The Choice of Fate by Bubsie
"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break."
William Shakespeare
"There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms."
Charlotte Bronte
"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love."
Washington Irving
To Give Sorrow Words
It seemed to James that his family was falling apart.
The passionate fire that he fell in love with seemed all but extinguished in his wife. James had always heard that the hardest thing a parent could go through was to bury a child, but seeing Lily he knew that was not true; the hardest thing a parent could go through was believing your child to be dead, but not truly knowing.
Michael's reaction was even worse.
He had tried to explain to the five year old that his brother was not coming back, but Michael had just shook his head and told him 'that nothing could happen to Harry and that he would find his way home.'
James hoped with all his heart that his son was right.
"Daddy?"
At the questioning voice of his son James stopped and turned around to look at his child. Seeing his face set in a somber expression he walked to his bedside and knelt down to his level.
Though he dreaded what could be on his son's mind, he also couldn't help but wonder.
"Yes Michael?"
"Do you know where Harry is yet?"
It was an innocent question, simple even, but James knew there was no simple answer.
"I don't know Dragon." He finally replied as he brushed the hair from Michael's eyes. "But we'll find him."
"Good." Michael bobbed his head with a childish reply, "because we never got to go on our picnic. And I want to show him the new hobby that is in the tree. Harry likes the birds, but I don't think it will like Harry. None of the animals do."
The comment was so matter of fact that it was hard not to laugh. He was right though. Harry might love all the animals that Michael brought home, but they didn't like him. James personally thought that while Michael was gifted with animals, Harry was cursed.
"I'm sure he would like to see the hobby." James replied, "But you, young man, need to go to bed now."
Giving Michael another kiss on the forehead James stood to leave when his son gained his attention once more.
"Daddy?"
"Yes Michael?"
"I don't like sleeping alone." At his child's statement James couldn't help but look at the empty bed across the room. Since his son had disappeared he had barely looked at Harry's possessions in fear of breaking down; with Lily in a state someone had to stay strong for Michael.
"I know you don't son." He replied after a long moment. "Why don't we leave the door open so you don't feel alone?"
"Okay" Michael quietly agreed, "And, if Harry comes home he can come right to bed."
Not knowing how to reply to his son's confidence James just bit his lip and silently nodded.
It had been twelve days since Harry first went missing and a week since a simple piece of parchment had taken away their hope. The black, elegant writing simply said, "Your time has run out. He is dead."
Lily broke down when she read it, and she could still be heard sobbing unexpectedly throughout the day. He wasn't much better. He had refrained from breaking down in the day time where Lily or anyone else could see him, but during the night he did not have such a luxury. When he did not have Michael or his wife to occupy his thoughts it seemed that everything reminded him of his son. At night he would sit alone in his office with the fire's embers casting a warm glow across the room. It was in these moments, nursing a glass of scotch, that he would stare at the stuffed phoenix and cry over his lost child.
Right now though his wife was still awake and he needed to comfort her. As he opened the back door the melodic sound of his wife singing reached his ears.
Ooooo oooooo ohoohohoo
Ooooo ohooohoo oooohoo
Ooooo ohoohooo oohoooo
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Taking a step onto the porch he could see her now. She was sitting on the back steps; the same place she sat every night since Harry had went missing. She had her guitar in her arms and was playing a familiar tune. It was Harry's favorite.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? i iiii
Listening to his wife sing the song he couldn't help but release a few tears. He could remember many nights where Lily and their son would sit on the back porch playing her muggle instrument. Harry loved the guitar and for such a young child was quite good. The music, combined with the small fairies lighting their faces, always seemed magical. Bringing himself back to the present James wiped the tears from his face and lowered his body to sit on the step beside his wife. He continued to listen to the mournful tune as she seemed too absorbed to notice him.
Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world
Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world
She had a beautiful voice. Even laced with grief as it was, he couldn't help but marvel at her talent. She sounded like an angel accompanying her little one to heaven.
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld
The fairies had finally come, and while only seconds before he could only see shadows he now saw her red rimmed eyes and the tears that ran down her cheeks. James didn't know why she was putting herself through this. He knew how difficult singing Harry's song was. She kept singing though, hoping that wherever Harry was he would hear her and know she loved him.
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii?
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Lily finally released the last note and gently placed the guitar on the ground beside her. Not knowing what to say he finally settled with something simple and mundane. "Michael is asleep." He told her, "He should be out for the night."
His wife nodded absentmindedly, not really hearing what her husband had said.
"Lily, we need to talk."
James voice was so soft she could barely hear him, but the pleading in his voice did draw her that she was finally looking at him, he began with what he had been meaning to say for days, "Lily, it's been a week, you…"
Whatever James was about to say he never got to finish because Lily rose up in anger and growled, "My son is not dead James Potter," she punctuated her words by hitting her husband on the chest with her fists. "I would know if he was dead. So don't you dare tell me to get over this."
Knowing Lily needed to get the anger out of her system James stood and let the abuse happen. When she seemed to be running out of energy he finally grabbed her wrists and pulled her into his arms.
"I'm so sorry love." He didn't know what else to say to the grief stricken mother.
"You promised James, you promised you would find him and now he is gone." Listening to her grief filled words all James could do was hold her tighter and finally let his own grief be seen.
Edited and re-posted June 12, 2014
A/N
So yea, I know it is short and a big chunk is the song but it had some important information in it and adding more just seemed wrong. So I hoped you enjoyed and will leave a review. Toodles!
For those of you who recognized this version of "Over the Rainbow it is by Israel Kamakawiwo Ole' but is based on the original lyrics by E.Y. Harburg sung by Judy Garland and "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong.