just please forgive yourself so that we can move on with our lives?"
Charlie had never seen her so determined and wasn't sure how to respond so he just nodded. She smiled as he looked deeply in her eyes holding on to her strange confidence, which he lacked so much of. He leaned over putting his arms around her in thanks. She returned the gesture, happily laying her head in his chest. They had a long and hard journey to forgiveness ahead of them. They were confused, broken, jaded and had been tossed aside by two very different universes yet through their struggles they found each other. And now they were both just content to hold on to each other for dear life finding comfort in the love and support which would save them once more.
…
Was it too fluffy? I couldn't tell. I hope it was in character. Let me know, will ya?
Next chapter will feature other characters! Yay, how exciting! But I want to warn you that after a chapter or two I'll be updating a little less often only because I have this orientation thing and then I'll be at camp for a week.
Bad news- no updates during camp.
Good news-inspiration!
(By the way, I'll let you know if I meet a charming, British rock star during my jungle camping excursion.) *crosses fingers hopefully.
Much love.