
Chapter Four - Knowing What You Want.
Logan had been laying there in bed while wide awake for quite a while now. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Not for any nefarious reason, well not entirely, but because his mind wouldn't stop buzzing. Everything had just seemed to happen in such a whirlwind since he had returned. Now he was lying in Rory's bed after having spent the night, watching her sleep. He couldn't quite prevent the smile creeping over his features as he lay there beside her peacefully sleeping body. She looked so beautiful. Quite simply, she took his breath away in every possible way.
He watched as she shifted in her sleep. She snuggled into him as she wrapped an arm around his chest. Logan placed his hand gently over hers, interlacing their fingers, and found himself loving how perfect her hand fit into his. He couldn't help but shake how well she fit next to him, her body warming him down to his core. This was new territory for Logan. He had never woken up beside another girl before, except Honor when they were kids after they fell asleep watching movies. The last time he and Rory were together she had disappeared before he had woken up, which surprisingly was much to his disappointment. He had considered that may have been part of the reason for him not sleeping.The fear of her not being there when he woke up kept him from falling into a deep sleep. This also explained why he was holding onto her so tightly, just in case she might bolt.
Logan laughed quietly to himself, fully aware of the irony in his current predicament. Here he was, terrified that she would slip out in the dead of night, when he had made a career of leaving girls rooms before dawn. Not this girl, and definitely not this time. He had no desire to ever leave this girl in the middle of the night. For one, her body was currently entwined with his and escape would be near impossible without waking her. Second, he liked waking up beside her. He loved waking up and knowing that the first thing his eyes would gaze upon would be Rory. He loved how happy he felt having her warm, soft skin touching his, which kept him in a constant state of arousal. Breathing in her scent, he kissed her forehead gently, desperate not to wake her up. He was surprised at how much he enjoyed such levels of intimacy with a girl. But, then Rory wasn't just some girl. She was the girl who had captivated him, who had gotten under his skin, and become permanently etched in his mind. Honestly, he wasn't afraid to admit, but she had somehow etched herself into his heart.
For the first time in his life, Logan found himself wanting more. He wanted so much more with this girl, and he didn't want this just to be another fling or one night stand. He didn't want casual, he wanted more. He wanted strings, and he wanted Rory completely to himself and in every way possible. Logan felt his heart soar at the prospect of waking up with her every morning. He felt happy imagining himself to be the only person who got to be this close to her, this intimate. He wanted to be able to kiss her whenever he wanted, to hold her, to make love to her over and over. He wanted commitment, and for the first time in his life, the idea didn't send him running for the hills. He was where he wanted to be. He was home. He just hoped that Rory felt the same way.
Rory had awoken a few moments before, having felt a low rumble of laughter in his chest beneath her. He was awake. She lay there, eyes closed, just allowing the feeling of Logan laying beneath her to sink in. As her head rested on his chest, she listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beating. She couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. She couldn't help but question if he was secretly plotting the best way to escape without waking her. Then he surprised her by lacing his fingers through hers and she felt her heart sing. He wasn't going anywhere. He was here, in her bed and she couldn't be any happier.
Her mind went back to that morning over a year ago, when she had woken up beside Logan for the first time. It was the morning after she had given herself so unequivocally to him. As much as she wanted to lay in his arms forever, she knew that she had to leave. She couldn't stick around to indulge in the 'morning after' pleasantries and awkwardness. In truth, she was slightly afraid that he would brush her off and treat her like he did all the others. Foolish perhaps, as he had never given her any reason to think that he would be that way with her.
The biggest reason for her early morning departure that day was to avoid the torture of having her heart broken into a million, tiny, little pieces as he would say goodbye to her. She knew it was only for a year, but it didn't make it hurt any less. He would be gone, doing whatever with whomever and she would just be that girl he slept with back home that one time. As much as she wanted to tell him how she really felt about him, and that more than anything she wanted to claim him as her own, she couldn't. She didn't want to hold him back. She wanted him to enjoy his trip as she knew how much he had been looking forward to getting away from everything, Mitchum especially. Rory wanted him to be free, to have fun, and to not feel guilty or miserable while missing her. So, she had left before he woke. She had ignored all of his phone calls and emails, and moved on with her life. She efficiently cut him - as well as any reminders of him and their night together - out. Well, as much as possible anyway.
This doesn't change the fact that she is now, one year later, laying in his arms as though he had never been away. She loved waking up beside him, there's no denying that. She had decided that it was one of her favorite things in the whole, wide world. The feel of his chest beneath her and her legs intertwined with his made her never want to leave this spot ever again. She would stay with him in this bed forever if she could, but deep down she knew that this was not possible. They would have to face the music at some point, but until then she would enjoy as much of Logan as she could.
Opening her eyes, she let out a tired yawn before stretching out her arm and then returning it to its preferred resting place: Logan's chest. Logan smiled to himself as she placed a chaste kiss on his chest, just above where his heart would be, and continued her path up to his face where she caught his mouth in a sweet, tender kiss.
"Morning," her voice croaked slightly as she tried to adjust to consciousness. Logan smiled at her appearance as she pulled herself up on top of him, folding her arms on his chest and resting her head there. Her hair was messy and all of her make up had worn away over night, but he had never seen her look more beautiful.
"Good morning, Ace. Sleep well?" He grinned back at her whilst pulling the covers up over them both. Rory nodded.
"Like the dead. For some bizarre reason, I seemed to be really worn out." she remarked, smiling up at him. Logan brushed her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek in the process.
"Well, I've been gone for over a year. We had a lot of time to make up for." He raised his eyes suggestively at her, and Rory slapped him playfully on the chest.
"We certainly did that." She laughed, about to push herself up, but he grabbed hold of her and pulled her flush against him, capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss in the process. Rory responded only too willingly, wrapping her arms around him. After a few moments, they broke apart trying to gain some much needed oxygen. She resumed her previous position on top of him and let out a great, big sigh.
"What was that for?" Logan wondered, playing with her hair. Rory narrowed her eyes as if deep in thought and then looked up with those big, bright orbs shining at him and smiled.
"I just…I missed you, I guess." Logan frowned.
"You guess?" His voice a serious tone. Rory relented.
"No, I missed you. Of course I did. I'm just, I cant believe we're here, now, like this after all this time." Logan wasn't sure what she meant but he leant forward and placed a chaste kiss on her nose, still playing mindlessly with her hair.
"You cut your hair!" he stated, smiling down at her. Rory smiled back at him, before brushing her hand over his face.
"You need to shave!" Logan laughed raising his hand to feel his stubbly chin. She was right. He hadn't shaved since the day before yesterday. He usually kept himself clean cut and presentable but he had just been in such a mad rush to get everything together for their return home. It had completely slipped his mind.
"I think it looks manly." Rory rolled her eyes and then sat up, taking the covers with her.
"Well, if you want me to keep kissing you without me getting a stubble rash, you will shave it off." Logan ran his fingers, softly over her back, caressing her smooth skin. Rory closed her eyes as a tingle shot up her spine. She loved the feel of his hands on her.
"So you plan on kissing me again then, huh?" He asked teasingly, unaware of the effect his actions were having on her.
"Only if you're a good boy." She bit back, huskily. His touch was driving her crazy. The simplicity of his fingers rubbing up and down her spine was causing a surge of electricity to shoot though her like a lightening bolt, making her want to just throw herself on top of him and have him do ungodly things to her.
"Well then I guess I'm screwed." He laughed, continuing his ministrations. He felt her shiver under his touch and soon realised how much he was bothering her. Sitting up, he began placing soft kisses on her shoulders and over her neck. Pushing her hair out of the way, he felt her breathing become heavier as he wrapped his arms around her torso, pulling her closer to him. He gently cupped her breast with one hand, while the other gently caressed her stomach, before heading south.
Rory loved the feel of his hot, wet mouth on her neck. His hands roaming over her body filled her with so much desire she could barely contain herself. She moaned as Logan squeezed her breast and felt goose bumps over her skin in anticipation of where his other hand was heading. However, an image shot through her mind pulling her out of her lust-filled haze. This left her with a horrible feeling building in the pit of her stomach, filling her with guilt and remorse. As Logan's hand moved ever lower, she grasped it, quickly stilling the rest of his attentions.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly. His voice was a husky whisper in his throat. He had got caught up in the feel of her skin under his hands. Rory pulled away from him slightly, turning to face him. She smiled. He was slightly caught off guard as he saw so much sadness and pain in her eyes looking back at him.
"Nothing. You should probably get going before Honor gets back." She tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, but the frown and the concerned eyes of his told her he wasn't convinced. He always could read her like a book.
"Rory," he grabbed her wrist as she stood up, pulling on her bathrobe. "What did I do?" he asked, his face full of confusion. Rory felt the tears build up, but did everything to hold them back. She sighed, plastering a false smile on her face.
"You didn't do anything, Logan. I just, I don't want Honor to come back and see you here like this." She explained as she went around the room picking up his shirt and pants and throwing them on the bed. "She'll kill us both if she finds you here."
Logan watched her closely, not really believing that she was kicking him out because she didn't want his sister, her room mate, finding out about them. There was something else, he was sure of it.
"I don't care what Honor thinks." He told her firmly. Obviously, he did care. She was his sister after all, but they were both grown ups and didn't need to answer to her or anyone. If they wanted to be together then nothing could stop them.
"Logan, please. I don't want this to get anymore complicated than it already is." At that, Logan looked at her forcefully. How was it already complicated? They had slept together. He didn't see why that was complicated. He wanted to be with her. Again, not complicated. He couldn't see where there would be any complications between them.
"Rory…" She cut him off.
"Logan, just…get dressed and go, please." She felt a small tear escape but was firm in her resolve. She had to get him out of here as quickly as she could. She had screwed up terribly and needed to figure things out, and she couldn't do that with him here.
Logan got up out of the bed and stood before her, the sheet wrapped around his waist. He brushed his fingers over her tear-stained cheek and sighed, cupping her face with his hand. As his eyes gazed intently down on hers, she moved her hand over his.
"Are you sure you want me to go?" His voice was a whisper as his thumb caressed her soft cheek. Rory looked up at him, her hand pulling his away. She nodded, unable to find her voice. "Fine."
Rory watched as Logan searched the room for his things while pulling on his pants and shirt. They remained silent as he stood at the door, listening to hear any noises coming from the common room. He popped his head out the door, checking to see if the coast was clear. It was. He looked back at Rory one last time, sighing and shaking his head, his frustration and hurt very evident in his eyes as she stared back at him. Then he was gone without a word. Rory sat down on the edge of her bed and felt her emotions, which she had been holding back, explode. As the tears streamed down her cheeks she fell back on the bed, grasping the sheets, and breathing in his scent which still lingered. Crying herself to sleep, her heart breaking all the while, she wondered to herself how she could have screwed everything up so badly.
He had been sitting on the sofa in his dorm room for the last two hours, staring blankly at the television. He was trying to figure out what exactly had happened that morning in Rory's room.
Everything had been going along just nicely, as far as he was aware. Then she had just switched, just like that, kicking him out. He didn't understand. He was fairly certain that she had enjoyed herself the night before. She seemed happy when she woke up, but then there was that big freak out. It didn't make sense. Sighing into the drink he had poured himself - and yes, it was only 10 o'clock in the morning but he was beyond caring - Logan contemplated the events of the past twenty-four hours. It made his head hurt. Groaning to himself, he switched the television off and headed towards his room. On the way, he noticed the red light flashing on the answer machine. Shaking his head, he pressed the button and heard the automated voice tell him he had eight new messages. Playing them back, he heard his mother invite him to Sunday brunch. She apparently was eager to see him, but he would put off that visit until 'The Dark Lord' himself returned from Japan on Monday. The second message was from some girl named Michelle, asking him to call her. He had absolutely no recollection of this girl and would definitely not be responding to her desperate plea. The third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh messages were all drunken ramblings from Colin and Finn, asking about his whereabouts. Colin seeming slightly irritated at being left on his own with Finn. The final message was from Honor, telling him to pick her up at 12 o'clock for lunch that day. That was all. There was no message from the girl he wanted to hear from most of all. He sighed to himself regretfully, and then headed to the shower.
Paris and Rory had been sitting in the common room watching Honor do her exercise routine for the last half an hour. Both felt exhausted just looking at her, as she stretched and jogged and did squats. Rory wondered where her blonde friend got all of her energy from, especially considering the fact that she hadn't gotten back until this morning. She had always been a bit of a health nut, unlike Rory, whose only exercise came in the form of channel surfing or carrying all of her heavy books around with her.
In all honesty, Rory was rather grateful for the diversion. Her mind had been all over the place thinking about Logan and how much of a disaster her life had become in such a short space of time.
"What the hell is wrong with you two? You both look like death warmed up." Honor told them, as she jogged on the spot for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning. Paris glared at her.
"I didn't get much sleep last night, what with someone moaning all night long." She groaned, looking in Rory's direction. Rory froze. 'OH GOD' Had Paris heard her and Logan? She could feel her face pale at the thought. Honor finally stopped moving and eyed the brunette suspiciously.
"You hooked up last night? You sly dog. Who was he?" Honor asked in an excited tone. She always did love hearing juicy bits of gossip. Rory squirmed under the spotlight as she felt both her friends staring intently at her. She felt the panic set in. What should she do? She couldn't tell Honor that she had spent the night getting dirty with her big brother. She would skin her alive. 'Deny it all,' she thought to herself. That was the best way to deal with it. Denial.
"Nobody! I didn't hook up with anyone last night." She said, trying to sound convincing. Then turned to Paris, holding her gaze as if to say 'please don't say anything.' "Paris is obviously delusional." Paris raised her eyebrows but didn't say a word.
"Huh, well I could have told you that." Honor laughed before picking up her ipod and placing the earphones in her ears, then headed for the door. "I'm going for my morning jog, see ya!"
Rory let out the breath she hadn't realised she was holding as she watched the door close.
"So I'm delusional huh?" Paris asked from beside her. Rory sighed. "I may be delusional but there's nothing wrong with my hearing."
"Paris, drop it okay!"
"Okay." She shrugged before grinning evilly. "So, who's Logan?"
Rory felt like she'd just been kicked in the stomach as Paris mentioned his name. Crap! Crap! Crap!
"Well?"
"What?" Rory tried to play it cool, hoping that Paris wouldn't figure it out.
"Logan, who is he? I mean he seemed to be praised to the high heavens last night. I've never heard you so…loud, certainly not with…"
"Paris!" She cut her off. "Can we not talk about this?" Rory almost begged her friend to change the subject.
"I'm just being a concerned friend. So, who was he?" Rory closed her eyes, thinking that if she did then maybe Paris would disappear and she wouldn't have to answer any more questions.
"Nobody"
"Well, his name was definitely Logan." A pause. "Wait, it wasn't…no there's no way." She looked at Rory, seeing the guilty expression on her face.
"Oh My God! You didn't?" She practically bellowed. "Huntzberger?"
"Will you keep your voice down?" Rory whispered, knowing full well that Honor was long gone but still, she didn't want the whole building knowing her personal business. Paris didn't listen though.
"You had sex with Logan Huntzberger?" Her voice getting louder. "No wonder you didn't want Honor to know." She thought for second. "I cant believe you would stoop so low. I mean it's Huntzberger. I thought you had some respect for yourself, Rory." She finished, looking at her disapprovingly.
"What are you talking about?"
"Huntzberger? He wouldn't say 'no' to a grapefruit if it asked politely enough." Paris stated, she had never approved of Logan's rather promiscuous behaviour.
"Paris!"
"Huntzberger! Eeugh!" Paris said disgusted, shuddering at the thought . "I hope you used protection. God knows what you could've caught from him."
"Paris! Stop. Logan's not as bad as you think he is." Rory defended him. She wasn't naïve. She knew he had a reputation as a ladies man, but she wasn't going to sit there and listen to Paris slag him off like that.
"If you say so. But, he's not exactly shy about dipping his pen in other people's ink, if you know what I mean." Rory rolled her eyes at her suggestion.
"Paris!"
"I cant believe that you slept with Logan Huntzberger. I never in a million years thought that he would ever go for someone like you, but what do you know?"
"Gee, thanks Paris." Rory said sarcastically. She was beginning to get tired of this conversation and listening to Paris tell her how much of an idiot she was.
"Huh!"
"Look, you can't tell anyone about this, okay? You can't speak a word of this to anyone. Not Honor, nobody. Especially not…"
"I got it." Paris groaned. "My lips are sealed. I'll keep your dirty little secret to myself, on one condition."
"What?"
"How was it?" Rory's eyes widened in surprise at her question. She felt her face turn red with embarrassment.
"Paris, I'm not telling you that." She insisted. There were some things she wanted to keep to herself.
"Oh come on. Don't be such a prude." Paris told her. Rory shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "From his reputation, he's apparently hot stuff in the bedroom department. So…how was he?"
Rory narrowed her eyes at Paris, not believing that she was actually having this conversation with Paris of all people.
"There is no way…"
"Hey, If you want me to keep my mouth shut…" Rory sighed.
"Fine. It was, it was…pretty…incredible." Paris frowned at her as Rory smiled dreamily, remembering their night together.
"Really?"
"Yes." Rory whispered, unable to wipe the smile from her face.
"Well, I suppose he had to be good at something." Paris stated casually before pulling herself up from the sofa and heading to her bedroom, leaving Rory to her thoughts.
Logan couldn't relax. He was restless, antsy, and couldn't stop fidgeting. He was standing inside her common room in the dorm he had been unceremoniously kicked out of, just hours before. He was here to pick up Honor and to take her to lunch, but part of him was hoping to catch a glimpse of Rory. He needed to see her, to talk to her. He felt ridiculous, like a lovesick school kid, but he needed to find out what was going on.
Logan had never been in this position before. He wasn't the kind of guy who hoped a girl would call him. He didn't drive himself insane thinking about what the girl was doing or who she was with, but pathetically he couldn't help himself. Rory had gotten under his skin in a way he had never thought possible.
'This is why I don't do relationships,' he thought to himself.
He sighed heavily, as he held a picture of Rory and her mother in his hands. He knew he was smiling like an idiot, as his Ace's eyes burned into him. It was official, Logan Huntzberger had it bad and there was nothing he could do about it.
"You ready to go?" Honor asked in that usual bubbly manner he had missed so much while he was away. He smiled, replacing the picture frame on the table. Pausing for a second, he looked towards Rory's room and a thought came to him.
"Why don't we invite Rory to come?" He suggested, silently cringing as he heard how pathetic he sounded. Thankfully, Honor didn't seem to notice and continued searching the room for whatever item she had lost this time.
"Hmm? Oh, Rory isn't here. She's out with her boyfriend," She said absentmindedly. Her words hit Logan full force. He felt as though he had been hit in the chest with a baseball bat. Boyfriend? Rory has a boyfriend? She didn't mention anything to me about having a boyfriend, did she?
"What boyfriend?" He managed to choke out. Honor found what she was looking for and then smiled back at him.
"Dean," she told him simply. "I told you they got back together." She furrowed her brows. Logan shook his head. "I'm sure I told you. There is no way I forgot to tell you. It was like the biggest scandal of last year."
"You didn't tell me Honor. I'm pretty certain about that." He definitely would have remembered her mentioning that Rory had a boyfriend.
"Huh! "Honor shrugged, surprised at her oversight. "Didn't Rory tell you? She usually can't stop talking your ear off about him."
"Nope. It must've slipped her mind." He said as casually as he could, while inside he felt his blood boil.
"So, this Dean," He said his name as though it was the hardest thing in the world to do. "Do you mean Dean as in her ex-boyfriend, Dean?"
"Yup! One in the same." Logan laughed to himself, before remembering something.
"Didn't you tell me he was getting married?" Honor raised her eyebrows, nodding her head with a slight smile on her face.
"Hence, the big scandal." Logan was intrigued now, if he wasn't already. "Dean got married to Lindsay last year, he even invited Rory to the wedding but she didn't go. Anyway, from a pretty early point he and Lindsay were having problems, what with them being stupid enough to think that getting married at eighteen was a good idea and all. So, Rory and Dean started talking again. They were getting pretty chummy and then on the night of Lorelai's run through at the Dragonfly, Dean followed Rory back to the house and they slept together."
"However, that's not the best part. Lorelai caught them at it. Well, not at it, more or so after it. She figured out what had happened and then she and Rory got into a huge fight, due to the fact that her daughter had just lost her virginity to a married man." As she paused for breath, Logan let her words sink in. Particularly the last part about Rory losing her virginity to Dean. That, he knew, not to be true.
"Then Rory, not talking to her mom, went to Europe for the Summer with her Grandma. Eventually her and Lorelai worked it out, you know those two, they can never stay mad at each other for too long. Then Rory asked her mom to give Dean a letter she had written for him. That is when all hell broke loose. Dean, the moron, managed to let Lindsay find the letter and she then kicked him out. Apparently she threw all of his stuff out the window." Honor laughed at the thought. "That's when Rory became the scarlet woman. The secret was out and Dean wasn't talking to her because she had just ditched him for Europe. At least until a few weeks ago. They figured things out and are now the perfect couple. Except for the fact that they never see each other, have nothing in common, and honestly, the boy just is not in Rory's league. But she is smitten, for now anyway." Honor finished dryly.
Logan sat there in silence, trying to process everything Honor had said. His mind was buzzing. He couldn't quite accept the idea of Rory being some kind of marriage wrecker. He knew she wasn't the little innocent girl he had come to know and love anymore, but breaking up a marriage? That wasn't her. A lot had happened in a year, but the idea of her being back with that Neanderthal, Dean, threw him. Not only because he wanted her for himself, but he couldn't fathom what a smart girl like Rory would ever see in someone like Dean. Honor was right, he wasn't in her league. He wasn't on her planet. She deserved so much better than Dean. In truth, she deserved better than Logan, he thought. But Dean?
He drifted back from his thoughts as Honor got up from the sofa.
"Can we go now? I'm famished." She whined heading for the door, clutching her purse. Logan followed after her, his mind still on Rory.
"You okay?" He asked for what felt like the millionth time that day. He had gone out of his way to get time off so he could spend it with Rory, but ever since she arrived it was like her mind was somewhere else.
"Hmm?" She looked up, having been staring at her plate for the last five minutes. It still had all of her food on it. She hadn't touched it because she had lost her appetite.
"Are you okay?" Dean asked again, with a slight hint of irritation creeping into his voice.
"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just...I have a lot on my mind. You know, school stuff." She explained as she stabbed her fork into her food.
"Is that code for 'you wouldn't understand'?" Dean practically growled back at her, his annoyance taking over.
"What? No. Dean, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"
"Forget it." He took a drink from his cup as silence engulfed the room. They were sitting on two crates in the store room of Doosey's. Not the most romantic setting, but that's all he could manage these days. Rory sighed.
"I think I'm just going to go. Mom's expecting me so…" She stood up, collecting her things. "I'll call you." Then she was gone.
Dean looked at his watch. He still had thirteen minutes until his break was over. Picking up the cup, he finished his drink. He didn't know what to do anymore. Rory was drifting away from him again, and he didn't know how to stop it. He sighed, picking at the full plate she had left behind.
As Rory walked back to her childhood home, she couldn't stop thinking about how much of a mess she had made of everything. Her relationship with Dean was going fine until a certain blonde haired, brown eyed boy showed up in her life again. Now, everything was on the cusp of falling apart. It was like a house of cards where just one push, and everything would collapse. She couldn't get the image of Logan, with that pained expression on his face from that morning, out of her mind. The last thing she had ever wanted to do was hurt him, but she needed to figure things out.
"Rory, sweetie. Good to see you." Shouted Babbete from her porch in that unmistakeable voice of hers. Rory smiled.
"Hey Babbete." She walked up the steps and went inside. She was glad to be home. She needed to get away from Yale, from Logan. She needed some time to collect her thoughts and gain some perspective. She needed her mom to tell her that no matter what, everything would be alright.
As she headed for her old, familiar bedroom, she jumped when she noticed someone sitting at the kitchen table. It was Logan.
"Hey," He said quietly, his face bereft of emotion. Rory looked at him, taking in his appearance.
"Logan? What are you doing here?" He was the last person she had expected to see, especially after she had practically kicked him out of her room that morning.
"Lorelai let me in. She had to go to the Inn, but she said she'd be back as soon as possible." He finished, staring back at her with his sad eyes. She felt her insides tie up in knots. She wanted nothing more than to reach out to him but she couldn't.
"What are you-" He cut her off.
"How's Dean?" Her eyes flew to his. Silence descended as he asked his question. Rory sighed heavily. She knew he would find out eventually, but she still wasn't ready for this discussion. "Honor told me."
Taking a deep breath, she moved towards him. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just…"
"You just…what? Forgot?" He stood up, his anger rising.
"Logan, I…"
"Were you ever gonna tell me?" He asked as he paced around the kitchen.
"Of course I was. I just needed some time to figure things out." Logan laughed while stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Logan, you just showed up, out of the blue. I hadn't seen or heard a word from you in over a year…"
"Yeah and whose fault is that?" His voice getting louder now, as he moved towards her. "I called you dozens of times. I emailed you. I sent you post cards. But nothing!"
"Logan…"
"You just left. Just like that! Not so much as a 'goodbye', or 'have a safe trip'." He was shouting now, and Rory could feel the tears begin to build. "What the hell was that all about?"
Rory just shrugged, knowing that if she spoke, she would open the floodgates. Logan laughed at her silence.
"You obviously just didn't give a damn, right?" He walked around her, heading towards the front door.
"Do you really believe that? That I just used you for sex and then left. That's not my style Logan. I think you're confusing me with you." She hit back. She wasn't going to let him accuse her of not caring when the opposite was true.
"Oh really? Well, I wasn't the one kicking you out this morning." He snarled.
"I have a boyfriend, Logan. I…"
"That fact didn't seem to bother you so much last night, while you were screaming my name."
Rory shook her head in frustration and disgust at his last comment. She walked over to the table and sat down on one of the chairs. Logan sighed, regretting what he had said. He joined her at the table, sitting opposite her. They stared at each other in silence for what seemed like forever.
"So, what now?" He asked quietly, his voice was close to a whisper. In the silence of the house, it seemed to echo off the walls. Rory bit her lip nervously, trying hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to overspill.
"I don't know," She shrugged.
"Maybe we should just forget about it, pretend like nothing happened." He suggested, knowing full well that that would be impossible. Rory looked up at him, a tear running down her cheek. He itched to just reach out and brush it away, but he couldn't.
"Do you really think we could do that?" She wondered, hoping he would say 'no'.
"If it's what you want," Logan sighed. He had never felt so helpless before in his life. He didn't usually walk away from something he wanted. He was Logan Huntzberger. He always got what he wanted, but more than anything he wanted to make her happy. If him walking away was what would make her happy, then he would do it.
"I don't know what I want, Logan. That's the problem." Her tears began to escape more frequently now, until she was practically howling. Logan couldn't bare to see her so upset, so he moved quickly out of his chair and into her arms, pulling her tight against him. He let her cry until she had nothing left. As she calmed herself down, he pulled away from her slightly, brushing his hand gently over her tear-stained cheeks and kissed her forehead.
"Logan, please don't think that that night didn't mean anything to me. It meant everything. I left before you woke up because it hurt too much to say goodbye." She whispered softly. Their faces were inches apart as Logan ran his fingers over her lips. There was nothing he wanted more in that moment than to kiss her, but he didn't. Instead, he pulled further away from her and sat back on his chair. He allowed her words to sink in, and as happy as it made him feel knowing that she felt the same as he had, it didn't matter any more. That first night together didn't matter anymore, it was in the past. Things had happened since then which had changed them both, and they had to deal with it.
Logan made a decision in that moment. It was time to be honest and up front. It was time to tell the truth, if they were ever going to figure things out between them. He placed his hand on top of hers, gently squeezing her hand, as he nervously went about revealing his soul.
"Rory… I want to be with you. I want this. I want us. For the first time in my life, I'm ready to be with someone completely. Not just someone, you. No messing around, no other girls. I only want you." He explained, taking a deep breath afterwards. Rory smiled slightly, but he could see the sadness in her eyes. He got up again, kneeling at her side, with his hand cupping her face.
"You need to think about what you want, Rory." He started, as she leaned into his hand. He leaned his forehead against hers, breathing her in one last time. He then softly brushed his lips against hers, pulling away as she wrapped her arms around his neck, ready to deepen it. She desperately wanted to taste more of him. But as he stood up, she looked at him slightly confused.
"Let me know when you figure things out." Rory stared up at him as he stood in the doorway, his eyes looking back with so much longing. She wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and never let him go. As she contemplated doing just that, their silence was interrupted by a loud voice from the hallway.
"Hey, Hi, Hello. Sorry I'm late. Sookie was trying to burn down the kitchen again. Michel was having a nervous breakdown, but I am nothing if not a professional burn down, breakdown, fixer-upper," Lorelai joked as she entered the kitchen to see an ashen faced Logan and Rory, who looked like she was about to burst into tears. Concern immediately overcame her and she frowned at the pair. "Everything okay?"
Logan tore his eyes off Rory and smiled softly at Lorelai.
"Everything's fine Lorelai. I was just about to head out so…I'll see you around?" He asked, looking back at Rory, who nodded her reply. "Lorelai." He nodded, before sliding passed her and heading for the exit. Lorelai had no idea what was going on, but she was determined she would find out.
"What's going on, hun?" She inquired as Rory stood up and moved towards her bedroom.
"I'm just going to go take a shower," she replied, giving her mother a false smile. She really wasn't ready to talk about it right now. "You get the movies ready. I wont be long."
"Why such the glum face, mate?" Finn asked as he planked himself down on the chair next to his rather dour looking friend. Logan didn't answer. He was on his third Scotch of the night and he'd only been there a half hour. He groaned and then swallowed the rest of the contents of the glass. Just as he did, they were joined by Colin, who was carrying a tray of more drinks and a rather attractive blonde on his arm.
"Wow, someone's thirsty. Making the most of your last night of freedom before Mitchum has your balls for sinking his boat?" Colin joked, distributing everyone's drinks to their place at the table. The blonde sidled up beside Logan, her eyes on him the whole time. Logan just lifted the other drink and peered into his glass. Colin and Finn looked at each other, puzzled by their friends behaviour. They shrugged before their attention was captured by another two hot girls, who had decided to join them.
Logan just sat there, not speaking. He was quietly nursing his drink, trying to get Rory out of his head. Suddenly he felt a hand on his thigh and looked down as it slid dangerously higher up his leg. He looked up at the blonde, having forgotten she was there, with a scowl still permanently attached to his face. She smiled back at him. He had to admit she was good looking, but he wasn't interested. Her eyes weren't blue like Rory's. They were some kind of hazel color. Her hair was short and blonde, unlike Rory's. In fact she was the complete opposite of Rory and he wasn't interested.
She leaned forward, pressing her chest against his side and whispered into his ear, allowing him to catch the scent of her perfume. Yep, she definitely didn't smell like Rory.
"Do you want me to cheer you up?" Her voice was a husky tone. Logan looked at her. She was way too forward, unlike Rory. He definitely wasn't interested.
They had been sitting in silence pretty much the entire evening, and Rory could tell that her mother was not far from cracking. They were halfway through their patented Gilmore Movie night and she had barely spoken two words the whole time. It was one of their rules: don't talk during the movie, unless when mocking. But she didn't even have the energy to mock, and they were watching Titanic, for Gods sake.
She just couldn't stop thinking about what Logan had said to her. He had told her that he wanted to be with her. He wanted commitment? She wasn't sure whether she really believed that or not. He wasn't a commitment kind of guy, but he said he was willing to do it for her. The thought made her smile and her insides flip with excitement at the prospect of being Logan Huntzberger's girlfriend. Could they really have a relationship together? Could he really change that much for her? And what about Dean?
"Oh, for the love of God, I cant take it anymore!" Exclaimed Lorelai, finally exploding as Rory had predicted she would. "What the hell is wrong with you? You have been Miss Monosyllabic for the last two days, and then I walk in here to find Logan looking like his puppy just died, and you looking like you just killed his puppy. What's going on? Is it Honor? Is she okay? Is she sick? What?"
"Honor's fine mom." Her reply simple, aggravating Lorelai even further.
"Then please tell me, because I am going to seriously combust over here if I don't-"
"I slept with Logan." She cut her off. Lorelai went silent. She looked at her daughter sceptically, searching for any clues to see whether she was telling the truth.
"You slept with Logan?" She asked, seeking confirmation. Rory nodded.
"When?"
"Last night." Lorelais' mouth dropped open at her revelation.
"Does Dean know?" Rory shook her head in reply. For the first time in her life, Lorelai found herself speechless.
"Wow, and here I was thinking you had just forgotten to hand in a textbook or something," she said sarcastically, her eyes permanently fixed on her daughter. Rory laughed softly as her eyes focused on the television.
"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" Lorelai wasn't sure how to deal with this kind of situation. She didn't want to say the wrong thing in case she stopped talking to her again.
Rory sighed before reaching for the remote just as Rose was about to jump off the side of the Titanic.
"There's something else that you should know too." Rory figured as she was in the sharing mood, she might as well get everything off her chest. Taking a deep breath, she continued as Lorelai braced herself for what was to come. "Dean wasn't the first guy I ever slept with."
Lorelai was stunned into silence. She had not been expecting that kind of information.
"So, then who…It wasn't Jess was it?" she asked, remembering the conversation they had all those years ago about her being ready to do it. God, she hoped it wasn't Jess.
"No mom, it wasn't Jess."
"That Tristan guy?"
"Mom!" She whined, insulted that she would think that she would ever have slept with Tristan.
"Okay, please tell me it wasn't some drunken one night stand at a frat party with a guy named Skip." Rory looked at her, slightly puzzled where she got that idea from.
"No."
"Then who?"
"It was Logan." Lorelais' eyes widened and for the second time that night, her jaw hit the ground.
"Logan?" Rory nodded. "When?"
"About a year ago. It was the night of the Graduation party. The night before he left." She explained. She remembered that night like it was yesterday.
"And you two…Were you careful? I mean, I assume you were careful otherwise there would be a blonde-haired, brown-eyed kid running around about now."
"We were careful." Rory assured her.
"What about last night? Were you careful last night?" Rory nodded her reply.
"So, how was it?" She asked hesitantly, not sure if she really wanted to know.
"Mom, what is it with everybody wanting to know how the sex was? First Paris, now you…" Rory exclaimed, sitting up on the sofa.
"Whoa, slow down there Bucko. I didn't say I wanted to know what the sex was like Rory. That's between you and your God, and Logan I guess. I just meant, what was it like, you know, your first time. Was he…good to you?"
"Oh!" Slightly embarrassed by her outburst, Rory relaxed back against the sofa. "It was, I mean he was…he was really sweet. He made me feel safe and…loved." Lorelai smiled as her daughter reminisced. She was glad that her first time was a pleasant experience, she wasn't too sure about who her first time was with though. She was well aware of Logan's reputation.
"Are you in love with him?" she asked tentatively as Rory snapped out of her daze.
"I don't know. I was, but now…I don't know." She frowned as she thought about whether she was still in love with him. She was lying to herself and her mother by denying it. She knew she loved Logan, she just wasn't sure whether she could really trust him with her heart.
"And Dean. What about him?" Rory looked at her mother and then slid her head onto her shoulder.
"What should I do?" She whispered, wishing that Lorelai would just tell her what to do and that would be that.
"Hun, I cant tell you what to do. But I can tell you that you need to be honest with yourself, as well as Logan and Dean. It's not fair on any of you." She began running her fingers, soothingly through her daughters hair like she did when she was younger. "I know you like to use your head and do the sensible thing, and the logical thing, but sense and logic don't come into it where love is concerned. My advice, would be to follow your heart. If it doesn't work out, at least you gave it a try. You wont spend the rest of your life wondering, 'what if'. Be happy, honey."
Rory closed her eyes as Lorelais' words washed over her. She already knew what she wanted deep down, it was just about coming to terms with it and figuring out how to get it.