A/N: Wow, hello! I am so sorry for how long this has taken but after bribing myself with chocolate and other sorts of rewards (my key motivator being that I wanted to give this to myself as a birthday present), here it is. All done and dusted. I am forever thankful and appreciative of all those responsible for following and favouriting this story and myself as an author; you'll never know how much it means to me. And in return I gift you with the final part of this saga. Thank you all very much once again!
.
Selfish
Part IV: Lover of the Light
It's not that we aren't meant to be together, I just think that we're just not ready for forever
.
The standalone, multistoried home sat isolated in the vast expanse of the rolling meadows and fertile fields, its seemingly rickety structure fortified by the likes of magic. Draco stood a couple of yards away, contemplating whether his current decision was to be followed through or to go with the niggling idea at the forefront of his mind to bail.
But what use would that be? He'd come this far for her and he may as well go all the way if it meant they'd be saved.
He manufactured a quick backbone as he rapped at the wooden front door, waiting for the sound of needing-to-be-oiled hinges to squeak to life. Within a couple minutes of standing alone, the door before him was drawn backwards accompanied with an exasperated sigh, coming from no other than Ginny – now – Potter herself.
Her eyes widened significantly at the sight of him as she announced, "You're so lucky nobody's home."
In her arms she held a little baby and by the looks of it, a boy. Momentarily taken by the baby's sea green eyes, Draco drew his sight back to Ginny. "Are you just going to leave me standing out here?"
"I may as well." Ginny gave him a deathly glare as she bounced the toddler on her hip.
"Ah, but that's no way to treat a guest."
"You can't even be classed as one, Malfoy."
His attempt at light-hearted teasing was swept aside as his reason for even being here kicked in. "I just want answers."
She kept her glare, not breaking away. "And what is it you may do with the ones you might possibly receive?"
"Does this really have to continue right here?"
With a heavy sigh, Ginny gestured for him to follow her to the kitchen then stay put before she returned. "What is it that you exactly want to know?"
There was no point in him for even daring to beat around the bush, plus he didn't want to spend all too much time where he didn't need to be. "Where is she?"
"She?"
"Granger."
"Granger? Back on second name basis are we?"
He moaned aloud, why was he wasting his time here? He should've just interrogated Potter as much as he could before even setting foot out here. "Hermione."
"Hermione what?"
The tension in his shoulders began to rustle his nerves, so he exhaled a deep breath before continuing. "Where is she? Where is Hermione?"
"After what you've put her through, why would you want to find her?"
Ginny and her stubborn persona were starting to get to him and it was only a matter of time before he lashed out. "And how would that be any of your business?"
"She is my best friend! I have every right not to tell you where she is!"
"Well the faster you give me the answers I want, the quicker I'll be out of your way!"
"It's been how long now? Nearly two months she's been gone and now you want to sort things out!? You don't deserve to see her again!"
Draco did all he could to control the tremors of fury running down his body. In a soft and measured tone he accused, "Just like I told your husband, you don't know what I do and do not deserve."
Ginny did everything she could to keep up her stubborn posture and not take a step back. His sudden quiet tone had her calculating that she was to tread lightly.
"I've made a decision, to go ahead and do what is best for the both of us. You know where she is and if you're not going to tell me then there's no use in wasting my time here. I'll find her myself."
Draco relaxed and released his balled fists. It was a complete and utter waste of time being here. He'd worked up too many nerves than expected and wasted a whole lot of time and patience.
And so he turned for the door and guided himself out, leaving a partially frightened Ginny in her kitchen watching his back as he left.
And now what would he do? Scout of the entire mass that is the United Kingdom just to find her? Would he do that?
"I would've thought you'd have placed a tracking charm on her something…" Ginny called out, breaking him away from his thoughts.
He turned slightly to look over his shoulder to see her motioning to come back inside.
Draco followed her to stand before the fireplace, not entirely sure of why he followed her back inside the Burrow.
"I… I thought about what you had mentioned earlier, about the choice you made…"
"What about it?"
"A—Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
He breathed aloud, "I wouldn't be doing anything if I didn't."
"Right." She nervously wrung her hands. He could see the internal questioning going on inside her by the simple expressions on her face. Torn, upset, angry then to something similar to sympathetic. Whatever is was that she had going on inside of that freckled skull of hers, she'd better hurry up.
She moved away from him to find a paper and pen, scribbling something down.
"Where you want to find her is in muggle London." She handed over the folded piece of paper as she continued. "There is the address and the way to get there."
He did all he could to refrain from running back outside and apparating to his first check point.
Draco gave her an appreciative nod before walking himself out again. Now he could start, really start, to fix everything. But it was also the time that he had to start striking a speech together.
And Merlin wasn't that going to be fun.
.
.
The constant humming of the car engine could have lulled Draco to sleep if it weren't for the terrible driving skills of the taxi driver. It was quite a lengthy trip, an hour almost. But to Draco it felt like eternity. After only ever becoming attributed to wizarding means of travel, Draco didn't seem too comfortable travelling a way he never had before.
The time that he was presented with did do him a favor; to rally his thoughts and pick the right words to say. He could almost be thankful for the amount of time he had.
The scenery around him began to transform, gradually morphing from vast meadows to mountainous hills decorated with thick clusters of tall trees that were also lined along either side of the road acting as nature's fence, separating man from the forest countryside.
It was not long after the change of scenery that Draco could spot his destination, Primrose Lodge.
He was told that it was a ginormous expanse of acres and acres of land, dispersed with cozy, two-storied cottages suited for any sort of individual. What a great investment it was too.
Not long after Draco paid off the taxi, he made his way over to the reception of the lodge. The bell above the door rang aloud but no one was around or came out at the sound of his entry. He scouted the room for any living soul before walking directly to the desk and rung the little bell on the countertop as he called out, "Hello?"
Within minutes after ringing the bell, a tall, tanned skinned female scooted behind the counter. "Hello and welcome to Primrose Lodge; would you like to make a booking or do you already hold a reservation?"
Clearing his throat Draco responded. "I—I'm actually here looking for someone..."
The young woman grimaced a little. "I'm sorry but we can't actually disclose any information of any of our guests; I apologize for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
There was no way he was being turned away from his target now. "I'm looking for Hermione Granger, is she here?"
She went quiet as she processed his question. Ah ha, so she definitely was here thank Merlin.
"And who may you be?"
"Draco Malfoy." He held his breath for a reason he did not know. Why would it matter who he was to her? It's not as though she'd know who he was.
He watched as her eyes flitted across his features, processing his appearance. It was a quiet for a little too long, but that silence was broken before he could attempt to clear the awkwardness from the air.
"You." She stated as she raised a finger toward him. "You!"
Draco's eyes widened and took a step back. Whoever she was, Hermione may have said something to her but this didn't seem to be going any way he would like.
He stood there, not comprehending what was going on as another joined the girl behind the desk.
"Hey, what's going on here?" The man asked to the both of them.
Draco merely raised his eyebrows in question, hoping he conveyed some sort of innocence toward the guy.
"It's him Sam. The one who 'Mione was talking about."
'Mione? Who were these people?
Sam looked at the girl incredulously. "How would you even know, Phoenix? You haven't even met him! All Hermione did was describe to you what he looked like. There could be any tall, skinny blonde dude that could be him."
Skinny dude!? Draco narrowed his eyes slightly at Sam, not revealing his offence at his apparent description that Hermione had told them. She wouldn't have called him skinny… Would she? No, she wouldn't.
Phoenix turned to Sam and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Sam, honey, there's only so much 'Mione has told you and trust me when I say she'd tell her cousin certain information that she wouldn't tell her cousin's partner."
She flashed Sam an artificially sweet smile before she turned back to Draco. "What are you doing here?"
Taken slightly aback by the subtle poison in her tone, Draco pulled himself together. "I'm here to see Hermione."
"Do you really think it's going to be that easy to get to her!? She told me what you did and what makes you think I'd let you go anywhere near her again!"
Draco stood strong, like he told himself before, he was this far and there was no way in hell he was turning away.
Sam stood by confidently but not saying a word.
"I don't get what could possibly give you the incentive to think you could get her back!" Phoenix shouted.
"Hey keep it down!" Sam interjected.
Oh that was it. He was not going to stand there silent and be belittled by someone he had no clue of and could think she could get away with it. And if she was going to raise her voice, so was he.
"You have got no clue of my intention for even being here other than it is for Hermione! Don't you dare think that you're going to stop me either!"
"Oh yeah!?" Phoenix taunted.
"Hey, no yelling!" Sam tried again.
"Shut up!" They both bellowed at Sam.
The silence was tense and it was his chance to try and pull some of the wool from Phoenix's eyes.
"You wouldn't have a clue how far I've come for her. I'm not going to walk away from the effort I've put in to track her down and you are most certainly not going to stop me."
Phoenix went to shout out at him again but Sam shot his arm out in front of her mouth and clasped his hand over her lips. He then guided her to the office beside the counter, giving her a nudge in that direction then quickly closing the door behind him.
Same held the door knob that was being throttled by Phoenix screaming obscenities at the wooden door. "Grab a map."
"Sorry?" Draco didn't understand. He was completely lost.
Sam nudged his head in the direction of the main desk. "Grab a map from the little slot hanging from the desk; it's a map of the lodge."
Not even wanting to spare another precious moment, Draco nearly darted forward at the table and took the folded leaflet of the map. He looked back toward Sam for further instruction.
"You see that cross on the map?"
Draco gave a firm nod.
"That's where you are now. Where you want to be is on the eastern side of the lodge."
Draco scanned the map for the particular side he was after. Once found, he looked up at Sam as confirmation.
"Her cottage is along the eastern shore, there are only two cottages there. One is abandoned; the other is where she currently resides." Sam's body shook as Phoenix beat at the door.
He found the two points on the map of the potential locations. The amount of relief that was flooding his chest was almost enough to make him pass out.
"Make him WALK!" Phoenix roared from behind the door.
"She has a point…" Sam stated with a sigh. "I've done what I can; so I suggest you head off."
"You have no idea—" Draco started but was cut off but Phoenix's scream and Sam's warning stare.
"I suggest you go before I let her out."
With that, Draco bolted out the door and started to head toward the east shoreline. He used the 'Point-Me' charm to navigate his way in the right direction and charmed the map to show his progress.
He was ever-thankful toward Sam and his understanding to his situation. It was almost as though through his silence of standing there and minor attempts at calming him and Phoenix, it was as though he knew what Draco was doing was right.
As though he was in silent support of his decision to pursue Hermione, to fix things; even if it was just to talk. Sam still understood. He would be indebted to him.
Depending on how this all goes that is.
.
.
Trees were everywhere.
He didn't think he'd find his way to the apparent shoreline where she was at. That's if there was one. At the rate that he was going, Draco felt like he was walking in circles but his continual checking his progress on the map showed that he was still headed in the right direction.
If only he'd thought to ask for the general distance of his destination.
He wasn't entirely dressed for a hike through the thick forest and now he was parched. The constant humming of the surrounding insects and occasional chirp of the birds was beginning to do his head in and toy with his patience.
So he sat down on the nearest stump, head in hands and collecting his thoughts as his heart rate settled. Draco looked through the trees to the skies above him, there was no way he'd make it to her cottage before the sun went down.
But he needed to tend to his dehydration. He reached out and picked up the pale blue shell at his feet, dipped enough to act as a cup. "Aguamenti."
The jet of water streamed into the shell and as soon as it was full, he raised the makeshift cup to his lips and downed it whole. Draco took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling. With exhaustion settling in, he closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment of peace and quiet.
The droning of the insect calls turned to a low purr and the bothersome chirps of the native birds turned into a soft, broken song. Even the periodical sound of the rolling waves soothed his soul.
Then it clicked.
Draco looked to his hands and finally realized what was still in his grasp; a shell.
Eager, he rose from the aged stump and began to run toward the sound of crashing waves. He picked his pace and rushed through the trees, darting around foliage and shrubs that posed as obstacles, ducking under and pushing his way through stray branches.
Shoving past the last couple of branches in his way, Draco finally found what he was searching for. Standing at the crest of the hill he was on, he scanned the scenery around him for the cottages.
Immediately he found the one he was looking for. The tell-tale pillar of smoke billowing from the chimney top gave him a sign that there was life within its walls. He found a trail down to the sand and fervently made his way down to the sand.
Draco stuck to the firmer sand on the shore, the white-wash of the waves occasionally washing over his shoes, but he didn't care. He was less than two hundred meters from the place he's been searching for and there were greater things to worry about.
He paused his progression towards her home and just stood there.
Inhaling deep and then exhaling even deeper, Draco suddenly felt dizzy. Finally his endeavors to find Hermione and try and settle the unrest were coming to fruition. Well, he'd found her and now he just had to complete the other half of his mission.
He would do this, no matter what it took.
He turned to study the cottage from his distance. Soft light shone through the windows and onto the balcony, giving an angelic glow to the figure sitting on the deck chair.
Hermione.
Something tugged at the weak threads that held his heart together as he took her in. He tried to take a step and move yet he found himself stuck. The mellow rose pink and bright orange of the sun's setting rays warmed his body and making the silvery blonde strands of his hair quite a shine, they may have acted as a reflector. But he pushed himself to make a start toward the cottage, he couldn't dawdle any longer.
He kept his gaze on her as he walked along the shore; not daring to look away.
.
.
The evening sun was making its statement as it set, her surroundings glowing like a dusk wonderland. Everything in sight was coated with a pink and gold glaze; even the trees looked like the dying embers of a fire.
She skimmed her sights over the watery platform beyond her balcony, looking an incredible shade of dark pink. Her vision kept cruising further down the shore till she spotted a lone figure standing at the waters edge, unmoving and facing her way.
Hermione tried to make out who it could possibly be. Maybe she was seeing things but she decided to check things out otherwise, plus her legs needed a little bit of a stretch.
So she set her mug down on the table top and slipped on a pair of sandals then followed the trail down to the shore. Hermione squinted, trying to focus her vision as she strolled over the sand toward the figure.
As they saw her approach, they too began to stride over in her direction. With little than one hundred meters to go, Hermione could now make out more of the persons features. The first and foremost attribute that caught her sights was the hair.
A white blonde and perfectly styled head of hair; it couldn't be.
A tall and lean frame just about added to her list of confirmation. Of course it could only be him; be Draco.
Her heart felt like plummeting and soaring for the heavens in the same instance. She was agitated yet eager, torn between sitting at either end of the emotional spectrum.
And so she decided to run; leaving both her heart and head behind for a moment but knowing fully they'll collide once she stopped and came face to face with the one who caused her to feel useless and at her peak at the same time.
One moment she was walking at a slow pace, the next she was charging right at him. Her radiant figure sprinted directly towards him, no signs of slowing down at all. He began to pick up his own pace, hoping to meet her in the middle a little quicker.
Everything seemed to slow down as he got closer and the better he could see her face but unable to read the emotions in her features. His hearts beating faltered and turned irregular at her nearness and in the blink of an eye she was wrapped in his arms.
Her arms were pressed against his chest and grasping onto his jacket for, what seemed to be, dear life; In return his arms constricted around her body not wanting to let her go. After what could've been and eternity, he kissed the top of her head and slowly released his grip on her and she did too.
Hermione took a step back, shifting her gaze to focus on the sand at her feet as she wiped at the salty trails of tears from her cheeks. Draco didn't know what to do with his arms as his body yearned to keep her in his hold but resorted to just leaving them beside his body.
She looked back up to him and he released a breath he was holding as his heart lurched. She was beautiful, always was completely irresistible.
They kept hold of each other's stare, not yet blinking. And once Hermione had, her actions had him taken completely aback.
She began pounding at his chest, balled fists swinging at his frame. Her heart flooded with everything she felt from when it all started, till this very moment; and the bad unfortunately outweighed the good and so she finally decided to take it out on him.
Draco stood strong, letting her use him as a punching bag. He deserved it and, in a twisted sort of way, he felt better that she was the one to physically abuse him.
"You—you, idiot!"
He still kept quiet, watching as the tears began to stream down her rosy cheeks.
"What makes you — think you can — just show up — like — this!?" she hollered as she kept beating at his chest.
He honestly didn't know whether or not it was rhetorical so he remained quiet.
She stopped for a moment, nearly hyperventilating. He thought the battering was over; he was wrong.
"Why!?" She shoved him. "Answer me! Why!?"
He cleared his throat and searched for something to say. "Am I not allowed to be here?" Draco near whispered.
"What?"
"Is there something wrong with me being here?" He questioned with a little more force than necessary. Stupid question it was though. He nearly wanted to beat himself upside the head; of course he knew there was a major problem with his presence.
"There is everything wrong with you being here Draco!" Hermione tried to still her body, but the heavy rise and falls defied her requests. "What are you doing here Draco?"
"I'm here to talk."
"About what!? What could you possibly say after all that has happened? After all this time apart?" Hermione dabbed at her eyes with the backs of her sleeves.
"About us; what else Hermione!?" he shouted, slightly void of emotion and blunt, but he was doing his best to reel in all emotion before choosing the right one to display.
"What else? Not even the weather?" She tried sarcastically.
Draco let out a shallow breath. "Look, I just want to say a few words then I'll be out of your way, is that alright?"
She closed her eyes for a brief moment, trying to take control of her seeping sanity and keep her tap of tears switched off. She gestured for him to continue talking.
"I'm going to say all that I feel is necessary." He cleared his throat as he began. "I will eternally regret what I did to you Hermione; it always did and to this moment still eats at me. Not having you around hurt immensely and I did all I could to numb the pain, try and talk myself out of the hole I verbally dug for myself, telling myself you didn't care anymore.
"I tried to build the courage that I was in desperate need of to make a move and follow up what happened that night. It shouldn't have ended like that; no way at all. Then I get the message from Harry that you'd left, which pushed me so far down into a hole that I'd labeled 'my fault'. I wanted to make sure I never came out. But Potter did what Potter does best and tried to talk some sense into me."
Hermione went to speak but he raised a finger to stop her.
"All I'm going to say is that you don't deserve what I've done to you, what I did to you and that after having so many people tell me I don't deserve you, I've accepted to myself that I don't either. You're more than I could possibly ask for and to pay back all the negative points in your life that I've clearly been the root of, I've decided it's best to remove myself completely from you; I'm sorry."
Draco took a step back, internally initiating the process of eliminating himself from her.
"That isn't fair." She finally spoke.
He cocked his head lightly in question.
"You didn't ask how I wanted to go in all of this and that isn't fair."
"It's the right thing to do—"
"Oh don't you dare give me that 'it's the right thing' crap, Draco."
He blinked sporadically in quiet shock of her words. "Then what, Hermione?"
"I—I…" she trailed off.
"Even if I told you I loved you, that wouldn't make a difference."
"How would you know?"
"I just do."
"Well, do you? Love me, that is."
"Always have." He mumbled.
Her chest bubbled with something she thought she'd felt before and did her best to brush it off.
"But like I said, it will make no difference." Draco did his best to articulate the last few words of his sentence, hoping to drive the point home. "And so, this is goodbye. I hope all will go well for you and your life ahead."
He turned away with the thought of just apparating away to escape quickly, but thought better of it and decided to keep walking. He did his best not to turn back and check if she was watching, to see if she cared. He had to understand that he needed to stop caring also.
Draco didn't quite notice that she was following him, thinking that the sound of shifting sand was his own doing. But he felt a warm presence around him and decided to stop and take it in.
Arms snaked around his waist once he'd stopped. Draco felt immeasurably bliss as her petite hands clasped either one at his stomach. He took a deep breath in and glanced toward the young night sky, wondering what on Earth could possibly be blessing him right now.
"It does make a difference, Draco; especially when I do too."
Whatever weak threads there were that weaved through his heart before, now fortified. His heart felt heavy with content and harmony. He turned around in her hold, not wanting to jostle her grip on him. As he took her in his arms, he began to lower them both to the ground.
Once he had her positioned in his lap, he just cradled her body, resting his chin on her head. Everything was okay; or so it seemed to be but that was what he chose to believe.
They would work this all out as time went on. For now, all was settled like the dust on age old trophies. They both would dictate where this partnership went; it would all be done together.
Draco felt at ease, and it felt incredible. The tension in his shoulders was no longer present and he felt as though breathing came to be a much easier task, now that all was possibly stable. He and Hermione both had each other, and she was all he needed.
The healing would come painfully and even chill them both to the bone with the confrontations ahead. Dreaming would come easier; they'd no longer be scared or alone or even ashamed of all that has happened. What has happened has happened and they've felt things that will never be the same.
They can't take back what they've taken from each other; they cannot be selfish.