This is for those of you who wanted more Tsukiyo/Kakashi and in particular for Mew-Star-Mew and her prompt: "What if Tsukiyo was stuck as a human for a while?" I hope this will satisfy your interest. :3

IMPORTANT: This is in the same universe than the previous bonus. Shisui died and Itachi joined Akatsuki.

After years of covert operations, I had gotten quite good at locating Kakashi in Konoha, and he had gotten used to me coming out of nowhere to walk by his side.

"Yo," he greeted me without looking away from his book.

"Hi," I replied, distracted. "Say, you have some knowledge of fuuinjutsu, right?"

"Why?"

"I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

"In this form. I'm stuck in this form," I hissed, glaring at him for being so slow. I glowered at the rest of the world too, just because people had clearly decided to piss me off today. It was a conspiracy!

"How did you manage that?" He asked curiously, finally glancing at me.

I grunted and looked around pointedly. It's not like I could talk freely where anyone could hear us. I made a really great human (I wondered why), and no-one suspected me when I was alone, but the Copy Ninja Kakashi talking to a woman tended to attract attention for some reason.

"I'll be there in five," he offered, looking back at his book.

"Don't make me wait or your neighbors will get noisy again, and I'm certainly not in the mood to play the ditzy groupie, I'd rather peck some eyeballs," I murmured before leaving to find my way to his apartment.

Somehow, I must have convinced him of the seriousness of the situation (or of my willingness to maim his neighbors), because he was here right on time to let me inside his flat without anyone to gawk at us.

"So?" He asked.

"This is the Swirly Orange fault, for sure," I ranted. "I bet this is his petty revenge because I pissed him off — he's so touchy, I just defecated on him once or twice at most, he deserves so much worse. I felt a seal activate on my back when I took human shape after my meeting with the Hokage. I hadn't noticed anything before. Since it activated I can't use chakra, whether to change back or unsummon myself or anything else. I'm powerless. Do something, it's creeping me out!" I was gesticulating wildly. This truly freaked me out, and I had only managed to bottle up my panic until now.

Kakashi rested a hand on my shoulder, pressing down gently. "Easy. Show me."

"Of course," I muttered, immediately working on undoing my obi and yukata. I always appeared in the same clothes when I took human shape. In theory, a yukata fit most cultures and situations in this world, but it was only practical when you didn't need to put it on or remove it. I grumbled at the obi and didn't notice the way Kakashi quickly moved behind me, out of sight, when the fabric slid down and revealed some cleavage. "I need to find better clothes, this is too troublesome," I concluded when I had finally undone the obi and let the yukata pool around my elbows and waist. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kakashi eying my back. "What do you think?"

"It's a chakra restraining seal, similar to those used in ANBU or Torture and Interrogation, with some modifications."

"Like what?"

"What bothers me the most is that it's on your skin. It's not supposed to be applied on the skin directly, but on paper glued to the skin to remove it without risk. Seals on the skin are supposed to be for life."

I raised my hands (as much as I could, encumbered by the yukata sleeves) to the ceiling in despair. "If I'm stuck like this indefinitely, I swear to Kami I'll peck this asshole's eyeballs out. Sharingan is such a big deal that it must be some kind of delicacy, right?"

"Don't test it on me, that's all I request," Kakashi replied, deadpan. He gestured toward his bed. "Sit down. Let me find my notes on fuuinjutsu."

I complied obediently, feeling really dejected by the situation. For once, I couldn't even blame this on the Trouble Twins: Itachi had tried to convince me to stop antagonizing Tobi/Madara/Obito, but I hadn't listened. That guy pissed me off even more easily than Danzou. If there wasn't the stupid orange mask in the way, I would have clawed his face out years ago. Covering him with guano was the next best thing.

"When did he even had the occasion to put this seal on me?" I muttered. "This is creepy as fuck."

"How long do you have before you're out of chakra?" Kakashi asked as he came back from his bookcase with two scrolls in hand. He was intently staring at them although they weren't open, until he sat behind me to study my back.

"I don't know. Itachi gave me a lot so I could reach Konoha despite any eventual setbacks, so... days." I waved a sleeve-covered hand around. "Three, maybe? Or more since I can't do anything at all with it, not even climbing walls. Wait. Do you think this seal is gonna stop me from going back?"

"It shouldn't. It only stops active use of your chakra, while the end of a summoning is passive and independant of your will."

"Oh, good."

"But it might not put an end to the seal's effectiveness, in which case you'll be stuck in human shape and without access to your chakra even when you'll go back to the Karasu's realm."

I tried to imagine that and immediately was assaulted by thousands of curious crows without any possibility to avoid them because I couldn't fly nor use chakra. What a nightmare. And then, when Itachi would summon me again, it might be in a dangerous situation and I would be powerless to help him and defend myself. "Oh, not good. But that won't happen because you're gonna remove it, right?" I said hopefully.

"I'm no fuuinjutsu master, Tsukiyo-chan."

I turned around and pulled him forward by his vest until our faces were nearly touching. "You are the Yondaime's student and one of the smartest humans of this age. You are going to solve this."

"Or what?" he breathed, his visible eye half-closed in indolence.

"Or… or nothing! Or you won't get a reward."

"And what would be my reward?" he asked, leaning closer and tilting his head so his nose brushed my cheek.

I shivered unconsciously at the contact and blinked in bewilderment. "What do you want? Almonds?"

He chuckled and moved back. I had the strange feeling that I had given the wrong answer. Without looking down, he pulled on my yukata to cover my chest. It wasn't very comfortable. I adjusted my clothes.

"Why don't we make a deal?" Kakashi said casually. "I'll do my utmost to help you if you answer truthfully one question."

"Sure. I mean, if I can. Is this a trap? I'm not telling you Itachi's secrets," I warned him, squinting suspiciously.

"Nothing to do with Itachi."

"Alright then, bring it on. Let's get this over with so you can solve this and I can claw the Swirly Asshole's face—"

"How are you so human?"

"What?" I frowned. That didn't make any sense. Kakashi knew why I was in human form. Was he getting senile or something?

"Why is your behavior so human? Why do you know so much about being human?"

"Oh." Never mind. Apparently, he was the opposite of senile. Smartest human of his age, indeed. Damn it; couldn't he have selective stupidity or something? "You won't believe me."

"Try me."

I hesitated, bobbing my head as I thought this through. It's not like I had much choice, right? "Fine," I hissed finally. "This is my second life, I have been reincarnated as a crow, but I was human during my first life. I forgot most of the specific personal stuff but not the general cultural rules." I waited expectantly for his reaction, but there was none. He was staring at me impassively. Clearly he didn't believe me. I pointed at his nose vindictively. "See! I told you that you wouldn't believe me! But it's the truth nonetheless, and I fulfilled my part of the deal so no going back on it! It's your turn. Rid me of this stupid seal!"

"Do you feel more crow or more human?"

I squinted. What was going on with all the hard questions? "Well… It depends, I guess. Years ago I was 60% crow, but the more I have to play mother hen for troublesome humans, the more I have to remember about being human, so I'm probably leaning toward 40% crow nowadays. But then there is the whole 'stuck into human form' drama who might push it around 25% crow… I mean, what a weird question. How am I supposed to quantify that?"

He laughed. It was a soft sound as he bent forward and pressed a fist to his mouth to stifle it. It went for so long that I had no other choice than to punch him in the shoulder (It was for his own good, your honor!). When he took the hit without reacting, I poked him insistently.

"What? Are you mocking me?! I swear to all kami that I'll demote you to least favorite human of mine and go find the Sandaime and his commander if you don't stop—"

He grabbed my hand and pulled until I nearly fell into his lap. "So... your previous life, how was it?"

I squinted, suspicious. "Are you pulling my leg or do you truly believe me?"

"Maa, I believe you," he replied, tapping my chin. "It makes more sense than some other things I thought about."

"Seriously? You must have some good imagination to think about something crazier than that."

"Years of ANBU and paranoia help."

"Right," I drawled. "My life was pretty peaceful. It was a good life without troublesome people."

"So: civilian, middle class and boring."

"Fuck you! ... That's absolutely right." Our eyes met. We shared a grin.

"Does Itachi know?"

"No. He has enough to worry about. He doesn't nose around my life, contrary to a certain someone." I poked him in the chest. "What made you so curious? Did I really behave so differently than other summons?"

"Maa… Call it instinct."

"If you say so," I murmured, doubtful. But there were more important matters. "Anyway, thanks for letting me stay here! What do you have to eat? Any almonds?" I jumped on my feet and skittered toward the kitchen.

He beat me there and grabbed me by the waist to stop me from reaching the cupboard, lifting me high enough to get my feet off the ground. "Don't go around making a mess now."

"Who? Me? Never!" I stared at him with the most innocent face I could manage, trying my hand at puppy eyes while I was at it (I had observed Pakkun a few times, for strategical purposes). "So… no almonds?"

He sighed. "You and almonds… Those are highly caloric, you know?"

"But they're good."

"I have trail mix."

"That will do."

A few minutes later, I was sitting on a kitchen counter while Kakashi went through his scrolls on fuuinjutsu at the table. I took nuts and dried fruits from a bowl, one by one, playing with it for a while before putting it in my mouth and savoring it. No-one could accuse me of eating too fast.

I raised my bare feet in the air, swinging them distractedly. "So, by the way, how is Broody?"

"Currently? Probably cursing his jounin-sensei."

I froze with a foot up and a hazelnut on the tip of my noise. In the next second, the hazelnut was eaten, and I was leaning on Kakashi's back with my forearms resting on his shoulders. "It happened! He's finally a genin, isn't he? And you're his sensei, aren't you?"

"How did you guess?"

"Please, it's predictable," I pointed out, tilting my head and meeting his eye in a mutual side look. "Last Sharingan in town and all that. So, does he hate you a little or a lot?"

"The former for now, but give him time," Kakashi drawled as he turned back to his studies.

I laughed and went to sit next to him. "So, tell me everything I can report to Trouble. Who else has to suffer by your hand?"

"Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura."

"Poor souls, having a sensei who has no idea what to do with them."

"I planned to fatten them until they're ready to be cooked. Isn't that how it works?"

"Don't ask me: I'm not a big meat eater," I jumped to my feet and grabbed him by the hand. "Come on, let's go to the library."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't getting anywhere with those scrolls and I need to find you something more than fairy tales to guide you on the Way of Wise Sensei," I explained with extravagant gestures. "Trouble will look at me with that disappointed stare of him if I tell him we joked about eating Broody."

"He has a disappointed expression?" Kakashi asked as he stood up without protesting.

"I'm fluent in his microexpressions, so yes actually, he does, and the guilt trip gets to me every single time. It's horrible!" I retraced my steps to pour the trail mix into a hidden pocket of my obi, completely ignoring Kakashi's judgemental stare as I nibbled on my snack on the way out of his apartment.

An hour later, in the library, I was leafing through psychology books, kneeling on the ground in (a very lazy and improper) seiza, while Kakashi was sitting at a table nearby, surrounded by fuuinjutsu nonsense.

I vaguely heard my name being called and hummed questioningly.

"We have company," Kakashi said.

I glanced to the side and finally noticed the three men standing between the shelves. "Oh. Hi Hokage-sama, Nara-san, Blondie-san."

The Sandaime squinted at me like he was trying to see through an illusion. "Tsukiyo-san?"

I waved my fingers and smiled before pointing to myself from top to bottom. "Don't mind the garb. I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

I hummed in answer. "Kakashi is working on it." I looked back to the book I was holding before throwing it into the growing pile by my side. "I hope you have better luck than I do, Favorite of Mine, because this is pathetic."

"What did those books did to you?" Kakashi sighed.

"They are trash. They should be burnt. I'll even do it for you if you want, to cleanse my eyes from the bullshit I read."

"I would rather you didn't," the Sandaime said, crossing his hands behind his back.

"If you insist. You could still use it as chock, I guess."

"What do you have against them?" The unknown blond man asked as he stepped forward and looked at the pile of rubbish I had put to the side. "Those are prized books in my field."

"Are you kidding me?" I judged him silently with a side-eye. "You're in psychology? Well, let me tell you, buddy, you seriously need to revamp your research. What is that?!" I pointed at the shelves of psychology books. "Tons of bullshit about fear, torture and interrogation methods. Three measly publications about trauma, like, seriously, three?!" I shook the thin books in disgust. "And they are so wrong on so many levels! No wonder that you, shinobi, are all out of your mind! Then there is this…" I grabbed the rest of the books I had gone through and threw them in the air. "Those are your works on educational psychology and pedagogy — if that word even exists in your world. All about conditioning and intelligence tests! Basically? Worthless! How am I supposed to teach Kakashi to be a decent sensei when your education system is so far from decent that the only thing you have to offer is conditioning? Who do you take your children for? Pavlov dogs?!"

"Who's Pavloff?" Kakashi asked curiously, mangling the foreign name.

"Irrelevant. Don't take this as an invitation to train kids like dogs, Kakashi. No. Bad idea, bad sensei," I replied, pointing at him, before looking up at the man with creepy blue eyes. "Aren't you at peace now? You seriously need to review your priorities, dude! Like, right now."

"My name is Yamanako Inoichi, not dude," he replied with a hint of annoyance.

I perked up. "Oh, you're the mind reading clan, aren't you? You must have a private library. Is it better than this one? Tell me it is."

"… As you said, our library is private."

"That's fine, you can allow me to go inside, just like Kakashi did with your private ninja library, right?" I stood up gracefully, ignoring the way Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Kakashi-san shouldn't have," Inoichi grumbled before pointing out the mess at our feet, "and I don't trust you anywhere near our books considering the way you treated those."

"Those are no more than papers covered in ink and binded together. I'm doing you all a favor by sorting—" A book appeared in front of me, held out by the Sandaime who had left for a minute while I ranted. "What's that?" I accepted it and opened it distractedly. "I just want a decent book about being a sensei for a genin team, Inoichi-san. I didn't think it was too much to ask and— Oh, wait… that's not completely bullshit." I shut up to focus on the book I was leafing through. After a few seconds, I bounced toward Kakashi. "Favorite of Mine, this one is good! You might not end up being the worst sensei of all time after all! Who wrote this? I have to kiss him!" I closed the book to read the cover while Kakashi glanced over my arm. "Who is Sarutobi Hiruzen?"

Kakashi looked at me, unimpressed, and drawled: "Oh, just the Sandaime."

I blinked then spun around and bounced back toward the Hokage. I reached for his shoulders and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "Bless you!"

The old man looked strangely flustered. He cleared his throat and replied: "I wrote it while I trained my own team. I hope it will be of use to you, Kakashi."

"I don't doubt it, Hokage-sama. Thank you."

"Why didn't I find it here?" I asked.

"All Hokage's works have their own shelf," Shikaku replied, speaking up for the first time. He had been staring at me from the start, probably figuring out the meaning of the universe as geniuses tended to do during their daydreaming. "Tsukiyo-san, how do you have such a decided opinion on psychology?"

"I have decided opinions on everything," I replied with a shrug. No-one needed to know that I had studied psychology in another life. I was just the spacy crow summon, nothing else to see, move along! "And it's not hard to see your priorities are wrong. Can I burn the books on psychological torture?"

"No," was the unanimous answer.

"You're no fun."

oOo

This evening, I came out of Kakashi's bathroom with one of his old yukata on, cursing the strange idea I had to give long hair to my human form. Once left out of the bun it was usually on, it stopped under my shoulder blades, and it had been hell to comb. I wasn't used to the whole 'esthetic before practicality' mentality anymore. I just wanted long hair because it made the bun looked bigger and cooler! That was good. The rest? Not so much. I didn't have to care about my appearance as a crow! Grooming feathers was so much easier.

Also, this yukata was annoyingly big: it fell on my hands and feet, bared my shoulders and gaped at the chest, especially when the belt loosened.

I went to sit beside Kakashi on the single bed. He was lying down with an arm behind his head, reading the Sandaime's book intently.

"Are you learning from his mistakes?"

He hummed noncommittally.

Well, I was fine with being ignored if it meant he would be a less lousy sensei: it was for the greater good. I climbed and crawled over him to snuggle in the corner between the bed and the wall. Considering how small the mattress was, I could feel Kakashi's warmth at my back, we were touching.

"Who said you could sleep here?"

"Me," I replied before yawning. "Good night." I curled up in foetal position, trying to get used to the foreign sensation of falling asleep in this form. I managed.

In the morning, I woke up to find Kakashi in the same position I had last seen him. I blinked in wonder and poked at him. "Are you secretly undead and don't need to sleep?"

"Couldn't sleep. You snore."

"I do not!" I protested, raising on an elbow before thinking it through. "Wait, I don't when I'm a crow but maybe I do when I'm human. Do I? Are you serious or are you teasing?"

"Does it matter? It's not like you're planning to stay in this form, do you?"

"Did you find how to remove the seal?"

"I believe so."

I waited for him to elaborate, but he stayed quiet, eyes on his book. I poked him again, just to make sure he hadn't changed into ice.

"Do you prefer to be a crow or an human?" He asked. He hadn't turned a page since I had woken up.

I sighed and threw a leg over Kakashi to climb out of the bed. "Objectively speaking, I prefer to be a crow because it's much less complicated. They don't ask me existential questions," I replied as I went to the bathroom.

When I came out of it a few minutes later, Kakashi was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

I brushed my hair while I continued to answer: "But then, if I was so content being a crow, I wouldn't spend so much of my time running after a troublesome summoner, playing mother-hen and going beyond the call of duty, would I?" I pushed the heavy mass of keratin over my shoulder, sat on the table and put down the comb next to me. "Everything has advantages and flaws I guess. Humanity has too many rules, social conventions and moral norms. It gives me headaches."

Kakashi turned around to put dried mackerel and pickled vegetables on the table while the rice cooked and the miso soup heated up. He didn't meet my eyes.

"You should just kiss me instead of trying to figure out the morality of cross-species relationships, you know," I egged him on with raised eyebrows.

He finally looked up, his eye half-closed. "Maa, should I?"

"Oh, for Kami's sake," I sighed as I grabbed him by the belt and pulled him to me. "Yes."

"Are you sure?" He asked with just a hint of teasing. His mouth was so close that I could feel his breath through his mask.

"If you don't kiss me now," I murmured, looking up through my lashes, "I'll have to…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know, do something drastic! Like… talk to that green friend of you, even if it costs me a headache."

"How do you know about Gai?"

I raised my chin. "I know a lot. I'm a spy you know, I spy… things… people."

"Have you been watching me, Tsukiyo-chan? Maa, I didn't take you for a stalker," he whispered, leaning on the table with a hand, his nose nearly brushing my cheek.

"I'm not! I only stalk Broody and that's for very good, not creepy reasons, thank you very much! I just… might have witnessed a thing or two from your life when I waited for you to be free for our little talks, that's all."

"Like…?"

"Like that time when you had that swimming competition in the river? Great time. Thank you so much for the view."

"Mh… I don't think you deserve that kiss. Looks like you've been a bad girl," he said as he drew back.

I tried to hold him back, but he slipped out of my grasp like the slippery bastard he was. I immediately jumped on my feet and gave chase. "Are you kidding me?!"

We probably made a comical picture turning around the table like two kids, but damn if I wasn't tempted to jump over and strangle him. I was completely lost. Had I misinterpreted his behavior? I was pretty sure I didn't. That was flirting, right, what he was doing?! For Kami's sake, humans were so complicated about this! Karasu just said so when they were interested (and I told them no, subject over)!

I stopped and threw my arms in the air. "Oh, that's it. I'm done! Whatever! You're such a—"

The next second, he was kissing me. Pushed against the wall, I grabbed his vest as he tilted my head to his satisfaction. I closed my eyes in surprise and focused on the touch of his lips and the brush of his tongue. I couldn't remember ever kissing someone, but I quickly got the hang of it and pressed back.

"You were saying?" He whispered once our lips had separated and our respirations had calmed.

I gave him an unimpressed look. "Stupid human." Not even his pretty face finally bare could make up for his terrible personality.

"Your favorite."

"Unfortunately."

His forehead touched mine. "I know how to remove your seal, but I think I should do some more research before trying."

I hummed. "How long would it take you?"

"Probably one or two days more."

"I think I can live with that," I replied, slowly smiling.

"Excellent. Now, excuse me, I'm late for meeting with my cute little genin!"

"What? Wait, Kakashi!" Too late, he had already disappeared. I sighed and looked through the window at the cat walking along the gutter across the street. "Is it too late to change my mind? Sweet lords of destiny, why am I being haunted by such troublesome humans?"

Noise from the rice cooker was my only answer.

"The idiot left without eating breakfast…" I glanced at the food prepared for two and shrugged. "Only one thing left to do…"

Payback time!

oOo

"Honeeeey!" I screamed as shrilly as I could with those human vocal cords.

Kakashi tensed as his genin turned toward me in wonder.

"Darling, you left without your breakfast. That's not reasonable, you know. Big shinobi like you need their—"

He was beside me in a second and grabbed the boxes I was carrying while looming over me with a creepy eye-smile. "Thank you so much, Tsukiyo-chan. You may go now."

"What? You aren't going to introduce me to your team? But I want to meet your cute little genin," I protested with big puppy eyes.

"Later maybe, but we're training right now."

"Are you? Is that why the pink girl was hitting the blond boy?"

"Sakura-chan has a temper," he said in a low voice.

"Anger issues you mean?" I murmured sarcastically. "Someone should tell her that hitting the kid on the head won't make him any smarter. He isn't a soap distributor."

"Sensei?" Sakura interrupted, maybe feeling we were talking about her. "Who is your friend?"

"Hi! I'm Tsukiyo, his girlfriend. It's nice to meet you!" I announced loudly, waving and smiling brightly.

"I should have know," Kakashi sighed quietly.

"Yes, you should have," I agreed in the same way.

"Sensei has a girlfriend?" Naruto was commenting, rubbing the back of his neck in wonder.

"How?!" Sakura hissed, hiding behind her hands and probably thinking she was discreet.

"An excellent question," I commented quietly for Kakashi's benefit.

He gave me an unimpressed glance and clapped his hands to get his students' attention. "Let's not get distract, team. You—"

"—should introduce yourselves, of course!" I finished, stepping forward.

Kakashi was going to learn not to leave me high and dry!

To be clear: I might write some drabbles if my muse likes a prompt, so nice requests are always welcome, but I don't make any promise to write something you suggest. Unless you're willing to pay me for my time and work, go easy on the "I want this and that" attitude, thank you.