Chapter 4: Monster That Comes Out At Night
Tetsuya sighed sleepily and opened one blue eye, fixing it on Ichigo's discomfited looking face as his husband shifted in his sleep and moaned restlessly. He frowned, pondering whether or not to wake Ichigo and remaining still and quiet as he considered.
Ichigo is a person on whom so many people have depended. He carries a heavy burden, being the strongest among us, and the one on whose shoulders rests the safety of Soul Society. It is no wonder that he would have bad dreams sometimes. I do as well.
Tetsuya nuzzled closer to his husband, turning his head to lay a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"N-no!" Ichigo moaned, turning his head away, "S-stop!"
Tetsuya sat up slightly, watching as Ichigo's face reflected a chilling inner struggle.
I wonder if this is about one of his battles or…
"Ginjou!" Ichigo gasped, his body shaking, "You don't…I know you're gonna…you're gonna…Don't fucking lie to me!"
Tetsuya's blue eyes turned somber and worried at the exclamation.
Ichigo was both in love with Kugo Ginjou and badly betrayed by him. And even though, after dying and coming to Soul Society, Ginjou realized he was wrong and helped Ichigo when he needed it, he did tremendous damage to Ichigo's heart. He may have forgiven Ginjou, but he will never forget the hurt. This is what he was referring to before when we were talking.
Ichigo shifted suddenly, forcing Tetsuya to take hold of his shoulders to avoid falling off the edge of the bed. Ichigo's golden brown eyes flew open, looking wild and unfocused. His lips curled into a snarl and kido erupted from his hands, sending Tetsuya off the bed and crashing into a mirror topped dresser. The mirror exploded and broken glass flew in all directions as Koji and Toshi ran into the room, wearing horrified looks.
Tetsuya's body landed in a heap at the foot of the damaged dresser as Ichigo's senseless eyes blinked and cleared. He stared in shock at the sight of the two attendants, carefully helping Tetsuya onto unsteady legs and cautiously brushing the shattered glass from his skin.
"Oh my god!" Ichigo gasped, climbing out of the bed and hurrying to join them, "Tetsuya, I'm sorry! I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry!"
"I'm f-fine," Tetsuya stammered, flinching and leaning away as his husband reached for him, "Don't touch me. You'll be cut on the glass."
Ichigo drew his hand away, watching and wearing a guilty expression as Toshi laid a towel over the broken glass and Koji guided Tetsuya out of the dangerous mess.
"I'm sorry, Tetsuya," Ichigo said again.
He quivered visibly as he noticed a darkening bruise near his husband's eye and several places on his face and arms where thin trickles of blood were seeping onto his pale flesh. Isshin appeared in the doorway.
"What happened?"
"It's fine," Tetsuya insisted, "Ichigo-sama just had a nightmare and reacted in his sleep. He didn't mean for it happen."
"But, I hurt you."
"I'm barely hurt at all," Tetsuya argued, "It will just take a minute for me to clean up. Don't worry about it."
But Ichigo followed and waited silently at the bathroom door as the two attendants followed Tetsuya inside.
"I can do it myself," Tetsuya assured the attendants.
"But you're cut and bruised," Koji objected, "Let us heal it."
"It's very minor," Tetsuya laughed shakily, "I'm fine. Please go back to sleep."
Tetsuya climbed into the shower and carefully began to wash the remaining glass fragments from his skin. He caught his breath in surprise and started to object as the shower door opened, then, seeing it was Ichigo, went silent and just continued to bathe. Ichigo watched with wounded eyes until the glass seemed to be gone, then he moved closer and wrapped his arms gently around Tetsuya.
"I'm sorry," he apologized again, his voice catching as he spoke, "I would never…"
"Of course not," Tetsuya agreed easily, "Ichigo, you had a nightmare. You…experienced a horrible betrayal and had to fight someone who you were in love with. You ended up having to kill him. Even though his soul just came to Soul Society, it doesn't change the toll it took on you."
"But, I hurt you," Ichigo whispered, touching trembling fingers to the bruise on Tetsuya's fine cheek.
"It's very minor," Tetsuya answered, turning away to wash his face and hair.
Tetsuya blushed and his lips curved into a genuine smile as Ichigo's arms curled around him from behind and tender lips made a line of kisses up the side of his neck.
"It doesn't matter how minor it is," Ichigo whispered into his ear, kissing his earlobe, "I never want to hurt you, not ever, Tetsuya. From the second I saw you yesterday and heard about you, all I want to do is take care of you. I want to make you happy."
Tetsuya laughed softly.
"You are making me happy, Ichigo," he assured his unsettled spouse, "In just our first hours together, you introduced me to things I had never done or tried before. Despite being forced to marry when you didn't want to, you have been so very welcoming. You've made room for me in your life as more than just the bearer of your someday child. You have worked at making us friends, and it is working. I do feel close to you, whether or not we ever fall in love."
"So, you also think we could fall in love?" Ichigo asked tentatively, letting his hand slide over Tetsuya's slim belly and silently imagining the area swelling with the reiatsu of their child.
Tetsuya sighed and leaned back into his embrace, lacing his fingers together with those of Ichigo's other hand.
"I think it is possible," Tetsuya confessed, "but we should let things happen in their own time. We shouldn't feel pressure to do things we don't feel ready to do. Although…if we do not conceive a child within the given time frame, the Noble's General Council could rule that we are incompatible."
"Well," Ichigo sighed sleepily, letting his hand slide down the v shaped pathway that led to his flushed nether region, "maybe we could just try to get that out of the way…you know, so that it isn't hanging over us. I mean, I know you don't feel ready. I don't feel ready either, but I don't want us to be separated by the council. And what if you don't, you know, get pregnant right away? What if it doesn't happen the first time we try? Now that you're in my life, Tetsuya, I…really want you to stay."
Tetsuya's smile warmed and his blush deepened.
"I am not going anywhere," Tetsuya promised, "and if you think we should consummate our marriage now, then I will."
"But you stopped before."
"I was afraid because of a bad memory…just as you had a bad dream because of a bad memory. We are both afraid for our own reasons, but we can try to overcome them. If I am afraid, I will tell you and I will let you comfort me. I hope you will do the same."
"I will," Ichigo whispered, sliding his hand further down and caressing Tetsuya's warm genitalia, smiling as Tetsuya sighed contentedly and his body began to respond.
Tetsuya's hips moved, encouraging the steady motion of Ichigo's hand and rubbing his slick, soapy bottom against Ichigo's alert nether region. Ichigo closed his eyes and bit down gently on the soft juncture between Tetsuya's muscular shoulder and more vulnerable throat.
"Ichigo!" Tetsuya sighed, closing his eyes as a rush of little shivers ignited all over his blushing flesh.
Ichigo's fingers disentangled from Tetsuya's and slid up his wet torso, pausing to stroke his husband's aroused, pink nipples, while the two men kissed over Tetsuya's slender shoulder. He turned Tetsuya to face him, and they kissed more passionately as Ichigo pressed forward, trapping his husband against the shower wall and rubbing sensuously against him. He felt Tetsuya shudder and caught the flash of returning fear in his eyes. Still holding Tetsuya against the wall, he stopped moving for a moment and just let their wet bodies touch.
"Are you okay?" he asked, blinking as the water splashed onto his back and shoulders and streamed downward.
Tetsuya nodded, but kept his head slightly bowed.
"Orochi used to have me summoned to his quarters in the prison," he explained, "He would tell me to bathe first, then he would come in and assault me in the shower. He would force me onto my knees and make me…"
"Shh, it's okay," Ichigo whispered, curling his arms around Tetsuya comfortingly, "I won't ever hurt you, and you can always tell me to stop if you don't want me to continue."
Tetsuya met his eyes tentatively, then made a sound of surprise as Ichigo began a long, slow fall onto his knees, his hands sliding down the sides of Tetsuya's soaked body and his mouth laying haphazard kisses all over Tetsuya's slim torso.
"Oh, Ichigo!" Tetsuya panted, closing his eyes, "Ichigo…what are you…?"
"I'll bet that guy never did anything like this," Ichigo chuckled, his hot breath scorching Tetsuya's soft, inner thighs as he spread them wide and began to pleasure his surprised husband's sensitive nether region.
"Ah! Ah…hah, Ichigo!" Tetsuya panted harder, his eyes going hazy and his legs trembling softly as Ichigo's ministrations quickly brought him to the edges of bliss.
"Do you want me to stop?" Ichigo asked, "I will if you want me to."
"A-ah, n-n…no!" Tetsuya managed biting at his lips, "P-please…"
An erotic groan escaped him as Ichigo's feisty lips and stroking tongue made bright stars explode behind his eyes and sent shudders of pure ecstasy through his stunned body as he writhed helplessly in release. Tetsuya's ears rang loudly and his legs quivered warningly. He began to slide down the wall, only to be captured in Ichigo's strong arms and held on his feet while his husband's warm mouth captured his, both devouring the sweetness of Tetsuya's smiling mouth and sharing the erotic flavors from his explorations.
"Are you all right?" Ichigo asked softly, breaking away from his mouth and nipping a a blushing earlobe.
"Mmhmm," Tetsuya managed, his heart fluttering in his chest, "And you're right."
"Hmm?"
"Orochi would never have lowered himself."
"I didn't think so."
Tetsuya felt the hot press of Ichigo's unfed member against his thigh and read the barely suppressed lust in his golden brown eyes.
Orochi's lust was always frightening.
Naoki was very gentle, but I was afraid, even with him. I can't tell if what I feel now is fear or if I just want so much to please him…
"Are you okay, Tetsuya?"
He startled and shivered for a moment, meeting Ichigo's gaze shyly.
"I promise I won't hurt you," Ichigo said, rubbing his cheek against Tetsuya's and kissing him behind his soft earlobe, "And we can stop if you're uncomfortable."
"I'm just a little scared," Tetsuya confessed, "but I will only keep feeling afraid if we stop now. I want to get over feeling that way. My mind knows that you would never hurt me. It is my heart that is afraid, because of what happened before."
"I know that bastard hurt you, and if I hadn't married you, he would have tried to make you marry him. I'll never let him touch you again. And the only hands that will ever touch you from this day on, will only be gentle."
The words made Tetsuya's heart ache in his chest and he was grateful for the falling water and billowing steam that hid the tears that formed in his eyes. He relaxed in Ichigo's arms, quietly yielding to his husband's warm caresses and the dampened fingers that touched questioningly, then carefully prepared him.
We will have our first time here?
I couldn't stand to look at Orochi while he was with me, but I can't stop looking into Ichigo's eyes! They are so loving, even though we can't be in love yet. His hands keep his promise to never hurt me. And even his arousal isn't frightening. He isn't demanding at all, but inviting. This is so different!
Ichigo's hand slid over Tetsuya's bottom, capturing one slender leg and lifting to wrap it around his waist. Tetsuya was thankful for the heat swirling around them that gave another excuse for the blush that wouldn't leave his pale flesh as his amorous husband positioned himself, then in tantalizingly slow movements, joined their wet bodies.
With Orochi, sex felt like violence.
With Naoki, it was comforting.
With Ichigo, sex is like a continuation of the dancing we did in the living world. We are swaying and moving, as though to music. There is heat and fullness inside me, but there is no pain. And instead of just accepting, I feel like…
His blush intensified as he realized that his own wet hands were moving, sliding over Ichigo's naked flesh and holding onto his bottom as his hips moved in heavy, grinding thrusts. His hot, seeking mouth fastened on Tetsuya, sucking and hungrily devouring.
Orochi never kissed me.
Naoki's kisses were polite and tasted sweet.
Ichigo's kisses burn my mouth, but in a way that makes me crave more. It feels like I will be consumed! I can't tell now if the mist around us is thicker or if I'm going to faint in his arms. Everything is disappearing into the steam…I can only see his smile and his eyes.
My legs feel weak.
If he wasn't holding me, I would fall.
He's shaking a little. I can tell he is close, and my own body can't hold back either. And where climax was always just a surrender to Orochi, or it was something that Naoki and I had to suppress and hide, we're making such passionate noises.
He listened to the sounds of their panting and moans of rising pleasure as their movements brought them swiftly over and into release. Melting heat flooded his insides and Tetsuya's legs shook harder. He felt Ichigo's arm holding him tightly and heard his worried voice over the loud ringing in his ears.
"S-sorry. Are you all right, Tetsuya?"
He couldn't answer for a moment, but squeezed Ichigo's arm and managed a little nod. Ichigo continued to hold him, running fingers through his hair and kissing him lightly on the face and throat.
When the ringing had gone out of hi ears and he could trust his legs not to collapse, he followed Ichigo out of the shower and the two slowly dried off. Tetsuya felt Ichigo's eyes watching and couldn't stop blushing.
"It felt really good being with you like that, Tetsuya," Ichigo said, smiling at him, "You were really cute."
Redness and heat seemed to roar over every inch of his skin again.
"Oh, th-thank you, Ichigo-s-sama…erm…Ichigo. I…it was pleasant being with you also."
It was pleasant?
It was more like earth moving and heart shaking. But you can't say something like that to a man you are not yet in love with.
We were just fulfilling our duty to consummate our marriage and make our child.
Tetsuya's hand touched his abdomen and he felt the towel slip to the floor.
We may have made a child.
"Tetsuya, is something wrong?"
"N-no," he said, smiling and withdrawing his hand.
He bent and picked the towel up, then made a sound of surprise as Ichigo pulled him close and kissed him more playfully.
"Look," Ichigo said, glancing out into the bedroom, "I really enjoyed being with you, Tetsuya, and I don't want you to misunderstand, but…I think you should sleep in another room tonight."
"What?" Tetsuya asked, blinking.
"I hurt you before," Ichigo explained, his fingertips touching the dark bruise under Tetsuya's eye, "I don't want it to happen again."
"Oh, it won't," Tetsuya assured him, "I only need to leave a waterform around myself, so that if…"
"Sorry," Ichigo said penitently, "I just…can't take the chance. I feel really bad that I hurt you. I just…please, I need you to sleep in the next room, okay? I'll come to you after I've slept, so I can hold you a little in the morning. We'll have breakfast together before we report to the council."
"Okay," Tetsuya managed weakly, turning his head away as he wrapped his yukata around his slender body, "If that is what you think is best."
He walked out into the bedroom and exited into the hallway, where he was met by Koji and led into the freshly prepared room.
"Tetsuya-sama, are you all right?" his attendant asked, "You look really pale."
"I am fine. Please leave me, Koji."
His attendant bowed and left the room, leaving Tetsuya alone. His body still warm and humming with satedness, he turned off the lights and walked to the open window. He gazed out at the stars, letting the night air chill his body into numbness.
I know I didn't do anything wrong.
And Ichigo wasn't being cruel.
Tears filled Tetsuya's blue eyes and ran down his face as he stood frozen and staring out into the starry sky.
It's just that I ache to feel his arms around me. I want to be held after he made love to me so gently.
He forced his feet into motion and sat down in the window seat, leaning against the side as more tears leaked down his face.
Am I already falling for him?
Ichigo only wants us to be friends, and that is all that I expected to feel. I wasn't prepared for being treated so tenderly, and with such respect for my feelings. I can't experience him that way and not love him.
But even if I love Ichigo already, he doesn't love me.
Maybe he never will.
Tetsuya laid down in the window seat, watching the stars move slowly across the sky. He sniffed softly, crying quietly until weariness overtook him, and he finally drifted off to sleep.
He jumped awake hours later and found himself curled up in Ichigo's arms in the guest bed.
"I'm sorry," Ichigo whispered, kissing the top of his head and caressing his fingertips, "I just needed a little sleep where I wasn't worried about having another nightmare and attacking you in my sleep. I didn't mean to make you feel lonely. I'll just stay awake now and let you sleep, okay?" Tetsuya found himself fighting a fresh wave of threatening tears.
"You don't have to do that, and you don't have to explain," he said, nuzzling under his husband's chin, "I shouldn't be so emotional."
"I love the way you are, Tetsuya," Ichigo said, kissing him on the cheek, then on his frowning mouth, "And I don't ever want you to change."
But I have already.
Being with you has changed everything…