Meredith's POV
"Meredith!" Derek yells at me from down the hall so I stop and wait while he runs to me. "You won! She got fired."
"That's great Derek." I tell him and I feel like maybe I should feel bad for getting her fired but I don't.
"Do you want to go out tonight to celebrate?" he asks and I tell him sure. Then he tells me he's headed to surgery and asks if I want to assist. Of course I do.
The surgery goes well and then I have to go to my doctor's appointment, today is the day I'm hoping I can find out the sex. I hope it's a boy, I've always thought boys where more forgiving to their screw up mothers. Not that I plan to screw up, just some days it seems inevitable.
Especially if Derek isn't the father and I have to raise it alone, I'm starting to think him being the father wouldn't be as bad as I thought except he would probably push harder to get back together. That's not happening no matter what.
I'm kind of considering sleeping with him though just because these pregnancy hormones are making me want sex like a crazy person.
"Hey Mer, when is your appointment?" Alex asks walking up to me and I tell him I'm going right now.
"Cool, can I come?" He asks.
"Sure, did you hear she got fired today?" He tells me yep, he's happy too, she's a bitch. Yeah she is.
I sign in once we get to Dr. Westmoreland's office and we wait.
"You really want to come back there with me?" I ask him, I don't mind really. It's just kind of a personal thing for Alex to want to be involved in.
"I just want to make sure I'm feeding the kid good enough." He jokes.
Once I'm called back, he grabs my hands and walks back with me. The doctor asks if he's the father and we say no at the same time, she looks at us funny and moves on.
During the ultrasound she talks me through everything telling me how big the baby is and that the due date seems to be pretty accurate and finding asking me if I want to know the sex. I shake my head yes and she says it's a boy! Oh thank goodness, my screw up margin is definitely increased now.
It suddenly seems a lot more real. I start to cry and Alex asks me if I'm OK, I tell him yes and he drops it. I think that's why I don't mind him hanging around me so much. He lets me be emotional without pushing for a reason. When I'm with Derek he wants me to talk about everything.
Also Alex feeds me. We've fallen into a routine at home of pretending to go to bed and ending up in the living room watching TV until I usually crash on the couch, not sure what he does because he always wakes me up in the morning.
He's probably my closet friend though I still hang out with Christina too; she's giving up trying to save my career.
That night at dinner I tell Derek the baby is a boy and he gets a weird look on his face.
"What was that look?" I ask him suspiciously.
"It's just hard not knowing if the baby is mine or not. You could be pregnant with my son and Alex is getting to be there for everything. It's just going to suck if it is mine and Alex is the one that got to see the ultrasound and gets to be there for you. Is he going to be in the room with you for delivery too?" He asks with just a hint of bitter in his voice.
"Derek I've explained this to you. You have feelings for me and Alex does not, also there is no way Alex is going to get his hopes up and be crushed when the baby isn't his. And as for the delivery room I haven't actually thought about it." I tell him honestly.
I wonder if Alex would agree to be in there with me. I don't really want to be alone and I don't have family and Christina seems like she would be completely awful in a situation like that. A situation like my life. Ha. I must have laughed out loud because Derek looks at me funny and I ignore it.
"I could be there for you and the baby whether it's mine or not Meredith. I care about you." He tells me.
"I know you do, I know you still love me and I know you're not the type to let that go easily. If the baby is not yours than I don't want you overly involved in his life." I tell him for the hundredth time.
"But Alex can be involved as he wants?" He asks and I tell him I actually haven't thought about that either.
I'm starting to get mad and then I start cramping. Derek asks what's wrong and I tell him cramping, I shouldn't be cramping at this point.
"It's probably just from your exam earlier." Derek is suddenly much nicer.
"No all she did earlier was an ultrasound." I'm scared, I don't like this. I'm failing before he's even born.
"Meredith just breathe, I'm sure everything is fine but if you want to go to the hospital just to be sure I can take you." I don't want to be one of those paranoid people but I decide to get checked out just in case.
An hour later I tell me I'm in labor and they give me medicine to stop it and put me on bed rest for the next couple of months. This is so bad. I'm going to get kicked out of the program. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing though. Maybe I'll just be a general practitioner, the internship is still hard but the hours are more suitable for raising a child. I don't want my kid to grow up in the hospital like I did.
"Can I go home? Or does my bed rest have to be in the hospital?" I ask a nurse and she says she'll find out. She says I can go home after 24 hours of no contraction. I tell Derek to go home but he says he wants to stay with me until I remind him of the surgeries he has tomorrow.
"Do you want to call someone to be with you? Christiana or… Alex?" he manages.
"Could you just let Alex know I won't be home tonight? Thanks for everything Derek." He lingers in the doorway before leaving and hopefully calling Alex, I don't know what happened to my phone is all the excitement of being a failure.
When the nurse comes back I ask her for something to help me sleep and soon I'm knocked out.
A/N if you read my stuff you know I tend to make stuff up sometimes, like the internship for general practitioner. Also cramping is pretty unlikely to lead to bed rest. I live in a soap opera land.