Gasp. Super long chapter! It just flowed right out of my fingertips to my keyboard. I'm scared that I'm messing this up. Going to fast. But I like it and that's what counts. Of course if there's no reviews I probably won't continue because it's awkward uploading something that no one likes. Tell me if it's too fast. I don't think so. But there is so much to come. You have no idea. Lol.
I still don't own Shugo Chara.
That's how my new friendship started. It was awkward sometimes because we were dancing around a vast topic. It turns out that we have other things in common, like music. He plays violin. I'd like to hear him play sometime. Our deal is that after I sing and play for him, he will play for me. So it's going to be a while.
It's been a week since we had that talk by my locker. He and Rima have joined our lunch group. Saaya's stares are lasting, but since we've moved to the roof during lunch she hasn't been a problem.
"Our parents want you and Ami to come over for dinner." He'd traveled from his locker to mine. It turns out while I thought he followed me around the first week, his locker is six down from me. "This Wednesday."
"Oh," My face said my thoughts of this situation. It felt rude to just say no. "I'd rather not." I was so hesitant to say it. He just shrugged.
"You don't have to. So, what are you doing after school?"
My schedule is pretty solid. Homework, internet, eat, more internet, and sleep. I rarely leave my room. Today my dad is coming home and Ami's excited. She's going to be ecstatic, get all dressed up and make him a welcome home dinner. He's going to stumble in with the smell of alcohol of his breath. It will be obvious that he's been drinking more than real work. If you open his brief case, papers are and torn.
I wonder if he even works anymore.
"Our dad is coming home." Right after I said it my phone rang. My father's ringtone spilled out of my pocket. "Hello?" I answered swiftly. "Dad?"
"I won't be able to make it tonight." His words were slurred. The music in the background implied a party. "I'm sorry." Ikuto must have seen my face fall.
"Are you okay?" He whispered. I shook my head and turned with my fist clenched.
"When will you be able to make it?" Ami is going to be crushed when I tell her. She stayed home today to clean the entire house for him. She's probably making dinner right now. "Dammit, what's wrong with you?" I yelled into the phone. "Never mind, he's not coming home."
"I thought you didn't like your dad." He said, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"I don't." My eyes snapped to his, fiery. "How did you know that?" His face paled as if he'd seen a ghost.
"The day you ran to the cemetery, I was there with Utau at your house. Kukai came in with your medicine." I remember he came into my room and grabbed it off my dresser that night. "And it was said that you won't take it because your dad takes pills a lot to forget his own pain. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get upset."
"Its fine, I guess." At least he didn't know about everything else. That would make things incredibly awkward. "I'd rather you not know that, but oh well."
"Wow, Daddy takes pills to forget you?" I spun quickly to see Saaya. There aren't words to describe how fast my stomach dropped. Ikuto rested his hands on my shoulders. "Maybe you should just take all of you medicine at once." Her grin is maniacal as she tilts her head.
One day, I'll fucking knock it off of her face. My breathing is heavy and angry as the boy behind me pulls me back. Every feeling inside me told me to pounce forward and rattle her. I'd take her up and down this hallway before I was done. Slowly, my worries settled though. She'd tell everyone, she'd make my life hell.
"Does he drink to forget your little sister too? Do you think she'll grow up to be a freak like you too?" Tadase said mockingly. All I saw was red. But it was Ikuto that slammed him into the locker by his throat. "Get off."
"Don't ever," He pushed down on his throat again with his elbow. "Talk about Amu, or Ami again." He knocked him into the floor. "You'll answer to me."
I felt sick as the people around us stared. Rima came to my side. My eyes were huge as hers met mine. She looped her arm through mine. Saaya tried to get close to my newfound friend, and my apparent protector. He slid out of her reach and rested a hand on Rima and I's backs.
"Let's go." His voice was low as he pushed us forward. "Go home. Don't talk to anyone who has something to say about that." He pointed down the hallway.
Rima walked me to my car. "Do you want to hang out or something to get your mind off that?" She's so sweet. It blows my mind how she's already thinking about me.
"Sure. Actually, if you come over you'll have to see me tell Ami our dad isn't coming home. It won't be pretty, so if you'd rather not, I understand."
She scoffed. "How about I come over and after she is upset, I show you a bunch of videos that will make her feel better? Besides I haven't met her yet."
"Okay." She slid into my passenger seat.
"He's not coming home, is he?" My sister shot off as soon as she saw me. "He can't keep any promise."
"It's okay." It was obvious they were false words of comfort. "I'm sorry." She shrugged.
"I made dinner so you guys can eat if you want. I'll be in my room." She headed for the stairs. "Don't bother me."
I threw myself onto the couch, running my fingers through my hair angrily. It seems like I do everything angrily, huh? "What happened with your dad?"
The truth had finally crawled out. "Long story short? Our mom died in a car wreck six months ago. After that, he starts taking every business trip that got him away from us. He moved us back here, while keeping an apartment in Osaka. He's never here and we're alone. Kukai lives by himself because he doesn't even bother being with us as a family. Anyways, Dad takes pills sometimes to forget about Mom and he drinks a lot." My face turned red as I took in how much I just said. "I'm sorry I just dumped all that on you."
"Don't worry about it. I don't mind. Actually, I'm happy you'll talk to me. It's what friends are for unless you're Ikuto apparently." My lips curved as she took a jab at him. "Since you told me something, I'll tell you something. My dad left me when I was a baby. He chose drugs over my mom and I. I don't get along with her, so now I live with my grandpa."
The only person I share things with is Ami, and my mother's head stone, so it's nice talking to someone new.
"I try to do what I can for her, but she wants him home. She wants Kukai to live with us, but he'll barely come around us. He never visited when we lived in Osaka either."
"I thought you two got along." She sat sideways on the couch, with her knees to her chest. "Oh, you act like you get along, but you really want to give him a piece of your mind." She joked.
"Something like that. Everything fell apart when my mom died. I knew she kept me together, but she was the glue for everyone. I think about it all the time, but I don't bring it up to Ami, or anyone."
"That's not healthy. You can talk to me. I hope you take advantage of that. My lips are sealed." She tossed an invisible key over her shoulder. "I get it though."
"I'm going to tell you something." She made a bring it on motion with her hands. My new friends just keep giving me smiles. "Do you remember when I ran out of the classroom?"
"Oh yeah. Ikuto was tearing in Saaya. I'm surprised there's anything left."
"This is weird telling someone. I have Panic Disorder. That's why I ran out. I got really scared and really uncomfortable when she started talking about me. I had a panic attack in the bathroom. I feel crazy because my fears are irrational. I told you that I went here until eighth grade."
"Yeah, but you never told me anything about it."
"Saaya bullied me since elementary school. Tadase made it worse in middle school. But Ikuto locked me in a closet in elementary school. He caused my first panic attack. So that's why I'm so moody towards him all the time." I explained all of this in a jumble of words. The rest of everything could come later. "I don't usually start talking to people about this stuff, but I trust you and I think you should know."
"Okay, Amu. You're not crazy. It's okay to worry about them. I get it. Personally, I would have locked Ikuto in a closet on the first day back. You should try that sometime." She nodded at her own idea, grinning. "So it's fine. Talk to me about any time. Do you like being his friend?"
There's that question that confuses my emotions and makes too many areas gray.
"Yes," I said slowly. "But I'm not sure if I was to trust him yet. There's more to the history that no one knows. So it's hard to be buddy buddy with him when I'm blaming him for things that he doesn't know about."
Rima nods to me. "Don't trust him yet. He's been helping a lot, but if you're going to be friends, you'll have to get past this road block with him."
The road block is in place to protect me and my emotions.
"Do you want to go buy dinner? I'm betting Ami won't eat what she made." She's right. "We can go to Ikuto's work." She arched her eyebrow.
"Not you too." I chunked a pillow at her. "You think I like him like everyone else."
"I think there's potential once you don't want to blame him for everything."
"No, never. I'll be his friend."
"Wanna make it a bet?" She challenged while bouncing to her feet. She's full of life. "No? See, you already know I'm right." I shook my head.
"Ami, we're going to get dinner!" I yelled up the stairs. She turned up her music. "She's thirteen. I expect nothing less."
Rima navigated me to a cheap café. "It's empty." She gave me a sarcastic look to my obvious statement. "Well let's go." We climbed out of the car.
"Hey," Ikuto greeted us.
"Hey." Rima hopped onto one of the bar stools and patted the seat next to her. "Come on, Amu. He won't bite." She arched an eyebrow. "Unless you-"
"Don't finish that sentence." She laughed loudly. "I didn't know you had a job." The café had a quiet, welcoming feel.
He set a plate of biscuits and gravy in front of me. He sat two croissant sandwiches in front of Rima. "That's because I've been asking you questions and you haven't asked too many." He's right. It's mainly because I over analyzed my questions and decided they were too awkward. "While I remember everything you've told me."
I started tearing the two biscuits and dropping them in the gravy. "Fork?" He spun to grab one, but when he spun too quickly again, it flew out of his hand. I squeaked and leaned back to avoid it.
"Amu!" My name shot out of his mouth as he tried to grab my hand. Rima's laughing in the background as I'm flailing my arms; you know trying to not bust my ass in public. His fingers wrapped around my wrist. My face faced the floor, beat red as that scene played on repeat in my head.
Being awkward and clumsy sucks.
Slowly my lips curved into a smile. My laugh escaped me as my chest rose and fell. "Real smooth." Rima teased. "You too, Ikuto. Really smooth how you tried to decapitate her with a fork."
"I'm just going to count my blessings that it wasn't a knife I asked for. I'll need a dinner to go for Ami." I hoped she was okay. I knew how she felt, but it's worse on her. To be as young as her, and not have either parent. I typed a text to her. Do you want anything specific while I'm out?
Her reply came quickly. My phone was swiped off the counter by my nimble fingers. Ice cream and ramen.
I slid it into my pocket. "Before I take you home, we'll need to stop by the store." Rima nodded.
"I have to be home by ten." She said in complete seriousness. "He'll get moody if I'm not." My response was a thumbs up while I chewed the first bite. These were heavenly.
"They're great, aren't they?" Ikuto asked with a smile because he already knew the answer. I nodded happily.
"I need to come here for breakfast." Maybe Ami would like to come sometime before school. I thought of my mini me at home blaring her music. Even if I was there, she wouldn't open the door to me.
You're waiting for me to open up completely. You're waiting for me to trust Ikuto and fall in love with him too, right? I don't know about the love part, but the trust part sounds nice. The fact is that I've never done that. You're really just watching me be awkward. It's too soon to tell him that I've blamed him for something besides anxiety.
I want to be normal, even if I only appear normal. If he knows that I tried to kill myself, he'll blame himself. He'll realize I blamed him too. My opinion on that has begun to change.
"Amu!" Rima yelled directly in my ear.
"What? Jesus!"
"You okay? I've been saying your name over and over again."
"Oh, no I was just thinking." The word why reflected back at me in Ikuto's eyes. "What did you want?"
"Are you ready to go? I have to get home early actually." Ikuto put my food in a to go box.
As I handed him the money, he pushed it back. "On the house. Take this to Ami." He handed another box with sweets in it. "I figured she's upset because of your dad." I bit my lip and nodded. Dammit, he's so caring about everything. I just want to fall all over myself apologizing to him sometimes. Then I remember how he made me feel.
"Thanks. She'll love it."
As soon as we buckled up in my car, I let it go. My hands slammed against the steering wheel. He wouldn't see me because Rima blocked the window. "Why does he have to be so nice?" She tilted her head, confused. "I want to blame him. I want to hold on to these feelings that he's a bad guy that he's going to hurt me like everyone else. But no. He's the sweetest boy I've ever met, taking up for me, and threatening people for me and shit." Then I realized Rima was in my car. "I'm sorry again."
She laughed. "Don't be." Even I have to admit my words at the end were comical. "He's your knight in shining armor."
"Maybe he'll get run through while jousting for my honor." My voice was dry.
"I love your humor. You make my sides ache when you say anything funny." The feelings to come through me were happiness and joy. "To the store." I nodded.
My knock on Ami's door sounded eerie in our empty house. She answered it. The tear stains on her face made me want to drive all night to drag Dad back here. "Rima and I went to Ikuto's work. He made this for you." I handed the take out box over. "He was with me when Dad called and he thought it would make you a little happier. Then I handed over the bowl of ice cream.
"Tell him thank you for me." She set both things on the dresser next to the door frame. I enveloped her in a tight embrace. She curled her arms up against my chest. This is why I act strong. It's not because of people that hurt me before. It's because Ami needs someone strong. She's my baby sister. I would do absolutely anything for her.
Our mom would have wanted nothing more.
"I miss Mom and Dad." I smoother her hair down and let her sniffle into my shirt. "Do you think there's anything else I could have done?"
"There's nothing, Ami. The wreck was too bad to save her. It's not your fault." Stray tears slid down my cheeks.
"It's not your fault either." I made a sound like I agreed, but I didn't. Where do we go from here? She asked me that when we moved here. Forward. At the time even I believed it was possible.
She stepped back and peered up at me. I wiped the tears away and slid my fingers under her eyes to get every tear. "It's going to be okay. When he comes home we'll try to make him see." I told her we'd do that tonight, but he didn't come.
"Can I stay home tomorrow?" She should go to school. Avoiding people is what made me so awkward.
"Yeah. Just tomorrow though. Okay?" She nodded. "Good night." I kissed her forehead.
"Can I use your keyboard tomorrow?" Her question reached me when I was turning my door knob. My eyes widened. "Really." She answered my unspoken question.
"Yeah, hang on while I get it out." I pulled it out of the closet and dusted off the stand and the keys. "Let's put it downstairs." She gripped one end while I walked us down. We sat it by the couch. "Do you know where the stool is?"
"Yeah. Thank you." I kissed the top of her head and went to fall into a deep sleep. The last thing I heard was a lullaby.
So, if you noticed, Kukai and Amu have some issues that aren't explained. Ami and Amu have a super close relationship.
First of all, Amu has Panic Disorder. I do not. I have awful anxiety and I can worry about absolutely everything. I'm a little crazy, but my boyfriend still loves me. So some of this, I write from experience and some of it I don't.
Review if you enjoyed.
-Kelsey.
P.S Less page breaks mean less writer's block!