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Chapter Four:
Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting. -Alan Dean Foster
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Friday 23/8/18
When I woke up, he wasn't there. I had opened my eyes, expecting to see his face, but then rolling off the edge of the bed in surprise of the emptiness that filled where he should have been. Fear gripped me.
I had lain awake most of the night watching him, scared of exactly this. I would wake up, and he would be gone. It never actually happened, I didn't really find him. I'd just mysteriously be in the Kazekage's rooms but it would have nothing to do with him. I quickly dressed, pulled my hair up and didn't really think of anything else, I ran out of the room and skidded along the corridor.
There was a little voice at the back of my head telling me this was stupid, and that I remember what happened clearly and that I should wait in his room and not be a crazy person and run into the halls like a mad thing.
But I didn't listen. It was all too perfect, and of course it hadn't have been real. It never would be, I was insane, I should be in a padded room somewhere where I can't end up places and hurt myself. I should-
But I didn't get to finish that thought, because I was running too fast, and by the time I registered there was some most likely very important person coming out of a doorway, I had already run into the edge of the now-open door, and knocked into the person. And from there, everything went very dark.
"Who in heaven is this, Sir?!" a flustered woman's voice, edged with annoyance, she sounded old… aged 50 to 60, maybe. My eyelids fluttered and I groaned.
"She's a very good friend of mine." Gaara's voice was flat. "And I really hope she won't be in heaven for a long while yet."
Gaara's voice. He was here. Maybe it had been a dream and I'd only dreamed that I'd dreamed me finding him. Of course I had, he was here, but my eyebrow ached…. And then the familiar smell of a hospital ward reached my nose and it all came flooding back. Gahhh…
"I don't know about that, sir, judging by this."
"I know, it's a slim chance, isn't it?"
"Mhm, sir." The woman's voice was disapproving and I felt cold… and pain… and it was too light in here. I groan.
"She's waking, sir." The woman said and I heard footsteps in my direction.
"You know, I knew I should have locked all the doors." I hear a dry voice to my left and I open my eyes and stick my tongue out, suddenly, this felt a hell of a lot like high school.
"Yeah, you reckon?" I tell him angrily, and groan again. "My head kills… eh…"
"You split your eyebrow and have a bruise from a door edge... as well as a horrible headache, I'm assuming."
"What did I do!?"
"You ran into the Minister for Communications."
"…Oh, he's okay, isn't he?"
"Yes, you're lucky he's tall, and you're lucky you were nearly half his size. Otherwise I think you would have a cracked skull and the Minister would be in a wheelchair."
"Great." I frown and regret it. "Owwww."
"Stitches, remember?"
"Oh…"
And suddenly he laughed. "You know, as sick as this is, I'm so glad I can do this again."
And I glared, but he laughed and so I took his hand because my mind and my body argue too much. "It's nothing out of the ordinary for me still." I grin.
He smiles back. "I can tell."
I laugh, and regret it again as my eyebrow stung. "Once I nearly tore a nerve trying to turn around in a vent."
"…Why were you in a vent?"
"I was stuck in a stinky English room."
"Ahh…"
"The sensei locked me in."
"I see."
"So I had to get out somehow!"
"Of course…"
"Stop looking at me like that!"
"And the windows…?"
"I did check them."
"And there was no extra key?"
"Well, I don't know but it smelt so bad I had to get out as fast as possible." I said simply and sat up.
He smiled almost sadly. "It feels as if nothing has changed."
I grin back. "It's great, isn't it?"
He shook his head slightly and stood. "I was actually dragged out of an important meeting to see why the Minister for Communications had yelled 'Girl down!' in the halls." He sighed. "And I've got to get back."
"Don't go." I said almost desperately. "I'll be assassinated by the nurse."
"You can stay in my room, as long as you stay there." He said giving me a dry look.
I shrugged. "I won't make any promises." And gladly get out of the very much too sterile hospital bed and walk up the corridor with him, and promptly fell straight asleep as soon as I hit the bed. I was so tired. And now I'm up, and writing this after my power nap, and Gaara's still out doing Kazekage business. I don't like how much of his time I know it'll take away from me.
The view is amazing, the entire City was built around this building and so everyway you look all you can see is houses, and for some reason that is strangely amazing. And beyond that is just the faintest line of orange where the city would melt into sand dunes. I still feel disorientated, like this whole thing isn't real, it shouldn't be.
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11:23
Gaara is reading. It seems my diaries (well, not really diaries, more like those 192 page A4 exercise books) have come in more then handy, for the second time.
"Tell me about Sound." Gaara said, I was curled up next to him and was marveling at the way my hands fit into his.
"It was… not so bad, really, until up around the end when I think everything was going a bit downhill."
"Tell me."
"From the start?"
"Yes."
"Er, well, um… Naruto and I made it into Sound and… um…" how to start. "I punched Sasuke in the face?"
And Gaara laughed. "So you did get my letters."
"No, just weird creepy co-incidence."
"Ah, I see."
"I know, you didn't think I had it in me?"
"No, I could see that happening. You have hoards of repressed rage."
"Of course." I laugh. He rested his chin on my shoulder and I could feel his breath on my neck and shivered.
"Go on."
I ran my fingers along his and thought. "Hmm… well, my room-mate was Tayuya, who was an evil bitch but I think at the end we had an understanding of some kind… and Naruto shared a room with the Man-with-Seven-then-Eight-then-Nine-chins and Kim-Kimimaro…." My voice softened as I said his name, and I held Gaara's hands tighter.
"Who was he?"
"He was… well, he was a little anti-social, and mean to everyone but me and occasionally Naruto and he had almost silver hair and red dots justtt…." I pause so I can turn to face him and point to my eyebrows. "Just here."
Gaara's mouth twitched at my expression as I was holding my eyebrows down. I ignored this and continued. "And he was way to tall, and didn't drink coffee, which was good because I could drink his share and he loved the Snake-rapist and I still reckon they had multiple teacher-student relationships… and he wanted to take over Sound but wasn't allowed because I think Orochimaru wanted to leave it to Kabuto, but Kabuto really didn't care I don't think and Kabuto! Gah! He was mean- but he did fix my head that one time… and my leg that other time… and didn't tell on me that time he figured out it was me who broke a vent…. We fit a mattress in there, you know…. Well, it was just me but if I had of asked Kimimaro he would have forbid me to do it and tied me to a chair, so it's not like I could tell him… and then a girl, you know, I didn't even know her but I think I drove her insane… anyway, I gave her a concussion and she refused to sleep or walk under a vent for god knows how long…" I had been so caught up in my rambling I'd zoned out of this world and back into Sound, I shook my head and looked back at Gaara.
Gaara was looking at me, concerned. "I'm confused…"
I sigh. "It's so hard to tell everything! I don't wanna leave stuff out."
"Well just start from the beginning and go from there."
"Well… so me and Naruto made it to sound, and I met Tayuya and stuff and ah! The fat-man! He was evil, but had really good taste in coffee, but not as good as Spiddly-man, who was Sasuke's room mate, but I didn't meet him till ages later…. Mainly coz Sasuke was a bastard." I pause. "I've gone off-track again…"
He nodded dryly. "Yes."
I huff. "Gah… Wait!" I sad brightly and then roll enthusiastically off the bed and go to my small shoulder-bag and dig through the gum-wrappers and napkins with addresses on them to find my Diary. Once I'd pulled it out I didn't want to give it away again, but I'd given my other one to Kimimaro so why would this be hard? This was Gaara… but there had been so many things I'd planned to accidentally leave out… falling into the pool, Temari…. Kimimaro's feelings for me, Naruto telling me Gaara didn't care… I only wanted Gaara to hear good things, things that'd make him happy to hear. But unless I glued some pages together he'd have to read it all.
I sigh, and prepare myself to let another little bit of me go. "This will have everything."
"You still write in these things?"
I nod and grin nervously. "Yep."
Unlike Kimimaro, Gaara just took it silently and started reading, after quickly nodding thanks, I curled up next to him again, and tried to sleep, I had a 15min power nap and woke up again, he was still awake reading away, sitting up still.
I turned over to watch his face. I wanted to know where he was up too, I wanted to read over his shoulder and see his reaction, I tried to discreetly sit myself up a bit, but it didn't work and his eyes flicked to me and I grinned sheepishly, I felt like I was the bad one here and I scolded myself. It's MY diary damnit! And sat up more, craning my neck to see where he was reading, and almost regretted it instantly.
11:34
I know why it was familiar…. The situation with what-s'is-name. My heart aches thinking about it.
Gaara sighed, and plucked the knife from my hands. "You have to cut side-ways, other wise you'll cut right through the part we're meant to be looking at."
I blink at him, and he looked up, raising an eyebrow. "You talk?" I ask.
"I was wondering the same question about you." he told me, voice bland. I smile, and shrug, we continued on with our usual silence
When I realized why it felt strange, I nearly died. What-s'is-name wasn't like Gaara, he seemed shy. More reserved. Gaara was feared sub-consciously by everyone. Everyone avoided him, what-s'is-name seemed to avoided everyone.
"I remember that." Gaara says after a while.
"Me too."
"You really sucked at science."
"I was in the top class!" I said indignantly.
"I always wondered about that." I glared at him and he grinned-slightly (equivalent to laughing) and went back to reading. And I read with him, and it was strange because it was almost like being back at Sound, and I remembered everything and laughed when something that I had found hilarious happened and flushed when I suddenly realized how many mentions of Gaara there actually were in there. I'd never actually read this, I don't even know why I keep Diaries, but I do. It's like my own little book about me, so if I ever forget who I am I can read it and know I'm this person who trips over pot-plants and Ministers for Communications.
Eventually, I fell asleep, resting my head on Gaara's shoulder, I'd read for a while, but I knew how this story ended, and it was like 2am and I really couldn't be bothered to stay awake.
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Helloooo!! Hope you guys are all good! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH! You're reactions to last chappie were quite hilarious, really, you guys are genius. Gah. My fingers are like purple, it hailed today!! :D it was awesome. I love hail, I used to put out buckets and collect it and then freeze it so on a hot day I could eat it. Of course, the other option of just getting an ice cube instead of previously-frozen hailstones never occurred to me. God knows why. Anyway!! Off-track there!
Back to me saying how much I really really love you all…. LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO SOOOO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOO SO VERY SOOOOOOO SOOOO VERY VERY VERYYYYYY MUUUCH!
(love you)
Love, to-love-is-to-lie.
P.S. JoiZ.D you're HILARIOUS! Your, like 3 reviews made me laugh. LOTS. :D