Thanks for your patience, I decided to rewrite this chapter at the last minute. There will be one more chapter after this, a short epilogue. I have the scene in mind, just need to get some time to write it out hopefully before the weekend. Let me know what you think!
Once Noah is tucked in, Liv stops in the bathroom to freshen up. She stares at her reflection for a long moment, wondering what Barba sees when he looks at her.
She's not wearing any makeup, and she thinks she looks every bit of her forty seven years of age. The bruising is prominent around her left eye although the swelling is down considerably thanks to an afternoon with an ice pack.
There was a time not so long ago that she could practically read his mind they were so in sync. When he broke up with her the hurt was magnified by the shock of his decision.
Shaking her head she goes back to the living room, hoping that he will help distract her from the thoughts starting to creep in now that Noah has gone to bed.
Olivia finds Rafael sitting on the couch- two glasses of red waiting for them on the coffee table. A feeling of déjà vu hits her: how many nights had this scenario played out at her apartment?
She grabs a glass and settles into the corner of the couch with a weary sigh. "Thanks, Barba," she murmurs, then takes a moment just to look at him. He looks almost as tired as she does.
Barba was sitting hunched over but picks up his wine and settles back into the cushions when Olivia stretches out one leg and nudges him with her toes.
"That's better," she says with a smirk, laughing lightly when he rolls his eyes at her.
They sit in comfortable silence and sip their wine, but Rafael's mind is racing. This was the first time in months that they had spent any time together outside of the office, and he's terrified that it will be the last time after he says what is on his mind.
The sound of Liv returning her now empty glass to the coffee table shakes him out of his reverie. "Refill?" he offers.
She shakes her head and silence falls around them again.
She wants to grab his hand and pull him into her bedroom, fall into bed and into his arms. He's such a good snuggler. He's strong, not too clingy, and he always smells so good. She won't lie and say he keeps her nightmares away, but having him there would always give her comfort when she woke.
"Liv? Do you want me to head out so you can get some rest?"
Barba's question makes her realize that now she's the one zoning out. "No, please stay. Sorry, my mind was wandering," she explains sheepishly.
He nods, but looks like he wants to say something. He opens his mouth to speak, but quickly closes it again.
"What is it, Rafael?"
"Liv, I...I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. That night, in my office- I panicked. The grand jury was so hard: on one hand, those officers used excessive force and I believe need to be held criminally responsible for that. On the other hand, the thought of you being in a situation where you doubted pulling your weapon and it cost you your life? Makes my blood run cold.
"So I panicked, and I let all my fears come to the surface and take over. I ran, and it was supposed to protect me from feeling this way. Yesterday was the scariest day of my life. I felt so out of control. But wasn't that what I wanted? I thought if we weren't together then if something happened to you I wouldn't feel like my heart was being ripped out.
"It didn't work. I didn't stop loving you, I didn't worry less, I just don't get to come home to you. I don't get to comfort you, be with Noah."
"Raf..." Olivia has tears sliding down her face.
"I'm so sorry, Liv. Please- if you still love me will you give me another chance? I promise this time I won't run away. I don't want to live another day without you. I love you, Olivia. You and Noah- you're my everything."
His eyes are wide and pleading. She searches his gaze and sees a cloud of emotions but the most prominent is fear.
She shifts next to him, taking one hand in hers and squeezing gently. "Rafael," she says quietly. "What are you afraid of? Do you really think I'm going to throw you out?"
"I hope not. I wouldn't blame you though, not after I treated you so badly."
Liv reaches out to cup his face, wiping a stray tear from his cheek with her thumb. "I love you. I never stopped. I don't know that I ever will. But I need you to understand something. I will not have you coming in and out of Noah's life. So you need to be a hundred percent sure that this is what you want."
He closes his eyes momentarily and lets out a breath of relief. "Yes, Liv. This, us- all three of us: it's what I want. Forever."
Olivia whispers 'okay' leans in and kisses him gently, then pulls back and stands up. Rafael gives her a puzzled look but she ignores him, grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the back of the apartment.
"Liv?" He questions as they make their way down the hall.
"I'm exhausted, and all I want is for you to hold me. We'll talk tomorrow but for now: bed," she explains, pushing him to his side of what will again be 'their' bed.
He stumbles a little, confused at Olivia's lack of reaction to his declarations.
"Are you going to join me?" Her question pulls him back to the present- Liv has slipped under the covers already and is waiting for him in the middle of the bed.
Barba shakes his head asking, "How are you so okay with this?"
She gives him a puzzled look- it's definitely not the first time they've shared a bed.
"I broke up with you out of fear, dropped out of your son's life, all with no warning, and you're taking me back with no reservations?" His voice is tight and if she didn't know him so well he would appear angry.
"Rafael, please. Just take off your clothes and get in here with me." When he just looks at her she huffs and grumbles, "Fine. Apparently we are talking tonight."
She crawls on the bed over to where he is standing and sits up on her knees. She reaches out and puts her hands on his shoulders, then waits for him to look at her.
"Raf, I don't have any reservations because you put them all to rest. I trust you. When you tell me that you want me, that you want to be a family with me and Noah, I trust you wouldn't make that decision lightly.
"You asked me to give you another chance if I still loved you. This is me giving you another chance, because I love you even more than I did six months ago. I don't want to go another day without you in our lives. There's nothing for me to think about because I know what I want: you. It's been you for a long time now."
Olivia searches his eyes for understanding, and when she sees it, smiles and says, "Now, am I going to have to ask you again to take off your clothes and get into bed?"
Barba smirks and shakes his head. He moves to step back from the bed to get undressed but Liv has moved her arms around the back of his neck.
She pulls him closer, but stops when her lips are barely brushing his. She gives him light, teasing kisses, and it's driving him crazy. He wraps his arms around her waist pulling her flush against him. Moving one hand up into her hair, Rafael takes control and pours all his pent up emotion into the kiss, ending it only when breathing becomes a necessity.
Their foreheads rest against each other and they are both trying to catch their breath.
"Wow," she breathes out, making him laugh.
"Yeah," he agrees, eyes sparkling.
"Are we good?" Liv asks while playing with the hair on the nape of his neck.
"We're excellent."
"Good because I really am exhausted," she says, burying her face in Rafael's neck. He rubs her back and murmurs for her to lay down.
Once she lets him go Rafael doesn't hesitate, stripping down to his boxers and sliding in next to Olivia. It doesn't take long before they are fitted together like puzzle pieces: his front to her back. Their fingers are linked and she feels so warm, so safe.
"Liv?" he whispers after a few minutes.
"Hmm," she answers, mostly asleep.
"I love you."
Her response is a barely audible, 'you too' and hugging his arm a little tighter. She's so happy to have him back in her bed, back in her life. As she slips into sleep she has one final thought, 'I guess I won't have to worry about getting over him ever again.'