Stewie: ...And that's why I think a black vampire should be named 'Count Choclua'...Oh, hi!
Brian: Welcome back! It's time for us to end our riff of this god-awful fic...
Intro: It's morning, but who the hell cares.
Stewie: The readers do, because you don't have a grip on reality of how time passes. WEEKS AND HOURS AREN'T THE SAME THING!
Brian: Just get over it, Stewie. That was last chapter...
Stewie: Yeah yeah...
(At the Griffin's house, in the living room)
Peter: Hey, as anyone seen Duncan and Courtney anywhere, just wondering.
Lois: I haven't
Chris: Nope
Meg: Nuh-uh
Brain: I have
Brian: Wow, they finally worked a line in there for me.
Peter: Where'd they go, brian?
Brian: I saw them leave last night.
Brian: They appeared to have guns.
Lois: Oh my god, guns!
Stewie: FINALLY, someone acts surprised that teens were carrying guns!
Chris: What kind of guns?
Brian: I saw Duncan with an AK-47, and Courtney with a Skorpion SMG.
Meg: Where in hell did they get those!
Brian: That's what the reader should be wondering by now...
Brian: That's what I'm wondering.
Lindsay: You predicted your lines Brendan! Are you pyshic?
Stewie: She acts alot like Jillian, eh Brian?
Brian: Shut up.
Peter: Man, this is weirder than the time the Mothman was guest starring on Jimmy kemmel live.
(Flashback)
Jimmy: So, Mothman is it?
Mothman: Yep.
Jimmy: Hey ya know, your different than what I Imagined.
Mothman: How?
Jimmy: Well, you look exactly like that statue of you in Point Pleasent, WV only, well, moth colored.
Stewie: I could only imagine how many fan letters we'd get about how much this flashback sucking. Glad this guy doesn't write our material.
Jimmy: I thought you were that black headless thing that everyone says.
Stewie: HA HA!
Mothman: Nah, that was just some hoax that a guy pulled to scare people.
Jimmy: So, what do you eat?
Mothman: Uh you know, Bugs, beef, dog, and the occasional bird.
Jimmy: Man, no wonder you get you name, you look like a creepy version of the comic supervillian Killer Moth!
Courtney: Never heard of him.
Brian: And that's why this cutaway attempt sucks.
Jimmy: Ever heard of Spring Heeled jack
Mothman: Met 'em, beat the shit out of 'em.
Stewie: Eh, kinda gay.
Jimmy: I see
(Flashback ends)
Brian: OK, that would be weirder.
Brian: I second that.
(Later about noon, at the mall, makeup depot)
Lindsey: (To self) Hmm, mabye I should try this shade(looks at lipstick).
Lindsay: There's my name again!
Courtney: Okay, Lindsiot here is starting to get annoying...
Lindsey: Yeah, I'll take it (buys makeup).
Lindsey:(exits makeup department) OK, now I just needs some (gasps, after seeing really good looking high heels)
Lindsey: high heels! (runs into shoe store)
(Meanwhile at the food court)
Bridgette: Hey, I didn't now they had a buffet here.
Geoff: Neither did I.
Bridgette: Well, at least it's nice to get away from everyone else.
Geoff: Gonna need to agree with ya there
Stewie: Don't you love pointless filler?
Courtney: Isn't your show full of that?
Stewie: Hey, WHO ASKED?
(Meanwhile, at SEARS)
Duncan: OK, this is gonna be so funny
Duncan: Tyler's meeting Lindsey here later, so I blindfolded Tyler, Brian, and Jillian and took them them all here, I blindfolded lindsey just earlier.
Brian:...Why?
Courtney: Sounds like your gonna switch lindsey and Jillian's boyfriends while their blindfolded.
Courtney:...Why?
Duncan: How'd you know?
Courtney: Just figured (grabs Marbolo cigarette from pocket, puts it in her mouth, and lights it)
All: WHY?
Duncan: Here they come.
(Lindsey, Tyler, Brian and Jillian walk in all blindfolded, Duncan switches the guys)
Stewie: Shitty scene in 3...2...1...
Lindsey: (Blindfolded) Oh, come 're tyler (Tries to make out with brian who she thinks is tyler)
Brian: ENGLISH PLEASE...
Brian: What, I'm not Tyler! (Ends up making out with lindsey)
Stewie: HA! You made out with the dumb girl!
Brian: I already made out with a dumb girl before.
Stewie: Blast!
Courtney: Why would I pull a stupid prank like that? It's not funny at all.
Duncan:(shouts) OK, you can take off the blindfolds.
(The four Duncan blindfolded earlier take off the blindfolds)
Lindsey: Huh?
Jillian: What the?
Brian: Hey, what are you doing with my girlfriend!
Tyler: What are you doing with my girlfriend!
Stewie: I'll admit, this is actually kinda funny...
Brian: What comedy do you think is funny?
Stewie: Colbert.
Brian: Oh god!
(Brian and tyler start fighting)
Courtney: Man, this is funnier than Geoff's party, you know when you and I got so drunk.
Brian: You mean that party we don't care about anymore?
Duncan: Yeah, that was funny.
(Flashback)
All: OH COME ON!
Duncan:OK, who dares me, who dares me!
Owen: I dare you!
Eva: I dare you!
Trent: I so dare you!
Geoff: I totally dare you!
DJ: I ultra dare you!
Stewie: I DARE YOU TO STOP THIS DAMN TRAIN OF DARING!
Duuncan: OK, here I go (Opens a bottle of Everclear 190 proof, and starts drinking)
Everyone else: (Except Courtney, too many margaritas) CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!
(Duncan finishes the whole bottle and throws it at the wall)
(Bottle breaks)
Duncan: (Drunk) Oh shit, I think I, (Frogot what he was gonna say, then falls)
(Flashback Ends)
Duncan: Yep, good times
(security guard comes up to Courtney)
Security Guard: Um miss, there's no smoking allowed in this mall.
Courtney: C'mon hon', I think we need to go outside (She and duncan go to the nearest exit, than outside)
(Outside)
Courtney: Man, what is so wrong with smoking in the mall, everyone smokes in the mall!
Stewie: Except normal people...
Courtney: I don't smoke!
(Meg comes out of the exit Courtney and duncan came out of)
Meg: Not exactly
Brian and Stewie:...Shut up Meg...
Courtney: Why, why can't I smoke anywhere!
Meg: Because, Mayor West passed a new law last week, and it comes into effect today.
Brian: That's the reason? THAT'S YOUR REASON, WRITER? No moral values to state?
Courtney: What law?
Meg: The public smoking ban.
Brian: Sounds like the writer is a Republican...
Meg: You can't smoke cigarettes in public areas unless your in a designated smoking zone.
Duncan: So, I'm fine?
Meg: Probably, why?
Duncan: 'Cause technically this is a cigar, not a cigarette
Courtney: Well excusssssse me!
Meg: No, It bans cigars too.
Duncan: DAMN IT! (throws cigar at a tree)
Meg: Duncan, you could of set that tree on fire!
Courtney: Hi Bridgette, didn't know you were disguised as Meg...
Duncan: Who the fuck are you, bridgette!
Duncan: And besides, nobody cares if I throw a cigar at a tree!
Meg: Well the people who see the tree on fire do care!
Stewie: What?...I'm sorry...What sense does that sentence make?
Duncan: (pauses) Sie Hundin
Brian:...Did...Did he just call Meg a bitch in German?
Meg: (confused) What does that even mean?
Courtney: (chuckles) he call you a bitch in german.
All:...AWESOME!
Stewie: The writer finally came through! BRAVO!
Courtney:...But, how would I know that it means bitch? I don't know German...
Brian: Yeah, don't question the awesome joke...
(Peter walks out of exit)
Meg: Dad!
Peter: What, what is it.
Stewie: Since when did the fat man give a damn about Meg?
Meg: (Runs to Peter) Duncan just insulted me in german!
Peter: What did he say?
Stewie: Stop caring, fat man.
Meg: He said , I think "Sie Hundin" which in english is "You bitch"!
Peter: You son of a (runs to Duncan and punches him)
Brian: Public violence...Against teenagers...Yay...
(Duncan kicks peter in the nuts (hard too) and gets out his knife)
Stewie: Holy crap! Duncan has a knife, too?
Courtney: Kid, remember when we said to throw moral values out the window before we started today?
Stewie: Yeah.
Courtney: Yeah, follow that suggestion.
Peter: Oh my god, oh my god!
(Duncan slashes him)
Peter: OK,I give!
Peter: I give.
Duncan: Man, we are so outta here.
Brian: Good idea, delinquent.
(Duncan and Courtney leave)
(10 minutes later)
Courtney: Man, this is worse than the time I was a greeter at wal mart.
Courtney: When exactly was that?
Stewie: Oh crap, they're not stealing our joke, are they?
(flashback)
(customer passes)
Courtney: Welcome to wal mart, go fuck yourself.
Stewie: YOU ASSHOLE! YOU UNORIGINAL ASSHOLE!
(Customer passes)
Courtney: Welcome to wal mart, go fuck yourself.
(Customers pass)
Courtney: Welcome to wal mart, go fuck yourselves.
(Customer comes up to her)
Customer: Hi!
Courtney: Go fuck yourself.
(Customer flips off Courtney, then leaves)
Courtney: (Holding her middle finger up) Yeah, flip you too!
Courtney: Aw, what the hell, this is bullshit, I quit (throws off wal mart vest, then leaves)
Courtney: Oh please! I'm not cruel! Who got the idea I was a complete bitch?
(flashback ends)
(Meanwhile, at the former Quhog mens club)
Brian: Peter still has that thing up?
Noah: I gotta get this thing fixed.
Owen: What fixed?
Noah: My watch, I need to fix this god damn watch!
(noah examines the watch)
Noah: Oh, there's the problem.
Brian: Too bad we'll never know what that problem was, because we're done with this stupid story.
Stewie: Thank god!
Courtney: Anyone up for sodas?
Stewie: Eh, sure. I could go for that.
Brian: Wait, what about our contracts to do this show?
Courtney: It didn't say we can't take breaks.
Brian...True.
Lindsay: Can I come too?
Brian: I guess. I mean, your contract only calls for you to riff one story with us...
Stewie: Aww, that's too bad. I though you could get another relationship started with her.
Brian: I don't always date bimbos...
Stewie: Sure you don't Brian...Sure you don't...