A/N: Enjoy this chapter! Reviews are love. :)
Songs Without Words
"Mr. Schuester," Mike said as the teacher entered the room, looking over some notes, "we've been talking, and we think if we're going to do this song without words, then we should do a song to counter it. Something with a lot of words."
"Sounds plausible," Mr. Schuester said. "Anybody got any ideas?"
"Well, our first choice was 'It's the End of the World as We Know It,'" Mercedes said.
"Until we realized that none of us have any idea what that song's about," Kurt said.
"And then we thought of that Billy Joel song, the one about all the history," Finn said.
"But then I remembered that one of the judges for sectionals is Brett Langford," Rachel said, "who got in a fight with Billy Joel when he was in Dublin two years ago, and hates when anybody sings a Billy Joel song. I think it's prejudiced and against the rules, but they haven't been able to stop him yet, and…"
"So what did you decide on?" Mr. Schuester asked, cutting Rachel off.
"A medley of TV show theme songs," Tina said promptly.
Mr. Schuester put his notes on the piano. "Wow."
"Is that a good wow or a bad wow?" Kurt asked.
"It's… a contemplative wow," Mr. Schuester said. "I've never considered TV show theme songs as a possibility. Way to think outside the box, guys!"
"Most of the shows I don't watch don't have theme songs," Brittany said. "Like Harry Potter."
"That's a book. Or a movie," Santana said.
"And I don't know the words to any of its songs," Brittany said.
"We'd have to make a pretty long medley," Mr. Schuester said, moving to the white board. "And we'd have to have a wide variety of shows. Dramas, comedies…"
"Maybe we should do that Charlie Sheen show," Puck said. "He's getting a lot of press lately."
"Do we really want to be associated with Charlie Sheen?" Mr. Schuester asked. "I'm not sure his values are in tune with ours."
"Except for one of his favorites," Puck countered.
The glee club members turned to look at him, confused.
"Um, winning!" Puck said.
After the glee club was dismissed, Skyler rolled up to Mr. Schuester. "My father wants to know if you'll come for dinner tonight," she typed.
"I'd be honored," Mr. Schuester said.
"Great," Skyler typed, and smiled.
"Rachel was asking some questions about you today," Mr. Schuester said as he turned to wipe off the white-board.
"Oh?" Skyler typed, and raised her eyebrows.
"She was questioning your loyalty. Guess she found out who your sister is."
Skyler rolled her eyes.
"That was pretty much my reaction too. I set her straight, don't you worry."
"The Langford Lovelies don't need me to help them win," Skyler typed. "They've got enough help already in the form of Rand Philippe. Please imagine me doing jazz hands as I type that."
She flexed her little pale hands at the wrists, bringing them up as far as she could off her wheelchair arm-rests, and laughed over her ventilator.
"From what I hear Rand's a pretty good coach," Mr. Schuester said.
"He's not the kind of coach you are," Skyler typed.
"Are you just telling me that to make me feel better about myself?"
"That depends. Is it working?"
"You are a born peacemaker, Skyler Howard."
"Rand Philippe doesn't need anyone to boost his ego. He does it well enough by himself." Skyler gave Mr. Schuester a "so-there" look.
"Did someone mention Rand Philippe?" Rachel asked.
Mr. Schuester jumped – he hadn't seen her standing there. "Um, hi, Rachel."
"Because Rand Philippe is a seriously talented coach," the dark-haired girl went on. "We're going to have to be super-good to beat him at sectionals."
"Rand Philippe is a self-serving egomaniac with a Napoleon complex and a love of show-tunes," Skyler typed, keeping a straight face.
Rachel looked aghast, as though someone had killed a kitten in front of her.
"He's just a jerk," Skyler typed. "And he smells really weird."
"You've been close enough to… smell him?" Rachel asked. It was like getting an audience with the Pope.
"He's at our house all the time," Skyler typed. "Ever since he broke up with his latest boy-toy, anyway."
"He… comes to your house? Oh, I would just die!"
"Why don't you come to dinner?" Skyler typed.
"Really?" Rachel squeaked.
"Sure," Skyler typed, and shrugged a little. "My mother will be thrilled I have a friend."
"Oh! Well, then. Okay."
Skyler gave Rachel a smile, and then rolled her wheelchair forward. "Speaking of my mother, I should probably find her. Rachel, can we give you a ride?"
"Um, yeah," Rachel said. "I wanted to talk to Mr. Schuester about something, but it can wait."
"I'll see you at the Howards', Rachel," Mr. Schuester said.
"Oh! Well, then, all right," Rachel said.
Skyler gave Mr. Schuester a knowing look before heading out of the room, Rachel on her heels.
In the hallway, a tall woman with curly red hair was looking into classrooms. She had an overstuffed backpack over one shoulder and carried a music stand in the other hand.
"Hi, Mom," Skyler typed.
"Skyler! There you are!"
"Sorry, I had to go invite Mr. Schuester to dinner," Skyler typed. "Mom, this is Rachel Berry. A friend from glee club."
"Pleased to meet you," Mrs. Howard said, holding out a slim, manicured hand.
Rachel shook it. "Are you stealing that music stand?" she asked, and then blushed fiercely.
"No, I'm not," Mrs. Howard said with an understanding smile. "This is Skyler's. We use it to hold up her textbooks."
"Oh! I didn't mean that you would… I mean, steal…"
"It's quite all right," Mrs. Howard said.
"Mom, I told Rachel we could give her a ride," Skyler typed. "And I invited her to dinner."
"Excellent," Mrs. Howard said. "It'll be nice to have company for a change."
In the parking lot Mrs. Howard led the way to a large, battered blue van, and unlocked it with a small remote. She opened the back doors and put the music stand and the backpack in the cargo area, then opened the side doors and used a little control box to bring down a wheelchair lift. Skyler rolled onto the lift and Mrs. Howard raised her into the van.
"Rachel, please feel free to sit in the passenger seat," Mrs. Howard said as she climbed into the van to lock Skyler's wheelchair in place. "I believe the kids call it 'shotgun.'"
Skyler rolled her eyes. "Mom, you are so totally hopeless."
"Well, I'll just remember that the next time you need my help with something," Mrs. Howard said, standing upright. "Sorry, Sky, can't help you – Mommy's hopeless."
The ride to the Howards' home was quick. Mrs. Howard made small talk with Rachel, asking her about the glee club and William McKinley's other attributes.
Inside, the Howards' house was comfortably cluttered, and the sounds of a classical concerto filled the air. "Sky, go find Daddy and ask him if he has any ideas for dinner," Mrs. Howard said, putting one of her bags on the kitchen table. "Liz!" she hollered up the stairs.
Skyler rolled out of the kitchen, and, unsure of what to do, Rachel followed along behind. Skyler drove into a small room filled with books. A gray-haired man in a brown vest stood facing the windows, his hands in the air, conducting along with the music.
"Dad," Skyler typed.
The man didn't seem to hear her computer – the music was too loud.
Skyler rolled her eyes at Rachel and cranked up the volume. "DAD," the computer bellowed.
Mr. Howard jerked around, dropping his baton on the ground. He reached over to the CD player and smashed the "pause" button. "Sky! And… friend of Sky! You startled me in the middle of my Bartok!"
"Sorry, Dad," Skyler typed, having lowered the volume. "Mom wanted to know what we're having for dinner."
"I thought we'd have stir-fry," Mr. Howard said. "It's William's favorite."
"I will let her know," Skyler said. "Dad, this is Rachel Berry. From school."
"Pleased to meet you, Professor Howard," Rachel said, and they shook hands.
"Please, call me Dave," the professor said. "All my closest friends do."
"Oh, well, thank you," Rachel said, blushing.
"Now, my dears, I must return to my Bartok," Dave said. "I need to finish preparing this final movement before rehearsal tomorrow."
"Sure thing, Dad," Skyler typed.
"Nice to meet you," Rachel said.
The professor waited until the girls were back in the hallway before restarting the music.
"He seemed… nice," Rachel said to Skyler.
"He's a nut," Skyler typed. "In the nicest possible way, of course."
In the kitchen, Mrs. Howard was running water in the sink. A girl with black hair, dressed in a short black skirt and a black top studded with sequins, sat at the table. "Who's Sally Schoolgirl?"
"Lizzy, be nice," Skyler typed. "This is Rachel Berry. From school."
"You must be Elizabeth Howard," Rachel said, stepping forward to offer her hand.
The girl looked at Rachel's hand as though it was a small dead animal. "Um, yeah."
"Most people call her Liz," Skyler typed.
"What did your father want for dinner?" Mrs. Howard asked.
"Stir-fry," Skyler typed, turning her chair to look at her mother.
"Of course," Mrs. Howard said. "Liz, will you chop some vegetables?"
"I know where I've heard your name before," Liz said, snapping her fingers. "Aren't you that girl who sings all the Streisand songs at competition?"
"Well, I do like Streisand," Rachel said a bit nervously. "She's one of the consummate divas."
Liz snorted. "If you like eating horseshit."
"Elizabeth," Mrs. Howard said.
"I just think the whole Jewish princess-Barbra Streisand thing is a little over-played," Liz said.
"Oh, and Katy Perry is suddenly hip and new?" Skyler typed.
"Don't you say anything bad about Katy Perry," Liz said, pointing at Skyler.
"She's a ho," Skyler typed.
"Sky!" Mrs. Howard said. "If you girls can't be civil, at least go in separate rooms."
"Gladly," Liz said, and moved towards the stairs.
"Not you," Mrs. Howard said. "Vegetables, please."
Skyler gave her sister a smirk and rolled out of the kitchen. When she and Rachel were in the living room, she typed, "Sometimes I like to get a rise out of Liz. I don't really hate Katy Perry, although there are several other artists I'd rather listen to. Okay, there are a lot of other artists I'd rather listen to."
"Is your sister always that mean?" Rachel asked, looking nervously towards the kitchen.
"No," Skyler typed.
"Oh, good."
"Sometimes she's meaner," Skyler typed. "Which is why we have to beat the pants off her and the rest of the Lovelies at sectionals."
Rachel looked at the tiny girl, taken a little aback. At last she smiled slowly, and said, "I think I'm glad you're on my side, Skyler."
"Then I think that makes two of us," Skyler typed.