A bit rushed and messy but hey, it's done! Enjoy!
Commander Shepard never gives up on anyone. If they could be saved then she will save them. That resolve carried her through countless life-threatening missions over the last three years and it was – and still is – part of the reason why Garrus admires her. She has an unrelenting kindness, one that would drive her to do the impossible. The commander has a kind heart, but she has the mind to lead and the courage to fight. He trusted her decisions and he would always trust her future decisions. He would sometimes question if they were right, but Shepard always had a reason. It was hardly because it was simply the right thing to do, but to her, it offered the better potential outcome.
Countless times she had been faced with the hardest decisions. Some were made without a second thought. The others he knew she sometimes doubted the choice she made and found herself with no way to cope other than to hope for the best. He remembers those times so clearly because he could always see her expression when she made them. Saving her team instead of the council was one where she never hesitated. Her fierce expression said it all. That she would rather die saving those she trusted than those who doubted her.
Letting Garrus lead a squad of comrades during the suicide mission was another one. It was small but he caught a quick flicker of concern in her eyes before she charged into the fray with Jack as her shield. He knew what she was thinking at the time. That someone may not make it. That Garrus might not make it. He tried to reassure her and nodded confidently, but that didn't seem to help. He remembers watching her little habit of biting her lower lip and her eyes drifting to the ground as she turned towards Jack. For a moment – just before she readied her rifle - he thought she whispered "Please be safe." And then he watched her back disappear into Jack's biotic shield.
The last one was leaving Garrus to charge into the beam so activate the Crucible. It was so clear that neither of them wanted to die. That it was going to be a bitch living without the other. He remembers telling her to take him with her. To let him come with her in what could've been their final suicide mission. She didn't hesitate to tell him no. She didn't hesitate to order him to stay back and be safe. She didn't hesitate until she looked into his eyes one last time. Shepard was absolutely exhausted, but her bright green eyes glimmered with hope and heartache. Hope for him and the rest of galaxy to carry on into a safe future and the heartache of knowing she may never see him again. Her touch lingered, her fingers lightly tracing his talons. And then she took off with such ferocity that Garrus never had the chance to stop her.
And those were the only ones that Garrus was there for. Who knows how hard the other decisions hit her? Shepard hardly lets it show that these decisions were having some type of impact on her. She had no choice but to keep things professional. Mourning for those who had died had to wait; the Reapers were relentless in their attacks and there would be so much to mourn that nothing would be done. He had done his best to help ease her burdens. To make sure she was alright and that she would get some good nights of rest. He doubts they even helped though.
And he has every right to.
The afternoon sun beams into the room through the windows, basking everything in it an orange-yellow glow, casting long looming shadows. He stands at the doorway, peeking through the crack in the door. Damn thing probably isn't fully functioning to close all the way. He had been standing there for a good half an hour, watching.
He catches a glimpse of fiery red hair rise. It's grown out since the last time he came to visit. Soft locks reach her shoulders, the tips probably tickling her skin every time a breeze blew. She pulls herself up, leaning on the railing for support. Her ankles and knees seem to bend and crumple under her weight, her toes curling against the floor in the attempt to keep her balance. Her teeth clench in frustration and she growls at the floor, angry with herself and her lack of progress.
Garrus is awed but he can't help feeling some sense of pity for her. That's probably the last thing she needs. He watched her try to take three steps forward without buckling over and the sight has been both amazing and saddening. The day they found Shepard, half her body had been crushed by the rubble and through some miracle she made it through with a fractured pelvis and broken legs. Unfortunately, Shepard had been forced to spend a year lying bed. The cybernetics in her body barely sustained her at the time; anymore strain on her body and her name would be on the memorial wall with their friends.
New cybernetics are now installed in her legs, but they aren't as great as the ones Cerberus left in her. These are a little heavier and her muscles struggle in adapting to their structure. Healing on and around them was one thing, but getting her legs to move with the technology has been nothing but a pain in the ass to achieve.
He knows her too well and hesitates. He could walk in right now and help her but she may not take it. There's a good chance she doesn't want him to see her in this sorry state. To see her useless and unable to move as a commanding officer should. She probably didn't want to see the look on his face if he saw her like this. It would probably wound her even deeper.
No. He can't do this now. He has already made up his mind with Joker's help. Garrus needs to do this. For her sake and his. He needs answers and to pick up the pieces of himself he missed. The pieces that had been with her this whole time. He needs to be there for her more than ever.
"How long have you been standing there?"
He snaps out of his daze and sees her staring right at him, green eyes bearing both anger and shame. It's like a spike to the heart seeing that kind of expression directed at him, but he knows why and steps into the room. "I should ask you the same thing." His attempt to sound light has been weighed down by a sense of sullen sadness.
Garrus stands before her, looking down at his petite commander. His mandibles flick and flutter, unable to mask how happy he is to see her again. To be this close to her for the first time in a year feels like a dream. With a gentle talon, he tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and immediately her expression softened. Gentle fingers reach up to his hand and she nuzzles into his palm. "I'm sorry." She whispers. "That after months of not hearing anything from me, you have to see me like this instead."
A hand reaches for her waist and he guides her to the wheelchair sitting in the corner. She sits down and smiles at him, though it is wry and empty. She doesn't know what to say or feel. A part of her is happy - ridiculously happy to see him again. It makes her want to tackle him down and kiss him like she never kissed him before. But another part of her is ashamed that Garrus, who saw her as a strong officer when he wasn't looking at her as his girlfriend, has to see her while she is weak and useless like an infant.
Garrus says nothing and watches her carefully, taking in every little detail about her. Her fiery hair has grown longer than he remembers. Her light sun-kissed skin has paled over the last few months, almost hiding some of her old and new scars perfectly. She looks thinner compared to when he last saw her. And the way she used to carry herself devolved into something defeated and heavy-hearted. She looks so fragile now and he fears that she would break at any moment. The fierce spark that once flashed in her eyes are dimmed and that makes him want to cradle her in his arms and hold her tight.
"I… I don't know what to say." She admits.
"It's okay." He assures her, holding her fingers gently and running his thumb over them. "I know how hard it's been." He notices how she looks up at him, curious but hinting fear. She's probably expecting to hear of how much has been done and how little progress has been made. "Shepard, I know that look. You had it on you for so long while we were trying to prepare ourselves for the Reapers. Do I need to get you drunk to talk about it or could we follow protocols for a few minutes?"
She only nods and looks out the window, staring at the wreckage and the past's havoc shadowing the streets as the sun sinks. "They did this to our worlds, Garrus. It's been a year since we've destroyed them and it's still here. Looking at this is like salt to the wound." She squeezes his hand and bites her lower lip. "We may have saved the galaxy, but… The price of war was too much. So many lives lost…" Her voice is hushed and dry. "So many sacrifices made. And even now. Even now, when it's all over, we're still fighting to survive. To get back to the livelihoods we once had." Her pleading green eyes meet his starry blue. "I need to help in the efforts, Garrus. And don't tell me that I don't have to." Her voice shakes and her eyes glisten. "The last time I didn't help, Miranda died. I could've helped her! The last time I was incapable Thane ended up giving his life for us! When I couldn't make a decision or do anything, someone paid a price for it!" She's sobbing, elbows on the arm of her chair as she furiously wipes her tears with a single hand.
The Turian doesn't give her an incredulous look or express pity. He understands her. What he had to do for Primarch Victus was just a taste of Shepard had to do for the last three years. Every decision came and will come with an opportunity cost and when the cost is a chance to save billions of lives, the line between what's right and what's best blurs. Between then and now he still doesn't know what to do with gray.
He holds her hand and brings it to his mouth, growling gently against her palms. He knows how it feels to be unable to do anything. He couldn't bring much aid in defending Palaven or evacuating his family. He couldn't do anything to help Shepard when she was under lockdown right before the Reapers attacked her planet. He couldn't run with her into the final charge to the conduit. It's not easy sitting around and twiddling your thumbs when there are lives and populations on your shoulders. Something always have to be done and even if the no one needs you, they need as much effort and manpower as they can scrape together.
"Thane, Mordin, Anderson, Legion, Miranda, and Ashley… They're all dead from fighting for our cause." She's calmed down, but tears still run down her cheeks. Her expression is wry, the corner of her lips being forcefully tugged into a frown. She can't find the words or rather she can't speak them. But she tries. "I can't… I can't waste their sacrifices. They've fought so hard for what they believed in. For the lives that would probably never know of the things they did. They're the ones who helped save our futures. Not me-"
"Shepard." Garrus interrupts her and touches his forehead to hers. This display of affection would calm both of them down during the more stressful times of the war. Right now, he hopes it would still have the same effect as it did before. "They weren't the only ones. We all fought for our futures. I fought for our future together, but you, Shepard… You're the one who made saving our future possible. Thane and Mordin… All our friends. They helped you save our future. They knew what was at stake and dedicated their lives to it. Shepard, these bullets were bigger, they're harder to dodge. Our friends willingly took those bullets for not just you but everyone else." He can sense her breathing slowing down and presses his mouth to her jaw. "You did it, sweetie. Nothing was wasted. It looks bleak now but remember we took the whole galaxy through hell and back." He faces her again and lifts her face by the chin, letting their eyes meet. "It's bleak now, but I know this will go right. Both you and the galaxy need a little more time to heal. Just take it one step at a time."
She's quiet, but she leans her head into the nook under his chin and on his shoulder. Tears quietly drip from her eyes down his armor, but through puffy eyes and sniffles, she smiles. It's a weak whisper, he hears her telling him "Thank you, Garrus. I'm glad neither of us are at that bar right now."
He lets out a low chuckle and hugs her, his arms firm around her tiny waist. "Me too. Because I really want to see what a turian-human baby looks like."
She pulls away and kisses him deeply, stroking his mandibles with gentle fingertips. He lets out a low purr, warmth welling up in his chest at the softness that is Shepard. They've both longed for this for far too long and only when they needed air did they pull away. She smiles at him, that warm glimmer of hope brightening her beautiful eyes. He smiles back, mandibles flicking briefly. He wanted this for so long and now he finally has it: her smile. The Shepard he fell in love with.
She laughs and runs her fingers along his jaw. She touches her forehead to his and kisses the bridge of his nose. This was one of the thousands of reasons she fell for him. How he was there for her, always watching as her Archangel. And this is how it will always be, no matter what happens. "One step at a time, Garrus."