~Kokonoe's room~
She hated her life. She really did by this point. Her whole plan had been ruined and now she was completely depressed about it. She had nothing to do anymore, nowhere to go and she had no more plans to get out of this.
Theoretically now that her plan had died she could confess to Reiji everything and just end this ordeal once and for all. But…in the end she decided against it.
She didn't care if Reiji found out by himself anymore and got angry at her. Actually, she decided to just let things solve by themselves in the end. She had no willingness to do anything anymore.
2 days ago, she had pleaded to her guardian to ask the doctors to let her out of the hospital. And so, now they both returned to their house and she was sitting on the bed of her own room. Of course, normally that shouldn't be possible but since she was a terminally ill patient to whom conventional medicine would have no effect at all they decided that keeping her there would be kind of pointless and so the doctors had agreed to discharge her.
Rin: "Now…I wonder what I should do…" as she stood there in the silence of her room the doorbell was heard downstairs. She didn't really felt like going but since Reiji was gone at work and nobody else was home she had no choice (even though she should stay in bed since everyone believed that she was terminally ill).
She descended the stairs in a not-so-happy mood and then opened the door only for her to be greeted by the mailman.
Mailman: "Ohio, Rin-chan! How is your day?" he asked in his usual cheerful calm voice which she had never understood if it was fake or not. This man had always been this happy whenever he was on duty and she had never comprehended the reason for that. Was that part of his job, to pretend to be cheerful, or did he really love his job that much?
Rin: "Ah, it's…uh…good. Everything's great!" she tried to respond with the same amount of cheerfulness although she quickly realized that she was the one who was faking now.
The older man didn't seem to care though as he handed her the mail, wished her a good day and went on. The girl looked after him for a few seconds before closing the door to the house and inspecting the papers she had received.
Since Reiji was most of the times gone at work she was the one who needed to take the mail and sort it. While reading every single envelope and its sender she quickly came across something new: on the paper it said 'Test results: Kokonoe Rin'.
Those words immediately caught her eyes and made her realize that this must have been sent by the private clinic which she had been taken to by Reiji a couple of days ago to recheck her lungs for cancer.
Since that was a particularly busy and eccentric private clinic, they usually didn't tend to contact their patients to come get their diagnostic results from them, they just sent the results over mail most of the times directly. That was exceptionally lucky for her simply because that meant that Reiji didn't know that her new results had arrived and so she could hide them from him, seeing that these new results were most likely true to her condition.
Rin almost immediately distributed the other envelops accordingly around the house so that Reiji would find them later and kept that particular one to herself as she went up to her room to read it.
~School, classroom~
The children were unusually active that day. They were annoyingly noisy, hyperactive, stubborn and mean, creating chaos in the class and making the poor teacher want to pull his hair out with his very own fingers.
No…rather put it wasn't the fact that they were unusually active, they were just the way kids were supposed to be at this age. It was the fact that he had gotten used to them being quiet because of the depression they had gone through when Rin had disappeared all of a sudden from their lives. The days after Rin had been taken by the ambulance had been quiet and the atmosphere during the classes had been almost depressing as everyone had looked sad constantly. However, that didn't last forever apparently, as that day they seemed to have revitalized themselves somehow. The kids had begun to start acting loud once again, creating ruckus and headaches for most of the adults in the building. It was almost like they had forgotten all about Rin now.
Aoki: "(sigh) I sometimes envy these kids…able to forget about their problems and just move on with their lives like nothing had happened in the first place…that's pretty incredible!" he hated to admit it but he couldn't get that girl out of his head. And he was pretty sure that no matter what he would ever do he would never be able to erase her face from his mind. Then again…that was pretty normal. Unlike children adults have the burden of carrying the pain of responsibility and remember every single hour, every minute, every second of what they have to do or what bothers them the most. And now what bothered him was Rin.
Aoki: "I really want to see her. I just want to apologize to her…" he didn't have that much time left. If he remembered correctly she didn't have more than a couple of days to live. That obviously bothered him. He had tried going to the hospital again after his first visit but he had been informed that she had been discharged and had been sent home. He couldn't contact her anymore either.
Whenever he had tried to call her phone she had rejected all of his calls. He could have also tried to go to her house and see her there but it was pretty clear that she had no intention of wanting to see or speak to him any time soon. She seemed to be mad at him and, now that he thought about it, he couldn't really accuse her.
After all, she had always wanted to receive some love from him, some affection and some attention. As a kid, those requirements are very basic and very understandable, especially if the child doesn't have his parents around the house.
The only thing Kokonoe wanted from him was a little attention. However, the form of attention and love she had asked for was something which he did not think was very healthy, at least not for him. She had always asked for things which were too mature for her, which unsettled him most of the times. He had no idea how such a young girl could even know about such things but what bothered him the most was the fact that she knew more about the subject than even he did. And he was more than twice her age.
Aoki: "What am I even thinking anymore?" he couldn't believe himself. He was actually thinking of doing unholy things to a small girl. Then again, it was her who actually wanted such things to be done to her, and the fact that he had always refused her in the past always seemed to have hurt her. "Up until now I always thought that she was just kidding. I can't believe she actually wants me to…" why would a young girl be interested in a man like himself?
He had never been that attractive in the eyes of most of the women he had met throughout his life so why was Kokonoe so different? Why did she want to do such things with him? She wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to play with his ear, to touch him…to go even farther than that. Why did she want him so much? Why was he so special in her eyes?
Then again, maybe that wasn't the question he should be asking himself right now. The real question was what was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to just go along with it? Up until now he had refused all of her offers and that ended up hurting her, especially last time. Maybe he should have accepted at least once? Maybe then things would have gone a little better?
Aoki: "But…I'm a grown adult and she is just a child! How can I even think of doing that to her?" he really didn't know what he was supposed to do now.
At any rate, the bottom-line was that he wanted to apologize to her. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if she died hating him for what he had done. He wanted to at least make her happy once again before she left. And he had no idea how to deliver her such happiness or how to even contact her at all.
Student: "Uh, sensei?" one student raised his hand waking the teacher from his deep thoughts. While he had been thinking of Rin he left all his muscles to his subconscious as his hands had continued to draw on the chalkboard.
Aoki: "Yes? What is it?" he asked turning around to see the class.
Student: "You're daydreaming about your girlfriend again!" he snickered as everyone in the class began to laugh at his expense. At first Aoki just stared confused at them, not really sure what gave him away but when he looked behind him at the chalkboard once again he realized that he had been writing Rin's name for a couple of minutes. Embarrassed he picked up the sponge and began to clean the writing while all the kids only continued to snicker over the situation as Rin's friends only sweat dropped at their teacher's clumsiness.
~End of session, corridor~
Aoki: "(sigh) I can't believe this. I should pay more attention to what I am doing!" even though he had said that his mind quickly returned to the blond girl who he had hurt a couple of days ago. He really didn't know what to do.
90% of his mind wanted to apologize to her but refused to want to go to her house, simply because he knew that he wasn't welcome there anymore (from neither Rin nor her guardian). However, there still was that lingering 10% which kept bugging him to go see her again no matter what, at least now before she dies. He knew that he should go but he just didn't want to face her guardian. No…that wasn't it.
He was scared of facing Rin rather. He knew that she was mad at him and just by going there uninvited and when he was unwelcome might worsen her hatred towards him. Furthermore, how was he supposed to make her forgive him? What could he possibly say to make amends for what he had done?
Hōin: "Aoki-sensei?" a sudden voice pulled him once again from his daydreaming as the man suddenly realized how hopeless he was for allowing his mind to wander to other places yet again.
Aoki: "Kyōko-san?" he turned around to find his coworker walking down the same hallway after exiting another classroom. "Ah, gomen! I was thinking of something and I didn't notice you!"
Hōin: "Don't worry about it! I know the feeling! I was just worried about you since you've been so silent all day!" she said to him as they both began to walk on relatively equal paces towards the teachers' lounge.
Aoki: "Ah, that? Well, let's just say that I have some problems on my mind…" he said looking away after reaching his sentence's end. He wanted to phrase that a bit differently but apparently it did not work. Still, his friend already guessed what the problem was.
Hōin: "It's about Kokonoe-chan, isn't it?" she asked with a low voice and a sorrowful smile. The man quickly turned his head to her amazed at how quickly she had read him but then he calmed down when he remembered how he himself was the one who had told her about Kokonoe's condition the other day.
Aoki: "Yes." he said calmly as his expression suddenly became unreadable, even for her. Soon, he didn't say anything anymore as his thoughts seemed to have wandered to that girl once again. However, Hōin couldn't blame him.
If she had a student with cancer she didn't know how depressed she would get either. It was only natural for a teacher to be affected by his students' conditions, especially for a loving and sensitive teacher like Aoki.
Hōin: "Aoki-sensei, I don't want to sound pushy or anything but I really do think that you should take a break! Or at least relax after our program is over today!" she told him genuinely concerned because of the way he was acting and how distant he seemed to have become recently.
Aoki: "Huh, maybe. I guess I really have been acting a little weird, have I not?" he tried to laugh at his own expense but when he noticed the grim look his colleague was throwing him he stopped and looked away once again. "Yeah, you're right. I just need some time to sort my feelings out…"
Hōin: "I see" she looked on the floor for a while trying to decide if she should take this as an opportunity to invite him out. She felt a little ashamed of herself for thinking to take advantage of such a serious grim situation but she also wanted to make Aoki feel better and help him relax. He really needed that and just by looking at him she knew that he deserved some peace of mind. "Then, how about we go out tonight? I mean, if you want to we can talk it over. That is, if you have the time, of course!" she stammered a little as the man looked at her in pure puzzlement.
Aoki: "Uh, you sure about this? I don't want to occupy your free time or anything just because you're worried about me!"
Hōin: "Ah, don't worry about it! It's just that I too need some time out since whenever I think about Kokonoe-chan my heart hurts a little…"
Aoki: "Yeah, I know the feeling..." he closed his eyes and took a deep breathe while thinking about this. Truthfully he really needed to sort his feelings out and find a solution to his dilemma. However, he also knew that simply pondering over the same problem continuously rarely leads to a solution. Most of the times the best answers to a problem pop up out of nowhere when you're not thinking about the crisis at all. This little break might actually be beneficial after all. And besides, maybe talking about it with someone trustworthy like Hōin might also help him decide on a proper course of action.
Aoki: "Eh, you're right! Maybe I really need some time off after all. Arigato for investing your time in helping me, Kyōko-san!" at that she couldn't help but blush slightly.
Hōin: "Ah, don't worry about it! I'm just happy I can help you!"
~School front yard~
The sun was beginning to set. As he was trying to enjoy the little free time he had during this period break, neither the cheerful laughs of the children playing in front of him, nor the cool breeze which seemed to refresh his skin with a smooth feeling of rushed dry air managed to keep his mind in this realm anymore.
He really tried not to think of Rin but he couldn't help it. He could neither get to her through the phone nor did he have the courage to go to her house but he couldn't get her out of his head either. He was basically trapped in a situation where he didn't know what to do. As a teacher he knew very well that he shouldn't get involved in a student's private life, especially if neither the student nor his guardian wanted the intervention, so he couldn't just barge into their house without any reason.
However, he didn't know what else to do. He really wanted to talk to her once again…even if he did not know what to say to her. He wanted to at least apologize. But how?
As he pondered and pondered over and over again while most of the kids were not even noticing him, Kuro and Mimi stood a couple of meters away from him, staring at his depressed look, both with differing opinions on the matter.
Mimi: "Poor sensei. He looks devastated because of what happened" she commented with a sad look. Being Rin's best friends, they were the only ones other than Rin herself who knew of what had happened when Aoki had come to visit Rin in the hospital. Their friend had told them all about that conversation and so both knew how much the girl and their teacher were suffering right then.
Kuro: "That's because of his own stupidity! He acted like a complete idiot, like always!" her friend seemed to have a different view on the situation though. "Rin-chan did everything in her power to get his attention and affection with this plan. However, like a total thickheaded virgin, he just had to screw everything up and refuse her once again and then make the both of them suffer because of that! Guys like that disgust me!" she growled while frowning when looking at the lonely grown man standing on the bench in front of them, not even noticing their stares.
Mimi: "Demo, Kuro-chan, isn't that what you wanted? Wouldn't you have felt bad if sensei really did fall for Rin-chan after this plan started?" she asked a little confused at Kuro's inexplicable attitude.
Kuro: "I would have. However, Rin-chan worked very hard to get her plan to completion! We worked very hard as well to help her! We did everything in our power just to see her happy after all of this and then he stumbles in and ruins all our expectations! How is that fair?" the more she was talking about it the more she could feel the anger boiling up inside her. She really hated that man. Everything he did seemed to piss her off and that always got on her nerves.
Incapable of enduring this pathetic scene anymore, Kuro couldn't help but burst all out against her teacher. She didn't care if it was wrong. She really felt the need give him a piece of her mind. Seeing him in that pitiful state and leaving him stand there hopelessly while Rin was suffering just because of him was simply too much to just watch.
Kuro: "Hey, VIRGIN!" the young girl shouted all of a sudden gaining the attention of both her lamentable teacher and her worried friend. "You done sulking already?!" she spat fully annoyed as the man didn't even bother to get mad at her insult anymore and just stared bewildered at the child.
Mimi: "Kuro-chan…I don't think it's a good idea to-…" but her voice was quickly cut off as Kuro seemed to have had it with her teacher. She felt the need to finally release her anger on this man once and for all.
Kuro: "What do you think you're doing here all alone like that?! Do you really think you have the right to pity yourself after what you did to Rin-chan?! Or do you think that acting all depressed and hurt like an injured little puppy will make her feel better?!" she knew that her words were hurting him but she didn't stop. No, it was because the words were so hurtful that she was throwing them at him. In her opinion this man deserved each and every single one of them. She was about to give him a dose of reality.
Aoki: "What's going on here? Does Kagami know the fact that I hurt Rin? No…what am I thinking? She is Rin's best friend after all…of course she knows what happened between me and Rin at the hospital! Usa most likely knows about it too…" despite how cruel and cutting those insults were the man did not get angry at Kuro at all. He knew he deserved them and so he just lowered his head and accepted them.
His lack of response and dignity did not do him any good however as this only infuriated the young gothic dressed girl even further as she felt even more frustrated.
Kuro: "Doing that won't get you anywhere! Do you really think that just taking my insults like that and accepting them will make me forgive you?! Instead of being here doing nothing and being useless like always you should go to her house and apologize for what you did to her!" she didn't stop there, obviously. No, she was far from over. If she needed to go as far as verbally abusing him then she would do it. She was willing to do just about anything if it would put Rin's plans back on track. Even if she had to beat the crap out of this pathetic crying dog then she would do it. If that would make him grow some balls and finally push Rin's scheme to completion then that was all that mattered. After working so hard on that plan and on Rin's happiness, she was not about to leave everything to wither to dust.
Aoki didn't say anything and just squeezed his eyes.
Kuro: "Rin-chan always loved you! She always did everything she could just to get close to you! But you…you never gave her even a chance! Not even a single chance at all! You kept ignoring her every single attempt and treated her like a child all the time after all her hard work! How do you think she always felt?!" that was when his eyes flew wide open.
Aoki: "I…I…she's right...I always did that to Rin…She always wanted me to give her at least one chance…to at least allow her to try. She's been flirting, playing and even sexually harassing me! I always thought of those times as her just trying to fool around but…what I did was that I always belittled her!"
~Flashback~
Aoki: "Kokonoe…you can't expect me to do that. I know you like me but…you're still a child…even if you're like this I just can-…" but he was cut off when he saw her glare at him.
Rin: "I see…so you're still saying things like that…"
~End of flashback~
Aoki: "What have I done? All this time she just wanted me to treat her like a real woman. She just wanted me to love her like I would love a woman…demo" he closed his eyes as he regained his composure. "Then…what am I supposed to do?" he said with a frown on his face.
Kuro: "What?! Do you want me to spell it out for you?! Fine then! You need to go to her house and say what she wants to hear from you! To do what she wants you to d-….."
Aoki: "Do you know what that implies, Kagami?" he suddenly looked at her with a glare, and a serious mad look on him. "Don't you think I've always thought of that? However, how can I ever do that to her? She's a child, she's a student! She's MY student! How can I ever say to her that I love her!? Do you know what people will think of me if I said that to a 10 year old girl!? Do you know what will happen to my job if I did that?! Do y-…"
Kuro: "Urusai…" she said in a very low voice, so low that he barely heard it at all. "So, just because of what people will think of you, you'll just gonna shoot her down every single time she'll try to get close to you?!" she glared back at him but this time he lost all of his confidence. "Just because people will think bad things about you you'll just ignore her for the rest of your life and make her suffer?! Is your happiness really that important that you have to sacrifice hers?"
Aoki: "Well…I-…"
Kuro: "That means in order to make yourself happy, you are willing to never make her happy…not even in a time when she truly needs you…not even when she's in bed right now on the verge of death, huh?!" with that he felt his heart ache. He couldn't block out those words. They were just too painful but also too shattering to be blocked out.
Aoki: "I…" he didn't know what to say in response to that. He was completely broken.
Mimi: "Kuro-chan, I think that's enough. Aoki-sensei already looks ruined…" the man in front of them bent down once again as he rested his arms on his legs and left his head face the ground.
Kuro: "I really hate you, virgin! You're not willing to give her happiness even now. You're just a heartless monster for abandoning Rin in a time of need like this! Then again, I guess it is her fault for choosing a worthless piece of trash like you!" Kagami had always been harsh with him but today she had been extra ruthless. Each word she said seemed to be coated in venom which only darkened his heart when it got to him. Never had she been this insensitive with what she had said before. Still, he knew that she meant every word.
Kuro: "Virgin, if you're really going to let her die unhappy like she is right now, I swear I will never forgive you! She won't be the only one who will hate you for the rest of eternity!" and with that Kuro began walking away all of a sudden turning her back to the man she had destroyed. "Let's go, Mimi-chan! We're wasting our break!" Mimi had no idea what to do anymore and if she should go with her friend or stay there and comfort her wounded teacher.
Mimi: "I'm truly sorry, sensei!" she bowed down to him before going after Kagami. Apparently she made a compromise between the two. Aoki just stood there in pure pain after being mentally tortured by none other than one of his students. And the worst part of it all was that everything was true.
Aoki: "Was I really that cruel with Rin…all this time?"
~Rin's room~
Paper: "Final Results: No traces of cancer could be found in the patient's body" after long and dense columns of writing plastered on that piece of paper, at the bottom of the sheet those words were written.
Rin: "So, these results really were accurate…If anyone finds this then it will be the end of my plan!" it was true. That other clinic was right about her condition. Luckily for her nobody seemed to have learned that her test results have arrived, not even Reiji. "I wonder what I should do with this…" but as she thought that she heard footsteps behind her door indicating that someone was approaching her room.
In a panic, Rin immediately bent down with that paper in her hand and hid it under her bed as soon as she could. The doorknob then quickly turned and the door began to crack.
Reiji: "Hey Rin, I'm back home!" the man said cheerily again trying to hide the sadness behind his voice.
Rin: "Ah, Reiji. Welcome back!" she smiled innocently at him, hoping that he hadn't seen how she had hidden those papers under her bed. He didn't seem to have seen anything like that which was refreshing.
Reiji: "What would you like for dinner?"
Rin: "Ah…that. Sorry, I forgot all about it! I'm gonna go and quickly make you a…" but as soon as she was about to hop down from her bed he immediately ran up to her and stopped her. "Huh?" she was confused by his sudden action.
Reiji: "No, Rin! You're sick, remember? You're going to stay in bed from now on, got it? Now, tell me what you want to eat and I'll cook it! OK?" usually she was the one who made dinner in that house since Reiji would always come home late. However, ever since she had been discharged from the hospital he had barely allowed her to do anything around the house and most of the times he almost kept her locked in her room just to make sure she wouldn't strain herself. Although she appreciated the attention this was getting a little ridiculous.
Rin: "But-…"
Reiji: "Please, Rin! I just want you to relax! There's no need for you to do it if I can do it, right? Besides, I'm trying to prove a point that men can cook as well, not only women!" he tried to joke a little at that but she did not laugh, not even smile. However, seeing how persistent he was, Rin decided to just go with it and allow him to do whatever he wanted.
Rin: "Fine…" she said with a childish pout on her face. Her guardian smiled a little at her before standing back up after she motioned to climb her bed again. "Then I'll have some pancakes. Is that OK?"
Reiji: "Great! Now just sit back, take a quick nap if you feel tired and let me do all the work! Dinner should be done in about half an hour!" and with that he closed the door behind him leaving the girl just stare after him depressed.
Rin: "I can't believe how much he's forcing himself just to make me happy. Now I'm feeling even guiltier than before…"
~Random restaurant~
Hōin: "This place is gorgeous! I have never been here before, Aoki-sensei!" the woman commented cheerfully as she looked around with a childish leer on her face. Truthfully this was the first time she had ever seen this place and judging from the looks of it this really was something which Aoki must have thought about thoroughly. This must have meant that he was taking this date thing seriously.
Aoki: "I'm glad you like it! Honestly I haven't been that often here either. I just remembered it as being a more luxurious place and so I decided to give it a try. Especially since Kyōko-san deserves something special!" he said while looking away. The other teacher only blushed slightly at his comment and hid a smile behind one of her hands.
As they sat there waiting for the waiter Aoki kept thinking of what Kuro had told him a couple of hours ago: about how he was the cause of Rin's unhappiness. Just to not let his current partner in conversation know that he was distracted he did that while staring at the menu in his hands, making it seem like he was thinking of what to order.
Hōin: "So, Aoki-sensei. Are you feeling any better now?" after a little while of silence, he was pulled out of his thoughts.
Aoki: "Huh?" he looked a little confused at first but quickly recovered. "Ah…uh…well…I guess I am a little happier. That's because I have you here to cheer me up!" he laughed lightly and although that was as cheesy as cheesy could get Hōin still smiled back at him kindly.
Hōin: "I'm glad I could help! After how depressed you've been looking at school these last few days, seeing you smile is a nice change of scenery!" he couldn't help but smirk nervously at that.
After ordering their preferences the two adults went silent. Hōin just stood there anxious not really sure what to say as Aoki simply kept thinking about something else.
Aoki: "Kyōko-san, can I ask you something?" he suddenly disrupted the awkward silence with a sudden query which almost swept his date off her feet.
Hōin: "Of course, what is it?"
Aoki: "Am I…a bad teacher?" he regained that depressed look once again when he asked this as he raised his pupils to stare at her and see if she would answer him honestly. Hōin didn't say anything at first and only stared back at him, completely dumbfounded by that sudden question. That seemed to have come out of nowhere and she was obviously not prepared for it.
Hōin: "Uh…excuse me?" she had to make him repeat it so that she would have time to think up an answer.
Aoki: "Do you believe that I failed in teaching and guiding my students? That I have made one of those critical errors that Shirai-sensei was talking about?" he didn't change his face anymore as he looked dead serious into her eyes, almost like he was analyzing her every reaction just to see if she would lie or not. He really wanted to hear an honest answer.
Hōin decided to close her eyes for a few seconds just to think about it. So, she had been wrong all this time. She had previously thought that he had been relaxed this whole time while on the date but it seemed that she had been wrong. This was not the case apparently. All this time he had been pretending to be happy while he had been thinking of something else.
However, why was he worrying about something like that all of a sudden? Like Kenta-sensei had said, Aoki was one of the most successful teachers in their school, having managed to bond with all of his students so well despite his inexperience. If anything she was envying him for his success.
Hōin: "Aoki-sensei, I honestly don't know where you even got that idea from. You are a wonderful teacher and definitely one of the most hardworking ones I have ever seen in my entire life. You invest so much time into your students and also do your best to help them out almost like it is your duty! I truly feel that you are an admirable educator!" she had been honest. She felt that he deserved to know her real opinions of him and so she went on explaining everything she had thought about him.
However, those words didn't seem to have moved Aoki.
Aoki: "Demo…even if you think that, I have hurt one of my students very badly…" he said while looking at the table with that same miserable face.
Hōin: "What do you mean?"
Aoki: "I have neglected a student multiple times, mistreated her severely, ignored the fact that she was in the hospital and, worst of all, I have hurt her when she needed me the most. I have never shown her the affection she wanted, nor did I encourage her as I should have and now even her friends hate me" he was glaring at his own hands as he began clenching his fingers into fists. He really hated himself by this point. He really wanted to punch himself. "Do you really think a monster like me should be left in charge with some kids anymore?" his face was unreadable once again and Hōin was having a hard time trying to understand what he was thinking. She just gazed worriedly at him, not exactly sure how she was supposed to comfort him since he seemed so deep in depression. She would have liked to know what's going on but…sadly for her…she had no idea what he was even referring to.
Hōin: "Aoki-sensei…"
Aoki: "After everything that happened…I don't even know what to do anymore. And since I'm going to lose her soon…I don't even have that much time left…" he felt like he was reaching his limits by this point. He couldn't help himself anymore. He felt the need of guidance, someone to tell him what to do, what path to take to correct his mistakes and so he spewed everything out to her in hopes that maybe, just maybe, she would find a solution.
As Hōin thought about what he had said she began to think to herself. It seemed that this situation was very delicate and she needed to be careful about what she would say so that he would not misinterpret her words or something. He already seemed to be pretty destroyed and she didn't know what to do anymore. However, when she replayed his words in her mind she quickly realized something.
Hōin: "Are you talking about Kokonoe?" she asked him out loud to which he only nodded. At that moment she understood and smiled once again. "Ah, I see now…" so, he was worried about that girl once again. Nevertheless that should have been obvious since Rin was the only one who would die soon. "Aoki-sensei, are you worried that she would die while hating you?" he nodded once again.
Aoki: "After everything I did to her, of course I would worry about that! I had been a bad teacher to her! She only wanted some affection from me and I had to hurt her in response to that. What kind of cruel person am I?!"
Hōin: "You are a very kind person, sensei!"
Aoki: "But…how can you even say that?! I'm the one wh-…"
Hōin: "If you really were that cruel, would you have been thinking about her all the time? Would you have worried about her like you do right now?" at that he shut up and looked at her only to notice her leer at him. "Aoki-sensei, I believe you have the wrong idea about what's going on! If you really did hurt her then I'm sure it wasn't intentional. You just did that by mistake and that's normal!"
Aoki: "No, it's not! I'm a teacher! I have many responsibilities on my shoulders! I can't just make mistakes like that and ruin children's lives!" but at that she placed her hand on his stopping him and making him look into her eyes.
Hōin: "Aoki-sensei, everyone makes mistakes! Kid or adult, teacher or neurosurgeon, parent or child, that's how everyone gains experience. If we were born perfect from the very start then life would have been boring all the time! Learning from your mistakes is what's truly important, not avoiding them!" her words rang through his head as he kept staring at her.
Aoki: "Demo…I destroyed a child's life! She'll die soon and I'll have to accept the fact that she closed her eyes with hate in her mind just because of me!" he felt how tears were beginning to form behind his glasses. He didn't want to cry right now, not in front of Hōin-sensei. He needed to be strong! He had to be strong! "This is just so unfair! Even though I just became a teacher…even though this is the first class I have ever taken in…this had to happen to me! One of my first students had to get cancer! And my favorite one nonetheless! Why did it have to happen to me?! WHY!?" he was on the verge of crying. He had accumulated too much stress and pain inside him and he couldn't take this anymore. "And now she'll die with scourge in her heart! What have I done?!"
Hōin: "Do you really think she hates you?" she asked while beginning to squeeze his hand tightly.
Aoki: "I…uh…" he stopped not really sure how to answer to that.
Hōin: "Aoki, like I said, everyone makes mistakes…even us teachers. If you said or did something which hurt her then that's normal as long as it was unintentional. However, now you need to fix that mistake!" she explained to him while he was paying close attention to everything she was saying.
Aoki: "But…what can I do to rectify it?! She doesn't want to see me anymore! I can't just go to her house and barge in like an animal when she doesn't even want to speak to me!"
Hōin: "Then would you prefer to leave her to die sad?" that moment something in Aoki seemed to have snapped as his eyes began to clear and the forming tears seemed to dissipate.
Aoki: "I…"
Hōin: "Don't be ashamed of the mistakes you did in the past! What you need to do to make yourself happy is to fix them! If she was really that hurt because of what you said or did then your words really meant something to her and that means that she cares about you. Surely she will be able to at least listen to you a second time if that is the case…"
Aoki: "But…but…what am I supposed to say to make her feel better?! I said the exact thing which hurt her the most! I refused to give her what she wanted!"
Hōin: "Do you regret what you did to her?" that took Aoki by surprise.
Aoki: "O-of course I do!"
Hōin: "Then, would you be able to say something different the next time the same circumstances would occur? Something which would not hurt her…something which would not cause the same mistake?" Aoki thought about that for a second. Would he be able to refuse Kokonoe's offers once again? Last time, the reason she had been hurt was because he had refused to treat her like a woman. He had refused to love her like she had always wanted.
Aoki: "I…" he didn't know if he should react differently this time. If she would begin to flirt with him once again, should he just not refuse her offers and go with it? That's what she wants, after all! She wants to at least enjoy the fruits of their "relationship" now before she dies. Would he be able to give himself to her just like that?
Aoki: "I…can't do that! It's wrong if I did what she asked me to do. I can't do something like that…especially to her…to a child…" he said in a low voice. What he was saying was cryptic although suggestive in a way. However, Hōin didn't even bother to interpret or think about what he was talking about.
Hōin: "Then you don't regret enough what you did to her!" she calmly responded to him.
Aoki: "B-but of course I do! It's just that…if I did that…something like that to her…to a child…I would never be able to forgive myself as a person…"
Hōin: "And because of that you refuse to do it? Then you're just putting your happiness over hers!" that was the point when he realized it. She was right. The only reason he had refused to give Rin what she wanted was because he was scared of becoming a pedophile, of doing something unholy to a child. He was afraid of that and so, in order to make sure that he wouldn't reduce himself to that level, he had ignored her offers. However, in that process he had hurt her. Basically, to assure his own happiness he had refused to give her her own.
And that's what most people would call selfishness.
Aoki: "Have I been a selfish teacher this whole time…? Maybe that's why I hurt Kokonoe…But…isn't doing what she wants me to do wrong? She's just a child after all! She's not a woman! She's-…"
~Flashback~
Kuro: "What?! Do you even want me to spell it out for you?! Fine then! You need to go to her house and say what she wants to hear from you! To do what she wants you to d-…"
~End of flashback~
Aoki: "For me to say what she wants me to say…for me to do what she wants me to do, huh…?" now he understood. This wasn't about his happiness, it was about hers.
She was the one who was about to die in a couple of days so what he thought about her wishes didn't matter. He just had to fulfill them before she would leave him forever. That's because…he didn't want to see her die sad. That's because he wanted to make amends for what he had done. That's because…he loved her. And he was at this point willing to do anything for her…even to condemn his soul for hell by doing probably the most atrocious sin of all…he just wanted to see her smile one last time and just to make her forgive him before she would fade away.
Aoki: "Now…I understand!" he had made his resolve. That moment, his dear friend noticed the renewed motivation on his face. He had made up his mind and had decided on a course of action. He had finally found his path. "Arigato, Kyōko-san, you helped me a lot!"
Hōin: "There's no need to thank me! I'm just glad that you now know what you have to do!"
Aoki: "Hai! I'm just sorry that it took me this long to understand! Now I know that Kokonoe means to me more than anything else and now I know I must correct my mistakes!"
Hōin: "Then, what are you waiting for, brave hero? Go and get your princess!" Hōin joked while smiling kindly at him.
Aoki: "Huh, what are you saying? I can't just leave you like this in the middle of the date!" he said as her smile turned into a sorrowful one this time.
Hōin: "Don't worry about me. There is something very important that you must take care of right now! Someone else needs your attention at this moment! Isn't that right?" she winked at him.
Aoki: "Demo…"
Hōin: "Kini shinai, kini shinai! You should follow your heart right now! Don't worry about me! I'll just have to wait a little more before I'll get to enjoy you… I can be patient!"
Aoki: "Huh…uh…what?"
Hōin: "Ah, nothing, nothing. I was just joking!" she nervously laughed while looking away awkwardly as he just stared at her. "Be sure to be honest with her and your feelings, sensei! You both deserve it and I'm sure no matter what your true feelings are, she will accept them if you'll just be truthful with her!"
Aoki: "Hai, I understand! And arigato for everything! I'll make up for tonight later, I promise!" and with that he suddenly got up from his chair, got his coat, paid for both the orders and left. The woman just looked after him with another smile on her face almost like a mother being proud of her child.
Hōin: "Aoki-sensei, you really are a splendid teacher!"
As she thought that the man in question had already exited the restaurant and was running at full speed in one and only one direction with a single goal set in mind: to meet Rin.