You realize what he is doing an instant before his lips meet yours. You jerk backwards, cracking your head on the wall in the process, and shove his face frantically away with one hand on his jaw. "What the fuck is this!" you exclaim, surprise making it come out as almost a yelp. "What the fuck are you trying to do?"

He twists out of your grip easily and regards you with an amused grin. "I'm trying to kiss you, what the hell does it look like I'm trying to do?"

You splutter indignantly, momentarily too scandalized to even make a sentence. Finally you manage to choke out, "What? Shit, Sollux, why?"

"Why do you think, fuckpod?" he retorts. "I mean, really, that is such a stupid question to ask."

You don't think it's stupid. You think it is, in fact, the single least stupid question you could be asking right now. Sollux is your best friend, and this kissing nonsense has come straight out of nowhere.

Well, okay, maybe "out of nowhere" is too strong a phrase to use. It isn't as if you've never considered the idea. You guys are pretty close, after all. He only makes you want to punch things about half of the time, which is about half of the time less than any of the rest of your friends. You and he are natural candidates to develop flushed feelings for one another now that you're getting older. It's a romcom plot standard that you've seen so many times, you've lost track; in fact, you and Sollux even watched a few along those lines together during his last visit. For all he complained that it was a stupid waste of time, you just know that he was sitting there contemplating the exact same possibilities you were.

But it's never gone beyond mere speculation. You have always been ambivalent about Sollux. Ambivalent about his ambivalence, really. He only seems interested about half the time.

Surprise.

The other half of the time he spends gallivanting off with Aradia on whatever spooky, mopey, depressing shit they like to do together. You really have no idea how they spend their time. He's annoyingly private about it, and that really sticks in your nook. Another thing you will never admit out loud.

You try to collect your scattered thoughts and deal with the Sollux that's in front of you right now. "That was just really sudden. Don't you think we should, I don't know, talk about this first or something?"

He rolls his eyes. "Okay sure. Let's talk about it, since you love talking about things so much that you basically never shut your windhole about anything for two seconds, ever. In fact, let's shout about it at the top of our lungs, that's how you like to do things, right?"

"Oh, you're one to talk!" you retort defensively. "You whine about things more than all the rest of our friends combined! And anyway, it's a big step!"

"Fine," he sighs. He straightens and backs off a few steps, which at least gives you a little breathing room. He regards you with his head cocked to the side. "Let's get this over with, what has got your intimate garments into a twist?"

"Fuck you!" you retort. "Look, I just want to know, why now? I mean, there was sort of no build-up to this. There's supposed to be like…a date beforehand. And flirting. And stuff. Oh God." You break off in utter and complete embarrassment, looking anywhere but at him. "I can't believe you just made me say that out loud!"

"Eheheheh. Are you trying to pretend for some reason like you have never flirted with me?" Your eyes snap to him. He is covering his mouth with one hand and his shoulders are shaking. You realize he is laughing at you. He holds up an admonishing prong. "You can't trick me about that, I was there too, remember? Every time." He gives you a lopsided grin. "Pretty much by definition, actually."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" you shout in response. Then you cringe inwardly. That didn't sound convincing even to you.

"Sure you don't." Then he sobers. "Well, I know it's not quite like things you have seen in your stupid romance movies for girls. But now is the only possible time for us, KK."

You treat that non-answer as the meaningless bullshit it is and ignore it. "What about you and Aradia?"

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you regret them. You cannot believe you just let that steaming grubturd drop from your lips. You just poked your claw right into one of his touchiest subjects, and now it's out there like the rampaging cholerbear in the block that it is. You can't take it back.

You have virtually guaranteed an appearance from the other Sollux. Red Sollux. The one that's a nightmare to deal with.

You brace yourself for the shitstorm, but it doesn't come. To your complete surprise, Sollux just shrugs indifferently. "What about us?"

You lick your lips nervously. "Aren't you two…I mean…"

He snorts in amusement and disgust. "It doesn't matter," he says flatly. "Eheheheh KK, I can't even tell you how unimportant that is and how much basically nothing matters anymore."

"What the shitting shit is that supposed to mean?" you demand, eyeing him warily. "That doesn't mean anything, is what that means! That's just overdramatic garbage like you're always saying!"

"Eheheheh, KK, I can't figure out why you're being such a retarded wiggler about this when I know for a fact you've thought about kissing me."

You freeze, your eyes wide. "You what?" You hurriedly wrap your hands around your head, as if this might actually serve as some sort of barrier against him. "How do you know that? You said you couldn't read my thoughts! All this time you were just snooping through everything like a complete douche? You are such a lying sack of shit, that is unbelievably low even by your standards!"

He rolls his eyes at you. "I can't read your thoughts, fuckwad, I've told you that like a billion times. I know it for a fact because you just confirmed it just now. That is pretty much the oldest trick in the reverse psychology book, really it's amazing how much of a fucking idiot you have to be to actually fall for it."

Your eyes widen as you realize how badly you just stepped in it.