Authors' Notes: Thank you for your patience. My holiday was lovely and completely WIFI-free which wasn't such a bad thing. The next chapter is in the works of editing so it shouldn't be anywhere near a wait as this one was to be posted. As always, super thanks goes to Shinata-Riyoko for her beta-powers. Anything wrong with the chapter is all on us. We totally appreciate all the wonderful feedback and love hearing from you. Your encouragement truly keeps us going. Enjoy the next chapter.

Bone Deep Chapter Four: To Err is Human To Forgive...Freaking Hard

*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*

The thing about guilt is that it eats at you, paranoia builds, and you question everything. It gnaws, grows toxic in your belly, in your heart, and it doesn't matter how it came about, that it came from a genuine need to shield someone from the pain you have to suffer, they don't need to suffer, too – but it still attacks.

One, two days passed in complete silence and Callie expected it, she deserved it. Three days passed without a word from Arizona and Callie grew defeated all over again, but refused to let on. No, her friends didn't need more to worry about. On the fourth day, mid afternoon, a loud knock on the door woke Callie from a restless nap.

Begrudgingly she made her way over to the door, annoyed at the interruption, only to see Arizona standing there. If one's heart could literally stop beating at the sight of someone else, her heart would have done just that. Her mouth fell open in surprise, any sound made was lost in the crinkling of the brown bag she found shoved into her hands.

"It's soup, you need to eat." Arizona's face blank, her voice lacking emotion, her hands as steady as the surgeon she was trained to be. Without making eye contact, she turned and disappeared down the hallway leaving Callie standing breathless and confused in her wake.

This went on day after day for five consecutive days.

Each day Arizona would drop off food, sometimes soup, sometimes sandwiches, salads, all bland, whatever the speciality at the hospital would be and, if she wasn't working, whatever the deli down the street had available. The first day after her new routine, she noted that instead of answering the door in pajamas with messy hair, Callie's hair was pulled back and she had on clean pajamas, also the apartment seemed cleaner than it had been for a while. The next day, Callie might have had on oversized sweats, but it was a nice change from night-clothes. Four days in, there was a glow to her skin and a light shade of makeup when she answered the door. While Arizona would drop food off and say nothing else before departing, Callie didn't speak either aside from a whispered thank you with Arizona already down the hall. On the fifth day when Callie could take the silence no more, she finally found the courage and called after her.

"Arizona?"

She waited as Arizona froze in her tracks and spun around with obvious anger burning in her eyes. Her body was vibrating with unresolved emotions as she made her way back to the open door.

Reaching the doorway where Callie stood in three long strides, Arizona glared at her. Poking her finger at Callie's chest, her face red with anger, as the pent up anger Arizona had been housing for three years sprung forward, feral and emotion fueled, she rolled her eyes as the other woman recoiled under her glare, Callie wasn't ready. She took several deep breaths to calm herself before she said something she'd regret. "I am nowhere near ready to talk to you Calliope Torres, and you aren't strong enough to listen either. So eat. If you want to talk to me, you'll keep eating and getting stronger because I plan on yelling ... a lot. And I will not have you breaking down on me. Eat." She turned and walked away having said her piece.

By the end of the second week, Callie's dark circles had begun to fade and Arizona swore her pasty skin had really started to get a glow back to it, no makeup needed to help it along. Her intention to build up to her confrontation with the person who crushed her, the person who ripped her heart out and stomped on it, was beginning to crumble away with each time she set eyes on her.

It was a slow progress to this feeling and at first she didn't mean it. It was a simple brush of the arm, hand, fingers on the exchange of the lunch bag to set her alight, and she cursed herself for feeling something other than unresolved anger. She needed to stick to her plan, in - out, no pleasantries; get her stronger so she could rip her a new asshole, but it all started to go south.

She began to take more time turning away, longer glances which led to her still being in the room one time when Callie dropped the bag by mistake. Struggling to make her knees bend, she offered her a gentle hand as the woman paused at ground level, unable to get the power in her legs to get her upright once more.

Little things began to happen unintentionally like letting her fingertips graze the soft skin of her cheek longer than she wanted when the short thinning hair fell from its band. Calliope's hair was always so thick and vibrant, and here, it just showed how ill she was.

She'd told herself this was the best way, she was so scared to let Callie back into her heart, it was best for self preservation. She didn't love Callie, she kept telling herself that, maybe eventually her heart would follow her brain. Callie had shattered her heart three years ago and Arizona promised she wouldn't let her hold that much power over her again - yet here she was, her psychological armour cracking, shield falling, and her sword dulling. It was Calliope, and she needed her. She just wasn't strong enough to deal with this herself yet, so the lunch dates continued until she thought they both could deal with it.

GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*

Teddy had been pacing back and forth outside of the closed door for over ten minutes. It had been far too long since she'd seen her best friend because every time she was in the vicinity of Arizona, the other woman took off for high ground. She missed her best friend and this wasn't fair. Arizona was just as guilty for having her keep secrets even if it was an unspoken request on her part. Teddy knew Arizona had no real intention of disclosing Tara to Callie; it was supposed to have been just sex all along. She wasn't even certain when things had changed for Arizona to have brought Tara back to the states with her.

With her hands shaking, she reached for the lounge door and slowly turned the knob, pushing the door ajar. Taking another deep breath, she nudged it farther open until she stood staring at her best friend on the couch.

When nobody came into the room and sound continued to pour into the lounge from the hallway, Arizona found herself on edge again. She could sense Teddy's presence and was immediately annoyed. Without looking up from her paper, she set a scowl upon her face that Teddy could see just by the rise of creases in her forehead.

"Can I help you?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Either come in and close the door, or leave ... and close the door." Arizona growled. "Preferably the latter, please."

Ignoring Arizona's expected attitude, Teddy continued to stand in the doorway, still too scared to completely go inside. "How'd you do it?" She asked timidly expecting the bark to turn into a bite.

"Do what, Theodora?" Arizona asked coldly.

The use of her full name should have added to her fears, but Teddy was just as annoyed with Arizona and her patience was running thin. "Get her to eat?" Teddy's snappy response left little room for her friend to bite back.

Hearing the same level of anger in Teddy's voice, she pulled back just a bit. "Oh that?" She asked as if it wasn't news. It was damn big news to anybody that knew Callie. "I don't know." She shrugged and the icy chill that had been surrounding her for weeks melted a little finding out Callie really was eating the meals she took over aside from the few short times she waited the other woman out in eating before she left. "I didn't really do anything." She looked up from her paper blockade with a sheen of tears in her eyes and her voice shaky. "I was hoping she'd eat, but I wasn't always sure."

Stepping farther into the room, Teddy pushed the door shut behind her with a solid slam. Watching Arizona jump at the unexpected sound shook Teddy's own tears loose. "She begged me not to tell you. Made me promise. I couldn't." She broke into sobbing tears.

Her own tears following suit, Arizona shook her head trying to form words. She just kept glaring at Teddy, shaking her head, mouth gaping like a fish. "You should have. You let me hate her." Arizona snapped, the ice returning to her voice. "I expected this from Mark, but you were my best friend and you let me wish her dead." She ended on a whisper, the words burning her tongue to speak aloud.

"And pray tell, how would I have made that phone call? Oh right, Arizona, your ex-girlfriend is dying, come home?" Teddy responded sarcastically. "Or how about, could you take ten seconds from fucking your nurse's brains out? I have something important to talk to you about. You know, most of our conversations were about how good your sex life was or about the damn weather because you were too afraid to ask about life in Seattle. You were too scared to ask about Callie. And because I was attached to both, you wouldn't even ask about me. I was the one that found her on the floor after she was told her remission was over. I was the one that made her eat and sleep, and shower, and gave her something to fight for, and when I called you, when I tried to talk to you, to tell you that you needed to come home, you knew I needed to talk about something important, you decide to tell me you were in love with Tara instead. How was I supposed to know you'd even care to come home after that declaration?"

"I would have." Arizona held her ground.

"Come on, Arizona, you didn't want to hear it. And she would have hated us all. You kept her alive for three years. She fought to come back to you. You both had wars to fight, Arizona, and yours was there. You gave her a reason to fight and whether you believe it or not, that's why she's still alive." Teddy wiped at her wet cheeks.

"Barely." Arizona whispered, the fight now drained out of her, too.

"Don't!" Teddy growled. "Don't you dare give up on her, yet." She snapped, sending one last glare in Arizona's direction before she left, slamming the door hard behind her.

"I never did." Arizona whispered to the empty room. "I never did."

*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*

Rubbing her fingers hard over the top of the paper, she stood back and admired her makeshift sign taped to the door. She had told everyone that she was not to be disturbed, no matter what, she was having this thirty minutes. This video call was the one – the 'No more beating around the bush and dancing over the Callie shaped issues' Skype call. The guilt of keeping this secret was killing her, not that it had been hard because, well, Arizona had made it so easy for her by refusing to talk about Callie. But today, Teddy was going to tell Arizona that Callie was really ill and she had to come home and she had the 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign to prove it.

Taking one last look around the hall she wet her lips and swallowed hard as she made her way back into her office and took a seat at her desk. Signing into the blue screen, she watched as the white symbol swirled around while it loaded. God, it was getting warm in here.

Teddy sat there staring at Dr A Robbins for what felt like ages before the little voice bubble icon next to it turned green indicating that Arizona was online now. She felt like her heart was in her mouth, but she could do this. Start out slowly, ask how she is, maybe if the weather has been good, if it's sunny…no wait that's a daft question, it's Africa, of course the weather's sunny. Teddy started to get herself flustered as the video call chime sounded, she hovered over the answer call button, her brain trying to calm the panic down. She fought with herself as her finger hit the mouse button to accept the incoming call.

"Teddy? Hey!" Arizona sat smiling and Teddy immediately noted that it was a completely over the top smile. She had known Arizona to do it in the past, particularly when she was really trying with Mark, and here she was doing it to her. "I'm surprised we managed to get our schedules to match up." Again, forced happiness was present. They had been trying, well Teddy had been trying to video chat for a while now, but something always came up. This time she made sure nothing was going to get in her way.

"Yeah, it's great that our schedules just managed to align. Must be fate." Teddy smiled back. Fate had nothing to do with it. She had warned Yang that if anyone interrupted her then she was off of her service for a month. The smaller woman, then went about putting the department on lockdown and that everything that needed Teddy's attention went to her first. She also browbeat Arizona into a sit-down using guilt, tons of guilt.

"So…" Arizona looked down away from the camera, there was an unnaturally long pause while Arizona thought of something to ask. "How's the weather?"

"Grey. How's the weather there?" Teddy rolled her eyes at the question, it was out of her mouth before she could stop it. Everything was awkward, it was horrible, and she was just about to suck it up and say what she needed to when she heard a noise from Arizona she genuinely never thought she'd ever hear again from the woman. Laughter.

"Hotter than Satan's balls!" Arizona laughed as she saw Teddy's brows raise in surprise that such a comment came from her mouth. "Tara says it constantly, she has such a potty mouth. In the bedroom too, if you know what I mean." Arizona wiggled her eyebrows and Teddy sat there in shock that, firstly, Arizona had even told her that and that she had a relationship with her scrub nurse.

"Tara, your nurse? The angry one. You're sleeping with her?" Teddy was shocked, when Arizona had told her about her staff she had laughed, Arizona had described Tara as someone completely the opposite to her and she was worlds apart from the person Callie was; Arizona wasn't fond of her from the beginning.

"Yeah, it turns out we have a lot in common. We bonded over our mutual need for our bit ..." Arizona paused trying to spit the word out. She wanted so much to be able to call Callie a bitch, but she just couldn't form the damn word. "We bonded over wanting our exes to die of very excruciating, incurable diseases. We were talking about how much we hate them for what they did to us and it just happened, the next thing we were screwing on my office desk." Arizona internally grimaced as she pasted on another cheesy grin, once again hoping that it would mask her true feelings. What had actually happened that night was two people trying to fuck the memory of their previous partners away. No passion, loving kisses, or comforting embraces, just carnal need. Erratic and clumsy fingers pulled at material, not removing, just trying to get under. They both slipped their fingers around each others panties, arousal just barely enough to get through the deed. Weeks down the line they were still using each other to get through the day.

"You've changed. You would never have told me anything like that with Callie." Teddy cringed , she didn't mean to say her name out loud.

"Well, I have changed. I'm no longer letting that ..." Arizona tried again to call Callie out. To put a name to the ruin of her life. Taking a deep breath, the snappiness of her voice let away to a sadness. "I'm no longer letting her or the memory of her, ruin my life." Garnering any emotion other than the dread of loneliness and sadness she was currently feeling, she closed her eyes and remembered how it felt to stand alone in the African airport, her life in shambles. "She left me in a fucking airport Teddy. No explanation. She's dead to me…not even worth the air of saying her name. I'm done, Teddy, I'm never letting anyone hurt me like that again. Dead to me." Arizona shook her head, she was getting angry that again Callie was on her mind, and it was Teddy's fault. She was getting angry because she missed Callie 24-7. Even two years later, she missed her with every part of her being because she never got closure and she needed that damn closure. Talking about her just hurt worse if that was at all possible. "Teddy, I don't want to talk about her. I will end this conversation now."

"No…No its fine." Teddy didn't know why she panicked, there was no way to say what she needed to her now, if she did then the guilt of wishing Callie dead would be too much. When she went to have this conversation a little under two years ago, Arizona refused her calls and hung up the chat if she so much looked like she was going to mention Callie, so Teddy knew she was serious. She knew she had to play it cool for the moment, if she brought anything up about Callie just now, Arizona would refuse to talk to her and she couldn't risk that. There was going to be a time when Teddy had no choice and she needed Arizona to be receptive and not combative to her call when she was forced by circumstances. Except as Teddy changed the subject, she couldn't help but wonder how soon that phone call was going to have to be. "Have you got any unique cases?" Teddy watched as Arizona for the first time in this correspondence genuinely smiled.

*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA

Knowing now that staying at the hospital without a breakdown was not going to happen, she grabbed her purse from the old supply closet that was now her make-shift office until she returned on staff for more than consulting and OR time. Not bothering to change from her scrubs, she escaped from the side door where she wouldn't be seen.

Two hours later, Arizona still sat on the steps to Callie's building, not sure she was ready to go in. It had been three weeks and, until today, she hadn't realized just how comfortable she'd gotten in this daily routine with Callie. She no longer knocked, always letting herself in the unlocked door. There was no second thought about it and yesterday, when she'd set a plate for Callie, she even set a small one for herself so she could stick around to be certain Callie ate the veggie sandwich she'd brought. The iron and vitamin D both something Callie desperately needed and she wanted her to eat it all if possible. It didn't occur to her that it was probably inappropriate for her to be in the apartment while Callie showered or sit around eating with her while she was dressed only in a bathrobe.

Callie watched from her window as Arizona paced in front of her building before she gave up hope just as the sun was setting. Arizona had disappeared from view about twenty minutes prior and as the sun set, her heart sank with it. Callie stood watch every day since Arizona started bringing her over food, waiting at the window until she saw blonde hair on the sidewalks below heading in her direction. After the first week, Callie started leaving the front door unlocked and Arizona would let herself in, put the food on the counter, and leave again. Sometimes Callie stood at the bar counter and waited in silence as Arizona quietly came and went. It was a baby step, but still a step forward, and it gave her hope. Yesterday her hope had become pure joy giving her full energy to live off of, until today. When Arizona didn't come through the door, today; when she disappeared from the front of the apartment building, Callie came to the conclusion that Arizona was truly done with her. Yesterday was just too much. Hope was one of the few things Callie had left, very little hope, and she was losing the last of it. Resigned to the fact that she'd be alone tonight, Callie let herself go.

Sitting on the couch, she angrily grabbed a throw pillow, hauling it across the room. When she heard a vase hit the floor, shattering on impact, her temper exploded in rage. Grabbing another pillow in both hands, a vice grip on the fabric, she screamed, the hollow echo of violence in her yell echoing off the walls, as she used what energy she had left to tear the pillow into two. Her bone breaking hands weakened, a pencil wouldn't even bend under the pressure, the fabric barely stretched in her grip. Sobbing, she clutched the pillow to her chest, a security blanket in the midst of her breakdown. She was feeling sorry for herself and, in the throes of her self pitying meltdown, she begged and pleaded with her God, for life, for death, she wasn't sure which, but she just wanted the pain to stop. Exhausted from her outburst, Callie collapsed onto the cushions of the couch, curling herself into the fetal position, the tightest ball humanly possible, her sobs continued to echo off of the walls of the apartment and the empty cavity where her heart once beat until the welcomed silence of sleep took over.

"Callie, it's just me." She shouted so that the other woman was aware, reaching into the fridge as she did, bringing out a bottle of water she poured some into the glass as she watched Callie come into the room, tying her robe belt into a knot.

"Hey, I thought I heard you." Callie knew it was her, everyday she came around the same time, even if she was a bit early today. When she realised that, Callie began to make sure she was looking the best she could. Unfortunately today had been another bad day and she knew she didn't want to let Arizona see her that low again, so jumping in the shower covered that, but she had no time to change when she heard Arizona was already here.

"I brought you some veggies. They're plain, lightly grilled, no sauces, so you should be able to keep it down. Thought since you'd been doing so well recently, we could try?" Arizona smiled softly and Callie noted, that the smile was not forced like it had been for almost twenty-one days straight now.

"Thank you." Callie sat at the breakfast bar and watched as Arizona took a seat and had a plate of her own. Callie smiled softly as she watched Arizona take a bite from her sandwich.

As she watched Arizona's sandwich return to her plate, she realized what they were eating. "Sandwiches?" As soon as the question left Callie's mouth, she cringed, expecting the placid atmosphere to disintegrate and gunfire to ignite. She was quite literally about to dive for cover, but the soft laughter that bubbled from Arizona had her watching the smile that she had missed so much.

"Living in Africa, I've realised there are worse things than sandwiches to eat. There was this rice based meal, oh Callie you should have tasted it…" Arizona physically shoved the sandwich into her mouth to stop herself talking and both woman dropped into a pleasant silence eating lunch together.

"You let me hate you." She yelled, startling Callie from her restless slumber. "You thought it was better for me to hate you than to lose you, and in the end, you got both anyway. You let me regret the best times of my life. You're selfish and you're a fool." Arizona was pacing in front of her, arms flailing wildly, dramatic movements all around.

"Arizona?" Callie quickly sat up, her head spinning slightly under the unexpected movement.

"No!" Her hand flew, palm facing out, Callie flinching as if she was about to be hit. "You don't get to talk, yet. No!" Arizona stopped pacing altogether, staring down Callie with a look of concern and anger in her eyes. She knew she had to say what she needed to, because if Callie said anything, the mere sound of her voice would break her resolve, and she needed to say her peace or they could never move forward. "I won't even pretend I understand what you went through, are going through, but you're going to hear what I went through, Callie. You're going to listen, do you hear me?" Arizona was ranting, her body shaking with anger, and even Callie knew better than to argue.

"Do you know what it feels like to sob at the memory of your lover's embrace with disgust?" Arizona waited until she was certain she had Callie's attention with that.

"Do you know what it's like to spend day after day willing every part of yourself to forget what she felt like, to forget how she made you feel? To hate her? To take every special moment you shared together and toss them aside? Strip every meaning from them just to survive?" She paused as the memories bombarded her, the pain still just as fresh as it was three years before.

She took a deep breath, tears now slowly making their way down her cheeks. "Every day I hated you. And I hated myself even more for hating you. I made myself sick trying to figure out what went wrong. What I did wrong." She whispered.

"I tried everything to forget you, to move on, and when nothing would work, I had no choice but to move on knowing my heart would never be complete again. I knew that, but I was dying. I was dying from a freaking broken heart and I had no choice. Every day I hated you, I died a little more. While you were here alone fighting to live, I was there alone fighting to live. It's not the same thing, I know that, but you had no right, Callie. None!"

Silence filled the stale air as they stared each other down. "Arizona ... I'm sorry." Callie sat stunned into shock by the truth and venom in Arizona's words. The venom the result of her own actions, the poison running deep in her own body.

"You're sorry? You're sorry? You're sorry?" Arizona laughed bitterly. "Why? Because I found out? What would you have done had ... had I returned and you weren't dying?" It burned to say that word. "Would you have ever even told me? You're selfish, Callie. Selfish!" She yelled and when Callie flinched, she pulled back just a bit. She wanted to be heard and didn't want Callie on the defensive.

"I didn't just sign on for the best and not the worst, the healthy and not the sick, when I fell in love with you, but you ... you didn't even care enough about me, about how I was holding up, about how being without you ... what it would do to me." Arizona stopped to face Callie for the next part, choosing her next words very carefully to make the best impact, the hardest punch.

"You didn't love me enough, Callie. And now I have to deal with all these feelings of abandonment all over again. But now I get to be selfish ...you're going to fight this. You're going to win. I don't care if you're tired, I'm not giving you a choice this time around. If I have to live with all this pain the rest of my life, so do you. You're not allowed to die, Calliope Torres. You're not going to, because fifty years from now, I want you to still feel the same heartbreak I do. Death is not getting you out of that. Do you hear me?" Arizona watched tears streaming down Calle's cheeks as she silently nodded in response.

"Death is not an option." She spoke firmly with what little control she had left.

Wanting to reach forward and wipe the tears away, to take the pain out of Callie's eyes, Arizona fisted her hands into balls. NO. She was not falling for Callie's broken hearted look.

Clearing her throat, Arizona took a deep breath and spoke with a calm and collect voice. "Now that we've cleared the air, I'll see you tomorrow." Arizona started for the door, and Callie, following her with her head, noticed the brown bag that Arizona had put on the bar before she began her tirade. Even when she was coming over to tear her a new one, Arizona still brought food.

"Tomorrow?" Callie asked confused.

"Lunch!" She looked at Callie as if it was obvious. "I lost the love of my life, Callie, but I'm not about to lose you, too." Arizona shrugged trying to downplay everything.

"See you tomorrow." Callie whispered after Arizona was long gone. She wasn't exactly sure what had happened here but, once again, Callie had something to look forward to tomorrow. She still had hope and that was going to have to be enough.

*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*

Tara stood over her girlfriend who had been sitting there quietly staring off into space for the past several hours. This had been going on for weeks now and she was at wits end. Something had turned the tables today, Arizona returned home upset and unresponsive, and Tara knew Callie was once again behind this mood.

"Are you sure you can handle this?" She asked nervously, trying to sound sympathetic even if she was far from it.

"Huh? What?" Arizona came back from the safe world she'd created in her head, but wasn't sure what Tara had said.

"I asked you if you can handle this, Babe. I hate watching what it's doing to you."

Arizona looked up at her girlfriend and tried not to crack under her hard stare. "I'm fine." She tried to keep the facade, except Tara wasn't stupid, and she knew it was an insult to lie to her. "I don't know." She shrugged and sighed.

"Arizona, we know what's at stake here. We're both medical professionals, we know the chances. Can you really lose her all over again, but this time permanently?" Tara was really trying to be sympathetic, but she was so tired of the constant bad mood Arizona's ex had put her in since almost their arrival in Seattle. Since they had got to Seattle, Arizona hadn't let her touch her, the airport happiness replaced by coldness, since she saw that bitch waiting for her. She didn't move across the fucking globe for this bullshit. This wasn't discussed. It was hard enough living with the ghost of Arizona's ex-girlfriend fucking with her life, but having her in their life, flesh and bones, was not something she signed on for when they decided to return to the states, together.

"Callie is the perfect example of why, as doctors and nurses, we don't get attached or we shouldn't get attached to our patients. We can hope for the best, but we have medical training, we know the risks are too high. Arizona, you're not responsible for her any longer and if you become too attached, what then? I'm worried for you. Like I already asked, can you really deal with losing her permanently?"

"Last time I thought it was permanent." Arizona lashed out. She could hear Tara's underlying annoyance and it only served to set her on edge.

"Yeah I know, you promised if we returned to your home town, she was already dead to you. Can't you just pretend she's already there? For us, for Christ's sake, Arizona. She is destroying us." Tara barked back.

Shocked by the malevolence in her girlfriend's voice, Arizona's heart raced as she filled with anger. "That ... that's irrelevant. And it doesn't matter since she is dying, Tara. God, how can you be so insensitive?"

"You're still fucking in love with her, aren't you?" Tara fisted her hands at her sides, she so wanted to hit something and hit it hard. Stepping back from her girlfriend before it was Arizona that connected with her fists, she began to pace. "For fuck sake, Arizona, you still love this woman. After what she did to you? She destroyed you. You were nothing when I met you. Nothing. She destroyed your confidence, self esteem, self worth, and you're going to let her do it again? Are you really that pathetically weak? We talked about this before we left Malawi, you invited me! You let me believe that you were opening up that brittle little heart of yours and letting me further in. I didn't ask to move in with you - YOU ASKED ME, REMEMBER?"

Arizona was stunned by the outburst, but she couldn't say she was surprised. Tara had a temper on her, but she'd never been on the receiving end of it, until now.

"YOU were using me weren't you? YOU just wanted to make her jealous? God, what a fool you've made of me. I can't believe I ever trusted you. What was I? Somebody to make you feel good about yourself after, after that cunt ruined you? And what now? You're going to go back to her because she has some sob story about dying? Is she even dying? How do you know this isn't some ploy to fuck with you some more? You're such an easy fool to manipulate, but I'm guessing she already knew that about you or we wouldn't be having this fight." Tara was on a roll and didn't care what she said or how she said it.

"If I were you, I'd stop before you said anything else." Arizona warned her.

"And what are you going to do about it? You couldn't even handle ten minutes back on the same continent as her without folding to her will. You're weak and useless, and I don't know why I even bothered."

"Tara Benson, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here because you're angry and hurting, but you really need to walk away right now and we'll talk when you've cooled down and apologized." Arizona was giving her an out, giving her a chance to take it back and make it right. She wasn't sure why, but she needed to right things with her girlfriend. Afterall, this was her fault. Maybe not Tara's exact reaction, but the fact that she'd pushed her girlfriend to feeling so insecure.

"Me, apologize? Are you fucking smoking something? YOU should be apologizing to ME. You dragged me across the fucking world with the promise of a future and you caved immediately upon arrival. IMMEDIATELY. And you have spent the last eighteen months lying to me. You never stopped loving her. You're still in love with her and you fucked me over, royally. I should have gone home to Boston and never trusted you. The sex wasn't even that good." She was screaming so loudly that Arizona feared her neighbors were going to call the authorities. She had to stop this, now.

"Get out. Just get the hell out." Arizona tried desperately to remain calm.

Tara laughed bitterly throwing one last glare in Arizona's direction. "Competing with the ghost of her was one thing, but losing to the reality of her, yeah never figured that one in the equation, but don't worry, you'll get your wish. I'm done with you. You're washed up and she can have you back. What was I thinking? I obviously mistook this for love, but I guess the truth was a lack of options for a good fuck. I am so done. I hope she dies a horrible and painful death. That's what you both deserve." She shook her head and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door as hard and loudly as she could behind her.

GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*GA*

There's this thing that happens – It happens to everyone at some point in their life. For some folks, it can happen more than once, and when it does, it can feel as though life is just slowly draining from you; you feel lost, numb. When the brain and the heart initiate a fierce and ugly war, like the one currently attacking, wreckage and spoil will follow and the winner will show the exact truth of the matter. It's often described as an epiphany, a moment of sudden and great revelation or realization. Clarity.

The vile tirade that had left the woman's lips shocked her, she knew that Tara had a temper and nasty side, but it wasn't that, that had left her unable to move, frozen in the same position for over the last hour. It was what her comments had made her realize. The battle between her heart and her head. She was not in love with Callie Torres. She wasn't.

The only thing Tara was right about was how badly Callie had destroyed her...no she didn't love her. She couldn't. You didn't fall back in love with a dying woman...unless you never stopped. Sympathy, that had to be it, because she didn't love her. She didn't. Damn it, the only reason she was even thinking it was because Tara put the damn thought in her head, it wasn't true...was it? Damn it, she was not putting herself back into this ... this life. So why was she? Callie had easily walked away regardless of her reasons and Arizona needed to accept that three years ago, in that airport when Callie chose to let her go, push her away, that it was simply over. They were over. She wasn't doing this again. She could not love Callie. No, she did not want to love Callie. And yet, she was already in so deep, she saw no other way. You couldn't fight your heart no matter how hard you tried, only hide from it until it gave you no choice but to face reality. This was reality.