Hi lovelies! Hope you're still there with me for this fic!
So Dair is back in New York, and the drama is getting back on. To write this chapter and the following, I had to watch the first few episodes of season four, and it gave me a shitload of feels. I can't believe what this show turned into.
This chapter is a lot about friendship, although not much about Blerena. But this will make a reapparance soon enough, don't worry if this was something you like.
I haven't decided yet until which point of season 4 this story is going to go, probably up until Dair starts being a thing in the canon version, I don't know. I just enjoy writing it as it comes.
I know I ramble too much, I'm sorry. I really hope you'll enjoy this one, and have a good reading :)
Being back in New York doesn't feel as good as Blair would have expected. Paris was this neutral place, where she could be Blair Waldorf without the burden of her everyday life, and the scandals it was constantly drown into. She knows Chuck is at The Empire with this blond girl, perfectly happy and now oblivious of how the pain he caused her is lingering. She doesn't want to think of it, really. Her new school year at Columbia is starting, with Serena, and this is a new start. She has the burning envy to make the most of it.
Gossip Girl is down. It annoys Blair, because no one is going to witness her return to the Upper East Side. She might have been the shadow of herself, and Chuck during her time at NYU, but now she is ready to rule again. She wants to be Queen B, because it's the only thing she can do efficiently. Her first step will be getting into the most selective club of Columbia.
She takes great care of choosing her outfit that morning. If the eventuality of not getting into Hamilton's house turns out to be factual –she tries not to think too much about it –she needs to at least walk out of it dignified. It's the only way she can prove that no one puts an approval stamp on Blair Waldorf. It's the contrary.
She and Serena meet on campus. Serena doesn't look very enthusiastic, or even a bit excited; she doesn't look like Serena.
"I haven't talked to Nate yet" Serena says, when Blair asks if she is okay "He's not taking my calls and I know that we are going to run into each other eventually, today"
"Give him time" Blair says. "We have all been friends forever, and it's not like you choosing Humphrey was a total surprise."
She wants to be supportive, and to show Serena that her jealousy issues belong to an old version of herself, but being back on this Nate or Humphrey phase is getting really old.
Serena frowns, clenching her purse on her hip.
"I didn't choose Dan" she says.
Blair stops walking and stares at her blankly.
"What do you mean, you didn't choose Dan?"
Serena shrugs "I didn't. He is the one who showed up in Paris and I mean, how romantic was that? So I just…went along"
"Does Humphrey know that you didn't actually choose him?"
"I never promised anything"
"You slept with him, S. And it's Humphrey we're talking about! He was probably writing his wedding vows in his mind while being inside you!"
Serena cringes "Ugh, can we talk about something else?"
"I ask nothing but. But eventually, you are going to have to make a choice, S"
They discuss of the Fashion Night's Out while walking to the Hamilton House. Blair ignores the twitch in her stomach when Serena casually states that five designers sent her a piece hoping she would wear it. All Blair got was a bracelet from Harry Winston.
When they get inside the Hamilton House, Blair can smell the selectivity. Everything is wooden and classy and she can see herself sitting on the leather chairs, while sipping on a martini and being envied by the rest of the girls.
Someone direct them to the key master, and Blair is surprised to see it's a girl. She's never seen her before, and she doesn't look a lot older than them. Blair is not sure if it's a good sign.
"Can I help you?" The girl asks.
She looks incredibly condescending, even to Blair's standards.
"Hello, I am Blair Waldorf and this is Serena Van der Woodsen" Blair says with a fake pleasant smile "We're here to get our keys"
The girl looks inside the bag.
"Oh this is awkward" she says with an uncompassionate grin on her face "There is only one key left"
Blair's heart falls into her stomach. She should have expected it. What club would want her, when they could have Serena Van der Woodsen. Serena turns to her, and Blair talks before she can.
"It's okay. We'll find a different meeting place like the library or…or…"
"Actually, the key is for you"
Serena and Blair both turn to the girl.
Blair blinks "For me?"
The girl nods, and for once, her smile does seem kind of genuine.
"I'm sorry" she tells Serena as she hands Blair a little box "But this club is members only"
"I'll see myself out, then" Serena says.
She kisses Blair on the cheek after assuring her that everything is fine, and then she leaves. Blair watches her go, before she gets distracted by someone bringing her a cocktail. Everyone else gets back to their chatting. Blair still cannot process that she has something Serena doesn't, something that was based on social evaluation. She has wanted it for so long. But it doesn't feel very good. It actually feels wrong. This day wasn't about outshining Serena, it was about getting a different kind of light. She puts down the glass and is about to leave when she sees Nate coming in.
Nate spots her, and smiles as he makes his way to her.
"Hi Nate" he says in a high pitched voice "I'm back from Paris, it was wonderful, as usual, how was your summer?"
Blair frowns "I don't sound like that"
"Agree to disagree" Nate says, pulling her in an embrace "Good to see you. I see you made the club"
"Of course I did" Blair replies.
Nate looks around nervously "You alone?"
Blair nods "Serena didn't make it"
"Really?" Nate seems confused, and it annoys Blair.
"Really"
"Okay"
Blair sighs "Before you say anything else, we are not allowed to talk about Serena. I cannot be part of that anymore. It's bad enough that I had to be roommate with Humphrey for three weeks."
At the mentions of Humphrey's name, Nate's jaw clenches and Blair curses herself.
"He slept at your place?"
"I felt generous" Blair shrugs "And you can't be mad about it, because you are still roomies with my ex, and Humphrey had his own room"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he didn't spend a lot of nights in it"
"We are not talking about this" Blair says firmly "Right now, you are going to get a drink and I'll pretend to be interested about your summer for ten minutes before telling you about mine"
/
Dan chooses the first day of school to visit Rufus, after he's back from Paris. Because he knows Serena won't be there, and if the conversation with his father gets tense, he can always pretend that he has 'college stuff' to do as an escape.
Rufus welcomes him with waffles, and strawberries and cappuccinos. He doesn't mention right away how Dan left with only a little note, or never called while he was abroad. First Rufus tells him about Jenny and how she's accustoming to her suburban life. That's when Dan realizes that he doesn't even have any idea of how his own sister has been during all this time. He tried to keep briefly track at the beginning of the summer; then Milo arrived and nothing else was really essential anymore.
"So, you mind explaining me what that little fugue was about?" Rufus finally asks.
Dan doesn't look at his dad, still cutting his waffles.
"I wish I could, Dad" he says "But it would involve telling you things I am not really ready to tell. But I will, someday. I promise"
Rufus sips on his cappuccino "You know where to find me"
Dan doesn't feel relieved when he leaves his father. He knows Rufus was never really the problem. Today, Serena is starting school at Columbia, the same college as Nate who has been dodging all of his calls.
Dan makes it his priority, to fix things with Nate. Nate who didn't deserve being treated this way, after all he did for Dan. Nate who pretended that being left with Chuck's little black book is the best thing that could have happened to his summer, while checking his phone every five seconds certainly hoping for a sign from Serena. Nate who could actually afford a thousand trips to Paris, and chose the road of letting Serena make her choice by herself.
Dan feels like an asshole.
He decides that going to school is going to do no good for him. He'll get his schedule another day. Right now all he wants is to go home and work on his writing, taking advantage of the incredible flow that never left him since Paris.
When he gets to his front door, his heart stops. Because Vanessa is there, sitting on the floor. She is wearing bright colors contrasting with the hallway, and the look on her face. When she sees Dan, she stands up and rubs her hands on her skirt. Then she throws her arms in the air, shaking her head.
"What happened?" she asks
Dan feels like the biggest asshole.
He opens the door for them. Vanessa goes straight to the kitchen bar. Dan serves her a glass of water.
"I'm surprised you didn't use the fire escape" he says, then mentally slaps himself.
It was one of the things Vanessa had stopped doing when they started dating.
She sits there in silence for a few minutes, not saying anything, her eyebrows creased in a thoughtful frown. Dan just waits, in silence as well, because he knows her, and he knows she is trying to find the best, most efficient way to put what she is feeling into words. He expects a lot of metaphors that don't make really sense, because Vanessa is a girl of images that no one really sees except her.
Then she starts drinking her water, and when Dan sees that she is going for the full glass, he actually braces himself. She puts down the glass so hard Dan is surprised it doesn't break.
"How could you not have the decency to break up with me before crossing an ocean to stuff Little Miss Sunshine?"
Dan opens his mouth, to say absolutely nothing. Nothing needs to be said, there is no legitimate answer to what she just said. Not even –
"I'm sorry, Vanessa"
She snorts, more in a way that doesn't look like her, but like someone else that Dan doesn't want to think about right now.
"I guess I feel better now that I know you're sorry"
She descends from the high chair and makes her way to the door. Dan stops her.
"Wait, Vanessa, I will explain everything to you" he sighs "You just have to promise not to tell anyone"
Vanessa shakes her head "You're just like them aren't you, now? All the secrets and the complicated life tales. Why would you go after her, again? You and I loved each other"
"It didn't start with Serena, I swear. If you could just listen to me"
Dan takes her hands in his, and she lets him bring her to the couch where they sit, and he starts telling her the story. Vanessa listens through all of it, doesn't show any signs of surprise. It's so disconcerting that Dan wonders if she already knew. Perhaps she talked to Nate.
"Is all of it really true?" she asks, dubious.
Dan stands up and goes to his bag to get the little pacifier from it. He is starting to feel a bit pathetic, carrying it around.
"When Georgina left, I didn't know what to do" he says "I guess I wanted to…I don't know. I was confused. And for some reason, when I feel this way, Serena is the one I go to. She doesn't make me face the harsh facts of life"
"Like I do" Vanessa scoffs "Are you guys back together, then?"
Dan shrugs "I think so"
"What? You're not even sure?"
"We haven't made anything official yet, but I think we're heading that way. I hadn't given it much thought before you asked, to be completely honest"
"Because I make you face the harsh facts of life, I get it"
"I didn't mean it like that"
Vanessa gets off the couch to sit on the floor, legs sprawled in front of her, like she always does when she is creating. It makes Dan laugh.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't love you, anymore" she says, and Dan's laugh dies in his throat "But I still want to be with you. Like we used to be before you decided that a threesome was enough to ignite romantic feelings between us"
"You didn't seem to complain" Dan mumbles
"Don't. That's not fair. You know how I felt about you. Everybody knew how I felt about you."
Dan doesn't answer. Vanessa gets back on the couch.
"I'm starving" she says "Go make me grilled cheese and tell me about Paris. I know you're dying to"
/
There is something off with Eva. Blair can sense it. That entire ingénue halo she has going on is far too suspicious for someone who is getting accustomed so easily in the Upper East Side. Unfortunately, Blair is the only one thinking it. Serena tells her she has trouble to move on, and Blair resents the very idea of it. She doesn't need Chuck Bass to be happy. But somewhere inside her, she doesn't actually want him to be happy, not yet. He needs to understand, and she wants to show him that he hurt her, and that he isn't going to get away with it so easily.
She is walking out of her last class of the day, searching into her scheming, devious mind how to unravel Eva's façade.
Blair stops when she spots a familiar figure. Of course. If Nate and Serena weren't going to help her, she would just have to convert someone else into joining her plan. Should be easy enough, she's done it before, and it was one of her finest takedowns, ever.
"Humphrey!"
Dan turns around when he hears his name. He seems tense, and Blair doesn't know how to feel about the smile he addresses her in spite of it, as she walks to him.
"Hey, Blair. What's up?"
"I should be asking that. You don't go to school here"
"I had lunch with Serena. Did not go smoothly"
Blair restrains to roll her eyes. So this was still of current affairs. She smiles.
"How about we go to my place and watch a movie?" she suggests, hoping it doesn't sound to suspicious "Might help you to get your mind off things"
Dan frowns, but still smiles "I thought we decided Paris was 'friends territory', and that New York was the 'civil' one"
"What can I say? None of my friends appreciates Mr. Hulot's Holiday" Blair shrugs.
"I do enjoy myself some Tati" Dan nods.
"See!" Blair is internally gleaming "It'll cheer you up!"
"Although I suppose that watching it with you might defeat that purpose" he says. Blair narrows her eyes at him, and Dan laughs "Although it is pretty funny. Even you couldn't kill that much comedy"
Blair is starting to regret her plan.
"Let's go then"
They try to get a cab, and Dan is amused by the grunt Blair makes each time one passes by without stopping. He puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles, lifting his arm. Blair watches, dumbfounded as a taxi pulls in front of them. Does this thing actually work? Dan wriggles cockily his eyebrows at her as he gets into the cab.
When they get to her house, Blair goes up to get her computer and when she gets back downstairs, Dan is sitting on her couch, texting. He put his bag on the coffee table. Blair cringes a little at how comfortable he looks in her apartment.
"Do you have any popcorn?" he asks when he sees her.
"We are not watching a movie"
Dan frowns, confused "We're not?"
"No" Blair drops the computer on his lap "You are going to help me to get dirt on Chuck's girlfriend"
Dan puts away his phone and sits up on the couch.
"Are you sure it's a good idea? I mean, she was at brunch with Chuck the other day, and she does seem really nice"
"No one is that perfect, Humphrey. You should know"
Dan sighs, and opens her laptop.
"Alright, what do you know about her?"
"The woman is a saint!" Blair sits next to him "She sold a Cartier watch to help out Chuck's valet, she worked as a nurse; she actually enjoyed living in Prague!"
Dan is typing furiously on the laptop, and Blair watches, tries to keep up with combination he seems to come up with on Google. He clicks on a link, and turns the screen to Blair.
"Voilà"
Blair gets closer, amazed by what she is reading.
"O.M.G., Humphrey! You are actually good at this" she chuckles bitterly "Chuck Bass in love with a former prostitute. Typical."
"Not only am I manly and rugged, but I also have mad browsing skills"
Blair shoots him a look.
"Don't look at me like that" Dan stretches "Most women would be ripping their clothes off in presence of this kind of web savvy"
Blair rolls her eyes. She can't believe she is actually becoming friends with such a dork.
"Go home, Humphrey" she says, standing up "Your services are no longer required here"
"Alright, but you might lose me to CSI Williamsburg"
Blair ignores the joke "You still have that Armani suit, right?"
Dan picks up his bag "Yeah, it's somewhere, why?"
Blair bites the inside of her cheek. She can imagine him stuffing the suit in his underwear drawer.
"You are going to be my date for Chuck's charity gala tonight"
Dan clears his throat. He seems awkward.
"I'm not sure it's a good idea. What will we tell Serena?"
"What about Serena?" Blair rolls her eyes "She knows we're friends. And besides, it's not like she is going to take you, being busy trying to show Nate that his girlfriend might be even more devious than me"
"What? She has talked to Nate?"
Blair starts taping her foot. How can't people get the hint that she doesn't want to be involved in the most boring love triangle that ever existed?
"How about we talk about it tonight?"
"You're avoiding the subject. I thought we were friends."
"We are! Which is why I suggest that you go home at once to try to do something with the mop on top of your head, before shaving, getting showered, putting on a suit and meeting me at the Empire so I can warn Chuck about the Pretty Woman adventure he got himself into"
"Why do you need me to do this?"
Blair crosses her arms "Because if Chuck won't believe me, he'll believe you. He doesn't know about the evolution of our relationship, and he probably still assumes that the only thing more painful for you than seeing him happy would be backing me up in one of my schemes, unless your despicable sense of morality tells you the contrary."
Dan doesn't say anything. It seems fair enough. And he cannot think about Serena, right now.
"Alright, I'll pick you up at six" he says, making his way to the elevator.
Blair is unhinged. She thought he would just meet her at The Empire. After all, it isn't a date; he is just escorting her. As a friend. But she looks at him pressing the elevator call button, and turning toward her to smile at her, and she has those flashbacks from Paris. In a few seconds, she sees him at the Jardin des Plantes, at the Italian restaurant, at the Champs de Mars, and putting his hand on her shoulder in front of the Eiffel Tower, right before they…
She shakes lightly her head. She doesn't really want to, but she smiles at him as the elevator chimes open.
"See you at six" she says.
/
Dorota makes Dan wait a few minutes with a glass of ice tea while Blair is finishing getting ready. She gives him a little smirk when she sees the flowers in his hands.
Dan looks up at the top of the staircase when he hears heels clinking on the floor. Blair is wearing a long, blue night, dress. She gets down the stairs slowly, in a feline walk and Dan wonders if she does it on purpose; it feels like a movie.
"You look beautiful" he tells her.
"You don't look so bad yourself" she replies, as she stops, facing him. "Loose the bowtie, though. It's too formal"
Dan's fingers fumble to take the bowtie off, the flowers making it difficult. Blair rolls her eyes and bats his hands away so she can take care of it. Dan stands still, while her hands work easily on untying the knot, and he can smell her perfume. It's not the same fruity one as when they were in Paris. Now it's something a bit spicy, less fleeting, Dan is sure he'll smell of it hours later.
She hands him the tie.
"There you go" her eyes fall on the flowers in his hand "You should throw that away. Serena won't like them, and I saw her this afternoon. She looked really mad, I doubt this will be enough to amend yourself of whatever it is you did to her."
"I didn't do anything" Dan says annoyed "Besides, these are for you"
He presses the flowers against her chest, and Blair shakes a little, surprised as she takes them. Then he turns around to leave.
"Shall we go?"
Blair gives nonchalantly the flowers to Dorota standing behind her.
"Always so gallant, Humphrey" she says sarcastically.
In the car, Dan sits the closest he can to the opposite door, on the back seat. Blair shifts closer to him.
"I'm not going to eat you, Humphrey"
"Allow me to doubt it" he turns nevertheless to her "So what happened between Serena and Nate"
"I cannot talk about that with you! I told Nate I wouldn't with him, and do you really think I'd privilege you over Nate Archibald?"
"The only difference being that Serena clearly chose one of us, and it wasn't him. You not talking about it with Nate is preserving him. But I need to know where I am going with this. Serena is being distant, and cranky and I don't know how to…"
"Oh my God!" Blair almost screams "Nate's new girlfriend, Juliet, tried to break me and Serena up, last week. She hates Serena because Nate is clearly still in love with her, but then we took her down and Nate still chose to be with her"
Dan blinks "Did that really happened under my nose?"
"Understandable. You live in Brooklyn, and you were MIA for the last week, which is by the way, why Serena is so mad at you"
Dan rubs his hand on his face.
"I need to talk to her"
"She'll be there tonight. Are we done?"
Dan rolls his eyes, and sits back, sulking. The rest of the car ride is mostly Blair talking to herself. Dan tries to listen, but doesn't really want to. He wonders at which point he will be forced to point out to Blair that her plan is already doomed, because he's seen Chuck with Eva, and that going through all of this effort just makes her look like the pathetic ex. He knows this is probably only the sign that Blair is still hurting, but he can't be certain of it. It's Blair Waldorf. In Paris, he knew a version of her that was light headed and carefree. The one he knows in New York could behead the devil itself.
When the car stops in front of the empire and Blair is about to get out, Dan holds her back by the shoulder.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks.
Blair pushes his hand away "It's showtime, Humphrey. There's no going back now. You should find Serena, while I get on with my business"
He gives her his arm before they walk in. Several faces turn to them, and about two minutes later, phones start beeping, ringing, and buzzing. They both know it's Gossip Girl commenting on their more than unusual entrance.
"I think we just came out as friends" Dan smiles.
"I didn't think of that when I asked you to escort me. Oh, well. I haven't announced yet which charity case I'm devoted to this year; hopefully people will think it's you"
Dan doesn't answer anything, because he just saw Serena standing at a table, a glass of champagne in her hand and looking, eyebrows frowned, at New York skyline. Blair follows his glare.
"Go" she says "Good luck on your suicide mission"
"Same to you"
He starts walking toward Serena, but finds his way cut by Nate. Dan almost freezes.
"Dude" Nate says, shaking his head "Did you just arrive here with Blair?"
Of all of the things he had imagined Nate telling him, this was about the very last one.
"So what, now stealing my girlfriend isn't enough? You have to take my ex?"
"What?" Dan chokes on the air he's breathing "No, Blair and I aren't like that. I mean we're friends, and this is none of your business. And may I just remind you that Serena was my ex when you started dating her?"
Dan cannot quite believe the words leaving his mouth. It's like listening to fifteen-year-old girls fighting.
"You know what, this conversation is ridiculous" he says "Can we sort things out like adults, please?"
"Actually, I'm not really in the mood, Dan. Because things were fine, before you decided to follow Serena to Paris, okay? Up until that moment, Serena had always been the problem, her and her inability to make a goddam choice. I guess I thought that you knew Serena as well as I did, and that you'd always know that as long as we keep making decisions for her, she'll never grow up."
Dan stuffs his hands in his pockets. He wants to believe that everything Nate is saying is based on simple jealousy and bitterness, but he can't quite convince himself. Nate is the one who grew up with Serena, and witnessed all of her evolutions.
Nate moves to walk off, but stops again.
"And by the way, don't think no one can see that this thing you have going on with Blair is only to get closer to Serena again"
"You don't know anything" Dan almost barks.
Which is true. Nate doesn't know about what he and Blair are. No one knows.
This time, Nate does walk off, and Dan can see Serena coming his way. She probably saw them fighting.
"What happened?" she asks
"He just came to tell me how much of an idiot I am"
Serena shakes her head "I need to talk to him. That Juliet girl is not right"
"No, Serena, are you serious?" Dan holds her by the wrist "Why would you want to do that? I thought you wanted to be with me"
"You don't understand, Dan. She tried to hurt me, and Blair. Nate cannot be with someone who would turn him against his friends"
"Why do you care so much about who he is with, now?"
Serena takes back her wrist in a violent swing of her arm.
"I don't know" she says "Why don't you spend another entire week with Vanessa, and figure it out?"
Dan watches her go after Nate. He is done. With all of them. He decides to go home, and catches the sight of Blair talking to Chuck and Eva.
He hesitates, looking back and forth from her to the exit. Then cursing himself and his white knight complex, he walks toward the blue night dress in the crowd.
Chuck and Eva walk away just as Dan gets to Blair. She turns around, and Dan can just see on her face that her plan failed, just like his did.
"He knew" she says "And he didn't care"
Dan shrugs "Maybe it's for the best, then. Let them be"
Blair shakes her head, determination painted all over her face.
"This isn't over yet. Not until I decide so"
"You don't want to do this, Blair. Whatever you do, it'll backfire"
"You don't know anything about me, Humphrey" Blair says, as she pushes him aside.
Dan lets her go. He leaves the empire with the intention of going home, only to realize, once he's out in the streets, that he doesn't really want to. His loft is empty, his life is a mess. The night is falling upon the city, just as the consequences of his acts. He lost a girl, two girls, and a friend over the last year.
Serena doesn't want him to be involved with Vanessa; he doesn't want her to care about Nate. Dan is aware that they can never work, if they don't even want the other to still share a bond with their respective childhood friends.
Dan walks around a bit, observing the New Yorkers going around with their troubles, not even noticing him.
He makes a decision. One that leads him to Blair's building. He knows that's where Serena lives now. The doorman is about to notify the penthouse of his arrival when his phone rings.
"Hello?"
"You were right" Blair's voice is broken, strangled. "Chuck…he…he loved her and I…"
Dan isn't sure if she is crying or not, but he can hear she has trouble breathing.
"Are you alright?"
"I need…I need someone. Would you…"
The rest of her question is empty, but Dan has no trouble filling it.
"Go to Brooklyn" he says "I'll be there shortly"
Blair agrees silently, but Dan knows she does. He hangs up, and sends a text to Vanessa before getting in the elevator.
/
Eva is gone. It's not until Chuck tells her so that Blair realizes that it wasn't what she wanted, not really. All Blair knows is that she is now getting something she didn't want, nevertheless deserves.
This means war, Blair.
Chuck's voice creeps inside of her, freezing her blood, releasing her tears in the back of the cab. This isn't how things are supposed to go. She feels like she cannot breathe, like she even forgot how to properly be alive.
The cab stops in front of Humphrey's building, and Blair gets out, trying to force the summer night air into her lungs.
"Blair?"
She jumps, turns to the voice that said her name. Vanessa is standing in front of the building, eying her cautiously. Blair is about to ask what she is doing here, before she realizes that it's Brooklyn; she's the one who is out of place.
"Dan asked me to come and let you in"
Blair swallows her tears, too proud to let Vanessa Abram witness her despair.
"He did?"
Vanessa nods "Come on. Follow me"
Blair does, because she doesn't have anything to lose, now. She cringes, however, when she sees Vanessa starting to climb up the fire escape.
"Don't you have a key?" Blair asks.
"Why would I, if I can go this way?"
Blair feels the urge to turn around. This was a mistake. But her body follows Vanessa's lead, and she carefully settles one of her four hundred dollars shoe on a Brooklyn ladder. So this is her life, now.
Vanessa goes up slowly, waiting for her and making sure Blair doesn't slip and open her crane. Then she helps her sneak into Dan's room by the window. The first thing Blair sees is a nursery, in what used to be Jenny's room.
"Is it Milo's room?" she asks, without thinking.
Vanessa frowns "You know about Milo?"
Blair bites her lip briefly, as a punishment for herself. How was she to explain to Vanessa that Humphrey chose to open up to her about something so intimate? She wasn't even sure she understood it herself.
"Humphrey told me in Paris, on a night where we all had been drinking way too much Bordeaux"
"I bet it's the night he decided that you two could be friends"
Blair doesn't answer anything, because Vanessa's suspicions are actually founded. She wonders if she and Humphrey are fooling themselves, by thinking that they can be more than high school acquaintances.
Vanessa takes her to the kitchen and makes her a cup of tea.
"I have to go back to work" she then says "Are you going to be okay, on your own?"
The answer is negative, but Blair knows Vanessa is just asking out of courtesy, and she doesn't want her help anyway.
"I'll be fine"
"Okay"
Vanessa starts walking back to Dan's room, and Blair has an internal fight before she mutters, barely audibly.
"Thank you"
Vanessa turns around awkwardly "Welcome" she answers with the same tone.
Blair waits until she is sure Vanessa is gone to take of her heels, trying not to think of her bare feet on Humphrey's floor. Blair has always been a bit too curious for her own sake, and she walks cautiously to the nursery, pushing the door open.
It's not really a nursery. There is just a crib with a mobile hanging on it, a changing table and a few stuffed animals. Everything else in the room probably still belongs to Jenny. Blair laughs when she sees Cedric sitting in the crib. She takes him between her fingers, and catches a whim of the cotton smell usually associated with babies.
When she hears the front door open, she doesn't move. Dan will see her come out of the room anyway, so there's no pretending she wasn't there.
"Blair?" he calls.
"Yes" she answers, voice dying in fear.
She can hear his footsteps getting closer. He stops at the door, leaning against the frame. He doesn't turn on the light.
"Hey" he simply says.
"I'm sorry" Blair puts down Cedric "It's rude, I shouldn't have…"
"It's fine, Blair" he takes a little breath "How are you doing?"
Blair leans against the crib, looking down to her naked toes.
"Chuck hates me now. I destroyed the only thing that could make him a better person. He said I was jealous, because even I couldn't"
"Are you?" Dan asks
Blair doesn't want to answer. There is no way she is going through that kind of mental self-torture again. Dan leaves the door frame to get closer to her.
"You should apologize" he says "Tell him you're sorry"
"As if it was going to make everything better" she chuckles bitterly "You are so naïve Humphrey."
"At least, it would be a start"
Blair shrugs.
"I'm surprised you're not with Serena" she says, mostly to change the subject.
"I was. I went by your place to tell her it's over. I can't play into her games anymore"
"It's not games, you know" Blair looks up to him "It's just that a part of her will always love Nate, and a part of her will always love you"
"I know that; but I can't keep pretending it doesn't affect me or our relationship"
He is so mature Blair wants to punch him in the face. She figures becoming a father at twenty does that.
"So I guess we're both losers" she says.
"Hey, come on" Dan pulls her close against him.
He holds her head against his chest when she starts crying.
"Thank you for not saying 'I told you so'" she sobs.
"I should have insisted. I should have stopped you. I'm sorry, Blair"
It's infuriating how nice he is. He is apologizing for not telling her to her face how selfish and puerile she was acting, that day. She stops crying, eventually, but doesn't pull away. She has her hands clenching into his jacket on his back, and she pretends not to smell him, each time she inhales.
"Are you feeling better?" Dan asks, when he hasn't heard her cry for two minutes.
"As much as I hate to admit it, yes" Blair mumbles against his shirt "You're a good hugger"
Dan laughs "Thanks. I see that Humphrey appeal is still going well for you"
Blair does pull away then, to lean back on the crib and hit him on the rib.
"That's for forcing me to climb the fire escape and talk to Abrams" she says.
Dan rubs his side.
"You know, you are going to have to do things my way, as long as you're in Brooklyn"
"Then consider this the last time"
"You know, I happen to have the DVD of Mr. Hulot's Holiday" Dan gives her a little smirk.
Blair sighs, feigning reluctance "Fine. But I require you sitting on the floor"
"Works for me, just keep your paws off my popcorn"
Dan takes her hand in his, and leads her to his room. He makes Blair sit on the bed, and kneels in front of her to get his DVDs box from under it.
"Here you go" he says, handing her the case.
"I wish Paris would have lasted longer"
Dan is still kneeling in front of her, and he looks at her, surprised, and waiting for the rest of her reasoning.
"I mean" Blair starts saying, only to wonder what she actually means "We all had a nice time. You and Serena, Serena and I, and…you and I. New York ruined everything"
Dan sighs "New York is our home. It can't be perfect, but that's where we need to be. Besides, who would want to become blasé at the sight of the Eiffel Tower?"
Dan sees Blair's fingers absent-mindedly move to her lips. He has trouble swallowing. He completely forgot about the kiss, but apparently it's the first thing that came to her mind when he mentioned the tower. Blair seems to realize it too, and her hand drops on the bed, but she is still looking at him.
She despises that she likes the way Humphrey is looking at her right now. All tense, and lost in his mind. She despises that she still remembers his smile, when he saw her at Columbia that afternoon.
Everything is silent and dark for a few minutes, before Blair breaks it in a way Dan can barely handle.
"I wouldn't mind being back in front of it" she whispers.
She despises saying that, too.
She doesn't despise it when Dan leans up, and pulls her by the back of the neck to bring their lips together.
Phew. So that happened. What did you think about this one? Are you still with me? Really, don't be scared to be too upfront with me.
See you for Square One in a few days -for those of you reading it- and next week for the next chapter of this one.
xo