Thanks again for all of the feedback. You guys have been asking a lot of questions, so let me give you some answers.

Castle will end up with Kate - I am Caskett all the way. I am planning about nine chapters. There will be "a bit more depressed, hopeless angst followed by a sweet, hesitant admission of feelings" as one reviewer requested. And you guys are going to freak out when you see what happens with Josh.

Thanks again for reviewing! And here we go …

CHAPTER 4

The next few weeks were slow and painful. She had been subpoenaed on behalf of the department to testify in a court case and spent three long days pacing the courthouse floor, waiting for her turn. When she was finally called, she snapped into work mode and got the job done, only to spend the whole afternoon and evening curled up in bed, exhausted, but unable to sleep.

There had been a triple murder in front of dozens of witnesses on the far side of the city that had the team spending endless days trying to track them all down for statements. Castle had turned down the offer to come along. He had said he needed to work. She tried her best to believe him.

When he had come into the office, it was like an amazingly lifelike robot version of Castle joined her at her desk. He was playing himself perfectly, but his eyes were dead. When she would look at him after staring at the murder board for ten straight minutes, he would either be texting or staring toward the windows. His comments about the case were limited to the pedantic and ordinary and it was driving her crazy.

She tried desperately not to think about Cassie.

The nights were the worst. Josh was in town for a longer spell and eager to spend more time together. She tried to humor him, but she avoided him as much as possible. She was really starting to feel like she was stringing him along, which made her feel like a terrible person. But what would be the point of breaking up with him now just to be alone and have even more time to conjure up images of Castle and Cassie together?

She was relieved he was leaving again in a few days. She needed the space and was exhausted with playing the role of girlfriend. There are only so many times you can say no to sex with a serious boyfriend before he starts getting suspicious. And the times she relented, she hung in there just long enough to make him happy and then faked her way out of it. It was sad, really. They had been having amazing sex their whole relationship—up until she found out about Cassie, that is.

There was nothing else to blame this on but jealousy, and she knew it. No point in trying to deny it. And there was nothing that made her feel better. In the past, Castle's dates were rarely more than a one- or two-night stand. He hadn't even seemed that distraught over ending it with Gina.

But this was different. Cassie wasn't a blond for one thing and Kate had always banked on the fact that blonds were more temporary for him, more like something he had to get out of his system than marriage material.

And Cassie wasn't a bimbo—far from it. The woman spoke more languages than she did and had two freaking PhDs. She sounded downright delightful, which made Kate miserable. She was throwing herself into her work and trying to turn off her emotions—but she wasn't doing a very good job of it.

And then one morning, he showed up at her desk with coffee, which she took from him with a smile and a nod. He sat down and looked, for once, like himself.

"Any word on those phone calls Darren made from prison?" he asked, taking a long sip of his coffee.

"Um … yeah, actually. He made three calls to a burner phone we found in Andre's apartment. It's looking like he set the whole thing up from jail."

"I had a feeling," Castle said, smiling at her.

"You're looking good," she said, returning the smile.

"I am good," he replied.

"Things are going well then?" she asked. Don't ask about Cassie.

"Yeah, Kate, they are. Thanks for asking," he said softly.

"Well, you haven't been feeling well, and I know you've been working really hard." Either stop talking or ask the thing you really want to know because you sound like an idiot.

"I am much better these days."

"And things are still going well with Cassie?" she nearly blurted out. Shit.

"She's good. Thanks, but we don't have to talk about that, Beckett." He was still being so friendly and nice to her, it was unsettling her.

"Okay," she nodded. What was wrong with her? She was giving up too easily, letting herself be placated.

"So, what's next?" Castle asked, taking a muffin from the bag. "Have we gotten a statement from Andre's parole officer?"

"Are you seriously dating her?" she interrupted, bluntly.

Castle paused with the muffin halfway to his mouth. After staring at her for a split second, he put the pastry on the desk and closed his mouth.

"What do you want me to tell you?" he asked her, a little confused and surprised by her question.

"Um, the truth?"

He took a sip of his coffee and then set it back down on the desk.

"Yes, we are dating," he told her, feeling uncomfortable. Why was she asking about Cassie? They never talked about this kind of thing.

"Oh," he heard her say. He looked up at her, but didn't manage to catch her eyes before she looked away. She grabbed a pencil and started to write something down, but apparently she was pressing too hard because the lead smashed under the pressure.

He took a deep breath. "Why do you ask, Kate?"

Castle happened to glance over at the guys who were standing by their desks, staring right at him. Esposito was shaking his head, with his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking downright threatening. Ryan was trying a tough guy stance, but just looked worried.

He looked back over at her and she was still facing forward at her desk, the broken pencil still in her hand.

"Beckett?" he urged her.

Her head tilted back then and he saw that she was biting her lip. He could almost see her brain thinking and deducing and calculating. If he knew her at all, now would come the brushoff.

"We did get the statement from Andre's parole officer. It wasn't much help."

Bingo. He wasn't surprised. But then he had a thought. This pattern of her brushing him off and his acquiesce was predicated upon his never pushing her back. So what if he did that now—pushed her back? Honestly, it would help no matter what she said—if she continued with the brushoff, he could see it as a sign that he was meant to move on. And if she opened up, well, then maybe he could still keep hoping. What the hell …

"Actually, we weren't talking about the statement. I asked you why you wanted to know whether or not I was dating Cassie. Don't change the subject, Kate," he said stiffly.

Castle watched as her hand found the edge of her desk and curled around it until her knuckles were white. He let out the breath he had been holding before she suddenly and quickly spun her head around, her eyes stabbing daggers into his.

He gulped.

"Really?" she said, very sarcastically.

"Really," he affirmed, his voice sounding stronger than he felt, thank God.

She stared at him a few more moments, but he never dropped her gaze. Finally, her face softened a bit. She dropped her head down then and he instinctively moved closer to her.

"Castle," she whispered, sounding quite calm though her body looked stressed. "I will answer your question, but not now. Not at work. I already feel uncomfortable and I want this"—she gestured a hand between them—"this thing needs to stop now."

"You're the one who brought this up at work, not me," he shot back.

"Stop whispering so loudly!" she replied furiously. "This is exactly what I am talking about! I want it to stop now."

"Promise me we will talk about it later—tonight," he demanded.

"Castle …" she started.

"Promise me," he commanded her in his best drill sergeant whisper voice.

"Fine," she managed through closed teeth.

"Well, Beckett, I am really shocked the statement from the parole officer didn't offer much fodder. What's our next lead?" Castle said in a clear, controlled voice, leaning back from Beckett and crossing his legs. It was a performance worthy of an ovation.

"We actually have the answer to that," Esposito said as he and Ryan walked over toward them.

"Does it involve the CIA?" Castle asked, smiling.

The boys had smiles on their faces, too, but all of them fell off when they looked at Beckett. She was kind of pale, and looked upset. Castle wanted to reach for her, but held himself back.

"Yo, what's up, Beckett? Mom and Dad get in a fight?" It came out of Esposito's mouth, but they all knew it was a bad idea once it did.

"There is no Mom and Dad!" she replied jerkily, standing up quickly. "I'm going to the morgue. You guys fill him in on where we are."

She was already walking away when Castle called after her. "Kate, you forgot your coffee!"

She stopped for a moment at the sound of her name, but then continued on walking.

"Dude, what the hell is going on?" Esposito demanded, shoving Castle in his shoulder.

"Ouch!" Castle whined, rubbing the spot. "I don't know. She asked about this girl I'm dating."

"You're dating someone?" Ryan asked, incredulous.

"Uh, yeah," Castle replied, his eyes switching between the two.

"Are you serious?" Esposito asked in a way that suggested Castle better not be serious.

"Why do you even care? Why does she even care? She's got motorcycle boy, remember?" Castle reminded them, throwing his arms up in exasperation.

"You're serious right now?" Esposito stated.

"Yes, I'm serious," he told Espo, glaring at him. "I'm dating someone and I'm hoping that …"

"What are you hoping for?" Ryan interrupted.

"Jesus, what is with you guys?" Castle said, flustered. "I thought you'd be happy for me, honestly."

"Why would you date someone—anyone else—you know, when you could have—" Esposito's eyes pointed toward the way that Beckett had walked.

Castle laughed out loud, but immediately stopped when they glared at him.

"You're kidding, right? I can't have—" Castle's eyes stared down the same path.

"We're not kidding," Ryan said, shaking his head.

"Guys, guys," Castle put his hands up in retreat. "Let's level with each other …"

"No, we're going to level with you, Castle. Do you what you will, but don't hurt her. Don't rub it in her face like that."

"Rub it in her face? Are you serious?"

"YES," the boys said together.

"And what am I rubbing in her face exactly?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to puff out more.

"You are really starting to piss me off, bro," Esposito told him.

"I know exactly how you feel," Castle bit back.

"Castle," Ryan said calmly, taking a step forward and between Castle and Esposito. They both took a step back. "It's just—considering how she feels about you, it's just not cool to do that to her. I mean, after last summer and all …"

"What about last summer?" he had to force the words out.

"Oh God, tell me you guys talked about the Hampton's thing," Ryan said quickly, sounding panicked.

"The Hampton's thing?" Castle said in disbelief.

"Dude, seriously, if you ask one more question …" Esposito practically growled at him.

Castle ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I asked her to go to the Hampton's yeah, you guys remember, last summer, and she said no … and I went with Gina …"

The guys stared at him, silent.

"Wait, you guys knew about that? But she never told me … anything, really. We never talked about it. I don't understand …"

"She wanted to go with you, Castle. But she never got a chance to tell you because of well, you know, the whole ex-wife thing …" Ryan offered.

"Lanie said she had a bag packed," Esposito said quietly.

Castle fell back onto the chair like he had been punched in the stomach. Ryan and Esposito looked at each other worriedly, hoping they hadn't taken this too far. Maybe they shouldn't have said anything.

"You guys," Castle said so softly, they bent down to listen to him. "I am … like, completely in love with her, but she doesn't love me back. I wasn't rubbing anything into her face. I didn't even bring Cassie up. She did and then …"

"And then …" Ryan said.

Castle's elbows fell to his knees and he held his head in his hands, distraught.

"I'm only dating her so I can move on. I'm telling you guys, Kate—Beckett—she doesn't feel the same. I thought so once, maybe, but now? She just doesn't. She's with Josh and it looks pretty serious to me. And I feel like everyone thinks I am a pathetic puppy dog following her around, that everyone gets the joke but me."

"What joke?" Esposito asked.

"That I'm a fool. That it's ridiculous to think for even one second that she would be with me …" his hands were fists in his hair now.

"Bro," Esposito said gently, putting his hand on Castle's shoulder. "It's not ridiculous. Maybe you just can't see it. But from where we're standing …" he gestured at Ryan. "It's really fucking obvious. You guys … both of you. We're rooting for that."

"Yeah, Castle," Ryan agreed. "Don't give up yet."

Castle sat up and leaned back in the chair, absentmindedly smoothing down his hair.

"Just figure it out, bro. And not here," Esposito added, gesturing around him. "Take her out to eat or something!"

Castle looked up at them, feeling like he had just run a marathon, and knowing he was about to run a couple more.

"Thank you," he told them.

"Yeah, so Andre, well, he has this ex-girlfriend and she really really doesn't like Andre," Esposito said, walking back toward his desk and gesturing for Castle to follow them.

"Seriously, guys, thanks," Castle repeated. Ryan and Esposito both shot him hard okay, we-got-it kind of looks. By the time Castle got to their desks, he was smiling.

He had her now. She had promised to talk to him—tonight. Whatever happened, something had to happen.

Shit. He had a date with Cassie tonight. She was going to give him a behind-the-scenes, late night look at the Met. He was going to see inside a vault. He had been looking forward to it for a week.

The boys were still catching him up on the case, but he tuned out. What should he do? If he was going to cancel with her, he needed to do it as soon as possible. But what could he tell her? He really didn't want to lie—he respected her. But he didn't really think telling her that he was canceling to take another woman—a woman he is insanely in love with, by the way—out to dinner.

"Just tell her something came up with a case," Ryan whispered to him.

He gave Ryan a relieved smile. That wasn't a bad idea. He flipped open his phone and started to type, praying to God he wasn't making the wrong decision, because as much as he wanted to be with Kate, Cassie was still a really amazing person. She did not deserve to be lied to.

So sorry, but have to cancel tonight. Something came up with a case. It's important. I'll make it up to you.

He sighed and then pushed send.