I realized it had been months since i UDed this, and that it was still classed as unfinished, even though in my mind i left it behind a while ago :P But (believe it or not) I don't like to leave things unfinished, so here is the last letter. It's really not very good, but i wanted to finish it. Hope the few of you still reading enjoy it, at least a little bit. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed :)

Ziva,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while... oh wait, you wouldn't notice anyway. Lots has been happening. They've told me you're dead, so I must be mad. Writing these... most people... most people have a place – somewhere to go, when they've lost someone. I could go somewhere, I guess, hell, so many places remind me of you, but there's not one place... It hurts. It hurts so much.

I can't really describe it, just, I can't think. I can't do a single fucking thing without it reminding me of you somehow, I can't breathe, and it hurts. It hurts so damn much. I've stopped living, but then again, I suppose there's no change, because I stopped living the moment you stayed in Israel. The moment you stepped out of my life. This is my fault, everything. If... if I had never gone to you apartment... you wouldn't... you would have come home with us.

God, I would give anything, anything to have you back. We're going to Somalia. It's... complicated. But we are. I'm full of bitterness and anger, and I want to get revenge, I want to blame someone for your death. We're going to get Saleem. And I'm not sure if I'm going to make it back. I'm not sure I even want to. If the past few weeks has been anything to on, I don't want to come back here. Back to America, back to NCIS. How can I fall back into that routine again with such a gaping hole in my life? It hangs over all of us you know, we used to be comfortable there, feel safe. Now it just feels empty. Just... empty. We're leaving in a couple of hours, and like I said, I have no idea if I'll ever make it back. It's a pretty scary thought, to think that once I've got my revenge, I've got nothing left to live for. I have to admit, death seems quite appealing at this point. Does it make the feelings go away? The guilt and the anger and the pain – do they go away? That would be one appealing aspect, then, the most obvious, I'd be with you. At least, I like to think I would. Because death sucks enough already, you'd think the least life would do is let you be with the people you love. But life isn't fair. I've known that for a long time, so I don't know why I bother to hope. I don't know why I was angry when you were taken away from me, because life isn't fair, and sooner or later it would have happened to one of us. But it felt so incredibly unfair that it was you – then again, life doesn't care about feelings. Or whether things balance themselves out.

God I miss you. I didn't think it was possible to feel this way for this long, I should have known better really. But I should have known better about a lot of things, so that's not really saying a lot. I think no matter what happens out there, this will be my last letter to you. I will die there, or I will be dragged back kicking and screaming. Either way, this is my last letter. I would say maybe things will turn out differently, but I've given up hoping. It would be hoping for some kind of miracle anyway. Nothing ever turns out the way you want it to. I love you Ziva, and my biggest regret in life is never telling you that. I sign every letter off with 'I love you' but it will never be enough, for either of us. I'll say it again anyway, but a thousand written I love you's will never make up for the words I couldn't quite bring myself to say.

I love you.

Tony

Told you it wasn't very good. :P I won't ask for reviews because i imagine most of my readers dropped out a long time ago... and i really don't blame you. But hey, it's finished!!! Lol. One down.... six hundred million to go......

xxxxxxx