Chapter 4.

Rollercoaster

-Clares POV-

I looked in the mirror,wearing a white polkadotted blouse, tucked into a black layered skirt, some black tights and flats. I didn't knew why I tried so hard to look nice, cause honestly I didn't saw any improvement. I rubbed over my stomach. But not in a cute – I am pregnant- way, but in a – I hate my fat- way. I used to not care that much about my weight, but for some reason, after K.C I could not identify myself as 'pretty' . Not that I ever did, I usually just didn't cared.

I put some clips in my hair in a last attempt to look nice, fixing it up with a headband, sticking some natural makeup on my face and shrugged. 'Guess that will have to do for today' I thought myself.
I picked up my bag and walked downstairs. "I fetched some tea for you." My mother told me as I kissed her cheek.

I sat down infront of my mother, blowing off the steam of the hot cup of tea. Even though i lived wih her everyday, I just noticed how tired she looked. She had bags underneath her eyes, her skin was pale and her whole expression was sad. Not only that, it was her hair that wasn't fixed and her body language just screamed out 'worried'.

"Mom? Are you okay?" I asked worries. "I'm fine, sweetie, Just a bit tired." she said and flashed me a smile, I knew she did not mean that. "Is dad working already?" I asked, looking down at my cup. "He got out early, yes. I am not sure when he will come home." She said, taking a sip from her coffee. I just sighed. Even when I did not wanted to admit it, I knew that something was wrong. They hardly talked when I am around. When I hear them talk when I am entering the room they just stop talking and it usually ends with dad leaving. But I knew they are fighting, alot. It started when Darcy left which made me wonder if I am not important enough for them to stay together.

"Clare?"

I looked up, hearing my mom say my name. I must have zoned out, thinking. "I'm sorry, I was completly in thoughts." I joked, trying to kill the awkwardness, resulting in a small smile i got from mom.

"Mom? If something was wrong.. You'd tell me right?"

"Ofcourse, sweetheart."

Not long after I finished my tea I headed to school. It was a few days after I met Eli and after the one lunch I hadwith him and Adam, I hardly have spoken with him. Maybe he was avoidingme, or he had better things to do, I did not know. We hardly talked about the essay, while we are supposed to help eachother. I didn't spoke to Adam alot either. Guess I will see him in English class today aswell. I did saw Adam and Eli getting picked on by Fitz but by the time I wanted to walk over to them, a teacher was close to the scene and they all went their seperate ways. I swung my schoolbag over my schoulder and walked around in an attempt to find Alli.

After searching the school grounds for a bit, I finally found her, yet I also found her with Jenna. They were laughing, flicking their hair and waving at other popular kids. For some reason I felt betrayed. Was I over K.C? Yes, I was. Did I dislike Jenna? Yes, I did. The idea of stealing someones boyfriend was still one of the worst things you could do as a friend. I narrowed my eyes slightly, just looking at them.

"Are you gonna talk to them, or are you just going to stare all day?"

I jumped up by the sound of the voice. I kind of felt 'busted' . I turned around to look into two green idea. "Eli!" I said, hitting his chest. "Don't sneak up to me like that!" I said, hitting him once more, ending up with him grabbing my wrists. "Again with the sneaking up, huh?" He said with this sheepish smile on his face. A faint blush appeared on my face as I pulled my wrists back and turned around to look at Alli and Jenna again, but they probbaly went to class. "Why are you spying on them?" Eli asked me, when I did not answered his previous comment. "I wasn't spying." I said clearly. "Pfft, right. You were just looking."

"Oh shut your mouth, Eli." I said while I had to laugh.

"Make me."

His tone was so daring. He was so , so confident but not in an aweful arrogant way. Maybe a tad annoying, but for some reason I could handle it. "Hold on a second. For the past few days you didn't spoke to me, looked at me, or anything. You can't just expect to walk up to me and act like you finally decide to know me again!"I said, crossing my arms. "Well, one thing I do know is that we're getting late for English." He said and his smile grew more like a grin. "Ah, Well, um. We better go then!"I said quickly and wanted to walk away from him but he grabbed my arm. "I should help you with your writers block, remember? You won't find it in a classroom." he told me. I looked at him, suspiciously. "What do you have in mind then, Eli?"

"Do you trust me?"

I looked at him. Did he really just ask me that? I had no reason to not trust him. But on the other hand, he was avoiding me all week. Alli did warn me about the eyeliner, didn't she? Yet he was so mysterious and he had something in him that I wanted to explore. Things I wanted to find out. I bet he wasn't that tough and dark on the inside, was he? And even if he was, did I really mind it? He was everything I wasn't, and yet when we are together it looks like we knew exactly what makes eachother tick.

Yet there was something those emerald eyes hid. A piece of a past, a secret, a broken piece, an old wound. I couldn't figure it out, and I wouldn't push him. Yet I hoped he would tell me someday, so I would understand him more. Cause right now if feels like a rollecoaster. One moment I feel like he's great and I could get aong so easily. On the other hand I feel like sometimes he distance himself from me. AndI don't know why.

"Well?" I could hear him say, waiting in a response.

"Yes. I do." I finally said.

"Great, then I'd like you to meet Morty."