A/N- Beca's POV. Same AU.
New character introduction, Stacie!
Stacie is a Junior. She is 17, a year older than Beca, and a month older than Chloe. She was held back, rip Stace.
Another short one, no triggers.
~Without further ado, read on and enjoy.
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Standing in the courtyard, my eyes were dull.
The days came and went, most days being just like the last. No matter what seemed to occur, the only thing that ever truly changed, turned out to be my thoughts and feelings. As she'd walk by chatting happily with her friends, I'd remain with mine... Lonely and just hoping for that one moment. But it'd never happen. It never could happen. Although she was my friend, maybe even considering her as my best, I could never bring myself to tell her. All that ever came to mind was the fact that I'd be hated, disowned, or just forgotten. I didn't want that, I never wanted it.. Yet some days, it's all I could think would happen. Of course, it never happened, yet... But it doesn't mean that some day it wouldn't.
"Hey!"
Hearing the yell, my head turns to meet the person that owned the vice.
"W-What?"
"You're dazing in and out, Becs. You sure you're alright?"
For a moment, I felt like saying the truth. Getting it all off my chest and just pouring my heart and soul onto the concrete below. Letting other people absorb what was bothering me and then wonder after words if I'd finally consider being, 'fine'. But I don't get those chances. I never got that shot, I never get to remember what it feels like to be, 'okay', or 'fine', because in the end, it just goes away.
"Yeah! Yeah... I'm fine."
It's a lie.
It was all just a lie.
I'm not fine, I'm not okay...
But no one knows that.
We put on a mask to show that we're perfectly fine, when in the end all we really feel like doing is crying. No matter what we tell ourselves, we don't..
"You sure, Beca?"
Looking into my friend's brown eyes, I sigh.
Stacie was always there for me. She always knew whether or not I was really okay, whether I said so or not. We always just seemed to have that connection.
"No... Stace, I'm not okay.. I've been trying so hard to show that I am, but I'm not. I'm not okay.. I'm really not."
Telling the truth seemed to take weight off my shoulders. Breathing seemed easier, but in reality, it wasn't.
I watched her eyes dull, concern clouding them.
She really cared... Maybe she cared too much, I knew I wasn't important enough to have someone's care, but here she was, caring.
It's not that I didn't appreciate it, I just knew I didn't deserve such a friend.
"Beca.. Is it her again?"
Dropping my had, I look away near instantly.
The impending doom of the truth struck me like a dying sun sending its last rays over the horizon aimed directly at me.
It was always her.
The only person that could make me happy was the reason I cried every morning and cried every night.
A reason to come to school, but a reason to dread the entire day.
"Y-Yeah... It is."
I didn't want to say it.
I knew I was being pathetic.
Everyday the stitches in my heart would come undone as I would try to stitch them back together at the seams.
You never realize that someone has a hold on you till it actually shows.
All Stacie did, was sigh.
She didn't say a word.
Incurred the full wrath of the everyday issue and just looked at me.
Everyday this happened and everyday, it was the same thing.
Finally she spoke, she was soft, yet strong with her words.
"I know you love her, Becs, I really do. But you know for a fact, you've said it yourself, we've been over this Beca! You don't want to take the shot. I don't know what the hell else you want me to do!"
I could tell she was angry..
Don't know why she was though.
This was more of my issue than anything else, she told me I could vent to her.
What the hell did she expect?
"I can't tell her!"
"Yes, you can if you really wanted to!"
"I do want to!"
"Then do it!"
"I CAN'T!"
"YES YOU CA-"
"I can't Stacie..."
The pain added up and I could feel the tears slowly starting to fall down my face.
It wasn't easy..
She didn't understand the pain I went through..
"You can, Becs... I know you can."
"I can't... Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much, that if you ever decided to change your way, you know you'd lost them? Knowing for a fact that they love someone else, all you ever do is hear about it, all you can ever do is listen I love her so much... That I force myself to sit through the countless texts I get about the guy she likes, I respond back, acting happy, because that's all I can do. She doesn't know, Stace... She doesn't know and she can never know, I don't want to lose her. I lover her too much to ever have her leave me. Stace, I'm scared.."
The world just seemed to stop spinning at that time. The courtyard silent as I'm beyond sure my cries echoed off whatever walls were around.
I didn't want to lose her.
She never understood that.
Telling her that I love her, she could leave me, she could hate me, she could just simply disown me as if we were never a thing in general.
It's not that easy and Stacie knows that for a fact.
Today after Biology I'd get to leave and finally see her, but maybe it wasn't gonna be fun and games like I thought..
The sound of the bell ringing through the clearing struck me from my trance.
Stacie walked up to me, her brown eyes dull in appearance and soft in gaze.
Resting a hand on my shoulder, she simply said.
"You gotta let her go..."