Author's Note: I am sorry. I meant to have this up two days ago.

Warning: This chapter calls back to some of the abuse in the Prologue.

3. Everybody's Watching Me

"You're my girl, Buffy." Desperate, pleading eyes. She should stay. He'll calm down if she stays. But there's blood on his face. His contorted, twisted face. He won't forgive the broken lamp or the blood. Why does he even want her to stay?

"Yes, Angel." Breathe deep. Turn the other cheek. No. Run. "I'm your girl." Breathe. Don't beg. He hates it when she begs. No, not him. Daddy. He looks just like Daddy. "And I'll be your girl tomorrow and the next day." Will she? Will she stay? She stayed before. For so long. "Just let me go."

Rage. Fire in his eyes. The muscle on his forehead is twitching. He catches her on the first step up and grabs her. Choking. She can't breathe and his hands are so big. No more warmth or cradling, just heavy. "You're the sunshine in my life, Buffy. My Sunshine."

"An..anjAHFF!" Her head hits the ground before she can brace it. She turns to him with fire in her eyes. "I am not your girl."

He snaps.

For the first time since Angel gutted her with his betrayal, Buffy could feel herself again. The eyes of her friends were on her as her movements fused to the rhythms of the music. She wished she could say she was surprised by their shock, but Buffy had yet to show anyone in Sunnydale her true self. She wasn't even sure this was her true self anymore. She liked whoever it was, though, and she was grateful to Willow and Xander for inviting her to let it out.

It had only been a few hours ago. With the spark of life she discovered, Buffy felt she'd have to travel through a lifetime to reach her girls' day out. Willow had brought Tara with her, just as Buffy suggested. The two barely had time to communicate with each other between Buffy's shoe recommendations and squeals of excitement. According to Buffy, shopping for shoes was an important bonding ritual in the early stages of female friendships. She could tell that Willow and Tara weren't as enthusiastic, but she chalked it up to their lack of an intimate date. They would have plenty of time to make kissy faces later. Right now, Willow had to try on these pink slingbacks.

Buffy had to give her new best friend props. She had been nothing less than compliant for three hours before Buffy finally walked the pair to The Espresso Pump. Actually, the two had been nothing short of mute the entire time. The silence was almost as bad as that tactic Cordelia would pull whenever she expected Buffy to spill a pretty secret. The other tactic, the one where she would talk Buffy's ears off, usually worked much better. Buffy tried not to frown. If it turned out the two were being quiet for couple-y reasons, she would be paranoid and prying. Still, she had bought them each a pair of gorgeous semi-formal sandals. They kind of owed her, at least a little.

"Okay, what is up with the funny silence?"

"What funny silence? There's no funny silence!" Willow squeaked. So it was Buffy-related speechlessness.

"You're right. It's totally serious silence. What did I do?" Maybe it was something minuscule and Buffy was augmenting molehills. "Is it the shoes? Do you not like the shoes?"

"We like the shoes!" Willow's tone was nervous, and defensive. She clung to the shopping bag like it was the last one on earth. "Right, Tara, the shoes are good?"

Tara offered a nod and her trademark soft smile. "I h-haven't had n-new shoes in a...while."

Buffy couldn't help but smile back. Tara's smile did that; It was like a heated blanket, all comfort and warmth. "Okay, so not the shoes. What, then?"

Willow looked over at Tara again, and Tara nodded her encouragement. "Spike."

"Spike?" Buffy ran the word over her mouth. It tasted wrong, unwelcome. "Spike?"

"Well, yeah, Spike. You guys did that weird secret meeting the other day and you talked to him about fighting and stuff. Hasn't he been staring at you and following you around? I don't get it. Why are you agreeing to meet up with him again? Is that safe?"

"I..." Willow had unloaded an avalanche of concealed emotions. She shared everything with Xander, as far as Buffy knew. She made a note to avoid Xander's potential line of questioning. "Okay, first of all, wow. That was heavy. Secondly, I've been...through some stuff. I want to learn to defend myself. And Gunn told me that Spike was good at defending." Buffy made a point of emphasizing her recent interaction with Gunn. If Willow or anyone else had been completely honest with her from the start, this might have been avoided. Had she known the whole truth from the start, she might not have been so obsessed- except she wasn't obsessed! She didn't even care!

"Okay, I guess," Willow still wasn't meeting Buffy in the eyes. Partnered with the return of her silence, it seemed like a pretty big sign of something still being wrong. Buffy folded her arms and pursed her lips. That always did the trick with Cordelia...after an hour or so. "I think you like him!"

"Ugh!" Buffy "I do not like Spike. Liking Spike? Not even a thing. Not even a little thing! No. Very no." She couldn't deny that she had been thinking about him a lot lately, but that was because he left her all high and dry before! They made some arrangement for her to have fight lessons, but nothing was organized. He didn't give her his phone number, or tell her where to meet him. Buffy didn't like Spike, she just wanted to sort out what information she needed to get from him on Monday. That was all.

Tara bit her gum to hide the little smile, but Buffy managed to find it. Willow was shuffling her feet, but she didn't object. She looked up behind Buffy."Oh, and the other thing!"

"Other thing?" Sometime between the shopping bag clutching and Buffy's insistent "no's", the three had taken a seat at one of the tall cafe tables.

"The bronze thing," a voice responded. Buffy flinched for a second when a familiar hand grasped her shoulder. The semi-intimate touch was gone as soon as it came. "Sorry."

Buffy winced. It had to be rough for Xander. He never got too close without making her shudder, and it had nothing to do with him at all. "Sorry," she echoed. "What bronze thing?"

"No, uh, The Bronze. It's only the best club in Sunnydale."

"Xander, it's the only club in Sunnydale," Willow corrected. "But it is a lot of fun! Everyone's going out tonight, you should come!"

There was a leap in Buffy's chest. Well, that was a good sign, heart leaping. She could totally do this clubbing thing. She could dress up, she could dance, she could have fun for once. Besides, she hadn't been to a party since...the summer. She ducked away from the three pairs of eyes, all watching her with varying levels of expectancy. It was her own fault for thinking she could jump right into having friends again. She needed time to heal. That's what people did when they were traumatized, right? They took time off to heal?

"I don't know, guys," she eventually said. "I don't know if I'm party-ready."

"Well, if Tara here is, why wouldn't you be?" Xander gave Tara a little elbow nudge. Buffy was almost positive his comment was meant to be harmless, but Willow had grabbed Tara's hand almost immediately.

"I...have reasons."

"You don't have to go, if you really don't want to," Willow's eyes assumed the appearance of saucers. The intention was probably to imitate a sad puppy, but she looked more like a frightened alien. Her pout was rather convincing, though.

"I want to go!" Buffy said in her own defense, and it wasn't a lie. She wanted more than anything to be comfortable stepping out of her bubble. Bubbles were safe though; She had no idea what she could be facing on the other side of it.

"Then what's stopping you, Buff? Not us." He stood between Willow and Tara, and slung his arm around their shoulders. Willow and Xander gave Buffy large, pleading smiles and Tara had to stifle a laugh. "C'mon. You'll love the buffalo wings!"

"Well, why didn't you tell me there'd be wings?" Buffy joked. "Always open with wings!"

Buffy hadn't eaten a single chicken wing all night, but she had danced with every guy friend in their circle. She even danced with Xander's friend Anya when she had started to receive a pointed, jealous glare. The girl on girl action not only turned Xander's attention to back Anya, it reassured the other girl that a dance was just a dance for Buffy. Buffy made note to let Xander know he had potential girlfriend material right in front of him. He was probably oblivious, since he had gotten a little hands-y during his dance. Buffy had to pat herself on the back for only squirming when it got intense.

Of all the male friends, Gunn was definitely the easiest to dance with. For one thing, he was a better dancer than Xander, Connor or Wesley. For another, he didn't have a jealous paramour sending painfully sharp looks Buffy's way. Buffy was still linked with him when she felt a soft tap on the shoulder. She knew she had spun around too fast when she spotted a pair of glacial blue eyes. His lips were pursed, and his sharp cheekbones were threatening to break through the skin. There was a moment when his eyes met Buffy's when his face because almost soft, but he swallowed it down and resumed his all-business expression. He allowed himself a moment to let his eyes slither over her small frame, before finally looking up at Gunn. Buffy blinked and looked over at Willow and Xander. She had opened herself up to Spike's inspection. It warmed her at the core, lit a fire in her that made her pulse race and her legs vibrate with an anticipation she didn't recognize. Her friends had seen every second of it.

"There's twelve on the back lot," He told Gunn.

"Twelve? Someone got a birthday or something?"

Spike smiled down at Buffy. It was something mischievous and secretive. "New recruit."

After ten minutes of walking, Buffy decided that the "back lot" was meant to be some kind of secret. They hadn't exactly stepped into the wrong side of town (if Sunnydale had one of those), but they were moving between the compact alleys of a few taller buildings. If she was supposed to feel safe with a strong fighter on either side of her, something was wired wrong. Buffy didn't know Gunn well enough to believe that he wouldn't abduct her and she definitely wasn't putting it past Spike. The heart echoed its pace from that moment of eye contact at The Bronze. Except now, every beat was signalling her to run far, far away from her two possible kidnappers. This was a dumb idea, and she wouldn't have gone anywhere if the others didn't make Gunn out to be so safe. Even Xander barely protested when they left together. He did give Spike a nasty glare, which was returned in kind.

"You guys aren't kidnapping me, right?" Buffy tried to keep a touch of humor in her voice.

Spike snorted before turning around to leer at her. "Not that the idea isn't enticing, but I wouldn't bring company. At least, not him." Gross. She would have to make a mental note that Spike could go from hot to creepy to mega-creepy in seconds flat.

Gunn looked down at her and then over at Spike. "You didn't tell her? Man, you can't just throw her in!"

"We'll see about that," He said. They were facing a fence with a large hole torn out of it. There was a street light flickering beyond it, but Buffy couldn't see much else. The smudges of shadow could be people. Spike pulled back the edges of the hole to avoid scratching Buffy up while he pushed her through it. He nudged her to step forward as he followed behind her. Once she took a few steps forward, Buffy could see the abandoned parking lot that Gunn and Spike had brought her too. There was a small section of the lot lit by a street lamp, and underneath it a crowd had gathered. Most of them looked tough. Black leather must have been the unofficial uniform, because almost everyone was wearing it. Andrew looked like the odd man out, with his denim jacket and camcorder. "As you all might have guessed from the message I sent last night, we've got a guest!"

Buffy did not want to be Spike's guest. She did not want to be his student either, if it meant crawling through back alleys and getting glared down by a mass of thuggish teenagers. "I..." The kids had started forming a messy circle as soon as they saw Spike approach. Buffy took a stab in the dark and guessed that he was the leader here. He pushed her into the empty space between all the spectators and her gut leaped into her throat.

"Faith," He called out. Buffy could barely hear him over the sound of her own regret. She should never have trusted this jerk. This creepy, stalk-y jerk. And she didn't even really know Gunn, Buffy reminded herself. Now she was going to get jumped as some twisted initiation into a gang, all because she couldn't stay away from the hot- not hot, not remotely hot- guy who paid attention to her. Violence, everything always ended in violence. And turning the other cheek? Probably not too handy when there are a ton more people around you.

"Are you deaf? Put your dukes up, B," Faith was saying to her. Buffy held her fists in front of her chest, no longer fully aware of what was going on. When Faith swung at her the first time, she reached her mark. The sting of her cheek woke Buffy up right away and she swung back a few times, never quite hitting Faith. It felt like a slow dance for the few few minutes. Buffy fell into a rhythm that distracted her from the onlookers, most of whom were cheering Faith on. After a while, though, the brunette got antsy and delivered a strong blow to Buffy's bottom lip. "Wake up Sunshine!"

She snapped.

"Don't you ever!" A blow to the eye, fist wrapped around the collar. Buffy didn't know how she got to be on top of her opponent or when Faith had started cackling, but the sudden awareness only drove more rage into her. "Ever! Call me by that name!" She pulled the collar of Faith's shirt back before slamming her head into the rough pavement, the broken ground. Buffy slammed her fist into the girl's face. And again. And again. She was still laughing, she wouldn't stop laughing. The spectators all cheering or calling out for help, or staying completely silent. No matter what anyone else was saying, Faith was laughing.

The brunette pulled Buffy down to her by the back of her head until their faces nearly touched. "What's the matter Sunshine? Not feeling too bright?"

The muscle in Buffy's forearm twitched. She felt it. She felt the twitch of a muscle and it almost stopped her from striking out again. Almost.

Buffy sat on the curb, trying to make the bits of time fit together until she had a picture of what happened in the back lot. It was no use, she was left with a puzzle. When she ran off, Faith had been clutching her nose and laughing like a hyena. Buffy would have tried to wipe the blood away, but then her clothes would be stained in a way that might actually leave Joyce questioning her. Joyce and Giles had been nothing short of sweet ever since they moved. They didn't quite hover over her, but they watched her closely whenever they were around. It was as if they were expecting some kind of PTSD flashbacks or...what happened tonight. There was no way she could let them know. She had to get the blood off of her knuckles and drown her face in makeup before she got home. If she could even find her way back, that was.

"That was brilliant!" No. Not him, not here, not now.

"Get away from me, Spike." Buffy would have walked away from him if she could find the strength to stand. At least his presence told her that she hadn't gotten to far from the lot.

"And why the bloody hell would I do that, Slayer?"

"What?" She found the energy to look up at him and immediately regretted it. Spike's face was lit up like he'd just witnessed the second coming. He looked charming and boyish, and it was disgusting. No one should get this much out of watching someone else get pummeled.

"Slayer," He repeated. "It's what they're calling you back there. Faith's idea, actually. Think she enjoyed it more than anyone else."

"Ew," Buffy tore her eyes away from Spike and looked down at her knuckles. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Not her first round in the pen, luv," He said as he sat next to her. She scooted over a few inches to avoid touching knees. "Not her first broken nose, either."

"I told you not to call me that. I broke her nose!"

"Well, yeah. Even the walls of my flat couldn't take that many hits."

"Wrong, just this is so wrong. Oh my god, I'm in a gang. I'm in a gang and my parents are gonna kill me. Do I have to get a tattoo? Do I have to steal things?" Buffy was on the edge of hyperventilation when Spike grabbed her hand. She hated it, but the touch had a soothing effect. She was far from breathing easy, but she wasn't about to experience her first asthma attack either.

"You're not in a bloody gang," Spike said. It should have been reassuring, but it wasn't. She had just beat the crap out of a girl, and she didn't even make it in? Not that she wanted to be in a gang, or anything. It was just a little insulting. "It's a fight club."

"A fight club?" She couldn't help but snort. She pulled her hand away from Spike. Suddenly, Buffy wasn't so insulted "Well that's lame."

"You'd rather a gang?" He didn't allow her an answer. "You asked me to teach you to fight, this is my method. Lesson the first, you're not a victim. At least, you can't think like one if you wanna win the fight."

"So if I stop thinking like a victim, I win?"

"No." Buffy rolled her eyes as he continued, "But it gives you an advantage."

A fight club. It was incredibly lame. Buffy had to wonder if anyone gathered in the lot had ever seen the movie. None if it had ended well for anyone involved. Still, she fought back tonight. She refused to turn the other cheek, and wasn't that some kind of progress?

"I'm not stepping into the ring again," she informed him.

Spike sighed. "Do or don't. That's your choice. The fight? Also in your hands. You can tap out any time you feel like."

"So Faith?"

"Likes the attention. Bloody well swims in it, the barmy chit." He pulled a cigarette out of his coat pocket and placed it between his lips. Buffy threw it on the ground in front of them before he could raise the lighter to it. "Oi!"

"Secondhand kills, moron."

He groaned, but didn't bother to retrieve a second cancer stick. "So you don't like being watched. That's alright, too. Used to hate it myself, but, things were different back then."

"I've heard...William."

His eyes flickered with so many emotions in such a short space of time that Buffy had to stare to catch most of them. There was shock, humiliation, rage, confusion, and then...that soft but intense look she never thought she'd see again. There was something sensual beneath it, but it was mostly...reverent. He was looking at her as if his name had tumbled from the lips of a goddess. She discovered his shameful secret, but he was worthy of her caring to know. The look in his eyes held more intimacy than the way he had held her hand. Buffy gave his shoulder a playful push in hopes of it being knocked off of his face.

"Yeah, well..." He exhaled and turned back to her with a new look, all sex. "Only one activity that calls for you saying that name love, and I'm not sure you want to be screaming it out here."

"You're a pig, Spike."

"Just call me Babe," He said with a wink. He stood up and took a few steps away from her, never letting his eyes leave her form. Buffy understood it was his silent way of telling her he wasn't going far. He leaned against a pole and retrieved another death stick. The smoke billowed away from her once it was lit.

They stayed like that for another ten minutes, until Gunn, Faith, and Andrew turned up. Together, the five of them walked back to The Bronze. Buffy stayed silent on the walk back, even when Faith reassured her that a bloody nose was nothing between almost-acquaintances. When Buffy found her friends sitting on an arrangement of sofas in the back of the club, all eyes were on her.

To Be Continued...in stormy weather...