I was trying to write my thoughts on this one as clearly as I could, but I kind of felt like it still came off abusive, anyway. I'm not trying to have an abusive relationship here, but to some people it might read that way. So, if you have any issues with that, maybe just skip this chapter. (Further details at the end in case you want to check it out.)

...

2. March 1944 – The Time He Took It

Steve knew his best friend better than he knew himself. He knew how Bucky looked when he was upset and trying to hide it, and that was exactly what Bucky looked like now.

He also was no idiot, no matter what any official people said because they only saw his body – his new body. 'All muscle and no brain' was the general consensus around the superior officers of the army as well as the government when they saw him. But he knew exactly why Bucky was upset.

Yes, in retrospect it had been a rather impulsive move, to let Doctor Erskine and Howard Stark run the experiment on his body. It was highly unsafe, and there was a large amount of risk involved – he could've died, even. Hell, he'd thought during the painful process that he was going to die. He'd felt like he was getting electrocuted and slowly sliced into little bits at the same time, while someone else was banging a giant mallet on his head, like in the cartoons with the bells that had to be hit hard enough that the piece would shoot to the top.

But it had been his chance. He had the chance to be in the army, to help people, to fight for his country – maybe even see Bucky, if he was fortunate enough.

The thing was, as much as Steve needed the punishments Bucky doled out sometimes, he knew that Bucky benefited too from it – Bucky had always been the mother hen type, and when the brunette had finally seen how the spankings helped him feel better, it made him not so prone to protesting every time he sensed Steve pushing for it.

And he knew that somewhere in his mind, Bucky recognized that about himself – that he needed to spank sometimes as much as Steve needed to be spanked. He needed to have that need fulfilled in a way working overtime and making meals for them just couldn't touch. But the problem was that Bucky saw that need as a need to abuse rather than a need to help in a different way than most. And because Bucky saw it that way, he always loathed that part of himself that felt better when he brought Steve to the point where he could let go of any stress or guilt and just cry.

Bucky always stopped right after Steve lost his usual resistance, and he would always hug him and reassure him and make him feel better, but Bucky didn't realize that a lot of Steve's release came from that cuddling that happened afterwards. If it truly was abuse, then Bucky would have dismissed him right after every spanking, not caring about the physical or emotional pain Steve was in. If it was abuse, then Bucky would spank him more than Steve needed or wanted, would hold him down and use his greater physical strength to hurt him past the stings and light bruises that was usually par for the course when it came to the smaller blond.

But, because he did see it as abuse, and because Bucky never admitted his thoughts outright, instead leaving Steve to figure it out himself, then sometimes when Steve didn't feel that particular urge for punishment, he acted out anyway so that Bucky would have that reason – would have that feeling that he was helping. Because sometimes, he could see the need to help him in the same way that Bucky saw him needing to be helped. They were best friends and lovers – of course they had figured out each others' tells by now. Even when it had been almost a year since they'd last seen each other.

Steve noticed fairly quickly after their reunion and subsequent return to camp that Bucky was antsy, feeling useless in that way that said he needed to do something specifically for Steve. He knew they couldn't do anything in camp, though – everyone would hear, and that was definitely something that they wanted to keep private, even if they hadn't been lovers.

Bucky hadn't said anything yet – not about how he was now Captain America, anyway – and Steve pretended not to notice the oddity of that. There had been a few comments about it at Azzano, but they were more snarks than actual discussion about it. In any case Steve knew that because of those comments, he could get away with pretending not to notice Bucky's silence on the matter since coming back.

He invited Bucky to go walking with him, saying how he wanted to catch up with his best friend while within hearing range of some of the other men who'd been rescued, and if they just happened to walk far away into the trees where no one else would hear the noises they'd be making…well, that was surely just a coincidence.

It was almost surprisingly easy to start up the snarks that would escalate into an argument, although in retrospect it had been a complete accident to step on the landmine.

It started with an offhand comment about Peggy Carter, the dame who'd been following after Project Rebirth. He hadn't known that a compliment to her skills would be what would set off Bucky, though.

"Oh, yes – I think we all saw what's going on between you and Carter," Bucky said with a fake smile and a roll of his eyes.

Steve had been honestly confused by the snide comment only thinly shielded by a mask of faux cheerfulness and teasing, but he decided to pull on the thread anyway as for whatever reason it was a clear sore spot.

"She's real smart," he said with a nod, stepping over a large fallen branch in front of him. "And she punched Hodge in the face our first day at camp 'cause he was bein' rude. It was awesome."

"Yeah?" Bucky said archly. "That all someone needs to do to get you interested – punch a guy in the face?"

And now came the time for him to respond to the snark in kind. "'Course not – they need to be a brunette, too," he said derisively. "That's all, though – I'm not a complete heathen, ya know."

"How magnanimous of you," Bucky said sarcastically.

"She's not all that bad, either," Steve went on airily. "I mean, for a woman she's gotten pretty far."

Bucky stopped. "'For a woman'?" he repeated disbelievingly.

Steve pretended not to notice. "Sure," he said casually. "I mean, she probably won't get beyond where she's at now, but at least she put in the effort. I'm sure she'd make a great wife after all this is over."

Bucky stared. "What the hell has gotten into you?" he demanded. "That serum tweak your brain past the twist, too?"

"What?" Steve asked, like he didn't know what Bucky was talking about.

"I've never heard you talk about anyone, let alone a woman, so rudely," Bucky said, staring him down and folding his arms across his chest.

Steve rolled his eyes. "It's not like she's gonna hear us," he said dismissively, though inwardly he cringed at the words he forced from his mouth. "Besides, nothing I said ain't true. She's a nice broad, and she's pretty, but that's probably the only way she got this far, anyway." He turned as though to walk away, continuing the thought, "When she goes home, she's gonna make a fella real happy with – ah!"

Even though he'd been expecting it, the hard smack against his rear end wrung a yelp from his throat an instant before Bucky grabbed him and pushed him against a tree, as it was the only thing to brace against. Steve barely had time to grab a branch on the side for support before Bucky's hand crashed down again.

"You get that cocky bullshit right out of your head, Steve," Bucky said firmly, continuing his assault on Steve's rear end. "I don't care if your damn serum is making you think that way – you fix it, or I'll fix it for you. You got me?"

"It's not untru-AH!" He was startled into another cry when something else hit his rear rather than the familiar hand. Apparently Bucky's hand was getting sore against the serum-enhanced muscles and he'd decided on using the only thing available at the moment – one of the thick but short branches that was lying around them in the forest.

"Don't you fucking dare say what I think you were about to say, Steve," Bucky said, continuing the spanking in earnest. Steve absently wondered if it was considered a caning now – he didn't think so, because the branch wasn't thin enough. He knew Bucky never would have used it on him before the serum, because it would be a bruising pain rather than the preferred sting, but it worked differently with his accelerated healing factor, and Steve vaguely thought how it felt like the wooden hairbrush they used normally, so it wasn't too bad – just enough to get his attention.

"I don't care if you're the little guy in Brooklyn who can't stay out of a fight, or Captain America in Europe who apparently rescues soldiers – you do not speak so disrespectfully about a woman," Bucky said. "Not to mention it's completely out of character – I sure as hell hope you didn't leave my Stevie behind when you decided to join the Army."

And there was the crux of the matter.

Steve's heart clenched with sympathy as he realized how Bucky must have felt upon realizing what Steve had done – not just the danger of the serum and all it entailed, but also the worry that Steve would be as different on the inside as he was on the outside. The worry that Bucky and Steve – the duo that had been together since 1926 – would be irrevocably changed, maybe even gone entirely. Yes, Bucky thought it was stupid and impulsive for Steve to go through with the serum, but Steve suspected that at the moment he was more concerned with how it had changed them than anything else.

It took but an instant for these thoughts to flit through his mind, and at the realization he allowed himself to go lax against the tree, showing Bucky how he wasn't fighting the punishment. The tears that pooled in his eyes were entirely due to the sympathy he felt for Bucky, but it was just as well anyway to show the change from defiant to compliant.

And, as expected, Bucky let fall one more strike with the branch, bringing it to a total of thirteen with the wood and eight with the hand, before he dropped it to the side and tugged Steve away from the tree.

Neither one of them said anything for long moments as they hugged, both finding the small difference in height odd when it used to be a much larger distance, and the other way around with Bucky being the taller one, but it was comfortable enough, because just the hug was enough to show that they were still Bucky and Steve.

After the long silence, Steve decided to tell Bucky his thoughts, anyway. He didn't want to leave anything to the mercies of over thinking – he knew how bad he himself could get when that happened, and Bucky had always been the same way when he got into that mindset.

"I'm never gonna leave you, Buck," he muttered into his shoulder. "Even with all the enhancements and serums in the world. I'm still yours as much as I was when I was still small, and no one's gonna change that."

Steve could feel the tension seeping from his lover, a testament to how the words truly comforted him.

"And I don't feel that way about Peggy," Steve added, feeling the need to clarify. "I was just rilin' you up, like I always do."

"Good," Bucky said with a small sniff that sounded suspiciously teary. "'Cause it scared me, that you might change as much on the inside as that guy with the red face did. I don't want you to change – I don't care if you're big or small, just don't forget who you are."

"I'm yours," was all Steve could say, because what else was there to say?

Bucky snorted slightly and pulled back. "Damn straight," he retorted. "Although I don't think Carter is aware of that – which is technically a good thing, but I don't like the way she looks at you. Only I'm allowed to look at you like that."

Steve blinked confusedly. "She's just my friend," he explained. "She didn't dismiss me even before the serum – not a lot of people like that, you know."

"Yeah, I know you think you two are just friends, but she certainly doesn't," Bucky sighed slightly in annoyance. At Steve's further look of confusion and bafflement, his expression became fond and he shook his head slightly with a smile. "Of course you don't see it. It's alright – maybe something will come of it, and maybe not. Hopefully not for some time, but – maybe she could be your beard, after the war?"

"Beard?" Steve repeated.

"Sure – marry her and have a family with her – just enough so that people won't yammer about you maybe being a fairy, but that's really it. Because you're mine, and if it wasn't necessary I'd take you just for myself."

Steve loved the possessiveness Bucky had over him – it made something hot flare in his gut. Not quite arousal, but something that made him feel wanted – whole. With anyone else it would have rankled that someone thought they could own him, but not with Bucky. Maybe it was because he knew Bucky loved him and didn't see him as just a body, whether sick and small as he'd been before or after he got the serum and suddenly he was noticed, but in any case he loved that look Bucky got on his face when he felt that possessiveness toward him. He loved that look in his eyes, the tense of his body, that tone in his voice. It reminded him every time of how much Bucky truly loved him, whether it was sick and unnatural or not.

"Come on," Bucky said, slinging an arm around his shoulders and tugging him in for a kiss that Steve returned with enthusiasm. "We probably have a little bit longer before someone is sent out looking for us. Let's make the best of the time we have, hm?"

Steve grinned and nipped his teeth against Bucky's bottom lip. "It's like you're reading my mind," he breathed.

Half an hour later, just before they got close enough to camp that people might see them, Steve tugged Bucky to a stop, and before Bucky could get a word out, he reached over to tug the brunette close and kiss him quickly but passionately.

"I love you," he whispered, pulling away just slightly and resting their foreheads together. "I'm sorry I worried you."

Bucky sighed slightly, giving him a quick peck before answering. "I love you, too, Stevie. Even your harebrained heroics isn't going to change that. But if you ever do anything so stupid – ever again – I'm going to kill you. Or at least pop a blood vessel. So think about that next time some German scientist approaches you with a crazy offer."

Steve laughed softly and kissed Bucky again before pulling away completely so they could continue back to camp. "Understood."

...

Basically Steve realizes that Bucky needs to punish as much as Steve feels the need to be punished, but it's not anger that makes Bucky have this need. It's more of a need to see that he's helping Steve in a way that no one else can, in a slightly mother henning sort of way. In this chapter, Steve doesn't feel the need for punishment but he can see Bucky has his own need to punish and feel that usefulness, so he goads him into smacking his backside with a stick so that he can get his feelings out. Even with this though, Bucky doesn't injure him any more than he has in the past. If any of that is an issue for you, don't read this chapter.

I don't know if the term 'beard' was actually used in the forties, but it was the closest I could come to what I meant. Anyone knows what term I should be using should let me know. ;)