The Seven Serenades of Patrick Jane

Summary: This was going to be fun, Jane decided; he was going to serenade his 'boss' for a week straight with love songs. For The Jello-Forever February Challenge: Love Songs.

Disclaimer: *is still really, really, really, really, really poor*

Songs Used: "Your Body Is a Wonderland" by John Mayer and "Kiwi" by Maroon 5.

Warnings: Language, OOC (in some parts), some…minor sexual themes.

A/N:

I've been planning this chapter since I decided to write this story, and though, this chapter may not be as…hilarious… I think overall, you will be very impressed with the song choice…

Thank you for all the adds, reviews and reads on this story! You guys are absolutely amazing!!!

Chapter Four

Thursday

Lisbon hated when cases led out of town, she actually liked to sleep in her own bed—but she accepted that her career came first before whatever preferences she had to where she stayed. It even seemed the CBI was being somewhat kind (and maybe just a little apologetic for letting Jane join) to their unit by giving them the budget for three motel rooms instead of the usual two. It meant that someone could have their own bedroom, and usually it became a huge argument with the guys on who wanted the spare bedroom. Cho and Rigsby didn't mind rooming together, but they couldn't bother staying with Jane as he loved to be his famed insomniac self and keep them up until the weary moments of daybreak with his 'Jane-ness' as both of them told her on more than one occasion. She felt bad for both Cho and Rigsby, but at the same time—they helped Jane with his damned schemes, and if anything, and she was only looking out for her consultant's safety here, they could protect him from any harm because of his damned singing habit.

Honestly? Did he think he was getting anywhere with his damned serenading? She had even threatened him after yesterday's stunt, warning him that the next time he pulled something like that in the Serious Crime Unit area that she would have him transferred to another unit in which Lisbon wasn't the boss, and the worst crime he'd experience is littering.

Jane didn't take to well to that, and on top of that—he had temporarily decided (as of 8:50 A.M, this morning) that his new 'home' was going to be in Lisbon's office. Lisbon, no matter how 'generous' she was wouldn't let him recreate Elvis on her ceiling—nor would she let him tote his huge stockpile of things he had hidden in the cushions of his couch into her office. It didn't help either that Ashton himself had shown back up to drop the couch back off, and she could tell that Jane had said or done something to get the said couch back. When she asked him about it, he only shrugged and said that Ashton was doing a good deed for his country.

Times like these, Lisbon surmised, as she pinched the bridge of her nose and pointed for Jane to leave her office, she was glad that Jane knew when to back-off otherwise; she'd have a dead body to hide and be down one consultant—and she was pretty sure that the CBI wouldn't be so generous to provide her with another one, no matter how much they empathized with her about Jane.

* * * * * *

The motel was small, the rooms weren't any bigger and the T.V. reception was horrible—Jane was alright with that, his favorite activity of the night wouldn't be to remain in one of the rooms but rather to have some more fun with Lisbon. All week, Jane had been planning to sing these two songs to her but it was probably considered illegal to sing either of these songs at a crime scene or at HQ.

While some people would find it funny, Lisbon would just kill him right then and there, and he'd rather not go that route. Yes, out of town would be a much safer place to try this.

"Lisbon!" Jane stood out front of the motel, and Lisbon who was on the second floor peeked her head from beyond the curtains and grimaced down at him. "Lissssbon!" He would keep calling her name until she decided to step out of her room. "Lisssssssssss…" Lisbon stepped from her room and threw a glare at him.

"What the hell are you trying to do Jane?" Lisbon hissed. "Get us thrown out?" He grinned at her in response.

"Maybe." He purred and she stared at him as if his head were on fire. Yeah, Lisbon had some staring problem.

"Are you alright, Jane?" She asked, trying to hide the slight tint of blush on her cheeks. "Do you need me to call a doctor or…"

"We got the afternoon; you got this room for two—one thing I've left to do, discover me, discovering you." He watched as her eyes grew wide, and her jaw dropped. "One mile to every inch of skin like porcelain, one pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue—cause if you want love, we'll make it…"

"Jane!" Lisbon screeched. "When I get my hands on you…!"

"I love the shape you take when crawling toward the pillowcase." Jane purred and sang at the same time, while Lisbon's face was slowly turning many different shades of red. "Damn baby, you frustrate me…." The team, who had already the beginnings of a catastrophe after hearing Jane's voice rushed out from their rooms to see what was going, and could only stand with their eyes wide and jaws dropped. Jane chuckled lowly, if he had known that this was going to get such an amazing reaction from his coworkers, he would have tried this song yesterday. Lisbon hadn't tried to kill yet, and he decided that it would be safe to go for the kill with the second song. "Close my eyes when I'm alone, wonder what it would be like to make you moan…" and there it was, he could see it as if someone held a sign over her head; Lisbon's breaking point. "So give it up, don't pretend—and spread your arms and legs across the bed—and when you shake, you won't regret things I whisper in your ear…." Lisbon had her taser in her hands now, and he smirked toward her—she wasn't going to do it, all bark and no bite. He watched as she stepped down each step, taser shaking in her hands and before he knew it, she had tackled him to the ground with the taser poised over his chest.

"You've just sung your last song, you…"

"Can't wait to take you home, fingers through your hair, kisses on your back, scratch me with your nails…"

"I'll scratch you with more than my nails…"

"--Save me from myself, show me how to care, get everything out—dripping everywhere…" and now, she positively was fuming.

"You're going to need someone to save you from me, you bastard!" With the taser poised to strike, she decided to hell with the consequences and gave her consultant what he deserved.

"Lipstick smeared all over your…OUCH!"

"You're very welcome," and with that she left him on the pavement, howling in pain while Cho, Van Pelt and Rigsby looked on in some form of amusement and amazement.

"Did he really just sing to the boss about…?" Rigsby began, and Cho nodded.

"He did."