Author's Note: Final chapter! Originally I was going to add another chapter, but I think it ends well enough where it does. The important part is there...you can fill in the rest with your imaginations, yes? ;D By the way...why, after 14 fics featuring Fai, has no one told me that "blonde" is usually used for women and "blond" is more appropriate to use for men? I've been feminizing Fai all this time without realizing it! D:
The remainder of the construction in preparation for the festival took up another day, and then Kurogane spent the entirety of the next day helping to hang what seemed like kilometers of sparkling ribbon and garland. The others - at least, the other males of his little group - were equally busy in decorating and organizing and cleaning. Mokona needed to remain hidden in their temporary home, but kept herself entertained in looking out the window at all the bustle and occasionally sneaking downstairs to steal tidbits from Fai, who spent almost all his time in the kitchen putting his culinary talents to good use under their hostess's direction.
On the morning of the first day of the week-long celebration, the travelers were presented with new outfits to wear to the festival by townspeople grateful for the additional help, and then the entire town seemed to explode into cheerful chaos. Whether tending attractions or selling wares or merely wandering about, everyone seemed to enjoy the festivities equally and even Kurogane found himself surveying the scenes with satisfaction, though noisy entertainments such as these were not to his general liking.
There were two main streets to Idia laid out like an "x", neatly dividing the place into quadrants. The Festival of Light could have been aptly renamed "The Festival of Life" or "Festival of Four" as it celebrated the four seasons, four elements, and four stages of life recognized here; the spring of infancy represented by fire, summer of youth represented by water, autumn of adulthood represented by earth, and winter of age represented by air. Each quadrant of the town was assigned a season, stage and element to represent and the crowd flowed smoothly through them in a great circle, further representing the cycle of years and generations.
The celebration of life and nature appealed to Kurogane, whose home country venerated these things as well. There'd also been a broad hint from the mage that there were some bottles of alcohol to be had by anyone who might want to celebrate the last few hours of the first day away from the crush and crowd, so all in all, the ninja was rather optimistic about spending a rather pleasant day out and joined the throng much more complacently than his companions might have rightly expected. The three men - with Mokona smuggled out of the house in Syaoran's knapsack - set out together but soon split off into two pairs as the youngest lingered at almost every stall and exhibit to examine knick-knacks and ask multitudinous questions about their origin and meaning and the etymology of their names.
"What a bad father, letting your only son wander off like that!" Fai teased, smiling fondly back at the earnest young archaeologist. The mage blended in with the locals almost perfectly now that he was garbed in new clothing that sparkled with almost as many patterns as his skin and had even decorated his hair with a wreath of pale gold branches thick with shimmering blue berries. It set off his hair and eyes wonderfully well and seemed almost natural there, ringing his head like a crown. Kurogane was also dressed in local costume but had flatly refused to put on any accessories. It was distracting enough to catch sight of the glowing marks snaking across his skin and decorating the edges of the short-sleeved tunic he'd been given; he didn't want to be lit up from top to bottom like one of Piffle's advertising banners. What was suitable on Fai's elegant form would have been ridiculous on the warrior.
"He's an adult and I'm not his father," he retorted with a roll of his eyes, thanking the gods for the small favor of the mage not declaring himself the mother of said "son" in the middle of the crowd. It was difficult enough to make his way through the crush of animated attendees without suddenly becoming a focal point for curious questions.
"Sixteen is still a little bit away from adulthood, Kuro-sama," Fai chided.
"He's actually in his twenties if you think about it," Kurogane mentioned. "And it's not like he's never been on his own, and in more dangerous situations."
"True," Fai agreed, nodding thoughtfully before heaving a dramatic sigh. "Ah, our boy's all grown up and getting ready to head off on his own. Won't you be sad to see our little puppy leave the nest?"
"You're mixing his species and your metaphors so much you're going to give me a headache," Kurogane groused. "And no, I won't be sad. The reason we're on this journey is to find a way for him to be able to leave us and go back to his life. That's life anyway; meetings and partings. There's nothing to mourn about it." There was a brief silence as they continued to move along with the flow of the crowd, casting glances this way and that but neither of them so interested in any of the entertainments that they wanted to fight their way over to a particular booth or stall.
"How long do you think we'll be traveling like this?" Fai suddenly asked. Considering their quest and the fact that none of them were dreamseers, it was impossible to answer with any sort of accuracy and Kurogane shrugged.
"Hell if I know. Could be one more day, could be another ten years or even longer."
"Longer?" This seemed to give Fai pause, and he slowed their already leisurely pace to peer up into the ninja's face. Kurogane thought he could see concern most of all, even as a teasing tone crept into the wizard's voice. "Won't you need to get back to your princess sooner rather than later? You don't want to be sent away again as punishment for dereliction of duty the moment you get home."
"I keep all my commitments, not just the one I made to her," the ninja replied, snorting at the idea of Tomoyo-hime magicking him away again in a pique because she felt neglected. She was the one who'd sent him away in the first place and could very well deal with the consequences. Besides, the princess had a keen sense of the appropriate; sending him off again to continue journeying with the mage hardly qualified as grueling torture. If she really wanted to punish him she'd think of something much more perverse.
"I'm going to see this through to the end," he said decisively. "Home can wait."
"This from the man who berated me for being too self-sacrificial," Fai murmured, but it was so under-voiced that Kurogane wasn't certain the comment had actually been meant for his ears. He said nothing and when the mage spoke next, it was merely to give a light-hearted comment on a particularly brilliant and colorful display of scarves.
The first quadrant that they moved through was dedicated to honoring spring and new life, and was the most brilliantly lit part of town since its assigned element was fire. In addition to innumerable peach and green lights strung between poles, draped across booths and decorating the vendors' bodies, there were lanterns and candles everywhere, brightening this small section of the eternally twilight world to what Kurogane would have deemed full daylight.
The underlying theme seemed to be that of fleeting beauty and cherishing it while it lasted, as well as a more pragmatic theme of burning fields in order to prepare them for spring plantings. Flowers both real and artificial bloomed everywhere, including on the people milling about. The refreshments being sold - a good many finding their way into the mage's stomach after being batted away by the ninja - were mostly airy cakes shaped like flowers and buds, and the beverages were either pink or green and decorated with blossoms. It would have been too cloying and sweet for the red-eyed warrior save that it reminded him of the princess he'd grown to respect and care for as they'd traveled together. Though she came from a desert kingdom, her name reminded him of delicate pink flowers and her eyes had been a bright green reminiscent of new leaves.
Before Fai could sicken himself on sugary treats, they crossed over into the summer quadrant, and the change was as abrupt as if they'd actually jumped forward in time to another season. The colors here were vibrant blues and yellows as if to mimic a blazing sun and shimmering ocean that didn't even exist on this world, and instead of a profusion of refreshments and baubles, here most of the booths offered games to test one's strength. Water and farming seemed to be the theme of many of the games, and at Fai's eager insistence Kurogane eventually took part in races to haul heavy buckets of water across a mock field and strength trials involving moving increasingly heavy stones from one place to another. He won every game he played and made Fai carry the prizes, which were mostly small bags of grain or cured meats wrapped in rough cloth and dangling in a knotted rope bag. There was a prize of four bottles of alcohol as well, but Kurogane carried that himself, not quite trusting the mage to refrain from polishing off the winnings behind his back under the specious pretense of lightening his load.
They passed from the vigor of summer to the richness of autumn eventually, now carrying their burdens equally and passing a bottle back and forth. This third section of town was decorated in red and orange with most of the decorations made of or mimicking berries and leaves, and the theme was earth's bountiful harvests and the taking of one's ease. The food and drink vendors made a reappearance here and Kurogane indulged himself in some of the rich meats and fragrant river fishes that made his drink seem all the more refreshing.
After taking this leisurely walk among a crowd boisterous with food and drink, past stalls crowded with colorful trinkets and baubles the use of which he could hardly imagine, Kurogane almost expected the last quadrant to be just as cheerfully noisy and dedicated to celebrating life's goodness. When they crossed the street into winter, however, the two men both paused to look about them in appreciation and no little wonder. This section of Idia was just as thickly decorated and well attended as the preceding three, but the atmosphere was completely different.
All of the booths and stalls and displays were formed of wood naturally pale or whitewashed to a creamy hue, and instead of bright colors and lights competing for attention, everything was draped in great lengths of dark blue cloth. The only lights were such a pale gold as to be almost white, and were strung along and scattered across the blue fabric as if to mimic falling snow or the starry sky. The impression of winter's hush was no less due to the people moving through this quarter than to the quiet elegance of the decorations. The vendors here were only nodding and smiling at those who passed, or speaking in low voices instead of hawking their wares at the tops of their lungs. Those walking through and attending the festival were equally subdued, and Kurogane noticed that everyone - men, women and children - were wearing or putting on gauzy white shawls over their heads and torsos to cover up their gaudy garb and shining skin. He glanced over to Fai, wondering if they were about to commit some sort of social blunder by walking in bare-headed, and then saw a man approaching them with smiles and an armful of white cloth.
"Your mantles, neighbors," the stranger said, proffering a large rectangle of fabric to each of them in turn. "I hope you're enjoying the festival."
"We are indeed," Fai said, unfurling the sheer material with a flick of his wrists and letting it settle over his head and shoulders after a quick glance around to see how others were wearing it. Kurogane followed suit, letting the extra material drape over his bare arm and flow over his clothing, effectively dimming him as if he were one of the spherical lamps that were covered at night. Red eyes glanced up to find Fai adjusting the material over his head to cover his crown of shimmering blue and gold while speaking again to the attendant.
"I'm new to some of the traditions, though. Would you mind explaining the significance of the mantles to me?"
"Well and sure," the man replied easily, though with a blink of surprise at their ignorance. "Winter's the long sleep and little death that helps us remember to cherish all the waking moments that make up life. Covering ourselves up's a way of facing the fact that the cycle never stops; we all lose everything eventually...even our own light. Accepting it helps us make the most of what we're given."
Fai nodded in comprehension and expressed gratitude for the explanation, and Kurogane also gave the man a brief nod of thanks. He found himself a bit surprised to find such a somber, thoughtful ceremony as part of this festival. His impressions of the people here had so far been good, but the ninja thought of them as a bit...simple, perhaps. Not stupid or shallow in any mean sense, but rather innocent in an almost childish way. The first three sections of the festival that they'd passed through had bolstered his idea that the people of Idia were very much dedicated to all the pleasures that life offered. They worked hard, but their highest aims had seemed to be somewhat hedonistic rather than focused on the spiritual or ideal. Now, however, the ninja found that there was depth and meaning even to the simple act of enjoying life to the utmost, and he nodded thoughtfully in approval.
"You're almost smiling," came the comment from about his left shoulder, followed by a gentle demonstration of the expression mentioned. "Does this part of the festival remind you of Nihon?" Fai peered up at him from behind a curtain-edge of pale gold hair and gauzy white fabric, and the glowing wreath hidden underneath the mantle chased away the shadows, ringing the mage's face with a sort of halo instead.
"Not particularly," Kurogane replied offhandedly. "Just thought the sentiment had merit." He almost expected some teasing from his companion, perhaps about his talent for understatement or aversion to anything approaching effusion. Fai only murmured agreement, however, before falling into a prolonged silence. It lasted their entire tour of the last quarter, and as they approached one of the main streets separating each section again and saw the spring festivities across the way, Kurogane gave the mage a slight nudge.
Fai looked up immediately, and the ninja was surprised at the traces of upset he saw being shouldered aside by a hasty smile. He'd thought they'd just been walking comfortably along and enjoying the festival in silence, but somewhere along the way Fai seemed to have fallen into one of his dimmer moods again. Thinking now to get the man away from the crowd for some conversation instead, Kurogane reminded him that there were bottles keeping cool in a shimmering stream in the woods nearby.
"I know," Fai murmured, smile tightening a bit at the corners. "Not yet, though."
It was exactly what he'd said a few nights ago when Kurogane had lightly pressed at the issue of his continued refusal to feed, and the ninja now frowned, uneasy without quite knowing why. He slowed his steps but before he could speak, Fai nodded off to the side a bit, drawing his attention.
"It looks like there's one last part to the festival."
Kurogane followed his gaze along the main street to the crossroads, where a large courtyard of hard-packed dirt covered over with fine golden sand marked the center of Idia. A great tree grew in the very center, in shape very much like an oak and towering high above every building in the town, giving shade to almost the entire courtyard. Before, when Kurogane had passed under it as he went to and fro, it just had been a tree and nothing more, lighting its own shade with a buttery light from its luminescent bark. Now, he could barely see the other side of the courtyard as discarded mantles hung thick from the lower branches of the tree, waving slowly in the breeze and from the movement of the people still milling about within the courtyard. A few glowbugs drifted aimlessly around between the gauzy scarves, and it almost looked like a weird underwater scene of glimmering fish and pale mer-people playing among thick white seagrass growing top-down toward the ocean floor.
Fai stepped forward to a set of daintily carved, low wooden fences that had been set into the ground to form a little corridor that led people from the winter quadrant into the courtyard and then paused, leaning over to examine a sign that was thick with small, spidery writing. Just as Kurogane had been able to understand the language in Yama, Idia's language had proven to be similar enough to Celesian that Fai had been able to read the signs and books of this place.
Knowing that he himself would be unable to make anything of the script, Kurogane lingered behind a bit, watching the townspeople instead. While some few were merely using the tree as a sort of coat rack and then scattering back into whatever season they chose, the greater part of the festival attendees were pairing off or forming small groups and having quiet conversations before shedding their mantles. It didn't seem to just be a widespread desire for small talk; while voices remained subdued out of respect for the others nearby, it was apparent that some of the discussions being had were quite intense. Kurogane could see shock and frowns and tears on faces between the fluttering white lengths of cloth, though there were also smiles and embraces.
The Festival of Light was closing a bit more strangely than he'd anticipated.
"Kuro-sama, come on." Red eyes fell from the scene to look at Fai, who was still smiling that tight, tense smile that stirred up unease in the ninja. He recognized it, understood it, and had no idea what was causing it. He could hardly imagine that the festivities or this peaceful world as a whole that should be causing the mage to feel pressured and trapped, but the only other variable was himself, and Kurogane couldn't recall saying anything to have upset the man.
"This isn't just the place to leave our mantles," the mage was saying, and the dark-haired man shook off his unproductive thoughts for the moment to listen with greater attention.
"Every town is built around a tree that they call the Tree of Life. Just as every day ends with taking off your clothes and the dust of the day, every winter ends with cleaning out the debris of the last year, and every life ends with purifying fire, they close each festival with something they call the unburdening. During the festival, anything you say under the tree has to be accepted and respected, and everything is considered resolved or forgiven or whatever it should be once you hang up your mantle and leave. Both the confessor and the confessed-to are supposed to leave it all under the tree."
"...so you can drag me in there, call me some dumb new nickname, and once you leave the courtyard I can't deck you for it."
Fai gave him a chiding look and nearly laughed, eyebrows twisted up and mouth quirking into a smile that was a little more rueful, and a little more real.
"What am I going to do with you?" the blond asked, his tone clearly expressing the fact that he knew Kurogane knew better. "It's supposed to be a cleansing, healing sort of process to get you ready to face the new year feeling new and refreshed yourself, instead of dragging old hurts and bitterness forward. The pleasures of the old year are over; so should the pains be, so that you can appreciate the blessings of the new year without tainting them with regrets for the old."
"Yeah, I get it," Kurogane said, and almost raised his hand to remove his mantle so that he could toss it up into the branches and be done with it. While he didn't express everything that was in his heart and mind, he never shirked saying what he felt needed to be said and wasn't the type to let petty things fester either. All their great disagreements were long over and done with; he had no need to unburden himself.
But Fai, apparently, did.
"Come stand under the tree with me," the blond said, and though he met Kurogane's gaze unflinchingly and spoke his request without any trembling of voice or form, still the ninja could see that unhappy tension undissipated - mounting, even - and something like fear lingering in the back of those blue eyes. Kurogane thought of what might be upsetting Fai again, and thought that perhaps it was just Fai himself. The ninja knew there were still things unsaid between them despite their closeness, and wondered if one of these secrets was beginning to weigh upon the other. There were no more curses and no more bloodstained mysteries, but innocent secrets could eat away at a person too. Fai wanted to tell him something, and if the telling would ease the mage, perhaps even shed light onto the timidity that marked his intimacies, Kurogane was willing to listen.
He glanced over to the courtyard, quiet but crowded, and then looked back to his companion.
"We can just leave and have our talk in private," he suggested in a low voice. "You know I won't respect this whole 'leave it behind' thing if I don't end up agreeing with it." Whatever the blond wanted to confess, let it be confessed. But if Kurogane felt the need to bring it up again and talk it out some more, he would, and Idia's traditions be damned.
"...what am I going to do with you?" Fai repeated, seeming to find a bit of humor in the contrariness of his companion. "Yes, Kuro-tan, I know. And you should know by now that sometimes I need...a push. A little false courage, perhaps. Stand under the tree with me."
He'd tried to be the one to give those pushes and provide that false courage in the past. There was nothing further he could argue on the side of more privacy or anything else, so he simply nodded and strode forward between the fences, leaving Fai to follow along as he scouted out a less crowded bit of sand and scarves. He ended up standing near the very center of the courtyard, with the massive trunk of the Tree of Life and a thick cluster of hanging mantles giving them the illusion of being alone. The white fabric reflected the tree's light like clouds bright with moonlight, and the serenity combined with his anticipation and Fai's subdued mood to invest the moment with a touch of ceremony even for him.
He waited expectantly as Fai drew near and dropped his parcels onto the sand just as Kurogane had, watching that slightly bowed head under its covering of gauzy fabric and wondering what still lay between them that could put that faint tremble into the pale hands folded over the mage's stomach.
"I have a few things I want to tell you, and I'd like to just say them all at once and be done with it. If you interrupt with a question or a punch," Fai said, lifting his face up to give Kurogane a little smile with this quip on the ninja's oft-times violent impulse control issues, "I might get all muddled up, so just listen, all right? I don't...I don't really need you to respond. When I take off my mantle, I'll be done, and then we can go fishing in the stream for those bottles."
Kurogane had the feeling that this conversation wasn't going to end quite so simply, but he was impatient to hear whatever it was that Fai was so nervous about telling him, and nodded agreement. He'd often accused the wizard of tending too much to flee and evade and delay the inevitable, but it had been long since he'd thought of the man as cowardly in any way. And once Fai came to grips with what had to be done, he wasted no further time in second-guessing himself but got to it. The discrepancy between the ninja's quickness in settling on a course of action and the sometimes too-introspective mage's caution had made Kurogane cruel in the past. He'd tried to bully the other into thinking and doing and acting as he thought he ought to when Fai hadn't actually been indecisive or too timid at all. The princeling's more fragile, wounded heart had simply needed more time to come to terms with such harsh choices as had been set before him, and Kurogane hadn't been able to see it for all the hardness of his own heart at the time.
It seemed that Fai had been struggling with yet another difficult decision, but this time Kurogane had been able to give him the time and space he'd needed to grapple with it at his own pace, and was now rewarded with a voluntary confession. Having decided to speak, Fai wasted no more time in fearful hesitation even though his nerves were apparent in the slight unsteadiness of his voice and the shallowness of his breaths.
"I know you're kind," Fai began, and it was good that he'd extracted a promise of silence from the ninja because Kurogane's impulse was to growl a denial and possibly kick off a pointless argument on the matter. "And I know this because you've been kind enough to put up with me taking advantage of your kindness."
A dark eyebrow twitched up. He'd promised to be silent but he couldn't help but express the fact that he was starting to think that this was going to be a conversation he'd want to punch Fai for later. The thought grew stronger with Fai's next sentence and the careful choice of words, but by then those blue eyes had faltered and fallen to somewhere around the ninja's collarbones, and the deepening frown on the taller's face went unnoticed.
"I know that you know how I feel...and I know you care for me. This isn't about that. Like this festival and Idia's beliefs encourage, I want to appreciate life and all its blessings to the fullest. I don't want to taint it with regrets or guilt or any of that. Even if I can't have everything I want, still I've been given more than I'd ever dreamed I'd have, and I want to be content with it instead of poisoning even that with wishing for more."
The words seemed to be costing Fai more and more effort as they fell, tugging Kurogane's eyebrows down further with them, and then the ninja's jaw almost dropped as the confession began in earnest.
"I know you'll let me make a new home for myself in Nihon; you've said as much many times before and besides that I know you honor the commitments you make no matter the consequences. I wanted to let you know that so far as I can tell, you paid off your price to keep me alive when I got my magic back. I'm still a vampire, but...that's my own fault. Yuuko-san said that regaining my eye and power would undo the deal but I think it depended on me. On my wishes. I could have cured myself but I didn't have that desire within me anymore, so the vampirism survived. I couldn't make myself want to be cured. I didn't want to break that tie between us. I still can't, in fact, but it's loose enough that you can free yourself, at least. My thirst seems to plateau before it becomes any real inconvenience, so you don't have to feed me to keep me alive anymore. I wanted to apologize for all the blood you didn't actually need to lose, and for my selfishness."
Kurogane's hand itched to smack that bowed head, but it remained cowled under the white mantle, signaling that the confession was not yet over.
"You warned me that vampires were loathsome monsters even in Nihon, and I want you to know that I appreciate what you've endured in being my prey and what you were prepared to endure in continuing to fulfill your obligations in having saved my life and needing to sustain it. I hope that will make it easier for you to bring me with you when you go home...because I still want to live in Nihon if you'll let me," Fai then said, then paused to swallow and take a deep breath as if to settle himself. It ratcheted the tension in Kurogane's shoulders up another notch, as it seemed to indicate that an even more miserable misunderstanding was about to be revealed. His instincts did not prove him wrong.
"I know the vampirism wasn't the only problem in my living in Nihon; maybe it was even the least of the problems. I can't do anything about my looks but you don't have to feed me anymore and..." Fai gritted his teeth before doggedly going on and Kurogane had a moment in which to think, oh gods, what?
"...I'll give you up. I know Nihon's just as intolerant of...of men like me, with my preferences...as Celes and Valeria. I picked that up from our conversations too, and again, I appreciate the warning and...all the times you've accepted...allowed me..."
Kurogane picked his jaw back up and took a breath to cut this insanity off - where and when had Fai gotten that idea? - but he didn't even manage to get one syllable out before Fai anticipated his interruption and looked up at him, shaking his head. Even more than the gesture, that choked, painful, dying look in the mage's eyes stopped Kurogane cold.
"I'm almost done," Fai blurted, regaining his voice after faltering over his last thought. "I just want to say one more thing and then...and then we can be done with all this. I know I shouldn't have let it get this far but I couldn't help myself. I took advantage of the fact that you held yourself responsible for my being alive at all. At first I actually thought...I'd hoped...I wanted so much...but then I realized you felt obligated to let me find happiness where I could, not just keep me alive..."
The mage was as restless now as he'd formerly been still, eyes falling away again and looking everywhere but at Kurogane, hands clenching over and over into the fabric of his mantle, almost squirming like a man desperately trying to free himself from the bonds that were torturing him. And then fresh pain shivered over his face and Fai clenched shut his eyes. It was like looking at a man plunging a dagger into his own heart just to escape further torture and Kurogane grabbed the blond by the upper arm unthinkingly, as if to keep him from falling or fleeing.
"You kissed me back, you held me when I came to you, you gave me everything I demanded of you but you never pursued me on your own," Fai gasped, and there was no accusation in those blue eyes; only an indescribable hurt. "I couldn't stop myself even after I realized...but I'm done. I'm done taking things from you. I avoided getting close to anyone for too long but I do know that this isn't how people love; by taking. And I do love you...I love you."
The words stunned Kurogane, who came from a land where even happily married couples might go their entire lives without ever speaking the phrase. Even his parents, who had been the most besotted and mutually beloved couple he'd ever yet laid his eyes on, had expressed their adoration for one another in much more subtle phrases. His grip upon Fai loosened and the blond collapsed into him, burying his face into the ninja's chest as if the confession had caused him too much agony to stand without support. A muscular arm wrapped immediately about a slender waist to hold the mage up, and Fai's next words were muffled in the folds of the mantle that he was clinging to.
"I want you to enjoy my presence, not endure it," Fai said, his voice suddenly calm but also nearly dead, devoid of all the overwrought feeling that had made it so vibrant and piercing a moment before. It was as if he'd killed hope at the same time as he'd confessed having dared to dream. "Tell me you understand, and that you forgive me...tell me you'll still take me home even though you're under no obligations to me. I won't take blood or anything else from you anymore. I'll content myself with being your friend, but...if you can, kiss me just once. I know it's-"
Whether Fai was going to say "distasteful" or "disgusting" or "not your thing", Kurogane didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear another word, shouldn't have kept his promise to keep silent, and definitely shouldn't have let things get this far as Fai had said, though in a wildly different way. He let go of the mage's waist and brought his hand up, ripping the other man's mantle away in one violent jerk and sending the golden wreath skidding away across the sand. Fai startled and snapped his head up, wide-eyed and with his mouth fallen open in surprise, and Kurogane very nearly grabbed him by the hair and crushed their mouths together.
But one last kiss was what Fai had asked for to seal the deal that would set Kurogane free of his affections, and the ninja wanted no more misunderstandings. He did grab a fistful of that pale honey-gold hair now disheveled by his impatience but he only drew their faces close in order to growl, not devour. Not yet.
"You keep saying you know this and you know that but you've got all except for one thing wrong," the ninja snarled, hurt more than angry, and that for the other man's sake, not his own. "Yes, you are coming to Nihon with me. No, it is not because I need to feed you or have to make up for not letting you die. You are coming to Nihon with me because I want you to and that is the only reason. Got it? All of those subtle warnings you thought I was giving you? I was just talking. If I feel you need to be warned about something I will warn you, not dance around the subject. Mage, royal, vampire, whatever; it doesn't matter. You're you and that's why I want you with me."
Blue eyes were wide and while the wizard seemed to comprehend the words being spoken, nothing was sinking in quite yet; it was all still shock and stunned silence. Kurogane gave him no time to recover before throwing another misunderstanding-shattering bomb.
"And this is not in fact any of your business, but the Divine Empress of my country takes Souma to bed every chance she gets." He paused to let names and faces - and genders - fall into place in the mage's head, and only continued when he saw the telltale signs of revelation in the face lifted up to his.
"No one is going to throw rocks or spit at me for bringing you home or taking you into my bed. Both of which I intend on doing, just to be clear. Gender doesn't matter. Even if it did matter it wouldn't matter; I am not letting anyone take you away from me and that includes you." He took a breath to calm himself a bit, loosening his fingers so that he was cradling Fai's head instead of grabbing it as if to shake some sense into it. The intent was not actually to berate the mage for his mistakes, but Kurogane's manner had never exactly been of the soft touch variety.
"Don't say that you'll give me up," he said, voice still a low growl but less angry now, with affection and hunger softening the edges, and he knew that Fai heard the difference because of the shiver that ran through the frame still standing so near him and the answering spark in the mage's eyes. "I won't let you. If you want something, fight for it. Or at least ask. I never approached you first because you were so damn skittish. I thought if I pushed you into my bed I'd end up pushing you away, so I figured it was better to just wait and let you get comfortable with it all. I didn't think I was being treated like some guilty pleasure."
A faint smile touched the edges of Fai's mouth at this last grumble but soon faded. Though the mage was calmer now within the circle of his arm, he wasn't relaxed and Kurogane could still see anxiety in that drawn face and anxious eyes illuminated by the tree's soft light. He waited a moment, tensing his forearm a bit behind Fai's shoulders to coax the mage closer while slowly moving his thumb across Fai's scalp in a little caress. He wished suddenly that he still had his other arm, for the sake of a complete embrace and being able to run another hand along the other's back.
"You..." Fai began, and then stalled. There seemed to be too many things he wanted to say or ask for him to choose one thought easily, and finally he simply said, "You never said anything."
"Didn't think I needed to," Kurogane replied. It was still his general philosophy, but admittedly the application of it hadn't worked out as well as it ought to have.
"How am I supposed to know otherwise?" came the protest, valid in its own way but still making the ninja argue.
"Ask," he said insistently, repeating a suggestion of earlier. It was half an answer, half a command.
"...do you regret any of it?" Fai questioned, unclenching one of his hands from Kurogane's mantle and sliding his fingers up the ninja's chest toward his left shoulder. "Tokyo, Celes...Clow and all the worlds after that?"
"No," Kurogane answered firmly. He did regret many things; not getting to the basement of the Tokyo Tower more quickly, not confronting the princess and mage about their secrets in Infinity, and many other little what-ifs besides. But it was not in his nature to nurture self-recrimination and constantly second-guess his actions; what was, was, and he looked forward instead of back. Besides, these were not the regrets Fai was asking about now.
"You don't find anything about me distasteful? The fact that I'm so obviously foreign...the blood-drinking...my desire for you?"
"No," Kurogane repeated, and was rather proud of himself for refraining from tacking on a disparaging remark on the other man's intelligence. Fai was foreign, and what was more, had grown up - developed, twisted, and suffered - under such circumstances that Kurogane had no right to chide him for jumping to conclusions so far off the mark or for having a mindset that differed so widely from his own. The Celesian might as well chide Kurogane for having red eyes and a taste for fish.
"You want me to go home with you, when this is all over...out of nothing more than that you don't want us to separate?"
"Yes."
"...you want me?"
"Yes."
He waited for the one question that should have settled it all, that Fai was obviously working his way up to and not quite able to voice yet. It was perhaps unfair of him to make the mage ask it. Fai had already confessed his feelings but while Kurogane had responded in his own way, verbally he'd only admitted to acceptance and physical desire. It was more than what Fai would have tried to settle for, and less than what he truly wanted.
Kurogane's patience gave out before Fai's courage could build up, and the ninja gave a little exhalation that was partly a laugh and partly a sigh.
"Yes," he repeated, and got a confused quirk of blond eyebrows at this repetition of an answer that they both knew the mage had heard.
"The answer is yes, whenever you get around to asking me," Kurogane clarified, and felt the corners of his mouth twitch up slightly at the sight of the smile that slowly overspread Fai's face. It was slow to appear, hesitant at first but then gained life quickly and soon outshone even the Tree of Life and the little glowbugs that drifted by to see the spectacle. He gazed down complacently for a while and then moved his hand to give the blond's shoulder a quick squeeze before stepping away. He could feel blue eyes fixed on him as he bent to pick up the wreath and mantle he'd so violently torn away and discarded, the question of the kiss Fai had asked for still hanging heavy in the air.
"Go on ahead of me and get those bottles opened up," Kurogane said as he straightened up and deposited the blue and gold wreath back onto the mage's head, speaking normally as if he were just cleaning up after nothing at all. The blond's expression was now clearly puzzled at this anti-climactic denouement but it only made the ninja grin.
"I'll be there soon," he said, and didn't say I'll find you, I'll chase after you, I'll hunt you down and then I'll kiss you until you forget that you ever doubted your worth in my eyes. There was a second or two where Fai just looked at him seekingly, but then he seemed to hear it all and left after giving the ninja a quick nod and smile, and scooping up the parcels they'd dropped. After shaking the sand out of the gauzy cloth in his hand with a sharp snap of his wrist and then tossing both their mantles over the nearest branch, Kurogane turned and began pursuing him.
He caught up with him at the edge of the forest, caught him by one wrist, and never let him go.