Disclaimer: I own my words, S. Meyer owns everything Twi.

A/N: Thanks for the support, sweethearts. I've gotten lots of it lately and I'm honestly thankful. I hope this chapter was worth the wait and that you keep reading my other stuff too.

This chapter jumps in time a bit as I wanted to get things going without the legal stuff which I know I'd totally fail to write realistically. So this is what I came up with. Tiny bit of angst but not too much I hope. And lemons. Oh yes, lemons...

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Willingly and Joyfully

Chapter 4

EPOV

I was in the shower at our flat. It was maybe ten in the evening and I was tired as hell. I had been at home with C.J. while Jasper tried to sort out the things with the shop with Rose. It happened to be time for inventory and that took lot of time and effort. Both Jasper and Rose were working overtime and Leah was there working her ass off every day too, even when she wasn't supposed to be there she was. Can't blame the girl for disloyalty.

Jasper had come home around seven and taken C.J. from me and just told me to go sleep for a while. The baby was a handful, I would never ever look at stay at home mom's the same way. Of course I loved the baby, that wasn't it at all. I wanted this to work out, I did. But... I was almost ready to call one of our moms because frankly it was getting to be a bit too much. I hadn't slept properly in the last week, the last few days were mostly autopiloting around with the baby in my arms.

He was teething. So he was cranky and woke up every now and then and calmed down only with someone's hand on him. C.J. was lovely, when he had a good moment he was the light of my day. When he was miserable, I was in hell. And Jasper was at work.

I couldn't blame him, really. How could I? I mean it was his business, his and Rose's. It was them who needed to take care of it to secure their livelihood, hell, that of the baby and partially me too. So I was just doing what every stay at home parent would: I was taking care of the baby.

It was a leap. From my partying habit to this. Being engaged to someone I loved more than anything. Being a full time dad to a baby that was around seven months old now. From having nothing but myself in to having a family in just a bit over half a year.

I sighed and rubbed my body with my soapy hands and tried to relax like Jasper had told me to do. He was stressed too, I could tell, but he still wanted to take care of C.J. when he got home and I loved him for that. I heard clothes put in to the hamper and looked through the glass door of the shower.

Jasper, in all his naked glory. Oh God how I missed him... Sex was another thing that stress, tiredness and a teething baby took away pretty efficiently.

"Week, eh?" he asked as he stepped in to the shower, looking tired.

"Yes, give or take...a few hours." I said, making him chuckle.

That was how long we had gone without sex, not that I was counting...

He wrapped his arms around me and dipped his head under the water.

"C.J. is asleep. Finally." he sighed a bit and pressed himself flush against me, just holding me and we stood like that for a few minutes under the warm water.

Slowly Jasper's hands began to move, stroking the muscles of my back and I smiled in to his neck.

"Let's get you clean. I think my legs won't carry me for much longer." I told him and he smiled just a little.

"Yeah, you've been carrying him all day, haven't you?" he asked with a tiny frown and I nodded.

We finished the shower and got in to bed. Jasper smiled at me in a very loving way which made the pit of my stomach flutter.

"Roll over, your back seems to be really tense. I'll give you a back rub before I pass out." he said and I could tell he was tired but this was something he wanted to do for me.

Obediently I rolled to my stomach and winced as I tried to relax my muscles. Another thing they never tell you is that you get sore from carrying a baby around when he doesn't want to be left alone for one moment.

Jasper took the massage oil, lavender which was supposed to be relaxing ironically enough, and warmed it in his hands as he straddled my thighs and then began to work with the kinks in my back. There had never been that many in my back before.

"We need some couple-time." he said suddenly, while working on my upper back.

I hummed a response, too tired and relaxed to speak.

"It's been over a month now, with C.J. I bet your parents or mine would love to take him for just a while. Like a weekend. He's so little that he won't miss us too much yet." he spoke in a quiet tone and I hummed again.

He chuckled a bit. "You're relaxing a bit too much. I did have an ulterior motive..." he said a bit huskily and shifted, rubbing his cock against my ass, making me very much awake all of a sudden.

"And what would that motive be?" I asked, feigning innocence at him and he chuckled again.

"How about you just lay down like that and I'll do the work?" he asked and I swallowed at the tone of his voice.

"S-sure..." That was all I managed to get out. Frankly, it had been a while since I bottomed and well this would be interesting because of his tone; he was getting possessive and I knew it would be an interesting ride, all puns intended.

I wanted to ask if he was sure, 'what about the baby?' being the question in my mind. But think about movies, if someone asks that question, doesn't the baby always wake up in the middle? So I didn't ask and neither did Jasper.

He grabbed the lube and as soon as I felt his finger in me I let out an incoherent moan. Okay so week was out of the question. Never again. Seriously.

Almost losing myself in the prepping alone, I was almost startled when he pulled his fingers out and stopped for a moment. I nodded and he pretty much plunged into me as I bit the pillow to muffle the cries that wanted to get loose.

Have you ever heard the expression 'to fuck someone into the mattress'? That was what Jasper was doing to me. I had never been so close of coming so fast and his words to my ear, how much he wanted me, how he was going to fuck me until I'd see stars...

My cock was sandwiched between me and the bed and when Jasper could tell I was getting close he lifted himself off me enough to pull my hips up and grab my cock.

Suddenly it happened.

There was a whimper from the other room and the whimper turned in to a sobbing and then a cry and I was so fucking close and I knew Jasper was too.

"Jasper, stop, the baby..." I breathed and for a few seconds I thought he wouldn't.

Then he pretty much rolled off me, pulling out of me and he was surprisingly quiet. I had no time to pay attention, I just got up and grabbed my robe from the end of the bed, feeling my arousal disappear as soon as it had appeared.

I rushed to the living room where the crib was, once again thinking that we seriously needed a bigger place and grabbed the baby from where he was crying.

"It's okay C.J, Edward's here..." I cooed to his ear and he began to calm down immediately.

For about half an hour I walked with the baby around the living room and in to the kitchen and around the island and then the couches and passed the window...the route was always same. When he relaxed in my arms again, I carefully placed him back to the crib and walked to the bedroom.

To my surprise, Jasper was still awake.

He was leaning to the headboard and looking out of the window. When he heard me come to the room he looked at me and I was amazed to see hurt in his eyes. Rejection.

"Oh no no no...baby..." I whispered, dropping my robe and crawling in to bed to wrap my arms around him.

He tensed immediately but I didn't let him go.

"I know we needed this. I know that, Jasper. I love you. It's just not us anymore, you know that as well as I do. C.J. comes first now." I spoke to his hair and I could feel him nodding a bit.

"I know that..." he whispered and I could tell he was making a conscious effort to relax in my arms.

"I would never reject you or hurt you and you know that." My words were spoken in a loving tone, probably the truest words I had ever spoken in my life.

He turned and slid down to lay with his head against my abdomen and sighed deeply.

"It's still him...I still let him rule my thoughts sometimes." he whispered and I stroked his hair in a soothing way.

Paul, that bastard. How I hoped I had kicked his ass properly that night. It felt like an eternity ago but I could still feel the rage bubble inside me.

"But he's long gone now, Jasper. You have me now."

"Are you sure you want us to get married one day?" he asked suddenly, so quietly I wasn't sure if I heard him right at first.

All my movements stopped. My hand froze in his hair and I forgot to breathe.

"How...how could you ask that?" I blinked and suddenly there were tears in my eyes I was so shocked.

Looking up at me he seemed to realize how totally and utterly shocked I was. Jasper scrambled up on the bed, held my face and looked at me with worry.

"Edward, honey, I didn't mean it..." he looked at me, his eyes full of sorrow from hurting me.

"Then...why would you..." I managed to gasp as the tears continued to fall.

I felt like he had punched me. For a moment I thought he didn't want me, that he didn't want the family we now had. I thought he wanted to get rid of me after all. That I wasn't good enough for him. The mere thought made me gasp again.

"Insecurity, baby, that's all it was. I'm so sorry Edward. I'll never say such thing again. You and the baby are my everything and you know that. I'm so sorry." His voice was quiet and passionate and I believed him.

This time it was him who held on to me.

I woke up to his alarm the next morning. Somehow even the baby was exhausted enough to let us sleep for proper amount.

When I realized I was still in Jasper's arms I smiled. He had moved us so that he could lay down comfortably but had never let me go which I appreciated. I leaned over him to cut the alarm before kissing his bare chest, both the flawless skin and the scarred side. I didn't know which was more my Jasper anymore. He was perfect just as he was.

"Morning, baby. Coffee?" I asked and he groaned but nodded but smiled a bit too.

I slipped out of bed and went to relieve myself and brush my teeth. Then I managed to get in to kitchen and put the coffee on and warm up C.J.'s bottle before he woke up.

For one reason or the other the baby was a sunshine this morning. It was like he had recharged his batteries and was a different little boy from the last few days of chaos and crying.

"Who's my little boy..." I picked him up and he gurgled at me, smiling ear to ear. "Silly baby, aren't you?" I cooed and he made a little giggling sound that made me grin widely.

"Okay, what did you give him?" Jasper asked from the doorway, buttoning his shirt, his hair still damp from the quick shower I had heard him take.

"Sleep? I suppose that's all he needed." I grinned and he came to kiss us both.

For a moment we stood there, C.J. in my arms and Jasper's arms around us both.

"Coffee, bottle?" Jasper asked and I nodded as he went to get us all our morning drinks before he'd go to work, again.

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Later in the day my cellphone rang and I picked it up as I watched C.J. crawl backwards on the floor.

"Hello dear!" I heard my mother's voice and smiled.

"Hey mom, what's up?" I asked and chuckled at C.J. who was trying to figure out how come he couldn't move anymore because his feet were against the wall suddenly.

"I'm just calling to see if you and Jasper wanted us to watch the baby for a few days?"

"Erm...yeah. I think we would like that. Some us-time, you know." I said and she giggled a bit.

"Sweetheart, I raised you and your sister, trust me, I know."

I chuckled and then suddenly my phone beeped for a call on the other line.

"Hey mom, Emmett is calling me, can I call back to you, I've been a bit worried about him lately."

"Okay, sure, but you need explain that to me then." She said before disconnecting our call.

"Hey Em, what's up?" I asked and for some reason his usual hello didn't feel so happy-go-lucky as it normally did.

"Ed, do you think you and Jasper could come over tonight? For a dinner? Maybe get one of your parents watch the baby?" he asked and before I had time to think I did what any good friend would do.

"Absolutely. My mom just called anyway so it's not a big deal." I'm sure I heard Emmett sigh.

What the fuck was up??

"Okay.. Could you be here around seven thirty? Rose is making me cook." he said and I could hear the smile.

"Lasagna at seven thirty it is then." I let my grin be heard in my voice and finally Emmett chuckled a bit.

"See you then, bro." he said and we hung up.

I went to turn the baby around before he got too upset and gave him more room to move in his newly found way. Jasper's mom had told us Jasper did the same thing before he figured out he could go forward too. It was funny nonetheless.

Dialing my mom's number I plopped down on the couch where I could see C.J.

"Edward, is everything okay with Emmett?" she asked immediately and I loved her a bit more for that.

Emmett was like a son to her and she loved him to bits.

"Honestly...I'm a bit worried. I don't know. We'll find out tonight what it is that's bothering him. He called me to ask us for dinner at his...their place." Correcting myself in the middle automatically, Rose was living with Emmett nowadays.

"Okay, well we'll take the baby of course. Could you drop him off maybe before his nap time?" my mom asked.

"You're an angel, you know that, right?" I chuckled and almost felt her wide, radiant smile I loved so much through the phone.

"I know darling, I know. I'll be home all day so just when ever you get his things packed." she said and I promised we'd be there in an hour.

Packing the baby's things, diapers, clothes, his favorite toys and his blanket I looked around. C.J. was laying on his back on the floor, watching me walk around the place.

"Better not forget you, right?" I grinned at him and he giggled at me.

My mother as well as Jasper's parents, had insisted we never took any of the baby's formulas and food with him because they had stocked their kitchens for him anyway. It was endearing, really. I was sure those households had more stuff for him than our own did. They had lost Kate and Garrett just like we had but they certainly had taken it to heart to make C.J. feel welcome in the family. They all called themselves his grandparents and loved him as much as Jasper and I did.

The drive to my parents' was short and even though my mother was clearly worried about Emmett she was happy to get her first grandchild all for herself for a few days.

"So you're going to go eat lasagna tonight?" My mother greeted me at the door. Emmett's cooking skills were limited to lasagna but it was amazingly good and Esme made him bring it to the family occasions sometimes.

"Oh yes, which is nice for a change, haven't had any in a few months now." I said and kissed the top of the baby's head and closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling his lovely pure scent.

"Call me if there's something, okay? Anything at all." I think I said all the same things any nervous parent would say.

Giggling at me she took the baby from me. "Oh dear...I never thought you'd be this man, but I'm so proud of you it makes my heart swell." she said and leaned to kiss my cheek as I leaned down to her. I kissed C.J. and lifted his bag inside the door and left before my tears would betray how much Esme's words meant to me.

Honestly, I never thought I'd be this man either. But now I was someone's fiance, someone else's stay at home dad and I felt whole. No more was there that urge to do something with my life. I was doing the most important thing anyone could do and I knew it.

I drove back home and cleaned the flat before Jasper got home at four. He had promised me this morning that he'd be home by four even if it meant leaving things hanging at work.

When I heard the door open, I was putting the last stuff back in the fridge I had just cleaned from top to bottom. I was wearing my torn jeans and a white tank top and I could literally hear Jasper swallow hard when he saw me.

"How was your day?" I asked like there was nothing special about our home looking so tidy and me being there in the clothes he found extremely sexy. Oh, and no baby in sight.

"I...erm...it was...fine." he swallowed again as he walked to me. "The baby?" he breathed in to my neck, almost hesitant to touch me.

"At my parents' house for a few days." That's as much as I had time to say when I yelped as he pushed me against the counter, his erection pressing against my ass, making me moan.

There was something utterly primal about his growl as he ground his cock against my ass, knowing there would be no distractions this time.

I have no idea how we got as far as the bedroom but when we were undressing each other hastily and I couldn't get the buttons of his shirt open fast enough, he pushed my hands away and ripped the shirt open. The buttons flew everywhere and suddenly I laughed so hard I had to clutch my stomach.

He stopped moving, looking at me like I just lost my marbles. Jasper tried to understand me and I just pointed at the closest button on the floor as I sat down on the edge of the bed.

"We need to...pick those up...the baby...crawls here..." I managed to choke out and then he was laughing as well. It was certainly the first time we had to think of such thing.

It felt good to laugh with him. We hadn't laughed like that in a while, there had been tears and grief and then fear of losing the baby and adjusting to the new life as a family. I could see the tears of laughter in Jasper's eyes and I extended my hand to him, pulling him on top of me as I crawled backwards to get to the middle of the bed.

"I love you, Jasper." I told him as the laughter finally died down completely and all that was left was love.

"I love you, Edward." He said and leaned to kiss me gently.

For the longest time we just kissed and got rid of the rest of our clothes. We could take our time now and we were using the opportunity to reconnect.

When he finally reached for the lube and gave it to me, I grinned at him.

"No, baby. I think you pretty much started something last night. How about we finish it?" I asked and realized my tone was husky.

He grinned beautifully and once again I couldn't comprehend how someone would think him ugly because something like his scars. Jasper was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life. And he was mine.

Instead of taking the route from the previous night, he prepped me gently and lovingly, kissing me through it all and making me quiver with anticipation.

I didn't know where we got the restraint all of a sudden. From the frantic need of the previous night to this seemed like a massive leap but then again this was what we needed the most right now.

Jasper knelt on the bed and I raised my feet up, smirking at him. His smile was playful and his eyes darkened as he positioned himself and lifted my lower body until my knees were on his shoulders and my heels touched his back.

"Hmm..." Was all I said, smirking again and the smirk was quickly replaced by a gasp as he plunged into me and my eyes rolled back from the intensity of the feeling.

"Oh...God..." He gasped and for a moment he just let me adjust to the position and looked at me from above.

The need and love shining from his eyes...I almost wanted to cry at that. I nodded and he began to move slowly. In and out of me. There was something loving in the way he moved and as much as I wanted to I couldn't keep my eyes open when the pleasure overtook me and got lost in it completely.

I fisted the sheets as he pounded in to me faster and with more force as we began to climb higher towards our orgasms. Suddenly I felt his hand on my cock and cried out at the feeling. He slowed down his thrusts, making sure he hit my sweet spot every time and when I opened my eyes I saw the determination in his. He wanted me to get there first, give me the pleasure before he took any for himself.

His hand pumped faster as his thrusts kept steady and slow.

"I'm...almost..." I gasped and Jasper thrusted in to me with force, staying buried in me as I writhed and came all over his hand and my abs and chest.

I realized he was moving again when he let my legs drop down until my feet touched the mattress again. Leaning to kiss me he picked up the pace and I slid my hands in between us to rub his nipples roughly. He moaned in to my mouth and I pinched his nipples between my thumbs and forefingers and he exploded in to me, calling out my name as he spasmed through his ecstasy.

After a moment of just laying there like that, him as a pleasant weight on top of me, I kissed his temple.

"Baby, we need to get in to the shower. Emmett called, we're going to dinner to their place." I spoke in a quiet tone as if not to disturb the sudden calm and peace around us.

"Mhmm... Rose was strange all day..." he said, "makes sense now. Any idea why?" he asked as he slid out of me and got up, pulling me with him.

"No, none what so ever." I frowned as Jasper was turning the water on in the shower.

"Yay, we're getting lasagna for dinner." he said suddenly in an enthusiastic tone and made me chuckle.

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A/N: Okay, sorry about leaving it hanging again. But it's a long and serious conversation and I didn't want this to be one toooooo long chapter. It's already over 4k words so no whining about it. ;)

As always, reviews keep me writing this one.