***
The weeks of grounding passed so slowly for Simon, they felt like months. Fortunately, a couple interesting things happened to spice things up along the way.
For one thing, a senior named Maria unexpectedly spent an evening with him. They didn't go out on an official date since he was still grounded, but they did make out a lot and crash a Valentine's party they had taken Ruthie to. Still, Simon had the feeling all along that it was only going to be a one-night thing, since Maria kept mentioning her ex and how jealous he would be if he knew she was out with another guy. And Simon had been right; as fast as Maria had come into his life, she just as quickly faded back into the crowd, not even talking to him – or acknowledging his existence, for that matter – afterward. But that was OK with him. Other than her personality, he hadn't been very attracted to her.
That's not to say he wasn't attracted to the benefits of dating her. After all, dating a senior the week after getting drunk at a senior party certainly never hurts a sophomore's reputation. After word got around high school about his Valentine's weekend activities – and word did get out, of course – he started getting a few of the glances of respect and admiration he had been craving from passers-by in the hallways for so long. Finally people were starting to look at him as something other than "the preacher's son." Even Morris once again began smiling or nodding at Simon when he saw him. The two of them had not spoken to each other yet, but Simon figured it was only a matter of time.
In addition to the night with Maria, another crazy thing happened while Simon was grounded. One day, Matt stayed out all night, and when he came home again he was engaged to some girl nobody had ever met before. Not only that, but she was a Jewish girl. Simon thanked God regularly that, because his parents became so distracted by this turn of events, they seemed to completely forget he was grounded anymore.
***
Things were falling back into place. Shortly after Simon's grounding sentence ended, the event he had been expecting finally happened. Morris approached him in the school hallway one day after classes were over.
All the bad feelings Simon had from their last exchange were gone now. His heart had softened again, and he was so excited when Morris apologized for acting like a dick.
"Don't worry about it, man. I'm over it," said Simon, wearing his most winning smile and beaming with pride as he demonstrated his boundless Christian ability to forgive.
They walked out of school together and started catching up on the past few weeks. Apparently Morris's girlfriend, Megan, had stopped talking to him, and his other friends had been treating him like shit ever since he had escorted Simon away from the party. Simon felt so badly for Morris, but also for himself. Was he still considered that big of a geek, that just by being associated with him Morris was considered one too?
He didn't have time to get caught up in self-pity though. Instead, he became excited when Morris invited himself to the family get-to-know-each-other dinner at Matt's fiancée's house. This was great; not only was Morris willing to spend time with Simon again, but he also claimed to be "half-Jewish". Simon saw this as a definite opportunity to endear himself again to Matt, who still hadn't seemed to forgive him for that drunken party ordeal. After all, if Simon could bring Morris – a perfect example of the potential product of a loving Jewish interfaith marriage – to the dinner and help dissolve some family tension, then he would be somewhat of a hero. Hero status had been badly absent from his life lately, and maybe getting some of it back would provide some much-needed feeling of fulfillment for him.
Unfortunately that fulfillment escaped him, as things didn't go as planned at the dinner. During the meal Morris proved not to be very in touch with his Jewish "half", and he made a lot of embarrassing comments. It became Simon's turn to scold Morris for humiliating him, and for doing nothing to help endear him to his family. But Morris made a good, if slightly huffy, point, saying he didn't realize he was supposed to be some kind of exhibit. That made Simon feel a little guilty. He wished he could express that it wasn't entirely true that he was only using Morris for that purpose; he enjoyed his company too.
Eventually, Matt announced that he was considering converting to Judaism, and Eric flipped out. Simon and Morris took that opportunity to bolt early from the dinner with Lucy, who seemed to be distracted by another one of her man-trouble issues. This time it apparently involved Robbie.
Simon thought it was lame that she and Mary still didn't seem to be over Robbie, but he could understand the attraction. Robbie was funny and handsome, albeit not the smartest or most ambitious person in the world. Simon pretty much liked him, when he wasn't rubbing in the fact that he was screwing an international pop sensation.
***
After Morris parked his jeep in the Camdens' driveway, Lucy obsessively ran into the house without so much as a thank-you for the ride. Simon apologized to Morris for her behavior.
"Sorry my sister is so wacked-out tonight. In fact, sorry my whole family is so wacked-out tonight. And sorry I got mad at you back at the dinner."
"OK, OK, enough apologizing, Simon. You're going to kill me with niceness if you don't stop already."
Morris said it with a smile, so Simon knew things were smooth between them. He decided it was finally the right time to share the plan with him.
"Hey, Morris, if you're still up for doing something tonight, I've got an idea."
Morris's eyebrows perked up with interest. "What's your idea, man?"
Simon looked around as if he were checking to make sure no one was listening. Then he leaned in closer to Morris and continued, with his voice slightly lowered in volume.
"I got a phone number from one of Lucy's college friends, so, like, do you, maybe, want to go on a double date?"
No response from Morris.
"I mean, think about it, man. College girls!" Simon grinned devilishly and nudged Morris, as if this were the best part, "And Lucy told me they like to party. She said they all snuck into a bar and drank beer once."
Simon wondered why Morris didn't look more enthusiastic after this big announcement.
"Simon, are you telling me that Lucy just gave you these girls' phone numbers with her blessing? I mean, that sounds kind of weird, considering she's studying to be a minister."
Simon looked at him as if he were an idiot. "Come on, dude, I'm talking about dating college party girls. Don't you know what that would do for our reputations? Think about it, does it really matter how I got the digits?"
"Simon, it does matter how you got the digits. I mean, do these girls even know you exist? Has Lucy even told them about you? Do they know you're planning to ask them out? I'm sorry, man, but I just can't see college girls saying yes to a guy who doesn't even have his driver's license yet. No offense."
That touched a nerve. "Oh yeah? Well in case you hadn't noticed lately, I have a way with the older women," Simon boasted.
"Oh, right," said Morris sarcastically. "One night with a senior girl who's trying to make her ex-boyfriend jealous, and all of a sudden you 'have a way with the older women'."
Simon responded, "Look, if you don't want to claim your half of this date then that's OK with me. I guess I'll just have to handle both of these crazy, horny college girls myself. And believe me, I could do it."
Alright, now Simon was just being ridiculous.
"Fine. If you can somehow manage to actually convince two college girls to go out with us, then I'll go on a double date with you. But I bet you twenty bucks you get shot down."
"You're on, dumbass," Simon accepted the challenge.
"Well, if you've got the number, I've got my cell phone in the jeep," said Morris.
"Wait here."
Simon ran into the house, up the stairs, into his room to look for the notebook with Barb's number. On his way, he passed Robbie making out with Joy in the living room right in front of the twins. He also passed Lucy and Mary having a minor catfight over Robbie in the upstairs hallway, completely oblivious to the macking going on downstairs. Simon didn't bother to intervene, because he couldn't have cared less at the moment.
He grabbed the notebook, ran downstairs and outside, reached the driveway again and said, "Give me the phone, man."
Morris handed him the cell phone, but Simon couldn't figure out how to turn it on and get a dial tone. Impatiently, Morris said, "Here, give me that," and as he reached to grab the phone, his hand brushed ever so gently over Simon's. Again, he felt that touch of electricity that Simon sometimes made him feel. His hands were so soft they were almost feminine. Morris could imagine them running down his back, caressing him gently…
Perish the thought. After all, Simon had shown no interest in him whatsoever. He was too busy chasing after "crazy, horny college girls."
If only Morris realized that Simon was doing this all for him, and their reputations. He was only trying to impress Morris and prove his coolness to him and the rest of Glenoak High School.
Simon felt a tingle too as Morris's skin brushed across his. But he was more used to covering those kinds of feelings than Morris. He had been doing it for years. Besides, he figured it didn't mean anything. Morris was a jock who liked girls. He probably hadn't noticed he had just touched Simon, the way he hadn't noticed how close they were to each other when he had unbuckled Simon's seatbelt in the jeep that night after the party…
Simon was snapped out of his memories and back into the present moment when Morris shoved the cell-phone back into his still-open palm. He dialed the number he had written down and waited anxiously for an answer.
"Hello?"
"Hello, may I please speak to Barb?"
"This is she."
"Hi, Barb, my name is Simon Camden. My sister Lucy is in one of your classes, I think."
"Oh…my…God. Lucy Camden? The girl whose sister wouldn't let her drink a beer? What a zero."
"Yeah, that's my sister. Anyway, I was just calling because, well, she said you like to party and, well, so do I."
There was hesitation on the other end of the line. "Is this a joke?"
"No, no, this is no joke, I was just calling to see if you wanted to maybe…do something?"
Simon heard Barb clear her throat and skeptically ask, "Simon, did you say your name was? How old are you?"
"I'm, uh, eighteen," he lied nervously.
"Are you still in high school, sweetie?"
Simon tried to use every ounce of boldness within himself. "Well, yeah, but I'm, uh, graduating soon. And, uh, I've been out with older women before. I actually prefer them. I've been told I'm very mature for my age."
"I'm sure you have, sweetie," she said condescendingly. Then she sighed, and it sounded like she was about to let him down. But instead, miraculously, she said, "You know what? What the hell, why not? My boyfriend just dumped me and I could use a good time right now. Where do you want to meet?"
"Um," shocked by her surprising response, Simon's mind went blank. "We can meet wherever you want to meet. You pick the place."
"Hmm, how about McSweeney's? It's this little bar just across from the Crawford campus on Oak Street. You do have a fake ID, right? I mean, you said you like to party."
"Oh. Um, actually, no, I don't," said Simon. Then he realized how that had sounded and corrected himself, "I mean, I don't have a fake ID. I do like to party."
"You know what? They'll probably let you in anyway," said Barb nonchalantly. "I know the bartender, so I can probably get you in. Meet me outside. What do you look like?"
"Um, I'm tall, blond, and, uh, most girls tell me I'm handsome." Simon's immodesty caused Morris to roll his eyes. "Oh, and I'm wearing a brown suede jacket," he added.
"Woo hoo, you sound like the man of my dreams," said Barb.
Simon was getting genuinely excited, but he hadn't forgotten about Morris. "Oh, by the way, Lucy mentioned you had a friend, Jill?"
"Oh yeah, Jill. What about her?"
"Well, I have a friend here that she might like to meet."
"Um, Jill kind of has a boyfriend right now. Oh, you know what? Screw it. He's cheating on her anyway. Yeah, bring your friend along, and I'll see if I can't convince Jill to come with me. If not, I'm sure your friend can find some drunken slut to hook up with at the bar."
Wow, these college girls were just as easy as Lucy had made them sound.
"Great," said Simon. "So I'll see you at McSweeney's in…half an hour?"
"Works for me."
"Cool. Bye."
"Goodbye, Simon."
As Simon hung up the cell phone, Morris silently and grudgingly handed him a twenty-dollar bill.