Chapter 4
"my name's Lucile Gray, and I'm a ghost," Lucile said. "I was seven when I died. me and Clair knew each other since we were babies, we were like sisters, since we were both only children. we even lived next door to one another. I remember so many times I would run away from my mom's house. she was always drunk, so I used to run away to Clair's house, her family were always so nice to me," she giggled, reminiscing, "I'd take a bunch of cookies and a daffodil from my garden, wrap it in a blanket and tie it to a stick, really pretend I was running away. Clair never shouted at me for running away. She always hugged me and then played dolls with me until we got too tired to stay awake anymore and she would hold me while I slept. She even sang lullabies. It was sweet. When I would thank her for letting me stay, though, she'd never accept my thanks. She'd say that that's what big sisters are for, kiss me on the forehead, and sneak a poptart and a juice box into my little blanket. I don't know, she just had this loving feel about her. I already saw in Starfire's mind, she felt it too. You remember, Star? Her eyes, its those pretty eyes of hers, they're never angry or mean – but even when she is feeling bad, she accepts what happens to her like it was always part of the plan. Am I right?" she asked Starfire, who tentatively nodded to her. "back to the story. She made me so guilty sometimes though. She always used to apologize and say it was her idea if my mom ever found out. And of course, on my birthday, the day I turned seven years old, I ran away again. Turns out mom was high that day, not drunk. She came up to my room, offering pizza and cake, and found me missing. Since this had happened before, she only naturally assumed I was at Clair's. I was. We had been dressing up, and Clair had told me to write out what I wanted mommy to be like. Mom came to fetch me just as I started. and that day, I protested when she tried to take me home. I hit her. Maybe it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't done that…mom was always a bit hot headed and I knew that, but I didn't even think what she did was imaginable. She asked me to bring Clair over to my house with me, so I did. But as I was going into the kitchen with them, mom shut the door. I heard nothing but them talking for a bit, I thought she was just being scolded, again. But then mom started shouting. She shouted so loudly I could hear every swear and threat clearly through the door. I could hear Clair crying, and I couldn't just stand there. She was taking the blame for something I had done. It was wrong. I knew that, even at age seven. So I decided to rescue her. I didn't hear or see them for a few more minutes, while I snuck around the back, but when I saw them again, I was horrified. mom had a crazy look in her eyes, and Clair's mouth was bleeding. She was on the floor, tears gushing, holding her right arm. Mom broke a beer bottle open at that point. I froze up. I was scared. But Clair, she looked at me through the window, and smiled," Lucile's fists clenched, Robin thought he saw a tear form in her eye, "she was telling me not to worry, that it's what sisters do for each other. I couldn't accept that. She couldn't risk her life for me too. She couldn't do this so that I wouldn't have to deal with it. So I didn't let her. I cracked open the window, and jumped in front of her. I don't remember what happened, really, all I know is that one minute I was alive, the next, I was staring at Clair, barely able to breathe. She was staring at me, eyes full of tears, she knew there was nothing she could do, and so she told me she loved me, kissed me on both cheeks, and held me, until I slept." She stopped there. The Titans stared at her. Starfire was crying, Beastboy stared at Lucile with pity in his eyes. Lucile laughed, "Beastboy, sorry but, Clair doesn't like hugs. See, after all this happened, I found myself stuck on Earth. No one could see me, hear me, touch me. I was figment, merely a memory. So I went to a place where I felt familiar. The only place I'd ever thought of as home. But things were different now. Clair didn't smile much after I died. She tended to keep in her room, and she stopped doing all the things normally seven year olds do, some form of post traumatic stress I guess. She screamed in her sleep, and cried when she woke up. So I spoke to her he only way I knew how. She was amazed. Her parents, however, weren't so much. They figured she had suffered a case of multiple personality disorder after the incident. So, they sent us to a mental asylum – the institute for mentally damaged young ladies. I had to admit, it did look fit for a princess. we got a big room with velvet coaches and feather pillows. The security was amazing, motion sensing security mines in the walls, for escapees. Clair didn't talk to me that much, so I didn't come out that much, only when Clair asked me to. It was nice, almost. It was the first time I had spoken to a living being since…months. Then the new guy came. He was young, put on security for our lot of dormitories. He was a pretty boy, I thought, someone I might have dated if I was older. Then one day, he came into our bedroom early and said hello. Clair liked him, thought he was funny. She was a smart girl, but she was only seven. So when he started touching her, she tried to make him stop, of course. He didn't, he instead slapped her and pointed a gun to her head. I couldn't see that happening to her, not when I could do something about it. So I took control. I took her body into my own hands, and hit the guy, knocking the gun out of his hand, and then I bit him, and punched him, and stamped on his balls," she laughed, " when we talked about it later, we agreed that when something dangerous happened, I could control her. I wanted to protect her, the same way she had protected me. Only I got to keep it up for the rest of eternity. No one would ever hurt her again, not while I had anything to do with it. And that's how I discovered my powers. simple really, my want to protect others triggers it, see on the brain wave chart," she gestured towards it. It was true, she must not have felt the need to protect Clair, because the brainwaves had gone to a state of the average humans, "and yes Robin, I've killed, multiple times. Me, Lucile. Clair never touched a living soul. She wouldn't, and to be honest, she couldn't. and that's good. I'd never want to put that on her conscience. I never want anything bad to happen to her. And when I heard about you guys, it's only natural that I wanted to find you, to ask you to help me. Clair's found her limit. She can't live with me anymore. I'm only making her worse of then she should be. I made things worse by being alive, and I didn't stop after I died. All I want is for you to help me. No, don't help me. Save my friend. Save Clair."
And with that, I woke up. I smiled at Lucile in my head. Thanks, I said. Lucile laughed. I stared at Robin, he was staring intently at me, coming to a decision. Beastboy and Starfire ran to me. Beastboy cautiously rested his hand on mine, feeling me flinch, and carefully placing his hand down again, without scaring me. Starfire touched my shoulder. I shuddered.
"you've been through a lot, Clair," Beastboy said, "I'm sorry that all that happened," I smiled, but I didn't say anything. Starfire said something similar, and I responded in the same way.
"what's your verdict, your honor?" I asked. He continued to ponder. Everyone faced him.
"I didn't pick up any lies, Robin. She's being honest," Raven said. "to be honest, she doesn't seem any worse than Beastboy," she added. Robin cleared his throat as Beastboy stood to comment. Robin walked over to me, face unrevealing, cold, emotionless. He gestured Beastboy and Starfire to move away.
"I should have you executed right here and now," he said, "but that's just what you want isn't it, Clair?" he added. I stared at him.
"if I wanted to be dead, I'd be dead, don't you think, smart guy?" I said, then leaned forward seductively, "I've had a lot of practice at this, you could just release me, so I could help you loosen up?" I said, brushing my lips on his cheek. when his expression didn't change I sighed, "it was a joke," I muttered. Robin glared at me angrily. Maybe I'd pushed him too far. He cleared his throat and turned on his heels, facing the other titans.
"we need to focus on our missions, so get some rest. Tomorrow, we decide whether this "clair" goes to jail, or back to the institute," he announced, leading the other Titans out. Panic came into my body. I jolted up.
"you can't send me back there!" I pleaded, "I can't go back. Not there. ANYWHERE but there!" I shouted, but by then, they had already closed the hospital room door.