"If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered."

-Edgar Allan Poe (famous poet)

"This is your new room," said the young lady, a distinct accent that I couldn't place my finger on quite yet. She was the only one that I had considered sane in this whole place thus far, but when she smiled down at me with perfect white teeth, I thought right then and there that she was pure ape-shit insane. How could you smile at a time like this? Was I not an orphan in a sour, sticky, old, musty, ho-hum orphanage? I guessed she wanted me to feel comfortable. I eyed the rosary around her neck curiously. I'd never been clever enough to wear one around my father without him seeing it, or even own one. I would need to ask her for one later, and also for The Bible. I wasn't going to give up on my religion that my mother had devoted me to because of a minor setback like this.

She urged me to go into the small, cramped living space she called a "room." Doesn't the word "room" mean "space?" This place had no space. I wouldn't call it a room. I'd call it a box. But it was my box now, and I had to make do with what I got, because it wasn't going to get any better than this any time soon, and this…

There was dust obviously settled and caked on the wooden floors and it made them look a more grayish color. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I barely tossed my backpack that I'd packed last minute as the old man came, and it landed nicely in a little corner, dust blowing up from its landing. I accidentally breathed in some of it and covered my mouth with my hands. My eyes were watering.

"Do you like it?" she asked me, sounding like she already knew the answer, but she wanted to hear me say it just so that she could have authority and tell me that it was where I had to stay.

"It's…" Disgusting, stale, fusty… "cozy." I nodded up at her, giving her the best of my boyish charms. "Very cozy. Thank you." I flashed a smile, tilting my head to the side a bit, ignoring the way my lungs were screaming at me to find a window.

The corners of her lips turned up into a smile as if she didn't believe me. "Alright, honey. Bed is soon, so get ready to sleep. Do you have pajamas?" she asked me.

I didn't know I didn't know what I'd carelessly and hastily shoved in my tiny black backpack for my trip last minute. So I just nodded and said, "Yes."

"Okay. Goodnight, my child." She bent over and kissed the top of my head and left my box, closing the door silently behind her. I could hear her footsteps pad lightly down the hallway.

I inspected the room further. There was a smaller-than-twin-sized bed in the corner with a metal frame, and when I poked it, I found it to be a spring mattress that groaned with the simple weight of a poke. Yeesh. Next to it, there was a small nightstand with two drawers. I opened one, and the pieces grinded against each other, making an unpleasant sound. I'd have to fix that myself later. In the top drawer, I found The Bible and a plain black-beaded rosary next to each other and thought, My prayers have been answered, ironically. In the second drawer was a small plastic bag filled with travel-sized toiletries; shampoo, body wash, and lotion. I shrugged and tossed them back inside, deciding I'd use them when I needed to shower tomorrow. I couldn't wait to see what their showers looked like! Not. Maybe they were all conjoined and all of the children had to shower in one big tiled room with each other. I shuddered at the thought and closed the drawer immediately.

Overall, my newly found box was like a jail cell without a toilet. I'd have to leave to use that, and for some reason, that thought seemed to upset me.

Picking up my backpack from the corner, I shook off the dust and unzipped it, dumping its contents on my bed. There were a couple pairs of jeans, a few t-shirts, undergarments, pajamas, and--

What…

What was this?

All bound in black leather, ribbon dangling… The journal was in my backpack.

I stared at its black cover for what could've been seconds or hours. The moonlight reflected off of its worn leather. The black ribbon's edge was torn and frayed, swiping across my hand slightly. I tugged it a little bit and it almost came loose. Eventually, I decided to not even bother to read any more of it. I didn't want to know anything of my tainted past and what it's done to me, where it's gotten me now… I opened up the top drawer and set it underneath The Bible, attempting to ignore the annoying screeching sound the wood and metal made against one another.

To me, it was still rather early. I didn't usually get into bed until midnight rolled around. I was always up reading the latest novels my mother had hid. So naturally, I wasn't tired at all.

Just curious.

The ceiling hung low, and I could easily pull the string that would turn off the single light bulb that illuminated my box. I did so and kneeled by my door, listening charily for any wandering footsteps in the hallway. There were two pairs of feet padding along with distinct clicks as they continued past my door. Two women walked past, in the middle of a conversation, and I happened to overhear--

"That boy is brilliant," the first woman said with much enthusiasm.

"So I've heard… I wonder what the school will make of him his first day," said the second woman.

"I hope he has studied up on his Religion."

"True, it would be best if he knew a prayer or two, but don't expect him to know as much as we do, Lida." I scoffed. I knew nearly every prayer. I knew English (of course) and Spanish, and a little Russian. I was in the middle of learning Japanese, but I thought that it would never come in handy. These women sure didn't know what they were in for.

As soon as I was sure their footsteps had left, I opened the door silently and tiptoed out, closing the door just as soundlessly as I'd opened it. Still in my full day outfit, I wandered the hallways aimlessly, remembering the turns I'd taken so I could find my way back to my box easily.

The floors were wooden, and my shoes made a slight padding sound as I walked down the dark, deserted hallways. There were big windows towards the inside of the structure, showing the big courtyard that this place was centered around. I remembered the lady telling me earlier that it was off-limits and that only the teachers and Father Joseph were allowed to enter there. None of the other children were allowed access until proven educated enough to handle being in there themselves. I approached large, wood-framed doors with stained glass panels and a big brass cross on each. They seemed to be the only nice thing in this whole place. Above them were the words, "A Holy Place."

Tempting.

I'd save this place for exploring another time.

Back in my room, I pulled on some pajamas, and tossed my dirty clothes aside near the door only a step or two away. I packed all of my things neatly in my backpack once more and set it next to my nightstand, where it fit snugly between there and the wall. I lied down on the bed, not bothering to go beneath the covers in fear of what awaited me underneath them. It wasn't cold and there wasn't a draft anywhere, but I felt a chill run through my whole body, starting at my feet and progressing to the top of my head.

The window was small, on the side where my bed was, but still large enough for someone small like me to fit through, and still able to open. I made a mental note of that for later. Dim moonlight filtered through its murky glass, and I could barely make out the blurred outline of the moon outside. I sighed, wondering when I'd ever be able to see that moon as clear as I used to be able to see it in my attic-room or from The Lot.

I let my mind drift to the topics I never let myself think about before.

Since I was in the same place as the other orphans now, did it mean that I was an orphan, too?

I forced myself to think, no, no, no, don't lower yourself to their level. You have parents, or at least one of them… She'll see you again. I'll see you again, mother.

But I knew I wouldn't. I'd never see her again for as long as I lived.

But would I stumble across my old friend Nate? I could only hope. He was my only source of hope now, and I wanted to see him so desperately now. I wanted to find him and hug his small frame until he tried to pry himself away from me. I missed him, and I wondered how he was doing…

I let out a deep breath and started to count the seconds ticking by. I think I drifted to an uneasy kind of sleep somewhere between fifteen thousand and four and fifteen thousand and sixteen.

The shower water was now hot enough to turn my skin red in a few minutes of exposure. I let it rain over my head and face, not bothering to even breathe for a long time. My hair clung to my cheeks and neck in wet strands. Steam rose up and over the curtain and fogged up the mirrors.

I let out a long breath and shut the water off. I stepped out onto a white towel, grabbed another off the bathroom counter, and dried myself off, wrapping it around my waist. I walked out of the bathroom feeling content and clean from the unknown adventures of the night before, and--

"She's my cherry pie! Put a smile on your face, ten miles wide!"

What the hell?

I made sure the towel on my waist was tightly fastened and opened the bathroom door, then my bedroom door. I walked out into the living room to find a rather awkward-looking redhead jumping up and down on my couch and playing air-guitar, goggles hanging around his neck. He was in only his Atari-printed boxers now, and seeing him jump up and down like that was not pleasant… to say the least.

"Swing it to the drums and swing it to guitar! Swing it to the bass in the back of my car!" he swung his right arm around wildly while his left pretended to hold out various tunes on his invisible guitar.

Psycho.

I strolled over to the stereo that was no doubt loud enough to blast out my speakers and smashed the power button with my finger so hard that I thought I might have broken the stereo system. The insane person on my couch looked up, his hands falling, and he stepped off of my couch uneasily.

"Whoops, sorry Mells. Out of the shower already?" he said nervously, walking towards me with caution. "Heh heh, thought you'd be a little longer. My bad.."

"Matt, I told you to go home," I said strictly, pouring every ounce of authority I had in my voice. His eyes widened some, and I finally got to see them without his goggles hiding them. They still had the same childish glow that they had when we were at the orphanage. I had to keep myself from smiling at him. I was supposed to be angry.

"Well, seeing as it my clothes are in the laundry, I can't really go anywhere," he explained, scratching the back of his head.

"You're doing laundry!?" I exclaimed, nearly dropping my towel. "Shit, Matt! You're a fucking idiot!" I turned on my heel and started back to my room. I let my towel fall and I picked it up from the floor hastily. I didn't care. Matt was my friend-- I'd flash him if I wanted to.

The only thing was he didn't yell in protest, only stared after me.

After I shut my door, I heard him call awkwardly, "Uh, I'm sorry…?"I leaned against the door and let out a long, long breath-- it was probably the thousandth time I'd done that today.

I needed a way to calm myself down. I was going to (literally) pounce on him if I didn't get my head together.

But why?

I didn't like him. At least not like that.

Fuck no. I was straight, and…

I liked girls.

I loved girls!

But if I did, then why did Matt make my heart speed up so damn fast like this? Why could I feel myself blushing? I was smart, I was supposed to know the answers to everything! Then why couldn't I figure out something as simple as this? Sure, I love girls, but did that mean I couldn't like him, too?

I wanted to like him. I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

I blamed it on the shock of having found him again.

But every time I fought it, it would only fight back harder, making me fall farther into this swirling abyss called lust. There was the sudden hunger, devouring me and making me want to devour some of him.

Was I falling… for my best friend?