Awakening
Chapter 4
"My hair is in the way." Komachi was lying on top of him. He was already inside her but they were still kissing. She seemed to like it better this way. Well, 'liked' was probably an overstatement, but at least now they were both enjoying it. Madara never anticipated that watching her draw pleasure from the act would delight him so.
Madara pushed the strand of her hair off his face and tucked it behind her ear. "No matter."
"It's irritating. It tickles."
"I like your hair."
"I don't. I preferred it when it was short." Komachi straightened up so that she was straddling him without any additional support. Just her full weight anchored on his crotch. The feeling was already overwhelming but when she lifted her hands, arched back and started furiously tugging at her hair in attempt to bind it Madara saw white. He was never so grateful for both: the length of her hair and her temper.
"When it was shorter, I felt more carefree."
"Yeah, you looked so." He confirmed absentmindly, whole his focus on the outline of her body. It was the most enticing view he had ever seen. Even in the darkness he would swear he could see the contour of her nipples.
Komachi froze, suddenly still and stiff. But before she could say anything, Madara grabbed her hips and set her into motion.
Next time Madara came to her room, she was sitting full awake on the futon.
"Not asleep? It's late." He was removing his outer robe and shoes, already anticipating the warmth of the bed.
"I've been waiting for you. Madara."
Blood froze in his veins. His mind went on a calculation frenzy – how did she know? Did he slip? Was he watched? Followed? If yes, then why only now, months into the affair? And, most importantly, was it a trap?
"How do you know?" He growled a bit more aggressively than he intended to.
Komachi laughed but it was not a cheerful laughter. "You misstepped." There was an unhidden satisfaction in her voice.
Madara got a hold of himself. There were no chakra signatures in the vicinity, and he reminded himself that he was prone of erring on paranoia. And megalomania, if he was to be honest – though this he was planning to change soon. But for now, no one would want to get him, he still didn't mean enough to be a target. This thought made him bitter and diverged his anger away from Komachi.
Still, it wouldn't do if she thought she could affect him like this. With deliberation he reached to another sandal to take it off. "Where did I misstep?" he asked sitting down and hoped that the nonchalance he put into his voice didn't sound too studied.
"You said I looked carefree with my hair short."
Cogs in Madara's brain kept spinning and coming empty.
Komachi continued. "It was a very short period of time that I could act cheerful. A day or two maybe. Then I was scolded by my mother-in-law exactly for that. She had a heavy hand so after it I kept myself in check. I don't blame her – you don't want to see the fresh widow of your son all sing-songy…" Komachi paused. "So you must have seen me on one of those days. But I have very good memory, you see… I could recall who was in the house at that time. With some deduction and elimination and a bit of luck… Add to it that I was able to estimate your age more or less… So now I know - you're Izuna's older brother."
The next days he was wary every waking and sleeping hour. He was expecting an attack, but none came.
Coming to think about it, there was nothing to be afraid of. The household of Waraku's uncle didn't care much about Komachi. As far as he knew they were keeping her only so they wouldn't need to acquire a bride for their younger son. The family wasn't influential and, after death of Fugi, rather poor so the bride-price was for them something to take into account.
And even as there was a certain degree of prestige that went along with Komachi – her being a daughter of a renown shinobi – her line was all but extinguished.
So her in-laws were not interested in avenging her honour, and maybe she wouldn't tell them anyway. In the end, she wasn't on particularly good terms with her mother-in-law.
On the bright side, he could quit the sneaking act around her. No more restricting himself to moonless nights, no more leaving in complete darkness. He would be able to really see her now. Her, not her glow through the Sharingan, but her – the way her eyes slanted, the way her mouth turned when she smiled. Maybe even the colour of her nipples…
All that mulling aside, Madara wanted to know where he stood. He wanted to approach her with all openness and now it was starting to be possible.
"Why didn't you tell on me yet?" he asked.
"I'm still hoping you will get bored with me."
Madara laughed. At the first moment he thought she really wore her heart on the sleeve. On the second thought – it couldn't be the case – she was far too cunning for it. "I won't get bored, I assure you. You can drop that hope."
"Even if I'm constantly unpleasant and unwelcoming?"
"Even more so. I want to show you that I'm worthy of your love."
"Are we talking love now?!"
"Well, I am… I want you to accept me. I will be coming as long as you do."
"And will you stop then?" He was somehow grateful for the playful tone in her voice. It didn't come easy to him to make such lofty confessions and having said it once he didn't want to dwell more on the topic. Plus, it was the first time that Komachi made a joke in his presence.
"The idea is that then you will want me to come…" he matched her tone.
"You have quite some plans… And some cheek…"
For first time since a long while Madara felt at ease. "So what is the real reason that you're not telling?"
Komachi didn't answer.
Madara felt a surge of accomplishment – he had gambled and he had been right. "So, there is another reason… You couldn't tell… It would be some sort of a loss for you if you did…" He was more thinking aloud than anything else. Scouting for her reactions. Bright as she was, she would fall for it sooner or later.
Komachi let out an aggravated exhale.
"Oh, I got it right? Revealing that I'm coming here would put you in a vulnerable position." He still didn't quite know why and how, but his bluff seemed to be working.
"Gods damn my luck!" Komachi finally lost her nerve. "That out of all men it was your attention that I attracted!"
"What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing's wrong. That's the point." Komachi wrapped arms around herself.
Madara lied down and stretched himself long on the futon. That will be a long shot, but if what he thought turns out true, he should go and celebrate. He would go and drink if he had with whom. He didn't so he will go to the shrine and make an offering. "If your family knew that I'm coming here, they would hand you over to me without a protest."
Komachi didn't answer, only turned her head away.
Shrine it is. He will make sure his offering is noteworthy. "Are they so much lacking the money?"
"Not the money. They are dying from anxiety that they'll lose another son. That yet another one will be used as cannon fodder. When you have no backing up among the higher-ups, you're sent on suicidal missions, you're put in most dangerous positions on the battlefield. That's how Fugi died. They are desperate to have someone stand up for them. Someone with rank high enough…"
This shrine offering will be his entire payment for the last mission. Not only the path to get Komachi became clearer, but he also received a proof that he is recognized within the clan.
"Don't worry. I won't reveal that I'm interested in you. And I'll still be careful so I'm not spotted when I come here. I won't put you into a corner. You have my word."
Komachi sniffed and nodded.
"I wish I had a friend."
"It's rather difficult with the life you lead." Tatsu looked up at him, a mild scorn in her black eyes.
Madara knew it all too well. Youngsters from other families saw his as a threat, spurned by their elders who frowned at an up-start. And up-start whose sheer power already now widely outdid their own. The knowledge didn't help too much though. "I wish I had a friend like Izuna has in Waraku. Like you had in my mother. Someone who would challenge me when I need to be challenged. To stand up to me and call me out when I'm wrong. And to stand by my side nevertheless."
Tatsu looked at him carefully. "You would need to open yourself up to someone first. And I'm not sure if you are even able to…"
Madara scowled, but what she said didn't surprise him. Tatsu never offered easy comforts.
"Careful what you wish for." Tatsu must have taken notice of his dejection as she provided the only kind of consolation she had in stock – the unpleasant truth. "When you have such a person and then you lose him… You don't want it, believe me."
Strain in Tatsu's voice was still audible, even after all those years. She managed to get over losing her children; losing her husband never earned more than a shrug from her, but losing Kiyo was the blow that almost broke her. It didn't; she held for the sake of him and his siblings but for years she seemed only half of herself. When together they were a harmonious whole. Without his mother Tatsu was just a forlorn traveler in the rain. She made it through until all her children were either grown up or dead. But it was only that: 'making through' with gritted teeth and clenched fists.
"And I don't wish it for you. I'm afraid what will become of you when it happens."
When he came Komachi didn't move from under her bedcovers. She didn't even say anything as she was buried under them up to the very top of her head. Madara wondered how was she even able to breath.
Having removed his cloak he realized that the room was indeed very cold. Not much warmer than the frosty exteriors.
When he slipped under the covers Komachi didn't turn towards him, staying in arduously warmed up space she managed to created. She must have been really cold. Madara reached for his cloak, spread it over them adding a layer to Komachi's blankets and embraced her from behind.
He draped himself around her trying to envelop as much of her as possible. She answered by snuggling closer to him. He put his arm around her, grabbed both of her palms and held them in his own. Maneuvered her feet so that they were directly touching his calves. Gritted his teeth cause her feet felt exactly like icicles.
Komachi relaxed and shifted even closer to him.
Madara was acutely aware of the shape of her body. The swell of her breast under his arm, her behind nestled against his groin were putting him into a mood, but he did his best to chase those thoughts away. For once he could do something she wanted him to. Finally, there was something he could provide, even if it was something as trivial as body warmth. But if he provides it, she, for the first time, will be happy that he came around. He won't ruin it.
He must think about something else. Like training with Izuna for example.
But it thinking about sparring brought awareness of body movements to his mind. Like moving his arms or straining his back. Or moving his hips. Stop. Wrong association. Come back. He had to find some other thing to think about. To divert his attention away from her bottom touching his groin. Something tedious and unpleasant enough to forget… With certain relief Madara remembered that Tatsu had been nagging him to clean the aviary and he grabbed at this thought like at a life board. He was avoiding the cleaning for a week already until yesterday Tatsu had got him and she had been really pissed. It stung from kilometres, she had said. And if he wanted to keep his birds, he should finally take responsibility because she was sick and tired of cleaning their mess. Warding off the visions of scrubbing the cages from birds' shit, Madara drifted into sleep.
"What do you want?"
"I want power."
Komachi snorted. "And here I thought you'll say 'I want you'."
"I have you."
In the darkness he couldn't make out her features but he was sure she glared at him.
"And what do you need this power for?"
Madara halted. He never really thought about it. Power was something he strove for as long as he remembered. "To be stronger than anyone else. To be able to defeat anyone."
"Weak excuse for a reason. That's what being powerful means by definition - you're just rephrasing."
Madara hesitated. What he really thought he rarely admitted even to himself. He didn't even allow his thoughts to wander in that direction, let alone to speak about it. Not that he had many people to talk to about it. Izuna would only be distressed knowing his old sentiments were still lingering. Other clan members were entirely out of question. What he thought was treason – even if not a physical one, then of the Uchiha ideals.
"I want to be stronger than a specific someone," he said in the end. It felt so good when it rolled of his tongue. Trust grounded or not, it felt so good to open up in front of someone.
"Who is he?"
"A man from Senju clan. And he's stronger than me."
"Well…" Komachi weighted her words. "It's quite probable that there are some people stronger than you out there…"
"He's my age. I've met him on the battlefield on many occasions and each time he was stronger. I struggle and grow and so does he. But it's not his ninjutsu that makes him so dangerous…"
"What is it then?"
"He has a way with people, he can make them follow him. He holds… peculiar beliefs… I'm concerned that he will be able to talk other clans into joining up with the Senju."
"They would never do it. Clans have been separated for centuries, nobody will manage to unite them."
"He can find a way… What he does to people… It's as if he would be stealing their hearts…"
Komachi looked at him with full concentration. "Did he steal yours by chance?"
Madara jerked his head at the intent in her voice. Sharp as ever, he had an inkling that he can end up regretting telling her about Hashirama. He decided to turn in into a joke. "Jealous?" he asked.
"Haha. No. They say jealousy is the worst of woman's vices. Jealousy is what drives your husband away, they say. At least in this aspect I'm a perfect woman. I'll never be jealous about you." Komachi unfolded her arms.
Madara was glad that he managed to divert her, but her remark still stung.
"So… What is so fascinating about him?"
Shit, he didn't manage to distract her in the end…
"Come on, I'm curious now!"
Madara sighted. "He has this idea… That people can live peacefully, clan next to one another, if they would understand each others' feelings, speak openly with one another. That showing your guts to another would solve the conflicts…."
Komachi was studying his words, her eyes narrow in sign of thinking. "Bullshit," she announced finally. "That will never work. As long as people have clashing interests and desires, the conflicts will persist. Talking about it doesn't change a thing."
"But if clans formed larger political entities the wars would be stopped."
"Maybe the open fighting would stop. Only to be replaced by intrigues, backstabbing and coup d'etats."
"Not if the clans cease to exist."
"If clans cease to exist it will be simply one man against another. We will be at one another throats like animals. We are like animals – striving only for our own interest and survival. Only dropping one's desires would help…. Only that would make us into humans…" Komachi paused, breathed in deeper, seemingly trying to get of the high she worked herself onto. "If you're so fascinated by his ideas, " she picked up finally, "why do you want to beat him?"
As much as he tried, Madara couldn't find an answer.
Komachi considered him for a while. "You don't want to beat him to defeat him!" she exclaimed with as sudden realization. "To destroy him and his ideals. You want to beat him to prove you're better than him!" she finished with a triumphant note in her voice.
Madara was staring at the quilt covering his legs. He didn't know himself what was driving him, he kept pushing all his feelings concerning Hashirama furthest away. Hearing it from her mouth though, summarized and analysed like that… Made him feel transparent, and pitiful and pathetic. Komachi must have seen the slump of his shoulders because she crawled over and straddled his lap. "I don't get it." He could hear a smile in her voice. Apparently seeing him upset was improving her mood. "I don't get it at all. It must be some stupid boys' thing." She said and mussed his hair.
AN: Thanks for reading and please let me know your thoughts!
at MysticNymph89: sure I answer! (I would have answered directly, but your PM option is switched off.) My intention is to follow the canon storyline and have it as canon-complaint as possible, but this fic will finish before Konoha foundation.