I was half-dead in class, staring into space (and looking like an idiot) when I hit upon a ridiculous idea: Byakuran's grandma!
Warning: If you're a Byakuran fan, or you hate illogical ramblings, please press the awesome X button at the right hand corner of ur internet. Or backspace. Or blow up your comp =w=
Disclaimer: 我不own Reborn.
Important note: Pay special attention to the parts of the story in BOLDDDDDDD!
Grandma
"I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME~" Byakuran's handphone rang, blasting the Barney theme song. Flicking open the device, Byakuran held it to his ear.
"Hellooo? Byakuran speaking! Evil overlord and marshmallow murderer!" he chimed merrily.
"…Grandson!" snapped the other on the line.
…
"AAAAAAAAH!" and Byakuran threw his handphone out of the window.
After an hour, Byakuran finally gathered his wits to return his grandmother's call. Re-dialing the dreaded number many times, he finally pressed the call button – the button of DOOOOM!
"Yes?" came his grandmother's sharp answer.
"Gulping, Byakuran stuttered, "Greetings t-to thee, thy Grandmotherth of thy Grandmotherly. Thee is thy Byakuran-of-Byakuranth. I-I I mean, thou hasth a-apologized to thee for thy- the – thee…er…"
"Grandson, do you wish for me to stuff you up the chimney?" With annoyance, his grandmother cut in, "I am coming for a visit at 6pm sharp. Make sure you fiancée is there to greet me. And I expect the Millefiore to be in tip-top condition. That is all."
And she hung up.
Flashback
"Well, Grandson. It would seem that you are of a marriageable age by now. I want you to present your fiancée to me the next time we meet. Goodbye." And Grandma flexed her muscular arm for effect before departure.
End of lame flashback
Let's give Byakuran's grandmother a proper introduction, shall we?
Byakuran's grandmother is not like the average, sweet, cookie-baking granny sitting in a rocking chair. Well, what would you expect, with a grandson who has a marshmallow fetish? Anyway, for starters, Byakuran's grandma has MUSCLES. She HAS muscles. Grandma was once well-known in the family for grabbing her children and stuffing them up the chimney. (Any opposition against Grandma would result in the same fate.) Byakuran's grandmother is also incredibly short-sighted, and she always wears her pair of thick spectacles to shield the world from her murderous eyes. Grandma has dark pink afro hair and always carries along a bag full of torture equipment, which she proudly named 'the Bag of LOVE'. In short, Grandma was Byakuran's GREATEST NIGHTMARE.
Byakuran was stumped. It was too sudden! He still had many unfulfilled dreams before his death! He wanted to stay up later than 9pm for once! He wanted the whole collection of Hello Kitty magnet stickers! He wanted to sail the seven seas in search of his lost blankie! Oh, why? Why was life so cruel to him?! WHY?!?!
…and Byakuran wasted an hour of moping before he finally sprang into action.
"Attention, all in the Millefiore base. I repeat, attention all. Byakuran-sama wishes to- oof!" the unnamed announcer was probably flung away by an overly-agonized Byakuran.
"EVERYONE! MY GRANDMA IS COMING SO I WANT THE MILLEFIORE BASE TO LOOK MOE AND CUTE! IM PUTTING GENKISHI IN CHARGE! NOW BYE, I NEED TO BAKE A MARSHMALLOW CAKE AND FIND A FIANCEE!" and with that, the speaker buzzed for a few seconds before dying down.
In his quarters, Genkishi gave a confused look. What was an 'moe and cute' Millefiore base was defined as?
Byakuran rushed into the Millefiore kitchen, screeching to a halt in front of the stunned chefs. Seeing his insane look, they all ran out of the kitchen, arms flailing and screaming in terror. Most of them slammed into the wall on the way out, crumbling into an unconscious heap on the corridor.
"I NEED FLOUR! CHEFS HAND ME FLOUR!" Byakuran commanded, turning around to see an empty kitchen.
Shrugging it off, he decided to create the marshmallow cake by himself. And the first thing he needed, was MARSHMALLOWS.
Genkishi was in the Millefiore library. The librarian hid in her booth, amazed to witness the impossible happening.
"Byakuran-sama has entrusted me with this important mission. I must not fail him." Genkishi was determined. However, he was clueless on the whereabouts of such mystical and alien adjectives. What would an 'moe and cute' Millefiore base resemble?
With determination, he approached the library computer, typing these two powerful words into the search engine…
Byakuran had all the ingredients prepared. Marshmallows, butter, sugar, icing, flour and eggs were present on the table, as instructed from the recipe book he found under the stove. He frowned immensely, glaring at the offensive ingredients with distaste.
"This is too plain!" Byakuran concluded, before running off to get his bag of improvised ingredients.
Genkishi was melting in front of the computer. Lay before his eyes, on the computer screen, were multitudes of pink, shoujo-y, and insanely girly pictures. After some searching, Genkishi also dug out some related books from the library shelf, all smothered in pink and fluff.
"…If this is what Byakuran-sama wishes for the Millefiore base, I would have to comply." Genkishi concluded, before donning his anti-gay full-bodied suit.
There was an ominous feel in the kitchen. Even the bacteria inside were squealing in horror and running out of the place.
"Hee heee heeee heee heee!" Byakuran cackled as he turned the handle of his cauldron (how did a cauldron get there?!), bending over and smirking at the contents.
The contents of the cauldron were of an unhealthy green colour, and upon careful inspection would reveal bits and pieces of unnamed materials sticking out of the goo. There was even a sesame street video tape floating around in one corner.
"I WILL MAKE THE GREATEST MARSHMALLOW CAKE EVER! WATCH ME, GRANDMA!" he hollered, flinging in an old gym shoe into the pot.
After sufficient research, Genkishi started off immediately.
In the xxxxx room
A bunch of Millefiore members were gathered, ready for action. Genkishi handed out sketches of the newly-improved interiors of the Millefiore base. It took much effort and brainstorming, but he managed to recreate some ridiculously girly designs.
"Aniki! Look at this! It's disgusting!"
"What the bloody shit is this?!"
"Naïve~ Naïve~"
"This is ridiculous!"
"MY EYES!!!!"
And the huge commotion continued for another hour.
"My marshmallow cake is perfect!" Byakuran exclaimed, patting the deformed pile of burnt goo with utter pride. With that taken care of, all he was left with was to find a fiancée. Byakuran congratulated himself on his great genius.
Skipping through the hallways, Byakuran failed to notice the half-done pink wallpapers that were in progress. He was also oblivious to the pink and fluffy furniture decorated all around, in a severely disturbing fashion. The Millefiore subordinates wore miserable looks on their faces, as they internally cursed Byakuran for suggesting such a horrible idea.
5.30p.m.
Byakuran was feeling miserable. For the past 3 hours, he was bitch-slapped upon approaching any girl.
"AAAHHH! DINOSAUR!" they all screamed before assaulting poor Byakuran.
"My charms don't seem to work today!" Byakuran moped, sharing his woes with a beetle on the ground. Suddenly, it occurred to him to check his watch.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
5.50p.m.
Byakuran rushed back to the Millefiore base, to find it unrecognizable.
"Welcome back, Byakuran-sama." The Millefiore subordinates chorused, each donning a pair of sunglasses to protect themselves from the excessive amounts of moe.
Obviously, Byakuran flew into a state of panic and knocked into a wall before he fell unconscious.
"Kufufufu~" came a silky voice from somewhere above.
"Mummy?" Byakuran thought absently before cracking open his eyes. He soon found himself staring into the face of none other than the great pineapple king (Mukuro)!
"HOW- WHA- HOW?!" Byakuran spluttered. The last time he had checked, Mukuro was still stuck in some random dungeon securely locked in.
"Kufufu~ your men replaced all the chains with fluffy ropes. How adorable~" Mukuro took out a pink fluffy rope and showed it to the gaping Byakuran.
It suddenly occurred to him to check his watch.
"OH CRA-"
The wall on his right was blown apart, revealing a rather stout-looking old lady with pink afro hair.
"GRANDMA!!!" Byakuran shrieked, as panic started to form on his face.
"Shut up, grandson." Grandma snapped, strict eyes scrutinizing the hallway. Genkishi suddenly popped up from nowhere and replaced her spectacles with a pair of sunglasses to shield her from the Pink. Byakuran fidgeted insanely from where he was standing, whilst Mukuro watched on beside Byakuran, clearly amused by the occurrences.
Grandma started walking through the Millefiore base, greeted by subordinates dressed in maid cosplay attires with sunglasses. Byakuran egged on nervously behind Grandma, with Mukuro in tow. After examining the disgusting marshmallow cake, Grandma finally turned around to face Byakuran and Mukuro (who had caught up with them).
And there was a deadly silence.
"Grandson!" Grandma finally spoke.
"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes?" Byakuran stammered, probably clinching an award for the longest stammer in the Guinness World Record.
"THIS IS FABULOUS! THE BASE LOOKS EXCELLENT! YOUR SUBORDINATES HAVE SUCH STYLISH ATTIRES!" Grandma burst into praise, smacking the unfortunate marshmallow cake unconsciously.
"…AND YOUR FIANCEE! WHAT A FINE YOUNG LADY!" Grandma exclaimed, tugging violently onto poor Mukuro's hair. Byakuran was gaping in disbelief.
After calming down and clearing her throat, Grandma concluded, "Grandson, you have met up to my expectations. I have to go now – I am needed to stuff people into chimneys again. Goodbye."
Before leaving, she walked past the traumatized and messed-up Mukuro and whispered, "And I would like you to come over frequently for visits. We have some…womanly things to talk about~"
And Grandma gave a wink to him before she left –through the ceiling.
A/N: review? areas of improvement? xD