Chapter 4: Oh! My Shinigami!

"Oh my goodness, there are so many! And not a single one from a guy! Wait, no, there's a few," laughed her friend Michiko aloud as she rummaged through the box full of love letters and gifts of admiration from mostly underclassmen. Karin lay on the rooftop sprawled in a rather unladylike fashion like a starfish. Her tie was loosened at the neck and her shirt remained untucked. She raised an open hand to her eyes to block the sunshine. It was a long, grueling battle, but Karakura High had finally placed first in the regionals. Her schedule up until now had been so exhausting. Four days of the week she and her team drilled their moves over and over until they could do it in their sleep. Almost every night in the late hours, Toshiro and Rangiku would drill her pseudo-shinigami skills until she could do them blindfolded. She was still unable, however, to call forth her zanpakutou.

Here, up on the roof with her closest friend, it was refreshing. She had Yuzu and their mutual friends guarding the stairs to the roof to deny access to any unwanted visitors. Ever since her team had won, there was an endless following of girls and sometimes younger boys who would gather to talk to her, or even worse, confess to her. She hoped it would end soon. But now, there was talk of Karakura High girl's soccer team placing in the Nationals. It was only the beginning.

There was so much to think about that Karin pushed her feelings for her mentor into the furthest part of her consciousness. If there was a basement in her brain, the contest and those related feelings were shoved into a box, sealed tight with masking tape, buried in a hole that was filled with concrete deep down in there. It made no sense to her, she decided nothing good could ever come of it, and she would never let it see the light of day ever again. End of story.

"Can I keep this bear?" asked Michiko.

"Feel free," replied Karin.

"And this chocolate?"

"You know I hate sweets."

"This guy wants to go out with you on Christmas," said Michiko pursing her lips as she read the letter in its entirety. "Will you accept?"

"No chance in hell," replied Karin. Michiko then took out her pink teddy bear pen from her pocket and pulled a small pink notebook from her bag. Then, carefully imitating Karin's writing, wrote a very polite reply.

"So sorry, Ishida-kun," said Michiko aloud as she wrote the words down. "Your sentiments are greatly...no, scratch that...are much appreciated." Her friend chewed on her pen for a moment, then continued to write. "But, alas, my heart belongs to a white haired short guy...However, if you kick his butt, I may reconsider." Michiko burst out laughing.

"He's not short," said Karin off-handedly. "And I don't feel that way about him," she added as an afterthought. "But I'm glad my life is so amusing to you."

"Sorry, Karin-chan. I'm just kidding. You know I'd never write that."

"I'm just shocked they'd think I'd write in pink on pink paper...I hate pink...."

"Hey, when someone confesses to you, you have to give a proper response, right? Pink is a girl's color. Knowing you, you'd use scrap paper and black ink. God knows you're not going to answer them, but you can't leave people hanging like that," laughed Michiko. "That'd be too mean."

"Really..." sighed Karin.

"But seriously, you're always hanging out with Hitsugaya-kun. Doesn't he walk you home every day? You can't think that it's gone unnoticed."

"I don't hang out with him..." she denied. But, now that she thought about it, Karin did usually have lunch with him. She used that time to review her technique with him and ask him questions about how to improve. When it came to stuff like that, she was very comfortable with him and to an outside observer it may have appeared that they were very close.

Just then, the door to the roof opened. Karin strained her neck to see Toshiro standing with her sister Yuzu in the doorway. Her sister grinned.

"He can pass, right?" asked Yuzu. Karin's interractions with Toshiro didn't escape Yuzu's observations either, but Yuzu never asked her about it out of respect for her sister's privacy.

"Yeah," said Karin, sitting up. Michiko dusted her off and then headed for the door, taking the box with her.

"Yuzu and I are going to answer the rest of these for you, ok?"

"Sure. Thanks," said Karin. Michiko gave Toshiro a nod and wily grin before she left the two alone on the roof.

"Aren't you going to eat?" he asked off handedly.

"I'm trying to lay low," she groaned.

"You seem kind of troubled," said Toshiro after a pause.

"I have a lot on my mind," answered quietly. Leaning back on her arms, she looked up to the sky.

"If you can't clear your mind, you won't be able to fight the Hollows," he said.

"Yeah, I know," she replied. He walked over to the railing and leaned his elbows against it as he stared out at the town.

"Toshiro," she said hesitantly.

"Hmm?"

"Why did you want to become a shinigami? And a captain nonetheless? I would have thought that you'd consider it bothersome."

He pondered her question for a bit, and then replied, "Yeah, I did think that in the beginning."

"So what made you make up your mind?"

"Hinamori," he said quietly. She looked over at his profile and saw his facial expression soften a little. "And probably Matsumoto." He glanced back at her and could see that she had a question mark on her face.

"Hinamori Momo is someone I grew up with in Rukongai in my grandmother's house. Matsumoto I met later on, when she was just an unranked shinigami."

"So they inspired you," she added slowly.

"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged. "It was probably inevitable though, with my reiatsu. But Rukongai, especially Junrinan, was so incredibly boring...it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"Rangiku said that you were some sort of boy genius at the Academy," Karin smiled. The 10th Division captain only snorted in response.

"It must have been uncomfortable for you to have people criticize you and expect things from you...or maybe, to expect so much of yourself as you rose in rank to be Captain. You must have pushed yourself hard." said Karin, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I know what that's like."

He turned to look at her but she stared straight forward.

"I've always wanted to be strong like my brother. I didn't think much of the ghosts or whatever before all this happened. Living my life to the fullest for as far as it will take me," said Karin with a thoughtful smile, "that's what I promised my mom I'd do on the day she was buried. I wanted a normal life so I denied all the other stuff. Now it feels like I'm taking a crash course on the other stuff."

"I think you've done really well...for a human. You do your best in everything, for yourself and for others, and people respect you for it. It's admirable," he commented with a small smile.

"This shinigami job is really hard," she said quietly. "It's harder than anything I've ever tried. When I first learned about it, I really wanted to do what Ichi-nii was doing. I wanted to be able to protect the things I hold dear, the people I love, the life I cherish, just like he does. I want to be able to fight so Ichigo doesn't need to worry about us when he faces the bigger battles. But I can't even summon forth my zanpakutou."

"Zanjutsu is a complicated fighting form. Shinigami spend decades perfecting their skills. The fact that you've even spoken to yours in such a short span of time means you've surpassed the basics already, and it's a reflection of the inherent talent you possess. That's almost unheard of, even for a shinigami," he said.

"It said I had to understand my heart before I could use it," she sighed. "I don't even know what that means."

"The reason why you draw your blade," Toshiro answered. "You have to find that truth out for yourself. It's different for everyone."

"So, why do you fight?" she asked quietly. There was a long silence between them.

"Who knows?" he answered finally. Karin looked at him and frowned at that ambiguous answer. She was hoping to get more inspiration from him, but, like he said, the reason was different for everyone.

Without really thinking and staring straight ahead, she said, "Toshiro...I think...." She felt the color rise to her face.

"What?" he asked, turning around to face her.

Don't! Don't say it! she screamed at herself internally. But to her horror, her mouth was moving on its own accord.

"...W-with you...I-I might be in lo--"

Just then, a gust of wind passed and Rangiku appeared on the rooftop out of the blue, with a big grin on her face. She gave a nod to Karin and greeted her superior officer appropriately.

"I have a message, Captain," said his vice-captain.

"What is it?"

"Captain Commander Yamamoto would like to collect data on the recent Hollow that have been appearing in Karakura Town, as well as the progress that Kurosaki Karin is making with her training and reiatsu control. He has sent Vice-Captain Hinamori to record the data and assist you in preparing the report. That is all," said Rangiku with a straight face that suddenly relaxed back into her easy-going mode that Karin was more accustomed to.

Hinamori....thought Karin to herself. She felt a strange tug in her chest.

Then, as if on queue, another gust of wind brought a slight figured, dark haired shinigami to the roof. Her shiny black hair was tucked away in a neat little bun cap, and just by looking at her expression Karin could tell that she was kind and well-mannered. She was holding a binder clip and notebook in her hands. The smile she gave Toshiro was both exuberant and intimate.

"Hitsugaya-kun!" she greeted cheerfully. "It's been a while."

"Ah...yeah," he said awkwardly. "But it's Captain Hitsugaya to you. How many times do I have to tell you?"

Momo put a hand to her mouth and laughed. Everything about her embodied femininity; her mannerisms, her voice, her neatly arranged attire. Karin couldn't help the onset of self comparison and suddenly felt extremely self conscious. Hinamori Momo and Toshiro grew up together. Of course they would be close.

Karin's inner composure started to crumble and she cleared her throat to push the lump in her throat back down.

"This is Ichigo's younger sister, Karin Kurosaki," said Rangiku to Momo, gesturing to Karin, who finally stood up, albeit a little unsteadily.

"A pleasure to meet you," smiled Momo.

She's really cute....thought Karin to herself. "Likewise, I'm sure," she replied with a polite smile. Karin dusted off her uniform and excused herself.

"I'm sorry, I just remembered I have something to take care of. Toshiro, I'll see you back in class." Karin gave a slight bow to the newcomer, who bowed back, and turned to leave. The second Karin turned away she could feel her smile fading and the tightness in her chest increasing. The air was suddenly stifling and all she wanted to do was run away from these feelings as far and fast as she could.

000

Karin's spirits were so out of sorts before the next class bell rang, she asked the school nurse to excuse her from the remainder of the day. Thinking that a cheeseburger or a parfait would cheer her up, she headed towards downtown. Luckily she had changed out of her uniform to avoid trouble with any truant guards and so no one questioned her being there. It was novel being in the main part of the city while everyone else her age was still in class. The further away from school she went, the better she started to feel. Already the main avenue was filled with Christmas decor like wreaths and bells.

When she made it to her favorite cheeseburger stand, she walked past it and decided she didn't need it. The same thing happened when she passed the cafe that sold her favorite parfait. She let her feet take her wherever they felt like going and in the end she found herself along the Karakura River embankment. Sliding down the grassy hillside, she rummaged in her bag for her mp3 player, shoved the buds in her ears and used her bag as a head rest. Karin laced her fingers behind her head and looked up towards the graying sky. She took a deep breath.

"What am I going to do?" she asked no one in particular. Her feelings were getting more complicated and Hinamori-san's presence wasn't helping. She couldn't believe she was about to confess to Toshiro on the roof. Was that even a good idea? If he rejected her, would she be able to bounce back immediately and pretend nothing happened? If she was able to master her reiatsu she could protect herself and others properly. But if she accomplished that, Toshiro would go back to Seireitei, having completed his mission. Since she wasn't dead, she probably wouldn't have an opportunity visit Seireitei in the near future. She might never see him again. It was an uncomfortable ending but maybe that would be the best ending for everyone...

"Argh," she scowled at the sky. "I don't want to stay in this half-assed state of mind!" A startled bird looked at her and flew away.

As her thoughts took a circular pattern she could hear a group of people passing by on the embankment walkway. Had they heard her? She sat up and noticed a small group of delinquents staring at her. By the looks of them she concluded they were repeat graders from a rival school.

"Well, well," said the one in front, apparently the leader. "Whatcha doing here little kitty cat?" He carried a wooden kendo stick propped over one shoulder. Karin didn't answer.

"Maybe she's lost?" said another with crooked teeth.

"Maybe she wants to play with us?" said a third with a sly grin. Karin got up and dusted herself off. But before she could grab her bag and walk away the one with the stick pointed its tip at her collar.

"Why don't you say something, kitty?" he smiled.

"I have nothing to say to you yakuza rejects. Get out of my way," Karin said coldly.

"What'd you say you little twerp?" said the short one in the back. The leader held up his hand to silence them.

"Looks like we need to teach this little kitty some manners," sneered the one with the crooked teeth.

"You can't teach something you don't understand," retorted Karin.

Before they could argue back, Karin grabbed the wooden kendo stick and turned its hilt onto its owner. Having practice her swordsmanship form with Toshiro on a near daily basis for a few months now, she could at least handle this. The leader gasped and spit as the hilt dug into his stomach. Before the others could react, she took the weapon properly by its hilt and swung swiftly to take the one with crooked teeth down. The short one pushed her and Karin stumbled backwards. Doing a half flip back, she found her feet again, dug her fingers into the dirt and threw a clump of dirt in his face. This took him by surprise and Karin struck him down next. Karin looked angrily at the last man standing.

"Tch. You little brat," he said, pulling a switchblade from his pocket and digging in his heels for an attack.

"I'm in a really bad mood right now!" Karin warned. "Back off!" He charged anyway.

"Idiot!" she yelled as she countered, knocking him in the shoulder. "Why are men such idiots? They never listen to what we have to say."

"Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I ain't gonna lose to some girl," he said, adjusting his stance to protect where she struck him. He charged her again and managed to nick her arm. Karin felt a warm trickle of blood stain her shirt.

"Being a girl has nothing to do with it," she snapped back. "Why am I always forced to prove that?" She struck again, this time hitting his other shoulder.

"Ow!" he yelled out. He charged again and she very capably blocked it this time. With her shoulder she gave a heave, and since he was standing on lower ground, he lost his footing and fell backwards, losing grip of his knife as he reached the bottom of the embankment. Karin slid down the embankment and pointed the tip of the wooden sword to his chest.

"If you don't want me to break your collar bone, I advise you stop here," she said cooly.

He spat. "Whatever."

"I despise people like you who pick on the weak. What's your problem?" Karin demanded.

"You ain't weak," he said. "You're one scary broad. You're not really girly at all."

"Well excuse me for not being feminine enough for you," scoffed Karin. "Not all girls are like that."

"Sure proved me wrong. You enjoy fighting?"

"Not at all," she replied.

"Doesn't seem that way to me. Yeah, it looked like you were taking out your frustrations on us, but it almost seemed like you enjoyed it."

"I don't enjoy fighting," she snapped back. "I've never picked a fight in my life."

"So why do you fight?"

"I can't..." she paused for a minute to decide what her answer was going to be. "I can't just sit there and take it. I fight because...my pride won't let me do anything less. I fight to protect myself or others when it's the right thing to do. I fight because of my own sense of justice."

"Sorta like a crime fighter?" he asked, almost laughing.

"Shut up," she ordered. "You're in no position to judge."

"Yeah," he sighed, placing his head back on the ground. "I lost fair and square. I guess we'll have to give this territory to you now."

"Do I look like a yakuza leader to you, idiot? I don't want your territory."

"We'll have to follow you now, Big Sis," he sighed.

"Don't call me that! I'm not your leader. Don't follow me," she barked.

Taking the wooden sword with her, she grabbed her bag and clawed her way back up the embankment. Karin was startled when she saw Rangiku and a irritated looking Toshiro waiting for her at the top.

Author's note: What's in store for Karin? Is she ever going to get another chance to confess? Should she confess? What relationship does Hinamori have with Toshiro? Is Karin going to become a gang boss? Enquiring minds want to know....heh.

-Kero