Thank you to everyone who has followed and favourited this story! Extra special thanks go Sammy Katz and Morbid by default, you guys are such champs I'd thought I'd find time to format this chapter and out it up early! Hope you like it! This is the penultimate chapter..

Chapter 4

Mind Palace Molly

He opened the brightly patterned door of Molly's room, the room contained his relationship with her but no longer Molly herself, he had locked her away. It would be impossible to lock away the entire relationship however, he needed access to the memories. He had known her for so long, had gone through so much with her, if he lost access to all his memories of her he would certainly appear to have lost his mind.

Wandering through the room he allowed the memories associated with each item to wash over him. Molly had been always kind, supportive and loving and he had never done so much as one thing for her, she gave and gave and he just took and took. Even when she had furiously slapped him, it was done out of love, he had retaliated to said love by glorying in the fact that her engagement had ended and spitefully attempting to humiliate her; he had failed. Molly had been the Greek Goddess Athena, Goddess of War and Wisdom, head held high, eyes flashing, voice strong, she was beautiful.

She had only ever wished for his love and he had loftily considered himself above it. He had derided love as a fools game and scorned her for loving him, until such time as her love had become useful to him.

While helping him in the lab she had deduced him, saw right through him. She showed him how insignificant she believed herself to be, but not to inspire guilt, no, never that, simply to make it easier for him to trust, to assure him that she wasn't asking for anything in return. She then lay herself out for him to use in whatever fashion he chose.

He had asked her to risk her career and her life for him, which she did, without hesitation. She had agreed to kill him so that he could live. After that he couldn't close his eyes to her.

His heart had burst wide open with love. He didn't want it. It wasn't the same as his love for John, it consumed him, a fire in his veins, it bordered on physically painful. He wanted to dive inside her, hide from the world, live in her love. He couldn't allow himself any of it. Love is weakness.

He locked his heart away while he was taking down Moriarty's web, every chamber of it, John, Mrs Hudson, Lestrade, his parents, Mycroft, and Molly. He was doing it for them but wouldn't allow himself to feel for them until he returned. London's beating heart was his own.

When he returned she was engaged. She didn't love him anymore. He desperately wished he could say the same for himself, that's when he locked Mind-Palace-Molly away, it was self defence.

She was no longer in love with him but she deserved to know what she meant to him, his former cruelty must be ameliorated. He settled on taking her on a day of crime solving to say thank you and to prove himself that he could function around her without throwing himself at her and declaring his love like some sort of second-rate Jane Austen hero.

He messed it up of course. He was so terrified that he couldn't separate his friendship from his love that he behaved like a mad man. His mind was off-kilter -like a pin ball machine on tilt - and kept offering up advise from Mind-Palace-John. During the skeleton/Jack the Ripper hoax he had been completely undone, Mind-Palace-John had bombarded him with a seemingly endless stream of consciousness. Broken, he had retreated into his mind and answered John instead of Molly like he had in the lab in years past. He knew he'd hurt her and spent the next hours attempting to make it right with her.

Finally at Train-Guy's place he realised that Molly was looking at him doe eyed again, he grimaced, irritated - if she couldn't control herself whilst wearing an engagement ring on how the hell could he be expected to? - Molly had been embarrassed and he berated himself, why did he have to always make her feel wrong footed and uncertain?

He asked her to go and have fish and chips hoping to assuage the damage he had done by showing impatience with her. Confused, she had asked for an explanation about the day. He had utterly failed to make her see that she was important. His only remaining option was to let her see that he finally knew love, - was consumed by love for her. - He had let Molly see the depth of his love laid bare. Her engagement had made him feel safe to show her, she knew that she mattered but he didn't have to act upon it, - he could even feel sorry for himself that he was unable to have her, - his hands were obviously tied, all responsibility absconded.

Of course Molly felt no such lack of responsibility, by allowing her to see his love he had reignited hers and effectively ended her engagement. The death rattle was a drawn out affair but it died right there in that hallway. Molly would not, could not marry one man when she loved another, and he had felt . Love, after all is a vicious motivator. Molly ended up alone. Alone, but still his.

He had tried not to hurt her anymore after that, he was careful. He did well, with the exception of the drug use, and the fake engagement, not forgetting of course his caustic comment on said engagement ending.. Followed by being shot and Janine's tell all (lies) in newspaper & tv interviews...

The coup de grace was becoming a murderer and earning himself exile and certain death. That was the worst thing he'd ever done to her, - oh, not killing Magnussen, he would do that again, Magnussen was pure evil in a man-suit, an empty void, a black hole sucking everyone in his orbit down into his depths.- No, his most unforgivable betrayal of Molly had been getting on that plane without saying good bye to her. He had been a coward, afraid that he'd lose control and take her in his arms finally taking what he wanted, - had wanted since that day in the lab.

They are right, he is cruel and he brings her nothing but sorrow, he'd thought her weak for showing love, for putting another above yourself, oh how wrong he'd been, she was strong and him weak. Maybe the best option, the only option would be to leave her alone, let her find someone ordinary and boring, like Meat-Dagger. The idea ripped through him like a tornado, leaving him gasping for air, pain radiating through his chest. He needed Molly.

Making his way up the spiral staircase to where Molly lived, he paused, oh, had he really locked her in a tower? Was he really that much of a cliche? It seemed he was. Seeing the cherry covered door his chest decompressed and breathing was once again possible, the pain in his chest was already receding, just being near her helped.

Bursting through the door he found her on her settee petting Toby. Sherlock could hear Toby purring and Molly affirming what a good boy he was. Sensing his presence she looked up, "Sherlock" she breathed, her face lit with joy. His heart clenched in fear, he could never ever live up to her feelings for him.

Molly deduced him, sighed and asked him gently, "So you want to let me move on?"

Sherlock nodded, "I have to Molly, I can't give you what you need. I just want you to be happy, I have to stop being selfish and let you go, I tried with Meat Dagger but I.." He ran his fingers through his hair, anguished, "...I couldn't do it, I got it wrong, I ruined it for you. I'm sorry Molly."

"Sherlock," Molly smiled at him lovingly, holding her hands out she continued, "you didn't get it wrong."

He crossed the room and took her hands, "I - I didn't?"

"No Sherlock, you didn't," squeezing his hands she continued, "I would rather be friends with you, be your bolt hole and your lab partner, than be married to any other man, if this is all you can give me, I'll take it. Mary is wrong, I don't want to be with anyone if I can't be with you. I can't. Believe me Sherlock, I did try, I've cried rivers of tears for you. I cannot see past you, all I see is you. Your faults, your strengths, all of it. My heart belongs to you."

"But I'm... This is not my area." Sherlock blurted out.

"According to you jokes and conversation are not my area, but I try, not being the best at something does not give you an excuse to not attempt it at all Sherlock."

"But I - I'll hurt you, I'll make mistakes, I'm so selfish."

"I know Sherlock, I see you, have I ever turned away?"

"No," he breathed, hopeful now. "How do I?" He trailed off, "I don't know how to.."

"Just go to her, no drama, no theatre, just you."

"That's it? No flowers, dinners, jewellery. Just me?" Sherlock was confused, that's not how this worked, you had to put a performance on, like with Janine, that's what woman wanted and that's why he kept away from it.

"Oh Sherlock," Molly shook her head slowly, "foolish man, you are all she has ever wanted, since the day you first conned your way into the morgue, she saw you then and she sees you now. Just you."

Turning Molly's hands over and dropping a kiss onto the palm of each of them Sherlock offered her a frail smile "Wish me luck?"

"You don't need luck Sherlock, you have love."

Sherlock nodded, walking out he gave one last backward glance before making his way back down the spiral staircase collapsing it behind him as he went, Molly would no longer need to dwell in a tower. Emerging from his Mind Place he sat up and checked the time, just after 5. Right, shower.

He emerged 20 minutes later in a cloud of aromatic steam. He dressed himself in a crisp white shirt, black pants and his Belstaff, ruffling his hair he gave himself one last once over in the mirror, heart pounding steadily in his chest. He was aware of the effect that his physical presence had on Molly, did he really have anything else to offer her? Winding his scarf around his neck, he squared his shoulders and made for the door.

Pounding down the stairs he called out "I'm going out Mrs Hudson!"

"Yes Sherlock, name and email or number, I know dear."

Sherlock stepped out into the street and hailed a cab, giving the driver Molly's address he sat back feeling as though he was on his way to his execution.