Dean and Castiel were forced to eat their lunch cold because every time they tried to microwave them, the microwave made this horrible noise and seemed to vibrate as though they'd put a fork in it or something. But they hadn't, so what the fuck? Dean looked sideways at the angel, who was staring intently at the microwave and for the third time, Dean pressed stop.

"Are you doing this?" He asked.

"No. Is it not doing what it's supposed to be doing?"

"No. It's definitely not supposed to be making that sound"

"That doesn't mean its working?" Castiel cocked his head.

"No." Dean growled.

"What's this thing called? An oven?"

"No. It's a microwave."

"Oh. I see." Castiel said, sounding enlightened.

"You see what?"

"I see why it won't work. It's because I'm in the room with it."

"Well I asked you if you were doing it!" Dean pressed the button that made the door swing open, and he reached in, grabbing the paper plate he'd divvied the food up on and set it on the counter. "I guess we'll just have to eat it at room temperature."

"Are you upset?" Castiel asked.

"Mildly. I mean...can you try not to screw with my microwave and my radio reception? Or is making me miserable just part of your personality? You can't even say one word to me in your own voice without almost exploding my head."

"I'm sorry. I told you I didn't know. If you prayed...God would grant you the ability to see me and hear me."

"We already talked about this. Why can't you ever bring up all the details at once? It'd make everything a whole lot easier." Dean huffed and slid Castiel's half of the food onto another paper plate and handed it to him, leading him to the small two-person table to sit and eat. "So you're saying that if I make this prayer, I can have a hot meal, see your true form, and shag you without risking your merit?"

"To put it so mundanely. Except that it won't change my effect on radiowaves or microwaves."

"Well...you are talking to a human." Dean tore into the grub with the plastic fork he'd laid out for himself on the table. "God. This is even good, cold."

Castiel picked his up and examined the plate, unsure how he was going to be able cut it up without a knife. He couldn't just do it with the side of the fork since it was plastic, and Dean's was already cut up, so watching him offered no solutions. Eventually Castiel just impaled the Pac-man shaped waffle he'd taken a bite out of at the restaurant and lifted it to his mouth, taking small nibbles off the edge. When Dean finally looked up from his own eating, he saw this.

"Would you like me to cut that for you?"

"Please." Castiel shook the waffle off of the fork, and it landed with an undignified plop, back on the plate among it's brother and the sticky syrup. Dean pulled the plate over his way and took his switch-blade from his jacket pocket, flinging it back and open. "Don't worry." He said. "I cleaned it yesterday."

"I trust you." Castiel watched him hold the waffle pinion with the fork and cut horizontally first, then vertically, turning the waffle into a separated grid. He did the same with the second waffle. Then he took a handful of napkins and went as far as to wrap them around the drumstick for Castiel so that he'd be able to eat it with his hands without getting them too greasy.

"You should've been a nurse." Castiel stated, taking the plate back and lifting a fork-full of waffle to his lips.

"Me? No fucking way. I mean. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for helping people, and nurses are hot and stuff. The female ones, anyway. Well...some of them. But I don't think I'd be very good at it. I'm not all that pleasant when I'm changing someone's bandages. You can ask Sammy."

"But if you had to have an alternative to hunting, I think you'd be good at it. Caring for others seems to be in your blood."

"I think Sammy'd be better cut out for nursing."

"You don't think Sam would be the type to slip a patient an extra dose just to end their suffering?"

Dean swallowed the last bite he'd taken, feeling cold, letting Castiel's words sink in.

"No. I don't. Is that what you think?"

"It's what I've been warned. I don't doubt that your brother has a good heart, Dean. But you can't deny that he's gone through some major changes over the years."

"Let's just...talk about this some other time. I know how you guys up there feel about Sam, but you're wrong. And for now, let's just put it on the back-burner."

"But, Dean, the end of the world can't be put on-"

"Did you hear me?!" Dean shouted. Castiel didn't flinch. He just stared patiently. "You said you were here to help me? Then shut the fuck up about Sam. For now, anyway."

"I don't like your tone. Yes, I'm here to help you, but as of now, I'm not assigned to take your orders. Not yet, anyway."

Dean finished the food on his plate, not even replying.

Castiel finished his as well, his chicken still untouched because he could not bring himself to savagely eat it off the bone. Dean took both of their plates and dumped them in the garbage.

"Why aren't you talking to me?" The angel asked. Dean wondered if maybe it had made him uncomfortable if that was possible. Or maybe he felt shut out and lonely. Dean kind of hoped for the latter.

"I was talking. But not to you."

"What do you mean?"

"I was talking to your boss man. Making my request."

Castiel allowed a small smile to break on his face.

"Did he talk back?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I didn't hear anything, if that's what you're asking. But I could feel something."

"You felt what?"

"Acceptance. I suppose. I don't know." The color rose in Dean's cheeks, because speaking in metaphor embarrassed him even when other people did it. He tried not to do it himself, for the most part.

"It's because you're worthy, Dean. He's depending on you, and so he won't deny you anything within reason."

"And the purity of one of His angels is expendable?"

"With permission, it doesn't count as sin. It counts more as an obligation. It's work for me. But you did ask. And you'll receive."

"Oh, that's a self-esteem booster. And I told you already. I won't be the one receiving."

"Have you always relied on your sense of humor to take the significance out of a conversation?"

"Yes."

Sam's knock came, causing Dean to jump.

"You two done in there?!"

Castiel looked to Dean to see what his response would be, but Dean just rolled his eyes, grumbling, and went to open the door for Sam.

"So...I guess you guys cleared things up?"

"Yeah." Dean said. "I guess."

"Your brother and I are going to be lovers." Castiel stated matter-of-factly.

"You're...what?" Sam's eyes shot wide open and he let out a nervous burst of laughter. "Are you serious?"

"He's an angel, Sam. Would he joke?" Dean was only a small bit annoyed with Castiel's blunt statement.

Sam shook his head and used his hand to move his bangs out of his face. He made his way over to his bed as though he needed it to support himself. He took his seat and just stared at the wall ahead of him, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Wait wait wait." He finally said, turning to face the two of them again and pulling his legs up on the bed, no longer minding his shoes on the comforter. "Dean. You're not gay. And angels...don't have sex drives. And...what even brought this about? Because you can't convince me that it was the soul food. Maybe the LA setting is getting to you?"

"Sam." Castiel addressed him calmly, which only made Dean anxious because the angel had a way of being too candid with people. "Your brother may not be gay. Sexuality isn't black and white. But that's beside the point. He may be physically attracted to this body, but the attraction goes beyond that. Your brother has a deep rooted love for me."

"I do?" Dean raised his eyebrows in challenge.

"Yes, you do, Dean. I have the means to recognize it." He turned back to Sam, now. "And since your brother is a hard-headed human, in order to bond the way that The Lord needs us to, we're going to have to bond physically."

"See what I mean, Cass? You're quick to offer explanations, but you never give me the whole story. This whole thing was GOD-ORDERED?!"

"If I told you, you wouldn't have prayed for it." Castiel snapped.

"Hey. Okay. I think I'm following." Sam said. "I'm just...I need to let the hilarity set in." Sam began to giggle madly. Oh, this was good. It was the end of the world, he was wanted for treason against his own race by both the good guys and the bad guys, Dean was suddenly gay, and he had to sleep with an angel in order to be able to effectively govern it. If only Dad was around to share this joke.

"So we're definitely fucking." Dean said, musing over it.

"Having relations." Castiel corrected him.

"Oh, not if you say it like that." Dean said. "This is just...too wrong."

"No, Dean. It's right."

"So are you spending the night here?" Sam asked, regaining his breath. "I mean...does this mean that you won't be taking off on Dean anymore? Spending your afternoons fighting with your brothers?"

Castiel looked at Dean who shrugged as if to say "it's up to you, dude."

"I will be allotted more time to spend with your brother. I don't know if that takes me completely off the battle-field. It may for now, though, since your brother has requested specific cordialities. And as for spending the night, that's up to the two of you."

Sam looked to Dean.

"I don't mind it." He said. "I mean. I could always get a separate room, right? That way Castiel will have a bed all to himself."

"Good idea." Dean said. "You up for that, Cass?"

Castiel nodded his approval.

And so that is how Dean found himself spending the night in a hotel room with an angel.

To be continued...

AN: This just gets more and more crack-influenced. Okay. So...the NEXT chapter should be porn, then. Maybe. Probably.