Been in India for a few weeks, but I'm back now. I must admit that watching 'Black Swan' yesterday did nothing good to my self-esteem, but it did indeed leave me with a meh-feeling towards UCC and its sister.
This isn't proof-read at all.
Untouched: The Cross of Change
Written by Venerate
Invisible Love
Naruto's face was twisted in an ugly grimace of pain by the time he reached the kitchen table the next morning. His body ached, a numbing and throbbing soreness running through his limbs with every move. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but it had been a few weeks since Naruto had been allowed to train on anything besides the show that he had been performing for a period now.
Their last show was tomorrow.
"Iruka-sensei is in the living room." Kushina entered the kitchen, dressed in jeans and a yellow raincoat. Her long hair seemed to have taken a shade of venetian red from the rain outside. "There is one of those disgusting smoothies in the fridge."
"Thanks," Naruto mumbled. He felt as if his eyes were glued together, but he fought to keep them open. It really was too early, in his opinion. He got up, his body screeching in protest, and walked over to the fridge. He took one of the water bottles and the big glass with mint green liquid. He didn't like these smoothies, but was more than willing to drink them.
Anko and Kushina had, with help from Ebisu, found him a dietician a few months ago. The dietician, Shizune, a bland person with a lot of education, came over once in a while to check up on Naruto's diet and improve it. It was strict and highly adapted to Naruto's way of living. It made Naruto energetic and happy, making his stamina never-ending and his will even stronger.
Amazing what food could do to ones body.
"Naruto! I'm waiting!"
Iruka sounded impatient, and Naruto took a gulp from the smoothie before heading towards the living room. The TV was turned off, and a few books littered the coffee table. Naruto frowned. Mathematics. He really didn't get maths – he probably never would, either.
"Glad to see that you're up. How are you doing, Naruto?" Iruka patted the empty space in the sofa next to him. Naruto sat down, putting away the smoothie in favour of drinking the water.
"I'm slowly dying!" the blond boy said dramatically. Iruka only smiled.
"I see. Perhaps that will make you sit still for a while then, ne? Do you remember where we stopped last time? We're still working on the algebra, aren't we?"
Naruto absently thought that it was Iruka's job to remember those things, but nodded anyway. He glanced down on the papers that littered the table. He kept the groan inside, and grabbed the pen Iruka offered him.
"I want this page finished before we take a break. C'mon, Naruto, you can do it." Iruka sounded annoyed, but Naruto didn't care. In his mind, the numbers mixed with each other and tangled in a knot of hopelessness. There was no chance that he could solve the math problem by just looking at it.
He doodled some numbers on the clean page, his skin burning out of embarrassment. He had yet to try, but knew that he would end up with failure. He inhaled deeply, his eyes narrowing in fake concentration. What was the point trying? He didn't need to know this.
"Naruto?"
The blond looked up, a hot blush covering his nose. He really didn't like being stupid. "I don't know how to do this, Iruka-sensei." I don't even understand why I'm still trying.
"Don't whine, Naruto," the man scolded lightly. He sighed, pointing at the math problem with his index finger. "See this? First, you need to figure out what x means."
"Thirteen?"
Iruka stared, wondering what went wrong. "Naruto, are you even looking?"
"Of course I am!" Naruto leaned forward, staring at the numbers. "Oh... Twenty-seven."
"Yes; and this small number in the corner of the y, what does that mean?"
"That you...ehh... That it's not a y?" Naruto scratched the back of his head, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. The scent of cranberries easily distracted the teen, and Naruto glanced at Iruka's mouth. Chewing gum. Naruto would really like a chewing gum, but he had to settle with the minty smoothie.
"Naru... I really want you to pass. If you don't, it'll only take more time from your ballet. Try again. What did we talk about last lesson?"
With a look of complete and utter helplessness, Naruto fell back into the sofa and closed his eyes.
"I don't know."
The rain outside the studio had yet to calm down. The dancers were all lined up against the big windows, staring out on the grey city. It was hardly inspirational, and Naruto found his foul mood stuck. Iruka had been really disappointed with him yesterday, and Naruto found it hard to let go. Instead, he let his temper affect the others.
"Come on, maggots! It's just rain! We're going to be inside on our big, cosy scene and do what we do best!" Anko's cheering didn't help much, as the tone in her voice was threatening. They all already knew that they should shape up. The performance started in two hours.
Naruto looked over his shoulder when Ebisu entered the dance studio, a grin on his face and his sunglasses still present. He was holding a huge umbrella in one of his hands, his clothes dry. "Come on, my ballerinas and ballerinos! The bus is waiting for you!"
TenTen shrugged, apparently finished with sulking because of the weather. "Yeah, hurry up, guys."
Naruto grabbed his jacket and followed Neji out in the hall to put on his sneakers. Anko stayed, calling for Neji's cousin to stay as well. Naruto threw a questioning glance at Neji.
"Hinata needs some encouragement before we perform," the older boy explained. "She gets so awfully nervous."
Naruto nodded, his mind slowly adapting with the fact that he wasn't the only one with problems. He wasn't the only one struggling to become the best; he wasn't alone. It was a fact that was easy to forget. With a frown he snuck under Neji's umbrella as they walked outside towards the parking lot. The bus stood there, warm and waiting.
"How are you today, Naruto-kun? You have been very quiet." Neji folded the umbrella quickly, shaking it once or twice before entering the bus after Naruto. The blond danseur didn't bother answering, knowing that he would only end up saying something stupid. Then again, it didn't matter if Neji was angry with him or not.
The day couldn't become worse as it was anyway.
"Everyone here? Where's Lee? Lee!" Anko had entered, Hinata coming to sit on the other side of the isle. Naruto looked at her, and she turned into the colour of tomatoes. However, Naruto could see the beginning of a smile on her plump lips. He couldn't help but smile back.
"What do you mean 'forty-five minutes'?"
Naruto chuckled at Anko's and Ebisu's chorus. The poor bus driver crossed his arms, a grimace coming over his features as he continued, "well, I'm not going to rush in this weather! If you wanna drive, be my guest!"
Anko growled, but Ebisu pushed her further down the isle instead. She gave him the finger before walking over to one of the thin, dark-haired girls in the back and slumping down next to her. Ebisu stayed, a fake smile on his face, as he tried to discuss with the chauffeur. The bus driver chuckled, saying,
"You can't negotiate with the weather, Ebisu-san! You're only wasting time."
With a huff, the sunglass-wearing man walked down the isle to sit alone and sulk. Naruto snickered at the immature grimace on Ebisu's face. Neji gave him a small push with his shoulder, shaking his head at Naruto's glee.
"Why are you laughing? We are losing time to practice at the theatre." Neji sounded honestly confused, and Naruto rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"We've been performing this show for, like, ages, Neji. I think I can remember what the stage looks like."
Neji didn't respond, but instead decided to look out through the window. "The rain is dampening everyone's mood. It is too bad that we are letting it affect us."
"Yes, very," Naruto agreed half-heartedly. He leaned down and opened his orange duffel bag, picking up his cellphone and ear buds, inhaling the heavy air in the cramped bus before putting the buds in his ears and turning on some music on his phone. Some new, popular song started playing; guitars, drums and bass, a young man singing about a perfect girl he met last week.
The bus hummed to life, the soft seats vibrating slightly. Naruto closed his eyes, the bus moving forward. He could rest for forty-five minutes, and hopefully wake up as his usual, cheery and motivated, self.
Naruto was sweating. The black tights around his legs seemed even tighter as his smooth skin had turned damp from all the sweat. He looked out over the audience, his grip around Hinata's waist faltering slightly when he couldn't spot his mother in the first row. His chest heaved up and down against her back, and she breathed along with him.
A harsh blush was spreading over her glossy cheeks, but Naruto enjoyed the attention. A huge grin appeared out of nowhere, despite his previous foul mood. He would tell his mother about the school invitations tonight, while she was putting up pictures of this evening's performance on her blog. He would get Kushina to talk to Ebisu, and the closet pervert would then discuss the future without Minato.
"N-Naruto-kun?"
"Huh? Oh, uh, sorry."
He let go of her waist, and she gently took a step forward. Her Pointe shoes clonked softly against the scene floor. As the rest of the dance club entered the stage, he walked up next to her. Applauds echoed, the sound bouncing against the walls and the ceiling. A loud whistle reached Naruto's ears, and his grin widened. It was probably his mother.
Naruto waved as he walked off the stage, following the others. He almost crashed into TenTen, but managed to take a step back as the curtains were drawn together behind them.
"Are you coming with us to celebrate, Naruto?" she asked.
"I'd love to, but some guy I knew when I was a kid call–"
TenTen laughed loudly, shaking her head so that the small buns of hair shook. "If you rather spend time with your mother, we totally understand. Just say so, moron! No need to make up lies."
Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but a cold hand brushed against his shoulder. He looked up, squinting slightly to see in the dark. The only light came from the exit signs and the stage lamps, which were pointed out on the exiting crowd.
"Oh, you. What do you want, closet pervert?"
Ebisu didn't yell at him. Naruto tilted his head somewhat, wondering what was wrong with the man. Ebisu always reacted badly on being accused of being a pervert. Instead, the manager sighed deeply before speaking, regret in his voice,
"Naruto... There's been an accident."
Naruto couldn't speak. His mouth opened and closed, but not a single word crawled up his throat. The sweaty odour that came from the changing room clogged his airways, making it incredibly hard to breathe. His body felt hot and cold at the same time. His face was probably red from the performance, but a strange chill washed over his lithe form. He felt nothing but discomfort.
"I'm so, so sorry, Naruto..."
The blond dancer blinked, taking an awkward step back. The pressure behind his eyes got stronger and stronger, until he couldn't hold the tears back. They came, one by one at first. They ran down his red, heated cheeks. Some got stuck by his scars, getting lost on their road. The flow increased, and Naruto had to bite his lip to keep silent.
"Naruto–"
Naruto turned around and ran.
He completely forgot that he was only dressed in tights and a black shirt with embroider details. He didn't care about how gay he must have looked by running in the ballet shoes. He didn't remember that it was pouring outside, and so ran out in the mass of people to hide from Ebisu. He pushed himself through the line that went to the lobby, and didn't stop until he reached it.
Most were standing by the coat check, wanting to get back their coats and furs. Naruto didn't hear them, and stopped for a second to scan the room. A few teenage boys were standing by the entrance, waiting. Even though Naruto's eyes were filled with tears, he could see pretty well.
One of them waved, but Naruto sped up again and pretended not to notice the teenagers. He could hear one of them question his tears as he passed, and he opened the golden entrance door to get outside. Not until he was out on the street did he realise that he couldn't get anywhere without a vehicle. He had no idea where to go either, but that was a later problem.
Not thinking, he held out his hand and waved to the cars, gesturing that he needed a ride. The cars passed slowly, driving carefully in the rain. Naruto thought that he could hear Ebisu calling after him; yelling, cursing, but it might as well have been his imagination.
A car finally stopped. It was a pick-up, but it was impossible to see what colour it had. Everything was grey, blue and blurry in the heavy rain. The water almost hurt as it poured over him. The blond male didn't mind, and he opened the passenger door to get inside. He didn't look at the driver, and instead closed the door and buckled up.
"Hi there."
The car started driving. It was loud, but the sound came from under water. The car was old and probably in need of some service, the seats vibrating as the engine fought to keep the vehicle moving.
Naruto realised what he had done, slowly, slowly. He closed his eyes, wishing that it hadn't been a man driving the car. Why not a woman? A woman with little kids in the backseat of a kombi? A part of him said that it would have been safer. Filled with uncertainty, Naruto let out a sob. Unconsciously, he pulled his legs up against his chest and leaned his forehead on his knees. His wet ballet shoes probably left dirt on the seat, yet Naruto only let out another sob, quickly followed by a nearly-mute whimper.
"Uhm...eh, where would you like to go? You're not hurt, are you?"
The man sounded a bit troubled, but Naruto couldn't register. Instead, Ebisu's voice filled his head. 'I'm so, so sorry, Naruto...'
A strange pain filled his chest: all he wanted to do was curse, scream, and kick. He wanted to break something valuable, only to think of something else. Anything else. He could see a car on the inside of his eyelids. It was toppled over, rain falling uninterrupted. He recognised the car.
"Where do you want me to drop you off? Kid? Oi, kid!"
The driver gave him a small shove, trying to catch his attention. Naruto opened his eyes, looking over at the young man. A thought, brief and short-lived, ran through his mind – he really had been unfair, judging the man that had stopped to offer him a ride. How unfair of him to judge someone who wanted to be nice; this man was not someone that wanted to sell him or touch him.
"The-the hospital," he forced out.
The other simply nodded, not pushing further. They drove in silence, the radio station telling them to be extra careful outside and urging them not to take the car. A little too late now, he thought.
Naruto was lying in his bed, his legs against his chest and his arms wrapped around a pillow. It was completely dark in the house, since no one had lit the lamps. Blue eyes stared straight forward, out through the window of his room. He saw rain. Water pouring down, making everything seem grey and dull.
He tried to think of something else. Anything. Anything else but the red kombi his mother drove wherever she went. Anything else but the red kombi toppled over, his mother inside. Anything but the panic that must have filled his mother as she lost control over her car.
Aquaplaning. Aquaplaning, they said.
His mother, speeding off on the wet roads as she realised that she was going to be late to his show. Speeding off, passing cars with that old vehicle of hers. Reaching the main road and pushing the car even further. Until she finally felt that, no matter how much she tried, she couldn't slow down. Realising that, no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't steer. The steering wheel held as much use to steer as the camera on the passenger seat.
A low whine left his aching throat, dried tears on his scarred cheeks. He tried to tear his eyes from the window, but his head hurt too much. He had tried everything to escape from his thoughts. Cleaning his dirty room, watching TV, listening to the radio, making some food that he didn't want.
The last of his endless energy was reached when he tried to find the cabbage, only to realise that he and his mother were supposed to go to the nearby grocery store to get some for dinner. After that, he had collapsed in his room, on his bed.
Every fibre in his very being hurt. Everything ached – his throat, his head, his stomach, his feet and his fingers.
Not until he spotted a blurry silhouette climbing out of a car on the driveway did the pictures stop. The awful, awful pictures of his mother's red kombi. He recognised the gigantic statue, but didn't bother to get up. Whoever wanted to visit him could let themselves in.
The blond danseur listened as the guest made his way up the stairs. He glanced towards the open door, waiting a moment before seeing his Godfather entering. Upon the sight of Jiraiya, Naruto closed his eyes and threw the pillow on the floor. It fell to the floor with a soft thud, not far away from the bed.
"Oh, Naruto..."
Two giant hands soon gripped the lithe male on the bed, lifting him up. Naruto didn't protest when Jiraiya carried him. His arms wrapped around the thick neck, his face hiding in the hard chest. He let out a quiet sob, listening to his Godfather's low mumbles.
The rain pouring over them wasn't as disturbing as one might have thought, but Naruto simply didn't care how the clothes stuck to his body. Not until he was put in the backseat of Jiraiya's car did it become uncomfortable. His foggy mind registered how his damp clothes and skin got stuck to the leather seats, how the air condition was too cold and too clammy.
"It's okay now, kiddo, I'm taking you to your dad."
It didn't make Naruto feel any better at all. An empty feeling swirled in his stomach, and he embraced himself, clenching his eyes shut. It was hard to breathe. He didn't want to see his father – he wanted to go back home and lie in his bed. He wanted to lie there until his mother came and yelled at him for wasting the day in bed.
If he left, his mother would be worried. Kushina would yell at him for disappearing without telling her. Naruto felt panic arise in his stomach, and he tried to squirm his way out of Jiraiya's arms. He needed to stay here and wait for his mother!
He was too tired to resist fully, and when he was put in the backseat of the car, the smell of leather hanging in the air, he felt hope abandon him.
As Jiraiya put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway, Naruto stared at the house. He wasn't coming back here, he was sure. He wasn't coming back, but that was okay.
Kushina wasn't coming back either.
To Be Continued