I watched Edward's car peel out of the driveway and speed away until it disappeared around the corner. I watched where it had been until the cold from outside numbed the tops of my cheeks and my fingers around my box started to ache.

Why? Why? Why? Repeated over and over in my head. Why would he lie? There was something going on. First with dropping me. And then at the piano. And then right then with his hand. He was keeping something from me.

My mind jumped to the worst. Of course. Maybe a secret illness? Did vampires get sick? My brow furrowed. No. They're insane super beings with strengths and powers beyond anyone's wildest imagination. And the only way to kill them was to literally break them into pieces and then burn them to ash.

Then what? What? What was he keeping from me?

I felt so…betrayed.

I was brought back to the woods those six months ago. When he left me. When he lied to me. My chest contracted as panic twisted through me from the base of my skull to my toes. My palms grew sweaty and all of a sudden I couldn't get enough air. I felt the exact same as when I desperately stumbled around the woods, calling for Edward.

I could even see it. The dark trees growing around me.

Why would he lie?

"Bells?"

I snapped out of my painful memory to Charlie. He looked me up and down with concern in his eyes as he stepped out of his cruiser.

"Hey, Charlie." I smiled weakly. "How was the station?"

"Quiet." He nodded. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah," I said, pulling my frozen fingers from my box. I didn't even notice that it had started snowing again. "I'm great."

We both started up to the house together. All my joints were frozen and numb and I felt like had to put in extra effort to make it through the front door.

"Did you have a good Christmas morning?" Charlie asked as he shed his gear on the peg near the front door.

"Yeah," I said and looked at my box. "It was sweet."

"I'll get changed and then we'll go to La Push?" He asked like I had changed my mind.

"Cool," I nodded, placing my shoebox on the coffee table and sliding my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. "I'm excited to see everyone."

And I was very excited. I pushed Edward from my mind and focused on Jake on the way there. I focused on his face. I hoped that he would smile his easy-going smile at me. I hoped there weren't any hard feelings. I hoped that he wasn't mad. I played with my hands, growing more nauseous with every passing mile. Growing more worried that he wasn't going to be happy to see me.

Before I even knew it, were in coasting into La Push in Charlie's cruiser. And soon, we were pulling into the driveway of his small, boxy house. Snow covered the roof of his house and his front yard, but had been proficiently shoveled from his driveway. A string of lights hung from his gutter.

I followed Charlie in, jamming my hands in my coat pocket to keep them from wringing. The blast of the heater hit me in the face when I walked in and I took in the scene.

Jake and Billy's house was transformed. There were multiple folding tables pushed against their small dining room one, elongating it and extending it into their living room to accommodate multiple people. Sue Clearwater, Rachel Black, Leah and Paul were standing in the kitchen, laughing about something. Seth Clearwater and Jake was playing with a Wii on Billy's television set while Billy watched from his wheelchair.

"Charlie!" Billy greeted and rolled over and shook hands with my father. "Bella." He nodded at me. "I'm glad both of you could make it."

"Thanks for having us." Charlie said.

"Thank you." I echoed. "It's very kind of you to invite us both." I hope he understood how much I meant that.

I met Jake's eyes. A million emotions crossed them in a span of about two seconds. He motioned to Seth that he was going to take and break and walked over to me. I waited until Charlie followed Billy into the kitchen before greeting him. "Hey, Jake." I started. I have a so many things to say to you. I added in my head.

"I didn't think you'd come." His lips pursed into a frown.

He looked like he was still growing, which was incredible because he was already way over six feet. His black hair was cut short and was brushed to the side, like a forties' military cut.

"I wouldn't ever say no to an invitation from you." I said and took off my jacket.

A small smile slid up his face. "Your nos are not the ones I worry about."

He was talking about the Cullens. He was afraid that Edward was keeping him from me. I just wanted to tell him that they weren't the bad guys in this story. They didn't want to forbade me from being with him. It's okay. I shouted in my head.

"You haven't been returning my calls." I said gently, my eyebrows pulling together.

He sucked in a hard breath. "I…didn't really have anything to say."

That felt like a dagger in my middle. Like I had been punched in the gut. I felt like running out and not stopping until I ran over a cliff into the Pacific. "Oh."

"Let's not worry about that, though." He smiled and took my jacket from me. "It's Christmas, right?"

"Right." I smiled back.

It was like we never stopped being friends. Like we could ignore this wedge between us. The wedge of the inevitable. Jacob and I laughed while Seth and him took turns on playing sports video games on their small television set.

We were free. Free to just be together. To enjoy each other's company without any sort of underlying hostility or responsibility to our families. I savored each moment I spent with Jake, knowing full well that the once the holidays were over, the lines would be drawn again.

"No, Seth. Left." Jacob said as he tried to direct Seth on where to punch in Wii boxing. He sat with me on the shabby patterned couch, his hot arm looped around my shoulders.

"I'm using left." Seth's eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"No, you're using your right hand." Jacob laughed.

"It's okay, Seth." I encouraged the boy. "I would be doing the same thing."

"Well, you're uncoordinated." Jacob joked, his smile sliding easily onto my face.

"I'm not that uncoordinated." I playfully pushed Jacob away in mock offense. "I learned how to ride a bike." I pointed out.

"You also kept the entirety of the emergency room nursing staff at Forks General employed when I was teaching you how to ride as well."

"Ah, we have jokes." That'll change when I do, you know.

"Dinner, everyone!" Billy called at that moment.

We all got up and filed into the kitchen, grabbing food buffet-style. I sat down next to Jacob at the long table. We teased Seth about girls. Jacob started giving him relationship advice, which Seth spun back at him by asking when Jacob ever had a girlfriend. We both fell quiet at that.

"Jacob." Paul said quickly. "Do you smell that?"

I watched a silent conversation ensue between them as Jake met his eyes and then stuck his nose into the air. His face twisted into an angry mask and both boys were up and moving. They disappeared outside Jacob's back door in a flash.

"Should I go with?" Seth asked his sister, who was starting to get up too.

"No, stay here." Leah said. "I'll go see what's up." And she disappeared too, her hoodie being ripped over her head as the storm door crashed behind her.

Seth pouted over his turkey dinner.

"It's probably nothing." I said, trying to sound casual for his sake, but I was curious too. I wondered what they smelled? A vampire? Who would dare wander into wolf territory? Someone suicidal, apparently.

"Yeah, you're right." Seth agreed, obviously talking himself out of whatever bad feelings he was having. He brightened. "You wanna play Wii?"

I was talked into playing video games with the youngest wolf of the pack and with a quick tutorial and a wrist strap pulled so tight it was cutting off the circulation to my hand, I was quickly becoming a pro at Wii tennis.

"Wow," Seth said. "You're getting good."

"Why can't regular tennis be this easy?"

Seth snorted. "Right? I'm so bad at sports."

"Really?"

"Well, except running of course." He giggled.

All of a sudden there was a succession of crashes and both of us abandoned the game to watch Paul followed quickly on the heels by Leah and Jake come through the back door. Paul wasn't wearing shirt anymore and that seemed to bother no one except for Charlie, who just casted us all a worried glance.

"Bella," Paul said in an even tone, but I could see the seething underneath the contained exterior. "Can we speak to you outside."

Oh, crap.

"Sure," I said and undid the Wii remote and placed it on Jake's coffee table and followed them outside to their backyard. I forgot my jacket, so I crossed my arms over my chest to keep the cold from getting in. We stopped about halfway to Jake's garage, almost dead center of his backyard.

"We smelled a vampire." Paul said, his fists clenching. I could see him visibly shake with anger, vibrate like he was going to phase into a wolf at any second.

"And surprise, surprise - it's a Cullen." Leah snorted from behind him.

"Do you know which one?" I asked quietly.

"Edward." Jake said, his voice more sad than angry. His gaze turned towards the house, like he was afraid to meet my eyes.

"I'll give him a call." I said quickly, trying to smooth everything over. I didn't want this evening to end. "It's probably a misunderstanding."

"Do that," Paul said, his fists clenching together. "And then leave the reservation, please."

"But-," I started to argue. I hadn't had a chance to speak with Jake, yet. I hadn't had a chance to explain. If I could explain, I could make these bad feelings go away. I could make the hostility go away.

Paul just rose a hand to stop me and marched back inside, followed by Leah who shot me a look that would've annihilated me on the spot. Only Jake hung back and watched as I pulled my new cell phone from my pocket. I navigated to my contacts and hit the call button for Edward.

It rang four times. "You've reached Edward Cullen. Please leave a message." His velvety voice purred through his voicemail message.

"You are in so much goddamn trouble." I cursed at him as I left my message. "Wandering on Quileute territory? Have you lost your mind? Call me as soon as you get this."

Jake just laughed at me as I angrily hung up my phone. Poking at a touch screen was not as satisfying as clanging a phone down on its cradle. "I know your boyfriend's a bit…obsessive." He winced hard through that sentence. "But, if we catch him on our land, we will kill him."

"I know." I sighed. "I'm so sorry, Jacob. I have no idea why he's even here."

"I know why." Jacob stepped closer to me and grabbed my hand. They were large and hot. I shivered more intensely at the contrast of hot and cold. "Because of this."

"He's just worried about me." I argued. And keeping things from me apparently and obviously looking to pick a fight. He's kind of maybe mental? I don't honestly even know anymore.

"Whatever gets you to bed at night, Bells." Jake laughed and shed his hoodie. He handed the mass of cloth to me and I shrugged it on, immediate warmed from his body head.

I sighed and looked at the house. "Can I confide something in you? Like, can you keep a secret?"

Jacob's eyebrows knitted together. "Sure."

"Something's wrong with Edward."

He snorted a laugh. "Well, I could've told you that."

"No," I said. "Like, he's sick or something."

His expression twisted and the laughter ceased. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know." I said honestly. "He's not telling anybody anything, but I keep catching him…do things that are out of the ordinary."

Jacob's expression grew worried. "Do you feel threatened by him? Because Bella, I will end him…"

"No," My eyes widened in horror. "Nothing like that. Just…I don't even know what I am saying." I sighed. "It's probably nothing."

Jacob looked quizzical for a moment. "Well, you could just talk to him."

I looked up at my best friend's face. "You're not really good at advice."

He snorted. "Well, the only girl I've ever loved loves a corpse. So, yeah, you can say I'm not too good at the whole relationship advice thing."

I gulped at that word. Love. Jacob loves me. I loved him too, but I knew that our definitions were on completely different planets for each other. I didn't dwell on it though. I decided to stay light. I punched him in the arm. "You're ridiculous."

"Maybe," He mused, his brow furrowing. "Am I ridiculous enough to drive you home?"

I sighed, not ready to leave. "I'm sorry about ruining the evening."

"It's not your fault."

"Well," I said. Disappointed didn't even begin to describe how I felt. "I'm still sorry."

"Come on." Jacob looped his arm around my shoulders. "I'll take you home."

I feigned nausea to make it look to Charlie that it was a very normal reason why I had to go home. And Jacob drove me back in silence. I sighed audibly when his Rabbit squeaked to a stop in front of my driveway. I took off my seatbelt, but didn't move to get out, trying to squeeze out a couple more moments.

I felt tears prickle my eyes. This wasn't the reunion I wanted. I didn't know what to expect, but this wasn't it. I had so many goals for tonight. And none of them were realized. Actually, I felt like the chasm between Jacob and I had grown wider.

Stupid Edward.

"What's wrong?" Jacob noticed my face.

"I'm sorry, Jacob." I breathed. "I'm sorry for ruining the evening. I just wanted to have fun. Be friends again. Enjoy Christmas. You know."

"Hey," He reached over and squeezed my hand. "You'll always be my friend, Bella."

"It doesn't feel like it." I said and kicked the footspace underneath the glove box.

He laughed at me. "Well, maybe you should tell your bloodsucking boyfriend to leave you alone every once in awhile."

"After tonight," I started, clicking on my phone. No calls back. "He's going to being leaving me alone for awhile."

Jacob seemed cheered by that. "Well, if you want, the pack is hanging out at First Beach on New Year's Eve. You should come. We're going to have a bonfire."

I smiled back at him. "I'd love to."

"Alright," He bobbed his head, excited. "Cool. Awesome." He quickly grabbed me in a hug. "Merry Christmas, Bella."

"Merry Christmas, Jake."

In my room the next morning – after pacing around my room like an angry, caged animal - I picked up my phone and composed my first ever text message.

Have you lost your mind? I'm seriously so pissed at you right now.

I hit send and then composed another one.

Please don't come by until you learn the definition of 'trust.'

Send.

And he didn't come. I spent the next week alone, except for the mornings and the evenings with Charlie before and after work. Everyday he asked if I was going to see Edward, which I would reply with a curt 'No.' Which he would answer with a surprised, but not unhappy "Oh." While he didn't show it, he was probably over the moon that we were in a fight.

I took my free time to work on things that I had pushed off since Edward had come back. I took down the minimal Christmas decorations I had put up. I emailed Renee a thank you email for my Christmas present of two sweaters and a scarf. I pulled out some old clothes to drop by the Goodwill. I even cleaned the oven.

The whole time my new cell phone sat on my nightstand, silent.

And while I mundanely did human tasks around my house, I grew more and more insulted of Edward's intrusion. I knew he was worried about me, but that crossed the line. It was improper and impolite and wrong. He had a treaty to respect. On top of that, he was putting himself in danger.

What was he thinking?

When New Year's Eve came, I was so housebound, that the excitement of going to La Push made me jittery and hyper. I kept looking at the clock and it felt like time was moving at a snail's pace.

I decided to busy myself by making cookies.

I started pulling out ingredients from the upper cupboards and laying everything out the shabby kitchen counter. I turned on my oven to three-seventy-five to preheat and pulled out my favorite mixing bowl.

I had enough ingredients for two batches. One for Charlie and one for Jacob and his friends. They would be nice next to the bonfire. It'd be a nice peace offering. Jacob always joked that that the one way to his heart was through his stomach.

Jake.

My eyebrows squeezed together as I thought about him. I know our relationship was going to need some work. I felt so guilty for hurting him. But, we were taking baby steps.

Baby steps that were being ruined by Edward's antics.

I started measuring out dry ingredients when a familiar flutter of the wind mussed my hair into my face. I didn't even bother to look up as I packed a measuring cup with sugar. I just pushed my hair back and continued to work on my cookie dough. I knew who it was.

"Cookies?" Edward asked in his velvety voice as he jumped up to sit on the countertop next to me.

"Yep." I answered and I tapped the brown sugar in a separate bowl and then grabbed the white sugar. "Nice of you to text back." I said between clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I went hunting with Emmett down in Utah. They're having a coyote problem."

"It's fine."

"Are you mad at me?" His voice was quiet and slightly wounded.

I didn't want to look up at his face. If I looked into his eyes, I would be all twitterpated and caught up in them and all the reasons I was mad at him would fly out the window. I wanted to be mad at him. I deserved to be mad at him.

I dumped the sugars into the flour, turned around, and threw the smaller bowl into the sink. "No," I said, but I chucked the bowl a little too aggressively, countering my words. I sighed, deciding to go about this a different way. "Why were you in La Push on Christmas?"

I stole a glance at him as his face twisted down to his shoes. "You know why." He said gently.

A small, white mushroom cloud of flour erupted from the bowl as I violently mixed the dry ingredients together. "That's not an acceptable reason and you know it."

"I know," He said, his voice pained. "I'm sorry."

"You ruined the evening." I looked up into his face. At this point, I didn't care if I got sucked into his eyes. I was too mad. I would fight it. I promised myself.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled again.

Choler bit the back of my throat. It all coming out as a big rush at this point. All the bad feelings I had spent mulling over these last couple of days poured out. "And the lying. The lying has got to stop. I don't know what is going on with you, but lying about it isn't going to help anything."

"Nothing's going on." He answered quickly.

"You're full of it." I said and cracked the eggs over the dry ingredients in my bowl and aggressively stirred them in.

"Bella," He said, grabbing my wrist that held the spoon in a cold, iron grip. I looked up into his face. His eyes were dark and intense and his jaw was set. "I'm not lying to you."

"Then explain it." I said look intensely into his eyes. "Explain the pain from the other night and you missing a note on Christmas and your hand doing this." I held up my own hand in front of my face and twisted my fingers around in a claw to demonstrate. "Explain it."

His face twisted with pain. "I…can't."

"But, you acknowledge that it's happening."

He jumped back down to his feet. "Yes."

"Well, that's a start." I yanked my arm out of his grip and grabbed the bag of chocolate chips, pouring most of them into the bowl. I mixed more gently, trying not to displace all the ingredients onto the counter. The anger steamed out of me like a whistle in a tea kettle. "Have you told anyone?"

"No."

"Has it been going on long?" Whatever it was.

I started spooning big clumps of cooking dough in even rows on my cookie sheet. When I filled up that cookie sheet, I turned around and popped it into the oven, the blast of heat hitting me square in the face. I straightened back up after I closed it, crossing my arms over my chest as I sized up my insanely gorgeous mythological boyfriend.

"A couple of weeks." He set my egg timer to twelve minutes.

"What is it?"

He sighed. "I don't know what it is."

"Why haven't you told Carlisle?"

"Because…" His face twisted as his sentence dropped off. My anger flared. He was trying to come up with a lie. Again.

I threw up my hands in frustration and moved to start preparing another cookie sheet. "Why are you so masochistic?"

"I'm not," He said. "I just don't want to be alarmed if there is no reason to be."

"Then why lie?" I breathed, my heart feeling like it was ten pounds heavier. I could hear my own voice in my head as I called his name in the woods those months ago. Goosebumps ran up and down my arms and I stopped scooping cookie dough on the tray.

"I didn't mean to alarm you." He said and gently pulled my small ice cream scoop from my hand, placing it down and then grabbed both of my shoulders. I could feel his thumb twitch against me and it made me slightly nauseous. He twisted me so we were facing each other. "Or deceive you."

"That doesn't answer my question." I snapped.

"I don't have an answer to your question." His eyebrows pulled together.

"You don't have answer to why you just didn't tell the truth?"

The timer buzzed at that moment, making us both jump out of our skin. I started for the oven and Edward turned off the time. I felt as hot as the cookie sheet that was cooking in the oven. I knew I was probably red as a tomato in the face and I fought tooth and nail to keep the angry tears from spilling over onto my cheeks.

"No. I-,"

"Well," I cut him off. "Then maybe you should leave and return whenever you figure out…" I waved a hand at him to signify his whole body. Whatever that was going on with him that he insisted should be kept a secret. "…this."

"Bella, I-,"

"No," I almost shouted, grabbing the pan of cookies out of the oven without a glove. "I don't want to hear anymore excuses, Edward."

The metal was too hot on my fingers. My reflexes told me to drop the cookie sheet, but I didn't want to waste this batch of cookies by tossing them on the floor. I managed to get the sheet on top of the stove and then jumped around my kitchen, shaking out the pain.

Edward grabbed my hand, the cold of his skin causing me to gasp at first in shock. Then the ice numbed the burning and I stopped dancing around the kitchen floor.

"I'm…afraid." He choked out finally.

"What?"

His eyes were dark, but more than that. There was a fear in them. And it was more than the fear of Jasper trying to get to me. This was more than the fear of the Volturi or Victoria or the wolves. This fear grounded me into the floor like as sinkhole opened up and was slowly starting to consume me – ankles first.

I looked at our clasped hands. I gripped it tighter, letting the anger blow out of me. "What are you going to do?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know."

"You shouldn't ignore it." I said and looked into his eyes. "At least tell Carlisle. Maybe he'll know-,"

"No." He said. "I don't want to worry him unnecessarily."

"But, if it is something-,"

"Charlie's coming." He cut me off, his eyes flashing to the front of the house. "I'll see you tomorrow." He let go of my hand, the air started to sting it and I fought the urge to cry.

"Edward-," I started, but he was gone.