Ways To Annoy Hogwarts Residents Chapter 4. rated T for the f word.

A/N- Okay, so the last chapter was a Snape one. They're so good, I love Snape-Bashing. So...Another fate-pisses-on-Snape chapter! Enjoy!

11- Party!

"Have you done the ceiling fans yet, Draco?" Hermione asked. They were all (Draco, Hermione and Harry) in the potions classroom, and it was ten minutes until their lesson.

"No. Potter can do them."

"'Kay." said Harry from his place on the floor.

"Draco, you hang these. Two or three on every window, and some on the ceiling- Oh! The cake's done!" *gets cake put of the oven and ices it with Happy Birthday Sevster *

"Ready, Hermione?" asked Draco, his wand to his dark mark. (A/N- It's just for this story, Okay? I'm sorry, but its the only logical explanation for the next bit.)

"Right Harry, when the death eaters appear, you Imperio Avery, Mulciber, Malfoy's Dad and Karkaroff. I'll take Nott, and the three Lestranges, Malfoy, summon them, then take the dark lord."

"Right. 1...2...3...NOW" shouted Draco. All the death eaters appeared. There was an almighty struggle.

When Snape went in to teach his seventh-year students, he found the floor covered with rose petals (that's what Harry was doing), Balloons littered the walls and ceiling, and lace doilys covered the desks. The class was already in and sat down. There were a dozen or so death eaters, including the dark lord, who all sang him a happy birthday, before cutting the cake, and having a pleasant conversation about the politics of south korea.

A/N- That's a lesson I would LOVE to be in. Oh, and I credit cookiechainsaw's brother with the south korea bit.

12- Things that laugh in the night.

Hermione was in Snape's room, on his bed, in the middle of the night. Get your minds out of the gutter. She had a red pen in her hand. She was drawing a lightning bolt-shaped scar on his head.

Draco was giving him a haircut. And wash. He'd even remembered the sticky-up bit at the back.

And so, that day, Severus Snape went around Hogwarts as a Harry Potter Lookalike.

13- The Pipes. (for dwarfers)

Hermione and Draco had persuaded Dumbledore to run hogwarts like a muggle school for a week. They had designed all the pipework, the water pipes, sewage, etc...

Of course, the pipes had to run through Snapes room.

It was 1 am. Snape lay in bed.

NureeeeeK

"Shut UP! Just shut the HELL UP!"

ruuutoooooooT

"ARGH!" Snape hit the pipes with a spanner. "SHUT" hit "THE" hit "HELL" hit "UP" hit "YOU" hit "STUPID" hit "PIPES"hit..."I'M" hit "GOING" hit "TO" hit "KILL" hit "THOSE" hit "BLOODY" hit "KIDS" hit.

Silence.

"Ahhhhh." Snape started to sleep...

squelookle...

dumbledore walked in. "What are you doing sevster?"

"FUCKING PIPES"

Snape was suspended from teaching for a week.

14- Sing-Song

"Everyone!" said Draco, in a potions lesson. Before Snape could issue detention, he said "And-a 1, 2, 123 GO!"

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape" chanted the class. This carried on for about half the lesson

A/N- I admit that this one's probably not as funny, but this actually happened to my maths class. Our teacher was livid by the end.

15- Oh, Really?

"Sir, Why were you in my house last night?"

"Uh... I wasn't?"

"Ooooh, Sir! So... We think he likes Lucius a little more that he should!"

"NO!" said Snape. "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNO_" he went bright red.

16- Bananas

"Miss Granger, do you know the properties of moonstone?"

"Yes, We Have No Bananas."

"Miss Granger, Do you want a detention?"

"No, We have no Bananas."

"Miss Granger?"

"Bananas?"

"MISS GRANGER, SHUT UP"

Hermione nodded. "Bananas" she said solemnly.

17- Remember me? (because I thought it was time one of them was caught)

"And they are anonymous, right?"

"Yes, Granger, they are anonymous."

"Good. Give me the first one." Draco handed her a small piece of parchment, with Girly, Bubbly, nothing-like-Granger's handwriting.

Do you remember me, Severus? Do you remember that time? Do you rember that Broom Cupboard? Do you remember my seventh-year?

Draco Sniggered. He placed the note on the desk.

"What do you think you're doing Mr. Malfoy?"

"Oh, Um, Professor...I was... Delivering a note from a family friend?"

"Ah. May I read it?" *reads* *glares* "DETENTION, MR. MALFOY! I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM HER AGAIN, YOU WILL NOT DELIVER ANY LETTERS FROM HER EVER AGAIN, YOU WILL TELL HER IT'S NOT MINE, AND I AM DEAD"

"Sir?"

"What?"

"It was a ...Joke, Sir."

"!"

18-Enchanted (for a school of magic, there's surprisingly little magic around.)

Hermione pointed her wand at Snape. He straightened up from where he was testing Nevilles potion. Hermione ignored the fact that she probably just saved his life.

"So, Do you have anything to say, Sir?" Asks Malfoy

"I..." he scratched his head "I...I'm a...Little...TEAPOT! I'm a little teapot, short and stout, here's my handle, here's my spout..." Snape sang through the rest of the lesson.

19- Rabbits. (due to overdose of the book 'Of Mice And Men')

"Sir?" asked Harry, One potions lesson.

"ARGH!" said Snape, Turning around.

"Sir?"

"Why is there...a...Talking Rabbit in my classroom? I HATE Rabbits! I banish them all!" Snape walked around all the students, flapping his hands and saying "Shoo"

The room was laughing so much, everyone missed Draco slowly hiding his wand back up his sleeve.

20- He's Mad! (for blackadder fans)

"Ready, Granger?"

"Yep."

"Ready, Potter?"

"Yep."

"Potter, You distract him, and I'll Do the charm" Draco said.

"Kay" said Harry.

Hermione grinned.

Snape walked down the corridor.

"Sir? I was wondering..."

"Now, Malfoy, Now!" said Hermine. Draco Pointed his wand at Snape's head.

When snape entered his classroom, He had underpants on his head, a pencil up each nostril (although he probably could've fitted two) and he could only say 'Wibble'

A/N- Well? I should be revising, so if I fail my exams, It's you're fault!

Any ideas? If you wanna write me a section and PM it to me, Feel Free.